Cassandra

I speed through the crowds of the castle until I reach my room, feeling like everything around is moving on at least 5x speed.

It felt like, at first, I'd had my world frozen, that my entire life stood still the minute a new light shone down. It wasn't a light like in those books or shows, the ones where it feels like a brand new world opens up and it feels good, this light didn't feel like that, it was bright and made me nauseous, it felt like it burned and in no way do I associate that with 'good'.
It's like it was more of a beam, stripping me of everything fake yet normal about my life and left me a brand new, but not a brand new I was ready for.

A brand new I wanted... Well that's a different story.

I waste no time in throwing together my things into cardboard boxes, not that I have much, because I can't bare to spend another second in this place, in this room, in this kingdom. It's all so sickenly sweet I feel like I'm gonna throw up any minute.
Kind of like I've not eaten anything beside sugar in years, and craving the taste of something salty, something savoury, something hot and spicy even.

Anything. Anything else.

Just as in close to having all my things together, which has only taken up a single box, I hear a knock at my door.

"Who is it?"

Please don't be Rapunzel, please don't be Rapunzel.

Please be Rapunzel, please be Rapunzel.

"it's uh- it's-"

Did he break? Did he forget his own fucking name? Or does he just not know how to address himself anymore?

Whatever.

"Come on in I guess, but be fucking quick." I say mildly, opening up the door and resuming my packing. And the captain just watches me awkwardly from the doorway, clearly not sure on what he's meant to say.

Honestly, why'd he even go after me? It's not like I'm in any way a favorite of his. He hates me.

"where are you going to go?" he finally asks, breaking a perfectly good silence. I stand up straight and sigh, leaving the box full but not yet sealed.
"I don't know, and honestly? I don't care. Just somewhere that isn't this place, I'll be happy then. I can't deal with all the two faces pricks in this town." sugar coating is overrated, there's enough sugar to coat every sentence anyone ever says, but we've already established I'm not like everyone here, so I'm not coating my words anymore to protect literal backstabbers.
"can't you stay and reconsider? I know they lied and I know-"
"they didn't just fucking lie, don't just say it as if I'm being overdramatic, they withheld important truth from a child that needed it the most. A child that was never given enough, and never knew why." I spit, my teeth gritted and my arms folded across my chest.

There was a pause, one to long for my liking.

"And who's gonna miss me here? I'm pretty sure everyone is out celebrating-" Her name forms on the tip of my tongue, but it doesn't want to leave. "her welcome home party. I could walk out right in front of everyone now and they could care less."
"That's not true, Cassandra." that response was quick for him.
"of course you'd say that, it's what they want you to say, you know, the reason they sent you up here? To keep me put?" my left foot starts to tap, showing how impatient I'm getting, showing how much I'm itching to just run.
"They didn't send me up here, I came up on my own account."

I force out a laugh.

"Really? Oh come on I'm not that stupid." I remark, leaning down to close up my box of things.

"Cassandra, listen, I-"

The way he's falling speechless that makes me stop again, because he is never speechless. I mean sure, does he very rarely talk? Yes. But does he know exact what to say when he does? Absolutely.
Which is why this is interesting.

"Do you mind if we sit down?" he gestures to the pair of chairs in my room, ones placed neatly beside a small coffee table. Honestly, I don't think I've ever actually used them before.

"Fine, but you have 5 minutes, I have a boat to catch."

The boat doesn't leave for a while yet, but doubt he knows that.

We both take a seat each, he removes his helmet and places on the ground, which I found strange but decided not to think to much into it, then I wait for him to say the first word.

"I um- I was there the day that... The day that they brought you to the castle..." well that makes sense, if the guards brought me back of course he'd be one of the first to know about it. "and I'll admit I was the one who... Well... Let's just say I suggested the idea that- that you-"
"That I live in the castle?" even though I ask this, I had a feeling it was what he was trying to say. I fight back another sarcastic chuckle, finding it funny that the man that shows the most hate towards me, was the one who suggested this shit for me.

But then something doesn't quite click...

Why... Why did he want me here? If he didn't like me, what was stopping him from suggesting to send me away? Why... Why is he even talking to me right now?

