S1: Episode 1 murder family

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Mrs.Mayberry: *narrating* I was a good person, before it all went down... I was good my entire life.

[The scene opens with a shot of a red school house. Birds fly in the background. "Learning is fun" is written on the side of the building. There are trees and a playground. A bell on the roof rings. Mrs. Mayberry opens the classroom curtains, revealing two birds singing on a tree branch. Inside the classroom, Mrs. Mayberry writes "Good morning!" on the blackboard.]

AMrs. Mayberry: Good morniiing!

[She twirls around and catches her piece of chalk.]

Mrs. Mayberry: I hope you all did your homework!

[Several smiling students nod in a dance at their desks. A brown-haired boy wearing a dunce cap spins on a stool and faces the wall.]

[The Teacher's Song begins.]

Class: ♫ We love to do our homework, and we love our teacher, too! ♫

Mrs. Mayberry: ♫ Then, when I throw out these fun questions, you should know just what to do! ♫

Class: ♫ Okay! ♫

Mrs. Mayberry: ♫ Two plus six is... ♫

Class: ♫ Eight! ♫

Mrs. Mayberry: ♫ And good behavior's... ♫

Class: ♫ Great! ♫

Mrs. Mayberry: ♫ And now, it's that part of the class when we say the time of day and date! ♫

Blonde boy: ♫ It's nine in the morning... ♫

Girl 1: ♫ On January 8th! ♫

Girl 2: ♫ The sun is out smiling! ♫

Dunce boy: ♫ And it's your husband's birthday! ♫

[The class sings "la la la" while Mrs. Mayberry faces the board. She drags her piece of chalk in a line on the board, the piece almost gone. Her face is beaded with sweat and her eye twitches.]

Mrs. Mayberry: *faces the class* Oh my stars! Stop singing, children! Hush up, now!

[The class falls silent.]

Mrs. Mayberry: I forgot it's my husband's birthday! I didn't get him anything special!

Girl 2: Maybe if we call him, we could do a happy birthday surprise!

[Scene cuts to a bedroom. "Wifey" appears with a ringing telephone icon on a computer screen. A sock lands on a corner of the computer followed by a pair of underwear. Giggles and an "Oh, yeah!" and "Not there, not there-" come from the room. An unused condom hits the screen and accepts the video call as Mrs. Mayberry's face appears from the other, while the sound of a squeaking bed is heard. Back in the classroom, her face turns red in anger and then shock as she stares in bewilderment. The children stand behind her with concerned, fearful looks.]

[Her face blank and in shadow, Mrs. Mayberry stands up and walks away.]

Girl 2: Wait! Mrs. Mayberry! *grabs hold of Mrs. Mayberry's arm* Remember what you taught us? Think before you act.

[Mrs. Mayberry grabs hold of the girl's neck and tosses her through the roof. She walks out the door.]

[The children scurry to the window to see Mrs. Mayberry drive through a white picket fence in her green car. The children head back to the computer to watch.]

Jarold: Okay- (offscreen) *notices Mrs. Mayberry* Oh, shit! Sweetie, what are you doing here?

Mrs. Mayberry: (offscreen) SHUT UP, JAROLD!

[A woman's screams and shots are heard.]

Mrs. Mayberry: (offscreen) You scream like a bitch!

[Dunce boy cowers in his seat as the sound of a chainsaw is heard. Blood splatters against the computer screen as the children stare in horror.]

Jarold: (offscreen) Oh, god! What have you done?! Sh-She had a family!

Mrs. Mayberry: (offscreen) *sobs* We could've had a family!

[Gunshots are heard and several children look away in disgust. Mrs. Mayberry wipes away the blood from the screen. She looks frazzled at her students.]

Mrs. Mayberry: Oh, dear God. What have I done...?! In front of you all! *sobs* I'm so sorry, my children! Don't forget to work on your times tables!

[Another gunshot is heard and the children faint on the floor one by one.]

Mrs. Mayberry: *narrating* You do everything right in life, play by all the rules... and still get sent down here with all the Hitlers and Epsteins of the world!

[The camera lowers to show a pipe and fossils underground, followed by hanging stalactites. The camera stops at the outside of the I.M.P. building. A shot of the door reads "I.M.P Headquarters" with "Meeting in progress :)" on a taped piece of paper. Blitzo is seen on his office chair looking bored as a shadow silhouette of Mrs. Mayberry paces the room.]

Mrs. Mayberry: After one measly massacre propelled by blind rage. So, that's why I'm here.

[Mrs. Mayberry turns around, revealing her demon form. Her face is partially shadowed by blinds. She holds a cigarette in her hand.]

Mrs. Mayberry: To get my revenge.

Y/N: That's definitely a story to be told.

Mrs. Mayberry: The work of the devil apparently.

Blitzo: I mean, was she hotter?

