i'm uploading this from college because i have no work :/

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The sun is shining, making me feel like I'm roasting alive but it's the best feeling ever. Me and Issac have been at the beach since this morning we practically ran down here, we had to pay twelve pounds for two sunbeds and I can still hear him mumbling about it next to me.

I sit up and take some water, "Issac, have some water" I hold it out to him, "I had a drink five minutes ago" He whines, lying back with his black shaded sun glasses on. "Well could you please have some more? You could dehydrate in this heat" He turns his face to me with a smile, "You worry too much" He takes his sunglasses off and sits up like me.

"But I love it" He takes the water off me, I re-apply sun cream, "Can you put some of this on my back please? I wanna lye on my front for a bit" I watch him nod whilst drinking the water I went to buy five minutes after we set up here.

"This is torture y'know?" I hear him mumble again when I've turned onto my front, I giggle. "Is it?"

"Yes, this bikini is speaking to me" His hands gently smooth over my body making me tingle, "What's it saying?" I giggle again closing my eyes, "Issac, Issac, take me off, take me off"  I laugh out loud this time.

"It's true, all bikinis speak to me" He nods, "It's my secret talent" I turn on my side so I can look at him, "Your talent is getting bikini's to talk to you?" I laugh, "Yes" He nods with so much pride.

"Okay, so, what's that girls bikini saying to you?" I point to a girl in the distance, her back is facing us with her blonde hair falling down it. She's on the phone by the ocean with a neon pink two piece bikini on, "Okay, no" I quickly knee between his legs and cover his eyes with my hand so he can't see her.

"Darc" He laugh, moving my hand. "Her bikini is saying that, shes on a girls holiday because she's just broken up with her boyfriend of possibly a year and she thinks having a girls holiday with lots of alcohol and sex is going to help her move on" He shakes his head, concentrating, "And is it? Going to help her move on?" A laugh threatens on my lips, "Not at all" He laughs looking down at me between his legs.

"But out of all the bikini's on this beach speaking to me, yours is the loudest so I think we should respect and fulfil its request" He smirks, his hands snake around me before he's even finished his sentence

"I don't think so" I giggle, he groans, "I'm sorry" My giggle turns into a laugh. I lean up and give him a kiss, "Do not make this worse for me" He mumbles against my lips but kisses me again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" I hold my hands up in surrender and go back to my sunbed.

I lye back down, exposing my back to the sun. It feels nice, a tingly sensation. Issac stays staring out at the beach through his sunglasses, which means I can't tell where his eyes are pointing to. What if he's looking at the girl in the neon bikini? I trust Issac to an insane level, he was the person to open me up and I told him everything so I know he'd never hurt me, but, I always wonder.

Does he look at other girls? Maybe at the things that I don't have? Blonde hair, blue eyes? We've never had sex so what does he think about when he's sexually frustrated? Is it me? or is it some model in a magazine? I can't tell him off for looking at models, he's only human and they are models for crying out loud.

The heat gets hotter around me, creating beads of sweat. There's so many girls on this beach, some even sunbath shirtless but they're mainly middle aged woman. Does he like older woman? I'm thinking about this too much, its stupid.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Long beach wavey hair. Long legs. Toned stomach. The things I don't have.

Perfect teeth, a face without freckles, a dimple in my cheek.

Suddenly I'm loosing air, my throat is catching and I can't breath.

Tanned skin, doe eyes, long eyelashes.

My heart is pounding, its all I can hear, its invading my space. I turn on my side to try and catch my breath but It only makes it worse, I feel like I'm dying.

My whole body is trembling, "Darcy?" Issac is alert and next to me but he feels miles away. He sounds so far in the distance, all I can hear is my heart. I grab his hand and squeeze it trying to catch my breath but I can't, It's slipping away from me, my body is heaving for air. I look up at the sun but I'm seeing double vison, I blink but it won't stop. The air is getting tighter and tighter.

You'll never be perfect.

Darkness.

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Darcy, think about what Louise taught you, what you've been teaching yourself.

