ahany ahani bhūtāni gachchhantīha yamālayam.
śheṣhāḥ sthiratvam ichchhanti kimāśhcharyamataḥ param(Mahabharat) [v30]

“At every moment people are dying. Those who are alive are witnessing this phenomenon, and yet they do not think that one day they will also have to die. What can be more astonishing than this?” Shree Krishna explains in this verse that life is inescapably a dead end, and so a wise person does not lament over the inevitable.

Deaths are the unavoidable and inevitable truths of life. If the living is the beautiful myths than the deaths are the bitter reality. The human can be a powerful, can possess money and fame but cannot control the cycle of life and death. Unaffected with the heavy rains of the afternoon, sitting on one of the broken concrete platform of the cremation ground Ishita Bhalla chose to sit silently and continued to stare at the burning pyre of her father without blinking her eyes even for a second. The heavy rains wetted her clothes she wore since yesterday but the burning pyre didn't managed to bring tears in her eyes even for a once.

Which grief can be big? Loosing a parent or not crying on it? Raman Kumar Bhalla wondered standing near the burning pyre of his father in law. After lightening the pyre his wife left the place and her sat few steps away but unlike her he couldn't dared to follow her instead he chose to stand next to his father holding his hand with fear. From corner of his eyes he continued to observe his wife who looked stone hard and lost. Her condition pricked him hard but he himself didn't know how to make her feel better. He averted his eyes from his wife and looked at Bala and Mihir who were behind him, standing as a support he needed most. Bala rubbed Raman shoulder and comforted him through his eyes.

"Raman puttar take Ishita back to home. I will come later after completing the remaining rituals." Raman quizzed his brows hearing his father words.

"But why?"

"Ishita is not in a condition to stay here anymore and even you look uncomfortable." His father words made him mum and he eyed at the pyre which caught the fire more and slowly started to convert into ashes.

"I won't leave you alone. This place is depressing." Raman whispered with discomfort and fished his hands in the pocket of his kurta.

"Raman you never came in cremation ground before, I understand your discomfort son." Raman felt like his father vocaled the thoughts going in his mind. He bit his lower lip and than looked at the men who were doing the rituals. "Raman go to Ishita. She needs you most. Mihir and Bala are with me." Raman listened his father this time and left the place. When he went near his wife he encircled his arms around her shoulder and took a free hand in his. His presence didn't affected her much but she threw her head on his shoulder and continued to look at the pyre which started to convert into ashes.

"Ishita ghar chale?" He dared to ask after sometime as the ice cold winds started to shiver them.

"I want to stay here just for more time." Ishita whispered without removing her gaze for a second.
He hummed in response and asked Mihir to wait for them. And Raman became the support for his wife that evening until the fire settled down, turning a body into ashes.

******************

Through entire ride Raman held his wife shivering body close to his chest, rubbing her in regular intervals. His father had already left in another car along Mihir, Mihika father and Bala and they were accompanied by Jai and Mihir in another car. He looked at Jai through rear view mirror who looked equally concerned for his sister and then rested his head back on the seat. The unusual silence from Ishita was killing him badly. As their car entered in the premises of the bungalow he managed to bring out Ishita with difficulty and than lead her towards the gate where his mother was waiting for them.

"I have prepared your clothes and warm water in the washroom of guestroom. Kids are in your room with Mihika and Vandita." Raman nodded his head silently and went towards guestroom taking his wife along. The villa appeared silent after the departure of guests, when he came out from room after taking bath he found his farther sipping his tea silently along Bala and Mihir.

"How's Ishita Raman?" Santhosh asked with concern while handling him a cup of tea.

"She went for bath. Can you look at her?" Raman almost pleaded to his mother who rushed towards the room to see her daughter in law otherside Raman left his tea and went upstairs to take a look of twins. He greeted Vandita and Mihika who efficiently handled Iaan and Ishayu throughout the day. Vandita and mihika silently left the room expressing there condolence through eyes and Raman walked towards the bed where his sons laid wide awake. A single smile from them vanished his entire fatigue and tiredness he went through. He sat next to Iaan who started to make noises seeing his father and Raman peaked his tiny forehead with love. He started to stroke Ishayu forehead who appeared cranky until spotted his wife at the doorway along his mother. He thanked his mother through eyes and helped Ishita walking till bed.

"You should rest now." Raman whispered making his wife laying down. No doubt Ishita looked emotionally drained and he wishes her to take rest. Before she could rest her head on pillow Ishayu started to cry aloud making them worried.

"It's ok he must be hungry. I will give him formula milk." Raman tried to take Ishayu in his arms but stopped seeing his wife who started to stroke his head.

