Dear diary, 

I think I'm dreaming. 

I probably read too many fantasy stories last night, because what I just experience was definitely out of this world. Terrifying, inhuman. 

I think I'm losing my mind. Maybe this is it. Maybe that's me turning crazy. 

All this while I thought that I could entertain the idea of death when it came knocking at my door. But knowing how close I'd become to seeing death in person, I'm not too sure I want this. 

I'd miss everyone so terribly. And they would miss me. Would they?

———

"So you're...werewolves?"

"Kind of." 

"You transform into...into giant wolves? Like...on will?" 

"Yeah you could say that." 

"That is awesome!" Leiana burst out, an excited gleam in her eye. She had regained her entire composure from their earlier encounter with what the boys called vampires. 

Vampires. Cold ones. Those were the terms they used. Indeed, Natalia could still feel the brush of the man's icy cold fingers along her jawline, and shuddered. Surrounding them was the pack of wolves munching on Emily's fresh batch of muffins as they awaited for the girls' reactions. 

"So do you have like, supernatural abilities or something?" Leiana asked like a kid who just got news that Christmas was real, "Like, I don't know, do you run super fast and stuff?" 

"You got that right," Embry smirked, "we run fast and our bodies are hotter than normal humans, so we never get cold. We even have a mind link within the pack."

"Mind link?" Natalia echoed.

"Yeah it's kind of like inner dialogue, but with the entire pack," Quil said, "it can only happen when we're in wolf form though." 

"So what? You hear each other's thoughts?" 

"Trust me, it sounds better than it actually is," Jared shuddered. 

The girls had been given the debrief once the shock had slowly subsided, but to say that Natalia was relieved was an understatement. She hadn't stopped eating ever since they'd delivered the news, and that anxious knot in her stomach kept on growing with every second she spent in their presence. 

Her hand reached for another muffin, only for Jacob's fingers to catch her wrist. His dark orbs met hers, "don't," he said softly, putting her hand back at her side. 

She didn't linger over the surge of warmth that ran up her arm at his touch. Better not to dwell on such mysteries. 

"It's a lot to take in," Sam's eyes darted from Leiana to Natalia, "and trust me, if we had a choice we wouldn't have said a word. But...things happen. Just don't wander around the forest on your own. It's dangerous, especially with those leeches around."

"So the murders," Natalia's hands fisted onto her lap, "it's not an animal is it? It's...it's them?" 

Sam nodded, causing her to let out a soft breath. That was too much information for one night and she could feel her brain pulsating with all the new information she'd just gathered. 

"Anyway, I think that's enough for today," the alpha rose from his seat as sign that this meeting was deemed over, and as Emily started gathering up the plates with the help of the other pack members, Jacob was quick to reach Natalia's side, "I'll drop you home." 

Leiana — accompanied by Jared and Embry— waved her goodbye from her small Honda Fit before it drove away into the night, and Jacob escorted her back in his old bashed-in Rabbit. He looked tense, as if there was something continuously bothering, and the way his eyes would find hers with permanent intensity had Natalia wonder whether she'd done something she shouldn't have. 

"You okay?" He asked softly, hesitantly, as they sputtered along the road. He glanced at the said girl, noticed the far-away expression on her face as she tilted her head into the soft breeze that whisked by. 

"Yeah," Natalia mumbled, "just—it's a lot to take in all at once."

"Yeah. I understand that."

Everything was making sense all at once, every thought making it harder to focus on the present  as her mind struggled to comprehend what had actually happened within the last few hours. More importantly, she kept on replaying the moment Jacob's body broke to give way to the huge gigantic wolf that she'd spent all her time with, sharing secrets knowing that they wouldn't reach anyone's ears. 

Natalia suddenly felt vulnerable, exposed. As though all her thoughts had been written out into the sand with nothing to hide. 

There were horrible things, things that she'd rather have kept in the deepest grooves of her heart...rather than confess it all to the boy sitting right next to her at this very moment. It felt suffocating and each glance he sent her way made her want to cringe back further into the leather upholstery of the seat. 

"I'm sorry." 

Jacob's mutter was enough to pull her out of her tsunami of thoughts. It took her a moment to answer, "what for?" 

