Without even thinking I plopped onto Bucky's mat and lay on my back. I stared at the ceiling with my hands folded over my stomach, feeling very accomplished... And exhausted. Don't forget exhausted.

"Well gee, I guess I'll sleep on your mat," Bucky entered the hut after having spoke with Shuri and spotted me laying on his mat.

"Oops," I shrugged. "Not like we haven't slept on the same mat before, Buck."

"No, not at all," Bucky sat himself down on the floor next to me.

I turned my head to look up at him as he gazed down at me, his fingers were the only part of his hand that wasn't wrapped in gauze, at the moment they were trailing down the tresses of my hair that lay across the pillow. After a moment of silence Bucky glanced at me, I smiled lightly, enjoying the time of serenity we had together. He smiled back, showing that he was enjoying the peace as well, and turned his attention back to his fingers lightly combing through my hair. My eyes fluttered closed, my ears focused on the sound of the breeze outside, a goat bleating, a distant conversation between two women, and Bucky's light breathing.

"How are you feeling?" Bucky quietly asked.

"Tired," I answered, keeping my eyes closed. "Like a good tired... Like after eating a huge meal and you just sit down with satisfaction and take a power nap, you know?"

"Every Thanksgiving that's how it was," Bucky replied.

"Exactly," I nodded and opened my eyes.

"Are you going to take a power nap? Is that what you're implying?" Bucky narrowed his eyes.

"Yes, actually, but if you need company I'll stay awake," I offered.

"No, no, you get your rest, you deserve it."

"Hell yeah, I do," I closed my eyes again, but peaked one open to glance up at him. "You sure?"

"Yeah, I'll just take a nap as well," Bucky nodded and nudged me to move over, which I did.

I scooted myself onto one side of the mat and allowed him to lay down on his back next to me. He adjusted himself a bit, trying to get comfortable and figure out where to put his one arm that took up some space on the mat, while I pitifully watched his silly maneuvers.

"Struggling there, White Wolf?" I teased.

"Sleeping on my back is getting a bit old, can't really sleep on this arm, and the bare shoulder is a bit of a bother."

"Here." I rolled onto my side, took his arm, pulled myself towards him, and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "Now it's not in the way."

"Thanks," Bucky turned his head and placed a light kiss on my forehead.

I smiled lightly and closed my eyes, already comfortable in the place I was in.

Bucky's hand moved up and down my forearm, slowing down each minute until his thumb was the only thing moving. I suppose we were both exhausted and a nap was exactly what we needed. The events of today were crazy, it was a miracle that it was so easily solved and I was grateful for the help I got from both him and Shuri. Something crossed my mind and I opened my mouth to speak, the sleepy feeling keeping me from saying anything.

"Bucky," my voice came out as a whisper.

"Hm."

"I love you, too."

There was a brief silence, his grip around me tightened for a moment in an embrace. He kissed my forehead again and a small laugh came from his mouth.

"Good, because that would have been a bit awkward," Bucky joked, chuckling as he spoke.

I laughed way harder than both of us had anticipated and rolled over onto my back, possibly crushing Bucky's arm in the process. Once I had calmed myself down, I rolled back over to face him, giggling once more before speaking.

"What, were you getting a little worried there?"

"No, not terribly," he shook his head.

"You had terrible timing," I added, propping myself up on my elbow.

"I think it helped," Bucky replied.

"I think it did, too," I smiled, following it was a deep yawn and I covered my mouth with my hand.

Sleep was an idea of mine that seemed to have disappeared maybe five minutes ago, until now I didn't realize that I had gotten so much more exhausted. My eyes were slightly stinging, it wouldn't be long before the lids automatically shut, I was carrying all my weight on my elbow which wasn't going to stand for much longer.

"Oh, right, nap, you need one," Bucky noticed these details and shifted his weight.

"You're the one who distracted me," my voice deepened as another yawn took control of me.

