Exile On Main St.

One Year Later

Dean's pov

After a long day with Saige on my mind from the moment I woke up, I sat in my truck outside of the elementary school. The doors opened and a swarm of kids ran out.

I pushed open the car door, stepping out and walking around the truck as Evie ran toward me. Putting on a smile, I knelt down as she jumped into my arms.

"I seen Mommy today." She told me as I stood, pulling open the passenger door.

A common occurrence. She kept telling me she sees Saige. That Si visits her. I chalked it up to a grieving child's imagination. As much as I wanted it to be true that Si was somewhere out there, as much as I wanted her back, she wasn't.

"Buckle up, kiddo." I placed her in the seat before shutting the door and walking around the truck to get in the drivers seat. "How was school?"

Evie shrugged her shoulders. "Okay."

"Nothing fun happen?" The engine roared to life as I put it in drive and placed a hand on the wheel.

"We had ice cream at lunch." Evie told me. "Can we play Mommy's favorite song? I like that one."

With a sigh, I nodded. "I like that one too."

Grabbing a CD from the dash, I slid it into the player beneath the radio. It was one of Si's she made. All of her favorite songs were on it. It was one of the things I kept out.

The first song was Vienna. Si always did have a mildly concerning obsession with Billy Joel. Now so did Evie.

Followed by Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks. Another favourite artist of hers.

I took the long way back to the house just to listen to more of the CD all while reliving memories and trying to keep it together. It was days like this that were the hardest. When she was the only thing on my mind, when there were no distractions strong enough.

I Want To Know What Love Is played through the speakers.

Glass is what the next song is called, I think. It's some country band that I used to tease her about. She'd look at me with a bored look and tell me to mind my own business.

If I Didn't Have You played after that. Same band, I think. I'm not sure. All I know is she used to ask me to let her play it in the Impala and it would take hours of her pleading for me to cave. In reality, I would have let her play whatever she wanted. She didn't need to ask. I just liked to mess with her. It was endearing.

The lyrics of this song hit something broken inside of me though. The part of me that was her hurt. The part of me that was all hers ached.

Before I knew it, we were back at the house and I wanted nothing more than to sit here and stare through the windshield and listen to Si's favorite songs.

Over the past year, I had tried every single thing I could think of to bring her back to me. Nothing worked. I still visited her grave every once in a while. I just wanted her back.

I shut off the truck, forcing myself out and around. I pulled open the door and Evie jumped out. She took my hand as we walked toward the door.

I pushed it open.

"Eve! Dad!" Wyatt ran through the living room and toward us. He'd be three in six months. It was crazy how time flew. Evie's already four and a half.

"Hey, bud. How's my man?" I asked.

"Good." Wyatt smiled. Si's smile.

"Come on, Wy, let's go get a snack." Evie took his hand and walked toward the kitchen.

"Hey, eat a carrot or something. Nothing sweet." I told her.

"A carrot?" Evie repeated. "Gross."

"A vegetable."

"Carrots are disgusting, Daddy."

"Yeah, gross." Wyatt added.

"Fine, then don't eat a carrot. Just no cookies." I said.

"Fine." She caved, disappearing around the corner.

"How was work?" Lisa asked as she walked in, smiling.

"It was work." I replied with a shrug. "Your day?"

"Fine." Lisa placed a hand on my arm and I went rigid.

"I should go make sure they're not destroying the kitchen." I stepped around her, hearing a slightly frustrated sigh behind me.

The rest of the evening passed normally. I poured myself drink after drink, slowly at first until the kids went to bed. Then I sank down onto the couch, bottle of whiskey in hand.

It wasn't until 20 minutes later, I decided to head out to the garage where the Impala was covered in a large sheet and four boxes were stacked in the corner marked with her name.

Grabbing the first one, I placed it on the covered hood of the car. I pulled out the pocketknife with my name on the wooden handle that she had gotten me for Christmas when we were teenagers and sliced the box open.

Shockingly, the smell of lavender shampoo and coconut body wash wafted into the air. Her clothes were in this box. Somehow it still smelled like her.

I shut my eyes, an ache forming in my chest as I down the rest of that bottle. Another box was filled with pictures.

I sank to the floor, a new bottle of liquor I'd found in a box in hand and a picture of her. I folded it in half so the half that I was in wasn't visible, but Si was.

