chapter 4

day 3

It isn't a busy day at the bakery, not a surprise since it is the weekdays. Usually the weekends were when customers streamed in. Elliot is the only one in the bakery for the day since both of his aunts have gone into the city to look for a new place where they can open up a new bakery. They have been discussing about expanding their business for a while and Elliot supports them fully.

Opening a bakery in the city would get them many new customers and bring in more profit, although the work would be double fold as well, but of course nothing comes easy. Elliot is more than willing to help out in any way he can — he already has a few ideas in his mind to attract new customers if they did open a new bakery in the city.

The bell at the door dings, signalling a customer has entered, "Hi, welcome to-," he turns to greet them, but is surprised when he sees a familiar face, standing at the entrance, "Josh?" the smile on his face grows wider on its own.

"Hey," he lifts on his shoulders lightly, adjusting the bag strap of his school bag he is carrying, "Um... you busy?" he looks down at his feet, still standing by the door.

"Oh yeah," Elliot nods in an exaggerated manner. He waves his hands around the empty shop, "Can't you see the long line at the counter? I'm very busy,"

That brings a soft chuckle out of Josh.

"But for you, I'll always have time," Elliot adds cheekily, "What's up?" he asks him.

"I just um... wanted to see... if you wanted to hang out for a bit?"

"Now?"

Josh nods at first, but then quickly shakes his head, "No, you know what, it is a stupid idea," he has already opened the door, ready to make his escape. "I should-" he tips his thumb outside.

However, before he can exit the shop, Elliot is in front of him, and pulls him further inside the shop, closing the door, "No, stay," then realising how demanding he must have sounded, he adds, "Please?" scratching the back of his ear, he continues, "I was just surprised that you would want to be with me," he confesses.

"Why wouldn't I?"

Elliot just shrugs, grimacing and Josh catches onto the unsaid answer.

"Oh," the blond drawls.

"Yeah,"

"I can go if you want,"

"What?" Elliot is shocked the blond would even think that he didn't want him there, "No, no. Stay — I mean, do you want to?"

"If you don't mind?"

"I would never mind, Josh,"

"Okay,"

Elliot sighs relieved and steps away from the door, grimacing a little, "Is it alright if we just hung out here though? There's still a few hours-"

"Yeah, yeah — no problem," Josh nods.

Elliot can't help but feel that they were back to their beginning days when they first met, being all awkward around each other — Josh has always been awkward around him, but Elliot has always masked his nervousness well. Now he is just as awkward as Josh, if not worse.

The curly-haired boy gestures towards the counter, "Do you want to come in?"

"Sure,"

He can feel that the blond wanted to tell him something but is holding himself back. Elliot decides to let him get comfortable and hopefully then he'd come to him about whatever it is that is eating at him.

Elliot steps behind the counter and opens a door that leads to a room that they used as a working space — most of the baking are done there, and sometimes they even rest there. Josh follows behind him and looks around the room nervously.

Elliot points towards a long table set by the wall, "You can out your bag there and sit," he suggests and walks towards the fridge, on one end of the room.

He takes out a carton of orange juice and pours into two glasses, and then walks towards Josh who has settled on one of the stools. He places the glass before Josh and sips on the other one.

"Thanks," Josh mumbles, "You should probably be out there, shouldn't you?"

Elliot rolls his eyes lightly, shaking his head, "And do what, talk to the wall?"

"What if someone comes in?"

"The door's open — I can hear the bell if someone comes in," Elliot states, and sits on the stool beside Josh's, leaning against the table, while Josh sits facing the wall, his arms propped up on the table, "I thought you wanted to hang out. Why are you trying to chase me away now?"

The blond's lips curved up as if to smile but there is no trace of humour in his face. He has a faraway look on his eyes as he pushes the glass on the table around.

"What is it, Josh?" the dark-haired boy asks after a moment.

As he has expected, Josh shakes his head, "Nothing,"

Elliot sighs, "You can still talk to me, you know,"

He hasn't pushed Josh to talk about anything the past few days because he knows he has lost the liberty to. And it is alright, he is trying to work up to it. But it is clear as day that the blond is struggling with something, and it is also clear that he wanted to talk about it — maybe that is why he even showed up at the bakery unannounced, but knowing him, maybe he is already second-guessing himself.

"I know," the blond mumbles, keeping his gaze focused on the glass in front of him.

"Then what is it?" Elliot wants to reach out and hold his hand but stays still.