I'm lying on something soft, comfortable. It's silent but I can hear some quiet motions. I feel tired but not drained which is a new thing lately. I gently move my hand, so I'm alive.

What happened?

I open my eyes, the ceiling is a cream colour with scuttle designs. "Issac? Mom?" I move my lips and instantly Issac is by me. "Darcy, hi" He's trying not to sound petrified but its swimming in his eyes. "What happened?" I ask again but out loud this time.

"One minute I was fine and the next.." My eyes float away from his face and into whatever memory I can work out. "Darc, you had a panic attack" He helps me sit up, "A w-what?" My eyes grow wider the more it sinks in.

"Panic attack" He frowns, squeezing my hand. I feel the tears brim, I was getting better, I was feeling better, now has this happened. I was telling Louise how well I thought I was doing, was that wrong? Was I wrong?

"Darcy? Are you feeling okay? You can talk to me" I feel my tear drip onto my warm cheeks, "I thought I was doing good" More tears fall until I'm sobbing into Issac's chest.

I have to think positive.

All this work with Louise is a waste if I don't help myself right now, If I let myself sink into that whole again. I've figured that your mental health can work in one of two ways, you can let it take you, swallow you until its consumed you or you can fight, dig yourself out, tear yourself out even, anything you have to do to survive.

So I rise from Issac's chest and wipe my tears, "It's okay" I nod. I can already hear Issac's confusion before I see it written on his face. "This is all okay" I nod with more confidence.

He looked confused but nods along with me. Louise taught me to start appreciating more thing, even the bad things. I've never had a panic attack before and It's scary, but we have to treat it in a different light. Can I class it as an experience of growth? I could grow from this experience and learn from it.

What triggered the attack? Issac looking at other girls? I've always been quite bodily confident so it's not like I'm jealous of another girls body, maybe it's the thought of loosing Issac? Me and Issac have been on quite a journey, from me rejecting him and then Issac going on his own quest to get me to trust him.

I think I'm scared of loosing people, after dad left. I feel like people could easy leave me, just like dad had. That I'm not good enough to stay around for, so maybe when Issac was looking at other girls my thoughts spiralled somewhere else.

"Issac..I think, I think I know why I had my panic attack" I look at him, my voice unsure. "Yes?" His eyebrows raise. "I think when we were looking at the girls on the beach, in bikini's, my thoughts went a bit wild because I was wondering If you ever looked at other girls" His face crosses with sadness, making my heart break.

"Darcy, I never-" His sadness goes to panic, I stop him. " I know, I know you don't look at other girls" I nod, reassuring him. "I think I'm scared of loosing people and even the thought of loosing someone. After dad left I think I've felt like..like I'm no good" I look down at my lap, my hand connected to Issac.

"Darcy, you're good enough. Hell, you're more then good enough" He hooks his fingers under my chin, connecting my eyes with his blue ones. "Issac, a thousand people could tell me that, and I appreciate you saying that to me because it makes me feel so special but, it's one thing to hear it, but another to believe it" I frown.

"I guess that's true" He racks this fingers through his shiny dark hair, "So what makes you feel good?" He asks.

"Drawing" I smile instantly, "Okay, well, we'll find a nice view and you can draw it" He beams at his own idea.

Before the plan comes into force I jump in the shower. "Issac?" I call, "Yes, Darling Darcy?" I smile, I haven't heard that nickname in a while. "Where's everyone else?" I frown my eyebrows.

"I have no idea, I text your mom and Ezra but no one has responded" He enters the bathroom. I quickly wash my body, I feel so groggy after passing out. "Could you grab me some fresh clothes, please?" I watch Issac as he looks at himself briefly in the mirror.

"Of course" He winks at me through the mirror before making his exit. "He comes back with a pair of shorts and a barlette. I smile pleased with his choice. I jump out the shower, dry myself and get changed.

"Ready? Feel okay?" He comes back into the bathroom when I'm tying my hair up. "No no, you look so beautiful with your hair down" He gently realises my grip of hair and lets it flow down.

I smile. "Okay" I turn around and plant a kiss on his lips as he towers above me. We grab our things and leave the hotel room. I have no idea where anyone else is, I knock on all the door before we leave but no response. I hope they're okay.