She was smiling. Her eyes were bright. Her blonde hair fell in soft curls around her shoulders. She was beautiful, so lively, so happy. She always was. 

I'm not sure how long I sat there, going through pictures I hadn't dared touch since she died. I stumbled back inside as everything began to blur. I could barely keep my eyes open. I'll just crash on the couch.

"Dean?" A soft, familiar voice said.

Si.

I must be dreaming again. 

Eyes mostly closed, I turned only to be pulled into her arms. Pulling in a breath, I was overwhelmed by the smell of lavender and coconut. 

It is Si. 

"I'm sorry." I whispered. 

"It's alright." 

Then I tasted strawberry and mint, soft lips against mine, gentle fingers pressing into my arms. I melted into her touch, missing everything about her. 

I pulled back slightly. "You never did like it when we did this."

"What?" She asked, tracing my jaw.

"When I was this out of it, you never liked when we did anything when I was like this." I remembered. Si always said it felt different when we kissed or had sex if I was too drunk. She didn't like the distant feeling between us. 

"It's okay. I don't mind." 

Time and my actions blurred for a moment pr maybe more, I wasn't sure anymore. The next thing I know is the scent of her lavender shampoo as her hair fell around me as she leaned down to kiss me. Placing one leg over me, she straddled my hips.

"I missed you." I whispered as she placed her lips against my jaw. 

"I was starting to think you didn't care for me at all." 

She'd never said that before.

This was a dream. A horrible dream that I'd had before. It was mostly the same each time. Si would be here again. She'd tell me she loves me. We would always end up here. Then she'd disappear, she'd slip from between my fingers, and I would wake up.

But this time, she didn't. 

She didn't disappear.

And when I woke up the next morning naked and next to a naked Lisa, I realized it wasn't a dream and it wasn't Si last night. 

With a pounding headache, I stumbled into the bathroom across the room. I turned on the shower, letting the water get as hot as possible. I tried to scrub last night off of me, I tried to scrub the guilt and regret from myself.

How could I have let that happen?

For a whole year, I never touched Lisa. I couldn't. 

Hell, for the first eight months, I slept on the couch until she threatened to light it on fire because I 'needed a good night's rest'. 

I didn't sleep any better in a bed though. 

That's when I noticed the shampoo and body wash bottle on the shelf. It was the exact ones Si used to buy. That's why she smelled just like her. I wasn't making it up.

I got out of the shower, got dressed, and headed to check on the kids. Evie was up already. She was an early riser. Just like Si was. She kept her memory alive as if it were her job. Every so often I'd overhear her telling stories to Wyatt and the twins. Or showing them pictures. She was hanging on just as hard as I was. 

"Hey, rugrat." I stepped into her room. 

She looked up at me. "Morning."

"Why don't you go get your brothers up?" I suggested, leaning down to kiss her head as I lifted Aurora into my arms. A year and a half. The twins were a year and a half. Si had been dead for a year and a half. 

Evie nodded her head, disappearing off into the hall.

"Hey, Rory, how's my girl?" I asked, tickling her stomach. Rory rested her head on my shoulder, rolling her eyes, not impressed with my tactic on trying to wake her. Not a morning person.

"Rude." I gave her a gently poke. Rory poked me right back.

I made my way to the kitchen, beginning to make breakfast.

"Work on the truck today?" Robbie's voice made me jump. 

Another morning person.

"Man, you need a bell wrapped around you." I told him. 

Robbie shrugged his shoulders, walking around the counter to the table. 

Rory babbled, clapping her hands suddenly. I glanced over my shoulder to see Eli wobbling into the room with Evie close behind in case he fell. Eli was walking already. Rory was a little behind, still small for both their ages. 

I set her on the floor and she crawled to her brother. 

Lisa walked in then, smiling at me. She brushed her hand across my back as she walked by. Si did that too. Lisa must've taken last night a different way. I felt bad about this whole thing. Living with her when I wasn't able to be there for her in the way she wanted. Now after last night, she might have the wrong idea in her head. 

I should never have showed up at her door. I should've just done this on my own. Sam was right though. I couldn't. Si...She could've handled four kids by herself with ease. Me? I can't. I was in a dark place. What Sam said was right. I could've gotten them hurt or worse. Then what would have happened if I got hurt or died. They'd have no one. I was only supposed to live with Lisa for a week tops until I found out a way to bring Saige back. Then I couldn't. Ever since I'd been saving money here and there to be able to get my own place. Clearly, I'm still don't have enough.