It takes a moment for Josh to reply and Elliot thinks that maybe he is ready to open up but instead he just shakes his head again, "It's nothing — it can wait,"

Elliot frowns at him, but before he can say anything, Josh continues, "I also wanted to say sorry about yesterday,"

Elliot's frown only deepened, "What about yesterday?"

He considers yesterday to be a big step towards them being alright again — he doesn't see the need for him to apologise at all. Josh has even held him, which literally sent him to heaven and beyond and then they just stayed like that until Josh's alarm interrupted them — it was 3 am and since he had school, he had to go back.

And then this morning when Elliot sent him another good morning text, he'd even replied in the span of less than an hour. The dark-haired-boy didn't text much after not wanting to test his luck just yet, and decided he'd just see at the bridge that night, that is until Josh showed up at the bakery.

The blond just shrugs, not offering a proper response. Elliot keeps his gaze on Josh trying to determine the reason for his apology, but fails. He just seems dejected and very much worn out, and it frustrates Elliot that he isn't able to know the reason for his downheartedness.

"Talk to me, Josh,"

But the blond just shakes his head again, keeping his quiet stance.

Elliot exhales slowly — sometimes Josh is an open book, one look at him, he can tell whatever that is on his mind without the latter having to utter a single word. But other times, he just becomes all clammed up and it is impossible to tell anything about him. Josh was only like that once with Elliot, when they found out about his father's affair, but even then the blond willingly opened up to him — he knows there is zero chance of that happening now.

Even so, Elliot isn't going to let him suffer alone with his thoughts. That wouldn't be right.

"I get that you don't trust me anymore and that you probably won't ever," Elliot swallows away the anxiety that is starting to accumulate at the base of his throat just from the possibility of Josh never opening up to him again, "But that doesn't mean you can't talk about your problems to me anymore, right? I mean, not to brag, but I've been known to give some good advices," he throws in a chuckle just for good measure to ease up the heaviness between them, not that it helps all that much.

"It's not that, Elliot," Josh finally decides to say something, sighing, "I know I can talk to you anytime about anything," he even offers him a smile although it barely reaches his eyes.

"Then what?"

"I..." he raises his shoulders and then gives him a helpless look, before shaking his head, "I think I should just go," he reaches for his bag, but Elliot stops him.

"No," he says, "Just talk to me,"

"That's the thing, Eli," he cries out at last, "That's all I've been doing ever since I met you — talk. And all the while, I didn't ask you, not once about how you were doing. If there is anything you wanted to talk about. It's always been all about me. I never gave you the chance to talk. I've been just like all the other people in your life. I didn't care. Look I'm even doing it again- I, I, I,"

"Oh, Josh," Elliot sighs, and then gingerly takes his hands and when the other boy doesn't budge, he holds them, "That's not what I meant yesterday,"

"I know, but still," he exhales through his mouth, "I've been doing the same thing, haven't I?"

"No, no," Elliot laughs softly, "Absolutely not. It is me — I am the one who didn't talk,"

"I should have asked you something," Josh pulls away his hands, crossing his arms loosely across his abdomen, turning so that he faces Elliot.

"You didn't know,"

"You always asked me if something was wrong," Josh points out, "I should've done the same,"

Elliot doesn't know how to respond to that, not that he blames the blond — there is no way he knew what happened with Elliot. And it has never bothered him one bit that Josh didn't ask him anything about his past; it isn't as if he is overly keen to talk about it either. He'd even taken careful measures to not mention about anything that'd raise more questions when they talked, so of course Josh had no way of knowing. He didn't know how to explain all this to him though.

"I didn't want to talk about it either, remember,"

"Maybe if I had asked you more, then you would have told me, you know,"

That is something the curly-haired boy has never thought of before. Would he have told him if he'd asked? Elliot takes a moment to look at the blond to consider the possibility. But what is the use of thinking of it now, there is nothing they could do to change what has happened.

"Maybe, maybe not — we wouldn't know that now, would we? So why think about it?"

"Tell that to my stupid brain," Josh groans.

"Is that what you were apologising for?"

However, before the blond can answer, his phone rings. He looks at Elliot grimacing, before taking out his phone and answering the call. And within a matter of seconds his face morphs into something of pure dread and panic.

Elliot stiffens, looking at Josh and when he cuts the call, he raises his eyebrows in question, but the blond just shakes his head, getting on his feet.

"I have to go," he said rushedly.

"What's wr-,"

"It's nothing,"

"Josh,"

"I really have to go," he says again, and the urgency in his voice is so palpable that all Elliot can do is nod in return, "I'll see you later, okay,"

"Yeah, I'll be there,"

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