I rolled onto my back again and adjusted the pillow under my head, my eyes shut on their own, giving into the urge to rest. I didn't realize that Bucky's arm was still under my back until he moved it, trying to slowly free it without disturbing me. I lifted my back off the mat, but instead of moving, his arm lifted with my back and his hand took my waist, pulling me closer to him and turning me onto my side. Whatever happened next I couldn't remember, I was asleep before I knew it.

~~~

"I assume both of you are well rested," Shuri said as she led us up the dirt path. 

Night had fallen over us and the time for the test was here. Was I nervous? Absolutely. For extra precautions, Shuri was taking us to an isolated location outside of the city. Ahead of us two Dora Milaje, Okoye and Ayo, walked up the path. They were the extra-extra precautions. In one hand I held the Red Book, in the other I held Bucky's hand. 

"Yep," I nodded. "You sure this will work?"

"Of course I'm sure!" Shuri looked at me. "If I wasn't sure, we wouldn't be doing this."

Okoye and Ayo pushed aside some tree branches and we came to a cliff on the side of the mountain we had walked up. In the center of the clearing was a fire pit with flames already licking at the wood. I let out an exhausted sigh from the hike up. Maybe they meant to tire us to make sure we would be low on energy, let damage to be done. 

"And if it doesn't work-" Bucky began.

"It will work," Shuri cut in.

"If it doesn't work, I'm here, and Okoye and Ayo are here," I said. I glanced at the fire, already feeling its warmth on my skin. "And if it doesn't work for me, you can throw me into the fire." 

Bucky suddenly squeezed my hand and I cringed from the unintentional pain he brought me. 

"Absolutely not!" He exclaimed. 

I gave him an obvious glance. "I was joking." 

Bucky's face became stern and I realized it was a bad joke. Okoye and Ayo stood against the mountain with their spears ready and Shuri stood near the fire. 

"You're the one who is reading my words, if I go Soldier I'll be answering to you, and I'd rather be under your control than HYDRA's," Bucky replied. 

"But that's the last thing I ever want to do to you," I said.

Bucky turned to me and softened his hold on my hand. 

"I trust you. You're a good person, Snow Angel, I know you'd never control me to do anything bad," he spoke in a lowered voice. "If this doesn't work, I trust that you'll do the right thing."

"Which is to knock you out?"

"Exactly," Bucky nodded and I chuckled.

He let go of my hand and sat by the fire. I stood a ways back and thumbed through the pages in the Red Book. I inhaled through my nose and breathed out through my mouth. Shuri approached Bucky and kneeled by him. They exchanged a few words, perhaps going over a mantra or what they discussed in the reconditioning sessions. 

I landed on the code words and scanned over them. I chewed on my inner lip. We worked so hard, it had to work. 

"This is mainly you, you're the one who has to concentrate," Shuri said to Bucky as she placed a bracelet on his wrist that tracked his heartbeat. "I've done my part, it's all you." 

"I'll do my best," Bucky replied.

"Are you ready?" Shuri asked him and he nodded, sitting up straight and inhaling deeply. Shuri then looked at me. "Ellie, go ahead."

I nodded lightly and looked down at the trigger words, breathing in and reading out the first word.

"Желание," longing. 

I looked at Bucky, his brow was furrowed in concentration as he stared at the fire. Shuri nodded, keeping an eye on Bucky and her own bracelet that showed his heart beat. Okoye and Ayo watched intently. 

"Ржавыми." Rusted.

No reaction from Bucky.

"Семнадцать." Seventeen. 

Bucky shut his eyes. I paused. 

"Keep going," he forced out. 

"Рассвет." Daybreak.

Bucky began to slowly breath in and out meditatively.

"Печь." Furnace.

I looked back at Bucky. His jaw was tight as he stared at the fire. His brows were low on his forehead and tears lined his eyes. He was fighting. I turned back to the book and continued to read.

"Девять." Nine. 

Okoye and Ayo stepped forward from the mountain to get a better look at Bucky. Tears were now freely falling from his eyes and I fought the urge to stop. 

"Добросердечный." Benign. 

"Возвращение на родину." Homecoming. 

I looked at Bucky, he was still unmoving except for the rise and fall of his chest with his deep breathing. I wanted to stop, he was in pain and I wanted to stop.

"Finish it," Bucky said. His voice remained calm with an underlying struggle.

"Один." One.

Bucky's breathing picked up pace.

One more word. "Грузовой вагон." Freight car.

I shut the book and briskly approached Bucky who was still breathing deeply. He shut his eyes and more tears fell from his eyes. I kneeled down in front of him, placing my hand over his and holding my other hand against his cheek. 