"He needs his mother. He can't rely on formula milk." Ishita whispered and unfastened her dress, soon the tiny baby clutched her finger and started to latch milk from her breasts.  Raman covered her with the warm duvet and took Iaan in his arms who was demanding for equal attention. Looking at Ishita face Raman was sure the babies can make her feel better. He kissed her head as she laid silently keeping Ishayu close to her, he made Iaan lay on her other side and decided to be with her until she slept.
The best thing of time is, it passes. The death of Vishwanathan Iyyer made Ishita a silent spectator. Her condition became a matter of concern for Raman especially who was not able to look his wife in such lost stage. Her silence affected him hard, she was never a close to her father, she chose to declare him dead two years back then what made her affected so badly?

It was third day of her father death when they conducted a small prayer meet and invited her father business colleagues. He hoped her to stay with him for sometime but she silently left the garden area after the prayer ceremony. 

"Give her some time Raman. She will be better soon." Omprakash stopped Raman who was about to follow his wife.

"But she is acting so strangely.  She was never like this." Raman argued back looking at his wife retreating figure.

"She lost her father Raman. The loss is big." Omprakash pressed his shoulder and asked him to stay calm with her. Raman slumped his shoulder with defeat and reached back at the room where she expected her to be.

"Ishita...you wish to have something?" He tried to initiate the conversation seeing her sitting on bed taking Iaan on her lap.

"No." Ishita replied curtly continued to pat Iaan head. Raman sat next to her and started to play with Ishayu who was smiling looking at him.

"Ishita if something is bothering you than you can share it with me." Raman pressed her hand unable to see her silent and lost.

"I'm fine Raman. Trust me."

"You can't lie to me. Do you know our sons understand everything. Have you realised how much silent they became in last two-three days Ishita? Your silence will affect yours as well as our sons health. You can share your worries with me." Raman cupped her face trying to read her eyes which were blank.

"I'm really Ok Raman, you're worrying unnecessarily." Ishita replied looking deep into his eyes making him sigh. He felt dejected the way she removed his hand from her face and tucked her body under blanket after switching off the lights.

************

Four days later, Raman who was doing some office related work on laptop stopped abruptly looking at Dai Ma who was coming out from his father in law room taking few  bags in her hands. He went towards her and carried the bags till the drawing rooms. "What is these bags are Dai Ma?" Raman asked while inspecting the two paper bags.

"These are some stuffs we found from Mr Iyyer room while cleaning. We thought why not to clean the room again." Dai Ma replied and wiped her hands with hand towel. Raman nodded his head and started to go through the stuffs. The mostly stuffs belong from Mr Iyyer they already saw, the pair of his clothes they found when they went to the hospital to get him back. The next bag consisted the tamil translation of shribhawatgeeta he often used to rear including his reading glasses. As he continued to go through the stuffs a black leather pouch caught his attention and he picked it with curiosity. He put little strain on his memory and came to remember it was the same pouch he often used to keep along him. He opened the pouch and content inside of it were something which should be seen by his wife only. He took the packets with him and took a long strides towards there room.

"Ishita." He called his wife who was in the nursery, arranging the twins clothes neatly in the cupboards. Ishita indicated him to speak slowly indicating towards the twins who just slept after having there milk. He held her hand and took her in there room without answering her questions.

"What happened Raman?" Ishita asked in tired voice not interested to strike any longer conversation with him.

"Dai Ma found this from your father's room. I guess you should keep it with you." He handed her the pouch and the bag. Ishita kept the bag aside and took the pouch in her hands. She sat on the bag and started to go through the content one by one. The first pocket of the pouch consisted the medical prescriptions of last twelve months from the day he diagnosed from the cancer. Ishita unzipped the second pouch and found some old photographs belonged from her childhood, the snapshots looks torn and crumbled from sides, reliving the memories she relieved few days back with her husband. She kept the photographs back in the pocket and opened the third and last pocket which had an envelope in it.

To,
Dear Ishita.

The cover had her name written on it. She don't had any need to guess the handwriting. It belonged to her father. Her throat went dry continuing to stare the cover.

"I will be back soon." Raman realised it might have been a fragile moment and his wife may need some alone time.

"Stay." She stopped him from going away. He encircled his arms around her shoulder and she unfolded the letter.

Dear Ishu,

There are so many things which I want to share with you but I know the conditions in between us are certainly not great to have these conversations.
I know as a father I never fulfilled my responsibilities I was supposed to but today seeing myself on my deathbed I want to confess the things before leaving this world.