After that the day passed as normal, drop Evie off at school, go to work, come home and work on the truck with Wyatt, Eve and Ben while the twins napped, dinner, then bedtime. 

I dropped down onto the couch. I'd stay here tonight.

Lisa walked in. "You coming to bed?"

"Just gonna watch some tv for a while." I said, flipping through channels. Dr. Sexy M.D was on. I changed it. Me and Si would watch that sometimes. 

"You can't ignore this forever." Lisa pointed out.

"I'm not ignoring anything." 

"Yes, you are. What we did."

I couldn't bring myself to tell her it was a mistake. This whole situation was a mess and it was my own damn fault. I should never have showed up here. "You know--"

Lisa rolled her eyes, moving to sit next to me. "You can't keep doing this. Beating yourself up over every little thing. She's not coming back, Dean. It's okay to move on. She would want you to."

I scoffed. "I made her a promise."

"From what I hear you say in your sleep...she made you one too. One she didn't keep. She's not coming back, Dean. I'm sorry. I am. But it's okay." Lisa took my hand and it felt wrong.

"I need more time." I told her. 

Lisa sighed, leaning in to kiss my cheek. "You're not hers anymore. You don't have to act like what you did--we did--was wrong. You're not a bad person. It's okay to move on and be with someone else."

_____

"Thank God this was before Facebook." Sid said as he sat across the table from me. "Me and that goat would have been all over the internet."

I laughed a little.

"Don't get me wrong, no complaints. But if you'd said to me: 'hey, you 15 years from now, suburbia.'"

"Oh, yeah." I agreed.

"Right?"

"Believe me, I know."

"So you traveled around a lot, huh?" Sid asked.

"Mm-hm." I nodded my head, taking a sip of beer. "Yeah, my whole life pretty much."

"And...?"

I laughed. "I don't know."

"What, you moved in, what, about a year ago with four kids stuck to your hip?"

"Yeah, thereabouts. Still hard to pry 'em off for an hour." I smiled. For a while there, Evie wouldn't let me out of her sight.

"So I've been buying you beer for a year." Sid stated. "I think that means you owe me a couple of gory details."

"Oh, no. There's not much to tell, you know? It's, uh--" I began. "Lived on the road, took crap jobs that nobody else wanted."

"Like?"

"Like...pest control." I stated.

"And you scored your bombshell of an ex-wife traveling and working pest control jobs?"

"How do you--?"

"Your little girl talks a lot. She keeps a picture in her pocket. Ex-wife, I'm assuming. Blonde, great smile. Evie called her mom. I was wondering how'd you get custody."

"She's not my ex-wife. She...she passed away." I swallowed. "Yeah, trust me, Evie gets the talking thing from her mother."

"But really? Pest control?"

"Yeah. You get to work with a partner. You get to help people." I stated. "You have no idea what's in some people's walls. It could eat them alive. Of course that was then and now..."

"So your wife traveled with you?"

"Yeah." I nodded my head. "Biggest regret. She, uh, she did it for me for a while. Then...then she passed and I realized I should've just settled on down with her."

"And now you're doing that with Lisa?"

"It's complicated."

"Well, you were practically respectable until you said that."

I scoffed. "Yeah, well....I guess so. That's kind of scary, actually."

The waitress, a woman with dark curly hair and a sleeve of tattoos, placed the check on the table, hand brushing up my arm as she walked by. 

"I think she likes you." Sid remarked.

"You think?" I held up the check which had her number written on it.

"What is it with you? Like, every time." Sid shook his head. 

"Chicks specifically dig unavailable guys." I stated. "Saige--my wife--she told me once that it was probably because woman like that probably just want to push boundaries, test how far they can make things go. Once the guy is hooked, they don't want them. Emotionally unavailable, she had said or something. Hell, Si talked so much that I could hardly keep up sometimes. What I took from it? Women want what they can't have. Or at least I think that was the point."

_____

Saige's pov

I let out a breath, shaking off the achy feeling in my limbs. I wanted to stop. I needed to. But I couldn't. I stared down at the vampire I'd just killed. 

"Go ahead. You want to." Thomas told me. 

"No." I bit out.

"You can't fight it. You know this."

I took a deep breath. The metallic smell of blood filled the air. Monster blood. Sorceress was right all that time ago. 