[Mrs. Mayberry glares at Blitzo with an incredulous look on her face.]

Blitzo: *smirks* I'm just saying, I had a hard time understanding the unprompted melodrama you just spat at me, tits.

[Mrs. Mayberry seethes in anger, her aura glowing red.]

Blitzo: Anywayyyy, I don't think you quite understand how we're operating down here.

[Blitzo stands up and Mrs. Mayberry glares at him.]

Blitzo: See, we take revenge out on the living, and it sounds like the core cast of your sitcom of death...

[Mrs. Mayberry clenches her fist. Her red aura glows again.]

Blitzo: ...frankly are all probably down here in Hell with you. Boop!

[Blitzo boops her on the nose.]

Mrs. Mayberry: *clenches her claws* Not... all of them. That whore survived. Now, they all call her a hero.

[The camera zooms up to a hospital bed with a bandaged blonde woman recovering. The room is filled with colorful bouquets of flowers. The woman's children and husband are by her bedside.]

Woman reporter: How does it feel to have survived such a crazy bitch?

Martha: I just hope that sick woman finally found peace.

Woman reporter: You are so brave. Here's two million dollars!

[A golden check slowly moves toward her.]

Martha: *innocently* Ohhh! Thank you!

[Cameras flash as Martha smiles by her husband.]

[Martha stands with her husband Ralphie and their two children in front of a house by a lake, surrounded by a picket fence.]

Mrs. Mayberry *narrating* Between the talk shows and the donation bullshit, she made so much goddamn cash... getting shot was the best thing to happen to her!

[Scene cuts to Martha standing at a podium with "VNN" on it. A news reporter holds out a microphone among several other microphones.]

Reporter: You're a hero!

[Martha is then seen jogging with a dark-skinned woman with blonde hair.]

Jogger: You're a hero, girl!

[In a grocery store, a boy wearing a beaver-skin cap talks with a cashier lady named Brook.]

Martha's son: My mama's a hero!

Cashier: She is a hero!

[Ralphie and Martha have sex in a bedroom and he grunts in pleasure.]

Ralphie: *grunts* You're a hero!

[An old priest is seen with his hands folded in prayer by church doors. Martha stands next to him with her hands folded.]

Priest: You're a herooo!

[Martha is then seen standing at the front of Mrs. Mayberry's old classroom. Another teacher introduces Martha to the class. "How to deal with trauma 101" is written on the board.]

Class: You're a hero!

[Martha smiles as she is given anal sex from another man.]

Man: *groans* You're a hero!

[Back in Hell, Mrs. Mayberry's purple fists create cracks on Blitzo's desk as she smashes down on it.]

Y/N: So she got two million dollars and is now a "hero" for surviving a life endangering encounter?

Mrs. Mayberry: *shouting, her voice echoing* SHE IS NOT A HERO!!!

[She leans in close to Blitzo's face, her face red with anger.]

Blitzo: *frightened* Mm-hmm. Yeah! Okay, yeah, my thoughts exactly.

[Blitzo rapidly presses a red button from underneath his desk. A red light flashes by a label reading "Deranged client". The other labels read "More coffee," "Soiled my pants," "Horny client," "Client giving birth," "Ghost," and "Stolas".]

[The camera moves to Moxxie, who is holding a black and red crossbow in his hands. In front of him is a picture of a smiling family: a father, a mother, a baby and two children. His arms are shaking as the pointer hovers around the man's crotch area.]

Millie: Moxxie, stop shakin'! You're gonna shoot our only hellhound!

[Loona lies on a gray couch and holds up the family picture in one hand and her phone in the other. On the wall are drawings of Blitzo in a horse shape and a drawing of Robo Fizz with an arrow sticking out from it.]

Loona: *sarcastically, deadpan* Wow. I feel soooo loved here.

Millie: Just take a deep breath, *inhales* and let it out!

Moxxie: But... it's a family! Under what circumstances would we ever need to kill a human family?

Millie: I mean, if that's what the client wants.

Moxxie: Maybe like a shitty dad. Or a mob family. *speaking with a stereotypical Italian accent* That's understandable. [speaks normally] But to eradicate an entire innocent—seemingly, in this instance—upper middle class family bloodline?

[Loona looks at the picture as she thinks for a moment.]

Loona: Hey! You don't know they're innocent! *points to the boy* This kid probably sets dogs on fire, *points to the girl* maybe this girl gets off to bullying Australian kids online, *points to the father* and this guy... This guy definitely watches.

Millie: Exactly! Humans are full of secret nasties. It's why so many of them end up here.

Moxxie: But—

Millie: Guilty and innocent aren't our business, Mox. *cups Moxxie's cheeks as she shakes them* Killin' who we're paid to is our business. Shoot the target. *kisses him*

[Moxxie aims his crossbow.]

