You know your vegetables, masterfully cutting onions and carrots like its nobody's business.

You know your spices, having created a Spice Empire like no human has ever seen.

Now, it is time to put your skills to the test by combining everything you have learned until now into the ultimate test — pickling!

Wait, don't run away, I'm not mad. Just hear me out.

There is perhaps no better skill to learn for the apocalyptic chef than pickling, as it is the premier way to preserve your food in case society decides to go full Mad Max on us. Even with no electricity, and no source of heating, pickling can preserve your food for longer than any other medium. It also helps that pickling makes everything more delicious by default.

Think of it as a gift from you to you that you can enjoy when you have to run away from home in the middle of the night because Rohan the Untainted decided to raid your home for your Spice collection. Just grab a handful of pickles and you might survive for a few days without the worry of sanitation of entering the danger zone while you plan your revenge.

See, bacteria can't live in three distinct occurrences:

1. They can't live in inhospitable temperatures. Which is why we freeze

2. They can't live in highly saline environments, which means that salt kills them. This is done by the process of osmosis, which we will discuss later.

3. They can't live in acidic environments. Acetic acid, commonly found in vinegar or bleach, attacks the proteins and fats of the bacteria, decomposing it. Which is why vinegar is used to clean food and surfaces.

Pickling, as it were, taps into the last two principles by making an environment that it is inhospitable for bacteria to grow, thus making your food borderline immortal. Please don't try to make a fishbowl of brine and vinegar to live in as it will mess your skin off. We tried, and it's not pretty. Just ask Peter the Blob. He used to be called Handsome Peter.

But food doesn't care about that. Food is only made to be delicious. But let's take this one step at a time and get the science-y explanation out of the way.

Pickles is the name given to foods that have been immersed (marinated) in a salt solution, and which have fermented on their own or with the help of a harmless microorganism (like lactobacillus plantarum), in which the pH decreases and its acidity increases to able to extend its conservation. Acid and salt, working together to kill bacteria like unlikely lovers.

What allows conservation is the acidic medium — vinegar — that has a pH of less than 4.6 and which enough to kill most necrobacteria. Pickling allows you to keep food for months. Herbs and antimicrobial substances, such as mustard, garlic, cinnamon, or cloves, are usually added to improve the taste or shelf life. Read the previous chapter to see what spice does what and what taste they add so you can customize your pickles.

How to pickle:

First, pick what you want to pickle. You can pretty much pickle anything, but that doesn't mean you should. Can you pickle a chicken? Yes, you can. Should you? I mean, I'm not going to stop you. I shall only judge you. I would recommend staying with vegetables for now. Maybe fish.

With vegetables, you want crisp, crunchy ones, as they will remain so when pickling. The most popular pickling ingredient is...the pickle! Meaning, cucumber, because it is super crispy.

A pickle needs brine, which is basically salty water and vinegar. Don't use seawater, you dillhole. A dollop of sugar is usually added to make the food ferment, adding an interestingly tasty and tangy flavor.

To make a brine, simply follow this handy-dandy formula: 1 cup distilled white vinegar, 2 tablespoons of salt, 2 teaspoons sugar, up to 2 tablespoons spices and 2 cups water. For those who like proportions, 1/3 vinegar for 2/3 water, 3% salt, 1% vinegar, 3% spices. Boil them until the sugar and salt dissolve, and you have your brine!

Note: Brine is applied cold. Don't go pouring boiling brine on your food.

The natural fermentation process, at room temperature, through the action of Lactic acid bacteria requires an acidic environment, hence the vinegar.

Pickling is commonly used to prepare vegetables, cooked or raw, such as cucumber, onions, carrots, turnips, ginger, cabbage, and chili peppers. Also in some places in Mexico the serrano and jalapeño peppers are used to make a very acidic and spicy condiment.

The spices also allow pickled vegetables to retain a pleasant smell and stronger than that of the vinegar that was used for its preservation.

In the Mesoamerican region, in several Central American countries, pickles are prepared with cabbage, onion, carrots, lemon, vinegar, oregano, and salt. In Mexico, pickling consists of nopales, potatoes, carrots, broccoli and/or cauliflower, onion, garlic and jalapeño peppers and is used to accompany meals as an entry or snack being common in tacos and restaurants. Are there still tacos at the end of the world?

In Chinese cuisine, there is a wide variety of pickled vegetables, amongst the most frequent are radish, chili and dill, among others. In Japanese cuisine, pickles are known as tsukemono, of which there is a large variety depending on the pickling method and the ingredients used. Some examples are the turnip or the hakusai (Chinese cabbage). In Korean cuisine, the best known is kimchi, which is a pickle of Chinese cabbage and other vegetables. Kimchi is an indispensable part of Korean cuisine.

Look, we could sit here and talk about all kinds of pickles, because pickles are a part of every cuisine around the world. Hit a map and you will find a pickle there. Or corpses. Mostly corpses. You get the idea. What is important is that you can now make pickles using the knowledge that you have acquired. But one last thing before we start:

For pickling, you need Mason jars. They can be big, small, weird-looking, whatever. It doesn't matter as long as they are glass Mason jars and have a lid. You will need to disinfect them first by pouring hot water in them to kill bacteria. With that out of the way, let's make our first pickle!

Veggie pickle:

50 gram/2 ounces - Carrots in Julienne.

50 grams/2 ounces - Bell pepper in Julienne.

50 grams/2 ounces - Onions in emincé.

50 grams/2 ounces - Celery in Julienne.

2 cloves of Garlic, peeled and slightly squished.

1 Laurel bay leaf.

1 teaspoon of Black Pepper, whole.

1 teaspoon of Clove.

Brine to fill.

1 small Mason jar, sanitized.

Step one: Add Everything to the mason jar. Fill it to the top with cold brine.

Step 2: Tap the jar a few tiles to remove any air bubbles that might get trapped on the bottom. Close the mason jar.

That's it. As easy as pie. No wonder everyone does it! Just add a buncha things to a mason jar and you have yourself a pickle! Do make sure everything is sanitized, and you can experiment with all kinds of vegetables and stuff.

The proportions in the recipe are only for practice. You can use any kind of vegetable, with any kind of cuts you want, in any kind of proportions. Want an all-potato pickle? Do it, you bloody psycho.

But...what about the mother of all pickles, the dill pickle? The one that came with every hamburger either full of sliced? Some would say that it is the most important pickle there is. I, for one, was not a fan of dill pickles...until I met a traveling salesman on the side of the road.

His beard was so wise, and his eyes had a determination which you seldom see in these trying times. It wasn't about surviving, or about sending a message. It was about pickles. Big, small, sweet, sour, aromatic, kosher, non-kosher. For him, it was all about dill pickles. It was his way of life.

He came to our lives preaching about the wonders of the pickles, but only for a short time. He dissapeared one day when we needed him the most, with only one last jar of dill pickle, and a promise to return once again. But we were not left without a gift as he left us with his patented recipe.

The man called himself Dr. paul Fowler, and this is his recipe.

Dr. Paul Fowler's Miracle Pickle Recipe:

7 Cloves of Garlic, slightly smashed.

2-3 Head of Dill. The whole branch.

4 Laurel Bay Leaves.

1-2 Tablespoons of yellow Mustard seeds.

1 Tablespoon red chili pepper flakes.

As many cucumbers as they can fit in your jar, depending on the size, about 10.

Brine to cover.

NOTE: If you want to do a half-sour pickle(without vinegar) you need to make a brine with extra salt, and to refrigerate.

And that's it! Now you're ready to make your own pickles, right at home!

Now, let's try something a little more...complicated. Now, we must tackle eggs!