"Bucky?" I spoke softly. He remained silent. "Shuri, how's he doing?"

Shuri watched the heart rate. "His rate is slowly decreasing." 

I looked back at Bucky. His head lowered and his shoulders shook as he quietly wept. I understood that as I was reading the words, every memory, every assassination was flooding back to him. Despite how awful he felt, it had worked. If it didn't, I can bet I would have been pinned to the ground by now. I gave a sad smile and pressed my lips to his forehead. 

"Bucky, it worked," I whispered. "It's done." 

Bucky nodded subtly and raised his head again. His eyes were glossy from the tears, but there was a smile on his face. A real smile. I returned the smile and quickly kissed his lips. 

"How are you feeling?" Shuri asked him. 

"I have a major headache, I'm fighting the urge to punch something, but I'm good," Bucky replied.

"I'm never reading those again," I shook my head.

"You won't have to," Bucky tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.

"It worked..." Shuri said behind me and I turned to look at her as she stared at the monitor in awe. "I actually did it! Holy shit!"

"Language, Shuri," T'Challa spoke from the treeline.

Bucky and I stood from the ground and faced T'Challa. Bucky stretched his arm and tilted his head to crack his neck. When his body relaxed he looked at T'Challa with a small smile.

"Were you watching?" He asked.

"I was," T'Challa. "Congratulations, Sergeant Barnes."

"Don't congratulate me, congratulate your sister, she's the genius here." Bucky gestured towards Shuri who smiled modestly.

"I already knew she was a genius," T'Challa smiled back at her. 

Shuri walked forward and took the bracelet off of Bucky's wrist. She turned to me and held it out. My heart dropped when I realized that I was next. I took in a deep breath and placed the bracelet on my wrist. I stepped away from the heat of the fire and sat on the ground. Bucky picked up the book and scanned my words. The ironic place switch caused me to chuckle. Shuri kneeled in front of me with a solemn expression. 

"I'm going to hope that you meditated back home every day," she said. I gave a quick nod. "Remember the meaning of these words. They are personal to you, you are the one who controls how they affect you. We made great progress today with your wall, let's keep the streak going." 

I nodded again and sat criss cross. I turned my attention to the fire and took in a deep breath. When I exhaled, there was a cloud of vapor that quickly disappeared from the heat of the fire. I relaxed my shoulders and looked at Bucky. 

"I'm ready," I said. 

Bucky nodded once and looked at the book. 

"Сияющий." Shining.

I always found it ironic that Eleanor, my name, meant Shining or sun ray. It is the complete opposite of how I turned out, I'm not the sun at all. 

"Два." Two. 

With the second word, my skin began to feel cold again. My heart rate increased and I took in another deep breath. My consciousness fought to rip in two and fight for dominance. 

"Ловушка." Trap. 

That word brought back one of my worst memories. Standing on the other side of a door in a HYDRA base when John shouted on the radio. "It's a trap!" Everything following that sentence was bad. The bullets ripping through the door, Wes falling with bullets in his back, leaving Bucky and the prisoners behind.

"Один." Alone. 

For most of my life I have been alone. Alone in my attic, alone after the war, alone in the compound. Despite that, I still persevere. 

"Двадцать." Twenty. 

Memories of HYDRA flashed by and I clenched my jaw. It was painful. Terrible things happened to me, and I did terrible things. Tears stung my eyes as Bucky continued through the words. 

"Гроза." Storm. 

My chest heaved with my breathing and I contained the blizzard that threatened to leave my hands. A spectacular memory came to me with that word. A moment of triumph that happened with the Howling Commandos when we were cornered. Jacques' words of encouragement helped me save them. "Bring a storm!" I have always brought a storm with me wherever I went. 

"Эволюционировать." Evolve. 

My eyes shut as something popped in the back of my head. Perhaps it was a migraine from how much I was concentrating on not losing control. 

"Контроль." Control. 

All I have ever learned from the beginning was control. I think I have it now. 

Bucky closed the book and I opened my eyes. I let out a gasp that was coupled with a sob as I let everything go. A small amount of frost spread on the ground from my hands and I shut my eyes tight again. The split in my mind reconnected and my head throbbed. Someone kneeled next to me and I felt their hand on my back. 

"Ellie." It was Bucky. 

"Mhm," I returned. 

"Tell me what's going on," he said. 