Moxxie: I just think it's a bit excessive, and we could be a bit more selective, is all.

[Blitzo barges into the room followed by Mrs. Mayberry and Y/N.]

Blitzo: Guys! I want you to meet—

[A startled Moxxie accidentally fires his arrow and it ricochets around the room. Millie jumps into Moxxie's arms as the arrow hits a computer. The arrow then flies and creates a hole in the family picture that a stunned Loona is holding. The arrow hits the bottom of a tank with eels and the tank starts to wobble dangerously. The arrow flies toward Mrs. Mayberry, but it breaks upon contact with Y/N.]

Blitzo: ...our newest client!

[The eel tank falls down. Glass and water spill on the floor. The eels fall out and bursts into electricity, setting the room on fire.]

Blitzo: Damn it, Moxxie! I just bought those eels!

Y/N: "the flames........the flames keep me sanctioned."

[Outside the building, imp firefighters carry the eels away and head into a red fire truck. Mrs. Mayberry drives off in a yellow taxi cab as Blitzo waves goodbye.]

Blitzo: Byyyyye! And, don't worry, we'll get that skank in less than twenty-four hours or your first kill is freee!

[Blitzo waves as the car drives away.]

Moxxie: When did we start implementing that deal?

[Blitzo turns with a glare to Moxxie.]

Blitzo: When you set fire to my office in front of a [yells] CLIENT, YOU FUCKIN' DIPSHIT!!

[Blitzo grabs Moxxie's face and pushes him away.]

Blitzo: Now, someone PLEASE tell me that fancy book is still intact!

[A nearby billboard with Blitzo's face on it reads with misspellings: "Goat an asshole in the living worlds!? Come to I Am Pee!!??! Make sure you put this sign up on the rite side. Don't fuck this up. Also payment may take a couple of weeks because it cums in the mail. –Speech to text- -Blitzo-"]

[Loona types on her phone.]

Loona: You mean... our only ticket to the other side? *pulls out the grimoire* Yeah. Got it.

Y/N: "The realm traveling device it seems. I must know more about this book."

Blitzo: And that's why you're my favorite, Loonie. * baby talk voice* You get a tweat, now!

[Blitzo holds up a dog biscuit to her.]

Loona: Ew. Stop.

[Blitzo throws the treat into the air and catches it with his tongue, like a frog. He pulls it into his mouth and chews.]

Loona: *slams book close* You're so gross!

[Millie draws a pentagram with chalk on the wall. It glows red and creates a portal to the human world.]

Blitzo: Awwww, stop it. I get enough of that from my therapist.

[Loona rolls her eyes and leaves. Blitzo puts his hand on Moxxie's face, who struggles to walk to Millie.]

Blitzo: Now, let's go lick some ass!

Millie: The expression is "kick some ass"... Blitzo.

[Millie snaps her fingers at Blitzo as she and Y/N walk through the portal.]

Blitzo: Mine's better.

[Blitzo walks through the portal.]

Moxxie: *sighs* Aww, fuuuck...

[Moxxie walks through the portal. All three imps stand in front of a small red house by the lake as the sun sets. Blitzo and Moxxie lean against the side of the house, rising from bushes. Blitzo stands up and peers into the window.]

Blitzo: That's gotta be her. *chuckles darkly* This is too easy. Moxxie, do you want this one?

[Moxxie looks pleasantly surprised.]

Moxxie: Me?

Blitzo: Yeaaaah, this one's simple enough for you to handle.

[Moxxie stands up and peers through the window. His faces falls as he looks at the family having dinner.]

Blitzo: It's just a happy mother who just got out of the hospital.

[Martha and Ralphie affectionately rub each other's noses. Martha holds a dinner platter in her hand. Moxxie hesitates at the window.]

Blitzo: You snooze, you lose, Mox!

[Martha's face is seen in a reflector, her doe eyes wide and blinking innocently.]

Blitzo: Aaaand I've got ya, bitch.

Moxxie: Wait... Are we actually killing a family?!

Blitzo: No, don't be a puss. We're just killing a mother.

[Blitzo positions his rifle.]

Blitzo: We're ruining a family!

[Rifle clicks.]

Moxxie: But... Ho- Hold on, hold on! Let's just think about it.

Y/N: Moxxie was it? You can't be an assassin and be afraid to kill.

Moxxie: But....well you wouldn't know anything about killing!

Y/N: Actually I would. I've destroyed villages and ruined families for sport when I was alive. At this point it's second nature. But what I'm trying to say is do not let emotion get in the way of your business it only leads to bad endings.

Blitzo: Yea what the suicidal kid said.

Moxxie: But sir wait!

[Moxxie lifts up Blitzo's gun as he fires. The bullet hits a glass mirror inside the house. All four family members gasp in fear.]

Martha: What was that, Ralphie?

Ralphie: *shakes his head* I dunno, Martha! But, whatever it is...

