Chances are that you, the intelligent and incredibly handsome survivor of the apocalypse that you are, have befriended the local wise old man who may or not be simply known as "Doc" that keeps a well-curated garden of herbs and vegetable that he so nicely gives out to those who protect your settlement. Hopefully, that's you!

This apothecary of herbs and vegetables is perhaps your best bet for a positive nutrition for the apocalypse, as trade routes are the first thing that falls during the end of times, and those are the ones that bring meat, fish, and poultry to your table. So unless you keep a small chicken coop/stable in your backyard, vegetables will be the most versatile source of nutrients you will have available.

Not only are vegetables easier to store and keep, but they don't suffer the danger zone syndrome that animal proteins suffer from. As long as you sanitize them properly, they can be the backbone of any diet.

Which is why you have to learn how not to fuck them up.

Vegetables are incredibly versatile because most of the time you can use 100% of what they can offer, producing no waste at all so you can figuratively milk them for every ounce of nutrients. This, of course, is assuming the nuclear fallout didn't fuse animals and vegetables to create a walking abomination that you can actually milk. In which case, don't try to milk an onion - they're very fuzzy.

In order to take advantage of everything a vegetable has to offer, you will first need to figure out how to actually cut the damn things.

I get it - you're a strong, independent survivor that has to fend off marauders at 3 and reinforce the putter walks before noon, so you might just grab whatever vegetable is around and just chop it whatever way and be done with it. Thing is, you're only doing a disservice to yourself AND Doc who so carefully curated those vegetables.

If you know how to chop a vegetable the proper way, not only will you make it last longer, but you will bring up the best flavor they can muster by giving them a uniform cooking. There is nothing worse than a poorly cooked carrot that is too chunky and gives your teeth that crackling feeling that sends a chill down your spine. And you know as well as me that dentists are not exactly a fine a dozen during the apocalypse.

For now, we will be covering Onions, Carrots, and Celery. These grow all over the world, and most cultures incorporate them and variants of these in their cuisine all over the world. In a pinch, the most versatile vegetables to have around are Onions, Carrots, and Celery, as the combination of the three are the basics of most modern cuisine, called Mirepoix.

Onions:

How to Sanitize: clean outer layer with soap and water. Peel tough and dried outer layers.

Zero Waste Tip: Save the layers in the freezer to make soups and fonds!

The onion, like ogres, have layers, which make them the trickiest vegetable to cut, but one of the tastiest around. Whether eaten raw or cooked, learning how to make uniform cuts are a must, as the difference between a burnt piece of onion and a raw one is but millimeters.

Some of the members of the onion family are: Scallions, Spring Onions, Vidalias, Ramps, Yellow Onions, White Onions, Red Onions, Shallots, Pearl Onions, Cippolini Onions, Leeks.

Although they all taste different, they all have layers, and thus, the techniques for one translate to the other.

Generally speaking, onions have a mild sweet flavor, with a sharp, astringent aftertaste, with a crisp texture. They last for a long time after harvest, and go great with everything! Except with icecream. Don't.

The cuts for the onion are as follows:

Feather cut or emincé:

Cut the onion in half, right through the middle of the knot. Then, place the onion on the table, with the knot facing you. Next, cut the onion into 2 mm thick slices. (approximately) starting on one side and ending on the other. The thickness of the cut will depend on the use that is going to be given.

This cut is used when you want to add both taste and texture to the meal, like a pizza, a chunky marinara, a salad, or caramelized onions.

Brunoise or Mince:

The result of this cut is the onion cut into cubes. For this we will need several Steps. Place the onion with the knot facing to our side and cut it in the feather style, but without cutting the knot. Cuts are made parallel to the table, without cutting the knot. Since we have not cut the knot, the onion is still attached together. Place the onion with the knot to our left or right and we will cut it as if it were to emince it.

This is the trickiest cut to make overall, so please watch the video attached to the top of the chapter. If your internet is still up, of course. If not, just pretend Gordon Ramsay is yelling at your for 5 minutes and you will know the general gist of it.

This cut is used when you want the onion flavor, but not the texture.

Rings, Spanish-style, or Bracelet:

Make a small cut flush on the surface of the onion for support, place on the board with the knot to one side and cut fine wheels.

This one is the easier, mostly to make salads and onion rings. You know the ones.

Carrots:

Like onions, carrots give a sweet taste, but without the astringent nature of the onion, and adds fruity notes.

How to sanitize: Scrub outer layer with water and soap. Cut both ends, as they are the places were germs clump. Peel skin off.

Zero waste tip: Save the skin to make soup and fonds! Fry skin for a sweet alternative snack!

NOTE: EVERY CARROT CUT ALSO APPLIES TO POTATOES. THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT POTATOES DON'T TASTE LIKE ANYTHING, BUT ARE A CANVASS FOR OTHER FLAVORS.

Julienne:

Julienne is a culinary technique that consists of cutting vegetables into elongated, very fine strips, with the help of a knife or a mandolin. For this we must cut the carrot into slices, then place them one on top of another and cut so cross.

This is used to both eat it raw, fried, or to add the carrot texture to your food. Keep in mind that the thicker they are the longer they will take to cook.

Brunoise:

We continue the previous step. Cut into julienne strips with the measure that we are going to use, then we stack them and cut again into small cubes.

This cut adds the flavor, but not the texture, to a dish. Used for sauces and soups to add the sweet flavor!

Wheels or rondelle:

Wheeled cut of the complete piece with the knife, even when it can be done with Aid of the mandolin or cold cuts machine.

Depending on the thickness, it is mostly used for soups and stews. Choky, tasty, and sweet!

Celery:

Like that time you saw a roundish, squarish, triangularity flying saucer that you don't know how to explain, celery's flavor is impossible to describe. It is bitter, but not enough. Umami, but not overly so. Herbal, but not pungent. What we know is that its delicious, and people all over the world shove it down their gullets.

How to sanitize: Wash with water and soap. Cut the leaves, remove the filaments with the help of a peeler.

Zero waste tip: save the leaves to use in stocks, soups, and stews.

Country-style:

Cut in two or four (depending on the diameter of the stem) lengthwise. Finely cut crosswise.

This is basically the only cut you will need, as celery has a very cellulose texture that can be offputting. The smaller the better in this case.

With this, you will have complete control over your vegetables, and will last you longer as a result. We will soon put your skills to the test, but first, we have to learn how to put some flavors into your veggies!