He cleared his throat, glanced at her, "for everything." His voice was dark and raspy, it sent a delicious chill down her spine, "you don't deserve that. I'm sorry." 

"It's not your fault," she let out a short laugh, though it sounded hollow as it echoed through the car, "I was at the wrong place at the wrong time."

Jacob didn't say anything, yet pressed his lips so tightly together that they turned into a thin, hard line. He looked like he was about to say something, but decided better of it. 

Instead, he changed the subject, swerving the car onto the familiar road that Natalia now had to call home, "it doesn't change anything." 

"Hm?" Natalia turned to gaze at his side profile, noticed the way the veins ran up along his arm. Jacob Black was, undoubtedly, a fine man, and she cursed herself for thinking such things when she'd merely gotten out alive from a bunch of...vampires. 

The word still didn't sit right with her. 

"Nothing needs to change," he repeated like it was more to comfort himself, "I'm still the wolf you met in the woods, and I'll still be here to listen, if you need me to. And I won't say anything to you, ever. Unless you want me to." 

That was when he turned to look at her, really look at her, and for a second the dark mahogany depths of his eyes made her breathe catch in the back of her throat. There was a question in the way his gaze searched her features, the unspoken question he'd tried to formulate within words but fell flat as Natalia bit down onto her lower lip, realization flooding through her bones and leaving her tired. 

"Thank you," was what came out of her mouth, though she decidedly pointed her gaze towards the darkness that lay beyond rather than look at the said young wolf, "I'll keep that in mind." 

It was all it took for her not to break down underneath Jacob's intense stare. He didn't say anything for a while, and it was a long moment before a sigh escaped his lips. They'd reached her house by then and he shut off the ignition. Natalia waited as he opened up his car door, closed it, before swerving around to open hers. 

She took the hand he gave to her to grab, stepping out of the car and stumbling into his chest. Her legs still felt like jelly and she muttered a soft "sorry" under her breath, making sure to increase the distance between them as he led her back to her house. 

He, however, didn't let go of her hand. It was only then that she realized; his palm was bigger despite his younger age, and he felt strong, firm. Like a building brick that could never fall. 

It was only when they reached her front door that Natalia turned to face him, and underneath the soft light reflecting off the planes of his golden russet skin, she couldn't help but admire the strength in his chiseled features, the furrowed set of his brows like there was constant worry in them. Before her was not a mere boy, but a young man who knew that protecting his community was his biggest responsibility. 

"Thank you," she murmured instead, averting her eyes towards anything — oh lord, his naked chest— but Jacob's face, for fear of what she might find there. 

Did he see her differently? Now that he knew everything about her? 

It wasn't fair. 

"Are you sure you're alright?" Jacob tilted his head in an attempt to catch her eyes. He was so close she could feel the warmth rolling off his body. 

"I'm—yeah. I'll be fine." Her hands found purchase onto her sweater, and tugged, "I—will they—will they be back?" 

"We killed them," Jacob's words had her wincing, and he softened, "listen, the wolves are always around. Just shout, scream, say the word, we'll be here. Sam has increased our patrols and we've been training more than usual, so we'll be ready for whatever comes next."

His hand went up to her cheekbone to brush off a bit of dirt, lingered there as Natalia caught a breath, "whatever happened tonight was a mistake. You're safe, I promise you that." 

Her head dipped into a nod, "thanks Jacob," she whispered.

She just hoped — wished — it would be true.

———-

Mrs. Ling was completely off the top of her head at the prospect of Natalia getting into danger's way, and having the heard the whole story, had merely hugged her daughter harder than expected before whispering in her ear that she was proud and glad that Natalia now really formed part of the La Push Quileute tribe. That same night, Natalia had opted for her mother's comforting arms and they'd fallen asleep after exchanging bits and pieces of conversation that had nothing to do with the run-in with the vampires, and for that, Natalia was glad.

Jacob, on the other hand, was coming to terms with an entirely new realization that had him perturbed and pacing back and forth across Emily's floorboards. 

"Congratulations man," Jared clapped him on the back with a toothy grin, "who would've thought you would've imprinted?"