I tilted my head downward with my eyes still closed. I pursed my lips and slowly shook my head. Bucky rubbed his hand up and down my back. My shoulders shook as I cried and Bucky placed his arm around me. The reality of everything had set in and I laughed through the tears. Bucky kissed my temple and held me closer to him. This was one big step for the both of us. One step further away from what HYDRA did to us. We were free. 

My eyes opened and I looked at Bucky. He was smiling as well. 

"If only the UN could see you," I said. 

Bucky nodded solemnly, knowing that they wouldn't understand.

"I think it'll be a long time before they gain my trust," he said. 

"I'll fight them," I joked.

"No, don't do that," Bucky smiled.

"They already hate me, I don't think I can make it any worse."

"You know I can hear you," T'Challa spoke up.

"I was joking, T'Challa, I'm not actually going to storm the UN building," I turned to him. 

"How is her heart rate, Shuri?" Bucky asked. 

"Normal, she recovered quickly," Shuri answered. 

"It's a HYDRA prisoner thing," I said. 

Bucky looked at me with a concerned gaze that quickly went away. "Listen, I was thinking that, too, but I wasn't going to say it." 

"Sorry," I breathed out and looked at Shuri. "So, are we free to go, or do you have something else planned?"

"Nope! I have done my duty, we'll do some follow up tests in a couple of days," Shuri answered. "Other than that, you two are free to go."

"Great!" Bucky turned to me, taking my hand. "Because I have a date with Snow Angel."

~

By date he meant dancing, and we did. The crickets chirped in the background as numerous Doris Day songs played one after another, my head resting comfortably on Bucky's chest, his chin resting on the top of my head, and the both of us swaying to the music. The height of luxury in my opinion.

I felt Bucky's head turn to the side to look out the door, he slowed our steps down until we stopped and I looked up at his face.

"What?" I asked.

"Come outside, you should see this," Bucky replied, taking my hand.

He walked us outside and stopped a few feet in front of his hut. The music could still be heard but only if you listened really hard over the crickets. I scanned the area, my eyes adjusting to the dark.

"What'd you want to show me?" I asked.

Bucky smiled, put his hand under my chin and lifted my head until I was looking at the night sky that was filled with bright stars. My mouth gaped open at the spectacular beauty that hung over us, the sky was showered with a million lights that I had forgotten about since living in the city. I slowly lowered myself down until I was sitting in the grass. Bucky joined me, linking his arm around mine.

"Oh, my God..." I whispered.

"I know, it's amazing," Bucky replied, staring at the sky as well.

"I haven't seen so many stars since..." I began.

"Sleeping outside in 1944," Bucky finished.

"Yeah..." I nodded. "Where did the time go?"

"We slept it away in Cryogenic Chambers," Bucky answered blatantly.

"Right," I looked back at Bucky, only to realize he was staring directly at me. A question itched in the back of my throat, I pressed my lips together and inhaled. "Tell me what I became."

"What?" Bucky narrowed his eyes, not understanding what I meant, or avoiding the question.

"You know what I'm talking about," I said.

Bucky opened his mouth indecisively, closed it, looked away, looked back at me and inhaled.

"You were different. Very different. As the Winter Soldier I could only tell in comparison to when you first started in HYDRA, nervous, unsure of yourself. The training, torture, and brainwashing changed your personality. They pushed you till you cracked."

"What did I do?" I pulled my legs towards me so that I sat criss cross.

Bucky deeply inhaled again. "Things that were not ordered for a mission. A 'Kill and Extract' would turn into a 'Capture, Torture, Kill, and then Extract.'" Bucky's hesitant tone disappeared, changing into a vent of thoughts. "You got so caught up in pleasing Zola and Karpov that you didn't care what the consequences were, you just wanted to prove that you weren't weak anymore. As this went on I came to realize that maybe you..." Bucky trailed off.

"Maybe I what?" I pressed.

Bucky took my hand, interlocking our fingers and holding tight, like he was preparing me for something.

"That maybe you liked killing," he finished.

I took in a sharp breath of cold air and my hand jolted against his at the shock of hearing his words. When I breathed out a cloud of vapor engulfed the space between us. This was some story he was telling me of a terrible person, a monster, who took pleasure in harming others, all for the acceptance of the people who broke her. But this monster was me. I turned my head away from Bucky hiding my face of fear, shock, and guilt. That didn't do