If you're reading this, it means that the world as we know it has come to an end.

Be it a pandemic, the impending threat of nuclear war finally blowing up, or a new BTS album, you have found yourself hunkering down in your home/bunker/faraway farm in the cold tundra with a box of shotgun shells while fending off hordes of marauders/radiation zombies/K-pop fans.

Congratulations! You are one of the few survivors of whatever calamity has been brought upon humanity. It falls on you and a handful of other humans to keep going and repopulate the earth. Maybe now we can curb out that nasty TikTok thing humans picked up during the early 2000s.

Right about now - and assuming you are still reading this - you must be realizing that Domino's doesn't offer delivery at the end of the world, and you hankering for cheesy bread is starting to bubble up to the point that your family has to shackle you to the radiator to satiate your anger.

Well, hate to break it to you, but if you want cheesy bread, you will have to do it yourself.

With your hands.

Like a peasant.

This will be a hard task since you, as you know better than anyone, can't cook to save your life.

"But Creepy Uncle Sam!" you say, trying to dislocate your thumb to slide out of the handcuffs, "I know how to cook! Just give me a recipe and I'll whip you any meal!"

And that's the problem. You don't know how to cook, you know how to follow instructions. You are but a slightly more dextrous monkey.

Why do you add a pinch of salt when baking? Why do bananas rot faster in your home than in the store? Why can we eat beef and fish raw but not chicken? Why do I pay $12 for a pizza when the ingredients cost me less than $5? Chances are you don't know why you do the things that you do. I, for one, blame capitalism and its conformist agenda.

Lucky for us, there is no more capitalism! Hopefully! Fingers crossed.

This guide will not only teach you how to cook, but will make you understand food, the ingredients, techniques, and skills to survive the apocalypse and not fall prey to the inevitable black market recipes that will inevitably pop up amongst the rabid grandma populations.

Take your food by the reigns. Be the chef you always wanted to be. Master the food, and you will master yourself. Or at least you will master your hunger.

This is Creepy Uncle Sam's Gastronomy Guide For The Apocalypse, and the end of the world has never been more delicious than this!