The life is vicious, through entire life me, Vishwanathan Iyyer lived in a fake world of ego and pride, seeing money as a only symbol which can make me powerful and mighty forgetting the bitter realities of the life. As I look back in past today I realise how much wrong I was in all these years. Just to make the world dance around my little finger I forgot the world I was suppose to cherish. To make the fake world happy I always ended up hurting the most important person of my life, the friends who uses to behind me till two years back are not ready to acknowledge my presence.

Whenever I look back in past I wonder how much happy I was. I was contented man with a wonderful wife and beautiful child beside me but an incident took away everything from me. Your mother departure from our lives almost took my other half away from me. I still don't know what made me changed so much after her death, when I was suppose to be your support I distant myself from you. I started to think only money and power can give you a bright future and I never knew when I drifted my world away from you. Ishita I became too late in learn the difference between the peoples, I wish to learn it few years back and spend some good moments with you.

But Ishita, I'm not disappointed with my life. Murgun is still kind enough with me to bless me with the daughter like you. I neglected my duties as a father but you always fulfilled your duties as a daughter. Ishita in this life is have learnt an important thing, to value the living treasures we have in our lives. Murgun always bless us with the peoples who are beautiful from there hearts and meant to cherish. Never let the peoples go from your life who loves you unconditionally. After a point of time everything fades away, beauty, money and fame but there is one thing remains with us, peoples and the love we get from them.

I agree I was not kind with you but yes murgun and your mother always took care of you and send a gem for you as a husband. I met Raman few times and I have understood how much he loves you. Omprakash and Santhosh Ji are wonderful peoples Ishita, they will be the parents you deserve to have. Ishita I may be not with you in coming days but I want to tell you that I always cherished your presence in my life. I still remember the day when Madhvi kept the little girl in my arms and made me happy person. Those were just fate or circumstances which made us apart but I always cherished you Ishita.

Ishita life and deaths are a part of life, those who came in the world are suppose to leave it as well, before leaving I want to tell you never doubt yourself for anything. Your behaviour was justified with me Ishita, I never did anything to deserve your forgiveness. You have been a wonderful daughter always, your love is like the rays of sun which can fill everyone's life's with brightness. I want you to be the sunshine in everyone's life. Ishayu and Iaan are so beautiful and adorable, keep them safe and close to you. They are lucky to have a mother like you.

At the end, I want to make a small request to you, please immerse my ashes in Rameshwaram where I left your mother at the end. 

Stay safe Ishita, be the beautiful person you were. I wish to stay in your memories as your old appa. I will ask murgun to make you my daughter in next birth.

With lots of loves
Your Appa.

"Raman this...." Ishita clutched the paper in her hands tightly, her eyes started to turn heavy with each passing minute making her hard to look anywhere. Raman who almost became teary reading the emotional letter from his father in law took his wife in his arms without wasting a second.

"You can cry Ishita. Please cry." He whispered in her ears which she ignored and closed her eyes unable to bear the pain. 

*************

Two days later, on the tenth day of her father's death Ishita went to Rameshwaram along her husband, father in law and Bala and immersed her father's ashes in holy water. She had everyone beside her but there was was something which was making her restless. She wondered how fast Ltd time had passed and it was tenth day of her father day, it seemed like yesterday when she cut all ties with him, declared him dead in her life and today her heart was filled with restlessness and grief. She looked at her husband and Bala jiju who were performing some remaining rituals needed to be done. She stretched her legs on the sand and started to look at the waves with the lost eyes.

Raman didn't know how to comfort his wife, being a husband his concern was growing for her with every passing day, after reading the letter by Mr Iyyer he got some idea about the emotions his wife might have going through, but his own presumptions are not going to help thoroughly. He need to listen her venison as well.

"Raman what are you thinking?" He looked at Bala who came back after completing few formalities with priest.

"Nothing, about Ishita. I never saw so much sadness in her eyes."

"She lost her father Raman. She needs some time."

"Bala she herself declared that man dead in her life two years back. She never tried to contact him back, she was the one who did not wanted to keep him at Bhalla house and now..."

"Raman it's not mandatory to find the synchronisation between words and actions always. Indeed she broke the ties with him but her heart was relieved somewhere knowing that her father is going to be fine without her as well but nothing last same for long time after that. Mr Iyyer lost everything he ever earned in his life and reached on such vulnerable state. Raman no one can predict what exactly is going in her mind all I can suggest you to handle her with patinece."

Bala this all appear so messy, so much suffocating. I wish if I could share it with you.

Raman hummed in response and suppressed his inner voice. He wore his chappals and went towards his wife who was still at the spot she was before. His father called there driver and together they drove back towards the airport. Raman was thankful of his father for arranging the private plane of one of his friend which made there travel easy. They left