"Considering his obsession with Bella, I'm still surprised," Paul smirked teasingly, ducking when the said russet wolf sent a pillow flying at his head, "but Natalia's great, man. Anyone would be lucky to have her." 

"Oh speaking of Bella, she's going to enjoy this," Embry quipped, "can't wait to see the look on her face." 

"Come on guys, she's not all that bad. We had fun with her when the vampires weren't around." Quil tried speaking in her favor, only for Paul to rebuke him with an eye-roll, "she only did that because exactly, they weren't there. Now that they are, she barely comes around." 

"The only reason she does is to keep her hooks into Jake," Jared said, wriggling his brows, "except that Jakey boy now has other priorities." 

"Not funny," growled Jacob as he fisted his hands through his short dark locks, "I didn't want this, now I can't even—can't even function—it's like—I need to know she's alright—but like—24/7." 

"It could be worse," Embry patted him on the back, rubbing it in comforting circles, "she could've been a stranger. Or worse, a bloodsucker." 

All this time, Jacob had thought that the only person his heart could ever love was Bella. But ever since Natalia's sudden introduction into his life, his shift of vision had changed everything. He'd paid more attention to her, had feared for her safety and that night—he couldn't even think of that encounter with the vampires and entertain the thought of what ifs that followed. What if he'd been too late?

But in the biggest depths of his own heart, Jacob wondered whether his initial attraction to the said young woman was all due to the fact that the ancient gods had planned for this to happen, that this curiosity and care surrounding her wasn't all authentic, wasn't all Jacob. 

Still, he couldn't help himself from keeping extra tabs on her despite the extensive hours of his shift. Jacob needed every single hour, minute, second of sleep he could get. But somehow, Natalia's safety bypassed all of those basic needs and he felt frustrated with himself for being so...diligent. Already. It hadn't even been two days!

She barely came around to the forest anymore, maybe due to her fear of the vampires roaming around, or maybe because she now knew it wasn't Red that awaited her, but rather Jacob. He stayed though, and waited, even when it got dark and it was clear that she wasn't going to be heading for the trees anytime soon. Some part of him felt saddened by the sudden distance between the two. As Red, he could disguise himself as a true friend, a pair of ears that could give her all the comfort in the world because god knew she needed it. 

He wouldn't have attributed such depths to Natalia's heart, but hearing her speak had shown him just how much she was suffering on the inside. And it pained him now, to know of her pain. 

Though it couldn't really compare to the way his skin missed her touch, her smell, everything.

It drove Jacob crazy. 

"Just talk to her," Sam had prompted him one night as they'd ended their patrols together. They were headed back to Emily's to call up Quil and Paul for the next shift as dawn broke over the darkness beyond. 

"I—" something stuck in the back of Jacob's throat, "I can't. I—I don't know how." 

His eyes were set on the ground, but Sam's palm landing on his shoulder caused him to look up into his alpha's face, "Jacob, I know how it feels," the older man gazed at him, weathered features masked by the ghost of pain, reminiscent of what had happened with his mate a long time ago, "but denying the connection and being away from her hurts her too. I'm sure you must be feeling it." 

Jacob swallowed thickly, and nodded.

"So go," Sam urged him gently, "your wolf will know what to say." 

He would. When the right time came. He promised himself he would. 

———

The past few days after the incident had Natalia walk around campus like she was living through a dream. Not quite here, yet not quite inside her mind either. Leiana felt the same and she was secretly glad that her friend had been present during the attack, because it meant— at least to her — that she hadn't gone crazy. That everything had happened. 

"Tell me it wasn't a dream," was the first thing that Leiana said as soon as the Chinese girl sat down next to her for Psychology class.

"It wasn't." 

"I'm still not over it," Leiana shifted, chocolate eyes on the board and fingers clasped around her pen so tight Natalia thought it might break, "it feels...weird. Unreal."

"I know." 

The boys of the wolf pack had been generous enough to give her some space, but that had lasted all but two days before Embry was back and teasing her about the matter. In some ways, it made dealing with it a little easier. He even went around to tell her a couple of wolf jokes and secrets that cracked her mask of indifference into a smile.