Hating myself for it, I caved. 

______

Dean's pov

After bidding Sid goodbye at the bar, I'd heard a scream. While investigating, I found the new hotel renovation had bloodstains on the walls. I went back to the house, called the police department and investigated. It didn't seem like anything supernatural.

I leaned back in the chair at the desk as Lisa walked in. Her eyes landed on the stack of mail sitting on the desk. Her eyes went wide. "You didn't check the mail today, did you?"

"Uh, no." I said. "You told me you would rather do that. I haven't touched it."

"Oh, oh, okay." Lisa nodded her head. "Who were you on the phone with."

"Sid." I lied. "I'm just setting up a poker game."

"I don't think you should take Evie and Wyatt to those." Lisa told me for the millionth time.

"They like it. They have fun." I stated. 

"Yeah, but didn't you get a call about Evie setting up poker games at school, betting Oreos?"

"She stopped that."

"It's 11:30." Lisa stated.

"Really? That explains why he was asleep when I called." I forced a laugh. "I'll be right up." I said, knowing it's the only way she'd leave the subject alone.

Lisa smiled as if this were a revolutionary thing. "Okay." 

I went about checking if the doors were locked, making sure the devils trap by the door was still intact, then I headed down the hall. I peaked inside the boys' room. Eli and Wyatt were sleeping. Then there was Ben's room. Also asleep. Lastly was the girl's room. Rory was asleep. 

"Evie bug, what are you doing up?" I asked, stepping inside.

A sniffle.

Crap.

"Hey, honey, what's wrong?" I asked, moving to sit on the edge of her bed. She gripped Si's old Care-Bear stuffed animal in her arms. Si gave it to her when we first met Evie.

"I miss Mama." Evie whispered. 

"I know, sweetheart." I rubbed her back. "I know."

"Do you still love her?" Evie asked as I pulled her into my lap. She leaned her head against my chest.

"Oh, Eve, of course I still love her. Why would you ask that?" I pressed a kiss to her head.

"It's just...You stay with Lisa now. Lisa's not Mommy." Evie whispered into my shoulder. "She's...nice. She's not Mama."

"I know. Honey, I know. It's okay. I'll never stop loving Mom. I miss her too."

"Riley said that Lisa's my new Mommy. She got a new mommy. I don't want a new one though." Evie said.

Clearly school is not going as smoothly as I wanted. "It's okay. Lisa's just...Lisa's a friend."

______

The next day, I parked the truck, spotting claw marks on the light post across the street. 

"Why'd we stop?" Evie asked, stopping her humming.

"Sit tight, Evie bug, got it?" I pushed open the door, reaching for my old gun I kept under the seat. "You too, Robbie."

"Otay." Wyatt nodded his head, giving me a thumbs up.

I shut the door, moving to the light post where the claw marks were. I then walked into the backyard of the house that was close by. There were claw marks in the sheets that hung on the line. 

A noise echoed from the shed. 

I pulled my gun from my jeans, pushing the claw mark covered door open. A Yorki ran out, making me gasp a little.

"Dean? Is that a gun?" Sid asked. He stood in the street, clearly on a run.

"No. No." I put it in my waistband. "Well, yeah. I got a permit for it." I lied. 

"What? To shoot the Glickmans' dog?"

"I thought that was a possum." I said. "Remember what I said I was in pest control? Well, possums carry rabies, so...." I mimicked the sound of a gunshot.

"I did not know that."

"Oh, yeah."

"Yeah, yeah. Possums kill, Sid."

"Daddy, can we go now?" Evie was suddenly at my side, Lady tucked under one arm and Wyatt's hand in the other.

"Sit tight means stay still...in the truck." I told her.

"Sorry?" She gave me a 'not sorry' look.

I looked over. Sulfur was on the ground, yellow dust by the door. "Oh, crap." I leaned down to brush my finger against it. The smell confirmed it was sulfur. "We need to go." 

I grabbed Evie and Wyatt each by the shirt and walked back to the truck.

_____

I walked into the garage, grabbing a duffle bag and pulling the sheet away from the trunk of the Impala. I opened the trunk and hideaway lid, stuffing the bag with demon hunting supplies. 

"What do you mean there are demons around here?" Millie asked.

"I mean, you take my kids and you get them out of town until I deal with this." I told her. "Please."

"Of course, yeah. Of course." Millie