"I know you think I hate you, Cassandra, that that's the reason I'm so hard on you most of the time."
"most of the time?" I raise an eyebrow.
"ok, all the time." he almost let's a laugh slip, which seems to reveal a completely different side of him.

I don't know but it's... I guess there's some form of comfort... Comfort in... I don't even know.

"but I have never hated you, I... Even though I never told you... But I-"
"But you..?" I try to urge him on, to bring out the last of the sentence, by making it known I'm interested.
And I am, I'm not... I'm not faking wanting to know.

"I've always seen you more as a daughter, my own daughter."

Now that was not what I was expecting. But then again, what was I expecting? I can't exactly say I was 'expecting' anything.
I barely expected this conversation!

So what... What now? He just admits to seeing me as a daughter and then...

I'm lost.

"So... All the times you were... Everytime you..." Now it's my turn to be speechless.

The more I think about it, the more the memories hit me, like arrows striking the Centre of a target. All the times he's had to remove me from the training ground, the times he's had to rip the swords from my hands, all the times he's caught me in the corridor, with accusations now I'm realising were lessons... Every time he caught me crying and walked in to talk to me...

All of those moments, all those little moments I thought were acts of hatred, were actually... Love. Fatherly love.

His fatherly love...

It was him raising me...

And the more I think about it, those moment... They did shape me.

It may have not been the way most fathers raise their daughters in all the stories, but it's how I... It's how I needed to be raised...

"You reminded me of me the minute I saw you... I'm not sure how to explain it, but I knew you didn't belong here, I knew you weren't like the people here. And I guess watch the staff bring you up like-"
"like a prissy pink princess." he turned to me, nodding his head, and that's when I cracked a small smile, which made him return it.
"I tried my best, with you, for you. And at times I thought I was just messing with your head, which probably pissed off some of those handmaiden's."

Then I laugh.

"Oh you think?" but by the tone of my voice, he knew I wasn't being sarcastic, that I wasn't being rude.

I'm just comfortable...

"But I had no reason to worry, because now your all grown up, you're nothing like them, and I won in not letting them change you." That's when I put all of my focus on him. "the person you are, Cassandra, is bold and true. You are fierce and you refuse to take no for an answer. You cut sharp and no one can walk over you. That's what I wanted for you, that's what I was hoping for you. Because the kingdom is full of fakes, of sunshine and rainbows, of shining gold lights and joy. But you? You're nothing more, nothing less than who you want. Your a moonlight, the shine of an amour, the point of a blade. A whole different kind of perfect."

Am I allowed to cry?

"and you don't need to stay here, originally I came to ask you to stay, because as a... As a parent, seeing you walk away was hard, undeniably. But you've grown out of this place, you're stronger than this place, and you don't need fakes holding you back if your ready to run."

Can I cry now?

"I-" The tears are surfacing, but I don't want to let them fall.

But... I don't have... Control over them.

They just fall.

"can I... Can I hug you?" He asks carefully, knowing clearly who I am. I swipe at my cheeks and think before agreeing.

We both slowly rise from out chairs, and I let him wrap his around around me, at first it felt strange, but I quickly started... Melting?
Is that the word?
I hugged him back, resting my chin on his shoulder and my eyes gradually shut.

This is a form of love. I know that. But it doesn't feel... It doesn't feel like it's new. It feels like I've always had it, I just didn't know what it was. I just had no understanding...
But now that I do, I know, like it's all I've known.

I start to open my eyes, patting him on the back before I pull away and scan around the room.

It's huge, it's bright, it's colourful, it's not me. Being here suffocates me, everythings so much larger than me, I'm encased in nothing but air that doesn't mix with my lungs the way it should.

This is her room...

It was never mine. Not really.

But I... But I can't...

"So, you better get going to the docks, the boat's waiting for you." he says, his voice breaking through the thick silence of the room, his voice echoing, bouncing off of the walls like a toy ball.

"Actually... I think I might stay." I declare, my hands on my hips and my lips curved honestly. He raises an eyebrow at me, his expression full of confusion and a hint of relief.

"I'm staying. I'm not done here... And I know this place isn't done with me. Not yet."