Humans are nasty little creatures. They touch feces, urine, each other's special places, dogs, cats, radioactive isotopes, and the like. You can't avoid that no matter how much moonshine hand sanitizer Johnny Three-fingers sells you behind what once was a Burger King.

That's why we bathe and clean our hands as much as we can to avoid deceases and illnesses. In theory at least, since this pandemic has shown us that the average human is just one big petri dish waiting to create the next supervirus. Now imagine how the hands of the people making your food must be like. Since you are the person making your food now, I'll say they are pretty disgusting.

Now imagine all those germs going into the food you're eating, and no amount of sour cream will fix the amoebiasis that ill-heated burrito will do to you. So before you go grabbing any food, you will need a crash course on culinary hygiene. You have survived enough only to be killed by a poorly washed lettuce.

According to the World Health Organization, food hygiene is a "set of Necessary Measures to guarantee safety, health and value Food intrinsic in all its phases ranging from cultivation, production until consumption."

Food hygiene covers a wide field that includes handling of food of plant origin, the breeding, marketing and slaughter of animals as well as sanitary processes aimed at preventing bacteria of human origin reaching the food. Food contamination comes from different sources: air, water, soil, humans, animals, and other living beings. So you have to make sure that your food purveyor is up to hygienic code. And even if he isn't, as it is the case of the apocalypse where you will likely get your produce from some pretty metal farmer's market, your food is potentially compromised, as people sneezing, coughing, handling food, or normal pesticides could still linger on your produce.

Again, humans are nasty creatures.

Not all foods are made the same, as someone who has tried to use a carrot as a steak can attest. Some foods are riskier than others, which might come in handy when you have to stockpile them. Here is a handy-dandy guide of foods that are risky, some that are not, and some that are so-so.

Potentially Harmful Foods:

It involves those foods that are high in protein, water or that have a Neutral pH since they are the elements that offer favorable conditions for the growth of microorganisms.

These include foods of animal origin (raw or cooked) such as milk and all dairy products such as eggs, red meat, poultry, fish, and shellfish. It also includes foods that are likely to be safe if not cooked but can be dangerous once cooked, such as rice and potatoes cooked because of the presence of starch. Just like beans and vegetables already cooked the melons, tomatoes and green vegetables that have already been cut.

Non-potentially dangerous foods:

All foods with a water activity (Aw) of 0.85 or less, those with pH acid (equal to or less than 4.6) such as citrus, hermetically packed, processed commercially and commercially maintained sterile under non-refrigerated conditions like canned ones. In addition to all packaged cereals, rice and pasta and fruits dried. Those treated with Hops (Beer) are also here.

A caveat with canned foods: If your canned food is dented, it must be either used immediately or discarded, as the inside of the can is laced with tin, which will be harmful if consumed, and will taint the food inside.

Besides these two classifications, you have a sub-classification of foods depending on how durable they are. A lemon can be a low-risk food but with almost no durability for their produce nature. They are as such.

Stable or Non-Perishable Foods: Cereals, sugar, oil, legumes, etc. (Without cooking). These are perfect for stockpiling, as they are super stable and will last you a lot and perfect for trading with your wasteland neighbors for basic privileges.

Semi-alterable or Semi-perishable foods: roots, vegetables, fruits, eggs, etc. These have outer shells and skins that protect them from the elements. They still need to be washed before use like everything else.

Alterable or Perishable Foods: Meats, fish, milk, cheeses, etc. These can last you a lot of frozen, around six months, but otherwise, you are better using them fresh. The longer you wait to use them, the more flavor and texture they will lose.

One will think that not eating rotten or damaged foods is an easy task, but we do it all the time without knowing. Some people even drink spoiled milk because "fuck it, I'm not going to the store to get new milk for a handful of Lucky Charms." So I say to you:

"DON'T EAT ROTTEN OR DAMAGED FOOD!"

You don't want to risk having a parasite or an ailment in times of crisis. Take time to select only the best of the best. It doesn't have to be "pretty," only functional.

How can you detect a product that is damaged or compromised? Well, some foods are more evident than others regardless of your level of preparedness. Some can be detected easily on the surface of the products, whether for immediate consumption, as in the fruits and vegetables, or those that are intended to be stockpiled.

In the former, damage caused by insects or rodents can be seen, or mishandling in its transfer or storage with bruising and icky brown stuff.

Canned or processed products have to be pristine, or the tin contamination that we talked about earlier can set in pretty fast.

Sings of Decomposition:

When decomposing, food shows different signs of alteration that may or may not be perceived by the senses. Among those that we can detect are: Loss of consistency and alteration of texture (softening, hardening, shrinkage - guys know what I'm talking about). Changes in the original color (darkening or discoloration). In canned foods: bubbling of the content, etc. Signs that indicate the presence of molds (black, white, gray, green or blue purulence). Strange odors, such as rotten smells, fermented, stale and other nasty shit. Strange flavors: sour taste, stale, bitter, fermented or rotten.

We call these "altered foods." Altered foods are known as those that have undergone a modification in their composition, accompanied by organoleptic changes (color, smell, texture, taste).

If it smells nasty, tastes nasty, looks nasty, its gonna make your body nasty. You deserve to die in a last-stand against hordes of the undead while waiting for a helicopter to take the zombie cure from your lab tot he last remnant of the government, not because of sole moldy Hot Pocket gave you dysentery.

As a rule of thumb:

Appearance: Softening, hardening, dripping, shrinking, moldy or bubbling. Toss it to the trash.

Smell: Moldy, fermented, rotten, stale, alcohol and sulfur. Wash it down the toilet.

Taste: Rancid, sour, alcoholic, bitter, rotten. Yeet that bitch.

Color: Discoloration or appearance of a non-food color. Nope on my watch.

With this handy-dandy guide, you can now stockpile and look for the best product you can! Just make sure you don't fall into the danger zone, and you will be fine.

What is the danger zone, you ask?