[Grins evilly as he stands up holding a rifle in his hands.]

Ralphie: ...they're gonna be tomorrow night's dinner!

[Martha sets the platter on the table and pulls out another rifle. She drinks a glass of wine and smashes it onto the floor.]

Martha: Alright, kids! Guns out!

[The boy pulls out a small gun from his beaver-skin hat. The girl pulls out another rifle. All of them have evil grins of sharp teeth.]

Ralphie: Looks like we got some rabbits to catch, young'uns! *chuckles darkly*

[Cuts back to Blitzo and Moxxie.]

Blitzo: *fumes in anger* What the fuck was that, Moxxie?!

[Moxxie wheezes anxiously, eye twitching. He lets out a croak with his snake-like tongue out. He then falls to his knees, hands over his face.]

Moxxie: I'm sorry. They just seemed so wholesome and happy.

[Tears fall from Moxxie's eyes as he takes more breaths.]

Moxxie: I panicked!

[Blitzo facepalms.]

Blitzo: Oh, who the fuck is innocent, Moxxie?! From the moment of birth, you're already a parasite leeching off your momma's tits!

[Blitzo leans in and pokes Moxxie's head.]

Blitzo: Get the FUCK over yourself, you baby dick prune!

Y/N: And because of that now we have to report to Mayberry that we failed.

[A blast shoots through the wall and hits Blitzo in the arm, black blood flying out.]

Blitzo: AAAAH! A new hole! SCATTER!

[Blitzo and Millie flee the scene and Moxxie hides in the bushes. Another hole appears and part of the wall explodes. Ralphie and Martha grin and leap through the large hole with guns drawn. Moxxie peers out from the bushes and rapidly looks around. A child's hand grabs Moxxie by his tail and he yelps.]

[Ralphie fires at Millie who flips backwards and dives into the lake.]

Ralphie: Where'd you go, little critter?! Y'all can't hide long from me!

[Millie is seen with her head above the water under the dock. A knife is in her mouth. Millie breaks through the dock and lands on it, with her knife and a grin. Ralphie swings a glass bottle and Millie runs behind him out of the way. Millie jumps up in the air, knife in both hands. Ralphie swings his bottle upwards, knocking Millie in the head. She cries out and falls to the ground. She struggles to stand, but collapses onto the dock, unconscious. Her eyes twitch. Ralphie smiles evilly down at her as the cloudy sky spirals red.]

[Moxxie opens his eyes and gasps with a squeak to find himself tied to a stitched up dead body in a chair. Moxxie's face falls in fear as he looks at the girl and boy. Both their eyes are red and devious sharp grins form on their faces.]

[Moxxie tries to defuse the situation.]

Moxxie: Oh! Well, hello there, little ones. Aren't you cute?

[Both kids speak in low creepy tones, the boy finishing seconds after the girl, speaking instantly after Moxxie.]

Kids: It's nice to have a new critter to play with.

[Moxxie glances up in fear at a red light above him. The light reveals a human head high up and several limbs on plaques. The wooden walls are stained with red blood. Two plaques hold stitched up faces of skin. A larger plaque displays a dead man with long white hair, arms crossed, eyes and teeth bulging out. His upper chest is connected to the plaque. A picture frame made of bones reveals another face made of skin inside it. Human skin is tacked to the wall with "Bless this mess" stitched onto it. Moxxie looks and sees a dead human body on a platter in front of him, an apple in the human's mouth. Organs are in a nearby bowl.]

Moxxie: Ohhhhh... crumbs.

[The scene cuts to four gunshots ringing out in the woods. Blitzo dashes through a bush. Martha's evil laughter follows as Blitzo runs through the forest. He slides down a hill and catches his breath at the bottom.]

Martha: *in a sing-song voice* I know you're hurtin', little devil!

[Blitzo takes deep breaths as he leans against a tree. His eyes go wide as he covers his mouth. A silhouette of Martha is shown walking through the woods.]

Martha: *in a sing-song voice* I promise, that I can make that pain go real quick! Just come let Mama Martha put a bullet in your pretty little skull!

[Blitzo sighs in relief before his phone lets out a yelling ringtone. Blitzo pulls out the yellow cell phone and it flips through the air. The phone has "GFY" written on it with a laughing devil emoji on it.]

Blitzo: Dammit!

[Blitzo tries to grab hold of the phone eventually doing so, then he holds it to his ear.]

Blitzo: Stolas! This is a really bad time.

[Stolas is shown in his palace relaxing in a bathtub. There are candles with blue flames around the tub. The floor has glowing astrological symbols on it. The curtains look like the starry night sky. Glowing constellations float around the room. Stolas holds an old rotary phone to his ear, in the shape of sunflowers.]

Stolas: Mmmmm, when isn't it a bad time, Blitzy?

Blitzo:

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