"There it is," Embry grinned at her from across the table, "that smile. We've missed you, you know." 

"Well I haven't," Natalia dug into her own sandwich, yelping as he threw her a French fry across the table and it almost landed in her hair. It took her a moment of hesitation to ask softly, "where are they?" 

"The boys?" He bit off a piece of his bread, "some of them are patrolling. The others are asleep, probably." 

"And you?" 

"Well I was asked to check up on you, considering I'm your favorite," he beamed. 

She chucked his French fry back at him, "dream on." 

It was no secret that they were working hard. For what, nobody seemed to divulge the reason. Every night she was greeted with a howl outside of her window, a signal that a new wolf had come to patrol the area, which made her feel a little safer knowing that they were just outside and could hear everything. Most nights it was Paul or Quil who came around to greet her with a small wag of their tails and a lopsided smile. 

Tonight though, it was Jacob.

Natalia had been in the middle of studying for her latest Biology test when she heard a knock on her window and, after a few split seconds of panic, had crawled to the windowpane only to see Jacob waving at her from below.

"Get back," he called. She blinked, and did as told, only to yelp upon seeing him climb right through it as though it was normal occurrence. 

"Hey," he grinned and she suddenly felt warm all over, "sorry to intrude. Just thought I'd check up on you." 

"I'm fine," she quickly recomposed herself and plopped onto her bed covers, "you look like you could use some sleep though." 

It was true. The dark pouches under his eyes seemed to be more prominent since the last time she'd seen him and there were tired lines around his mouth. He shrugged before settling down at the foot of her bed, "I agree."

"You do though, right?" Natalia asked uncertainty, "sleep?" 

"Not enough," his grin grew wider before he scanned her face. She hoped he couldn't spot the blush rising to her cheeks and was glad when he noted the Biology textbook in her hands, "Oh shit. I forgot it's almost exam season." 

"About that, care to tell me how you're going to catch up on everything you missed?" 

He hummed, "I guess I'll have to bribe my absolutely amazing friend for all the notes." 

"Oh really?" Natalia's lips curved up, "tell me more."

"Well you know, it's this girl," he leaned against her bedroom drawer before looking up at her, sparkles in his eyes, "she thinks she's nothing special. But I see the way she takes her notes, it's so neat and she looks like she puts a lot of effort in making them. Makes me think it might be fun to do it too. And she always thinks she's a burden to everyone," his voice dropped to a raspy murmur that had Natalia's insides curl into mush, "every time I hear her say that, it makes me want to hug her real hard and tell her that she's — maybe — one of the best things that ever happened to me." 

He hadn't planned it, but the words flew out of his mouth anyway without any warning and left Natalia feeling slightly light-headed by the sudden rush of feelings taking over her heart. She blinked at him, heat slowly crawling up the back of her neck as the meaning of it all settled against her rib cage, making it hard to breathe. 

Jacob's eyes met hers, dark mahogany against beautiful russet skin, swimming with tenderness and something more, something that Natalia couldn't quite put her hands on. 

"That—" she struggled to put into words how warm it made her feel, and it wasn't only about the words, it was the way he said it. Like he really cared, "—thanks, Jacob."

Thanks Jacob? That was all you could do?! Her thoughts rammed into her with disappointment. 

But what he did after that made a gasp die in her throat; still holding on to her eyes, his hand slipped up to grab hers, thumb brushing over the back of her knuckles. His gaze was intense, so deep that it too everything in Natalia not to squirm. 

When he spoke next, his voice had dropped an octave lower: 

"I know you were upset with me, because I kept asking you to talk. About Red, about how you were putting two and two together, but I wanted you to understand, without breaking the treaty." 

"What treaty?" 

"The one that keeps us all safe," he chewed onto his bottom lip, "it's a pack secret, that we're werewolves. It's a promise we bring to our grave." 

"So me knowing," Natalia drew out carefully, "does that mean anything? Is this why you're being so over-protective all of a sudden?" 

"No," his grip on her hand tightened slightly, "there are other things. Wolf things that you need to know." 

"Like what? Can't you tell me now?" 

"Maybe not now," he looked away, jaw clenching and unclenching, "maybe sometime later." 

"Is this