We make our way downstairs, the staff are so polite with wishing us a nice day and handing us bottles of water. "Where shall we go?" I look up at Issac whilst we stand outside in the beaming sun.

"When I suggested this idea, I hadn't thought this far" His hands lye on his hips, "I know a place" I nod, signalling for him to follow after me.

We walk hand in hand to the nearest bus stop, which was proven to be a struggle but we find it in the end. "So, where is our destination?" His sunglasses hide his eyes but I know he's looking at me, "Palma" I smile.

"What's there to draw?" He frowns his eyebrows, "There's always been a little area I've wanted to sit and draw, you'll see it soon" I smile excitedly.

When the bus comes we pay our fair and get on. I feel my phone ring in my pocket, "Hello?" I answer to mom, "Darcy! I've just got Issac's text! Are you okay?" She sounds alarmed.

"Yes mom, don't worry. I had a panic attack but I feel fine" I put on my most confident voice, It's not hard as I do feel better then okay.

"Are you sure? Are you at the hotel?" Her voice shouts down the phone, there's lots of noise in the background. "No, we're heading to Palma" I watch out the window.

"We're in Palma as well, we're on a walk at the minute but we were thinking of having a meal up here in a bit, want to join?" She pants down the phone, "Yeah, that sounds great. We'll meet you there" I smile.

"Your mom?" Issac asks when I get off the phone, "Yeah, they're up Palma as well" I nod.

When we arrive the heat hits us again. I make sure I've packed the suncream, "Have you got enough on?" I hold up the bottle. "Yes, I've too much on because of you" Issac laughs, already walking down the street.

"Do you want to burn?" I catch up with him. "No, but I won't get a tan at this rate" Another laugh temps on his lips but I glare it away.

We walk for a bit, enjoying the sun and each others company. It's not far to our destination. "Remind me to text Ellie, I'll ring her tonight" I nod.

When we finally get to the mysterious location and It's just how I remember. Two stone benches overlooking the beach, palm trees all around and a view facing Palma. "This is what you want to draw?" Issac looking around, It's quite busy.

"Yes" I smile. I sit down on one of the beaches and get my sketch book out. "Have some water" I crack open a bottle before I start drawing.

"So, what's special about this place?" He sits next to me. "Nothing, I've just always found it pretty" I smile, looking at our view.

Issac sits, people watching. I get to work on my drawing. I think I might get my artistic quality's from my dad, he was creative when he was younger. I've been told.

I sketch the view in front of me. This time months ago I would of maybe been having an emotional breakdown, a mental breakdown or trying to bottle it up like it didn't matter. I think I've come some way since then. I have to focus on the positive, I can't keep running to Issac - as much as I'd like to - when something like this happens. I have to stand on my own two feet and look after myself.

I have a great unit of people around me and none stop love and support. I now have to look towards the future. I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't want things like panic attacks happening, so I need to work on it so that it doesn't.

I have to grow from this experience.

"You're so talented" I see Issac's face peering over my shoulder out the corner of my eye. "What do you think so far?" I hold it up to the light. I've done the sea, the beach and now I'm working on the buildings.

"It's amazing" He smiles.

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"Where are the veggie options?" Karen peers over the menu. I didn't know she was a vegetarian.

We've come to a little English bar off the sea front. I'm sitting next to Cindy, I have to try make the effort. "What are you having?" Dad's sitting opposite her.

She ponders, "There's not much choice" She frowns, "Nor for Adelaide" Cindy sweeps her hair behind her ear. "She could have chicken nuggets?" I suggest, Cindy looks at me surprised.

"Yes, she could" She smiles, for the first time I actually see her face. Her face is so delicate and poise, I reckon she could be a model easy. Her skin smooth and her cheekbones strong.

"Adelaide, do you want chicken nuggets?" She averts her eyes to Adelaide, whose colouring.

"Is Darcy having chicken nuggets?" Her words are muddled but she tries her best. "Only if you have them" Her face turns into one big smile, showing her teeth. "I want chicken nuggets" She holds her hands up in the air.

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