"Because all the monsters have been let out of their cages tonight, no matter what court they belong to. So I may roam wherever I wish until the dawn."
― Sarah J. Maas

Do I update these too close together??

chapter 45

Spring break passed as quickly as it had come and school persistently started again, uncaring about the mass of students that dreaded its return.

"Babygirl, you need to get up." Bar cooed, rubbing his hands up and down Clementine's thighs that were on either side of his hips, her bottom on his lap as she sleepily snuggled into his chest.

They had fallen asleep in Bar's favorite chair by accident, cuddling after getting home from school and the little goddess was simply refusing to move from her spot.

And, no matter how much Bar liked her on top of him, they really did need to get up.

"No," She whines, rubbing her nose against Bar's neck as she pressed their bodies together more. "I wanna cuddle!"

"We have been cuddling, baby, and we can cuddle later too. We have to get ready for the conferences at school now though."

"No. You're mine," Clementine says. "I get to cuddle!"

Bar just sighs, trying to stay strong but it was hard, she was just too damn cute.

"What can I do for you to let me up?"

"Kiss."

"You want a kiss?" Bar asks, unable to stop his amusement from showing.

"Mhm," The little goddess yawns. "I want a bunch of kisses."

"Then you get a bunch of kisses."

"Yay," She sleepily smiled, eyes closed still.

Bar chuckled and then pressed his lips against her forehead, then pecked her cheeks and nose and everywhere he could reach but her lips.

Finally, after Clementine had given him the stink eye and with a huge grin, Bar kissed her on the lips.

The little goddess instantly responded and got lost into the feeling, Bar getting warmer by the second.

He never knew something as simple as kissing could be so intoxicating.

But with her, it was.

A giggle passed through Clementine's lips when she pulled away and said, "Thank you, Oly."

"Are you really thanking me for kissing you?"

"Yes. They're really g-good kisses."

"You're so cute," Bar pecked her lips again then sat up further, bouncing the little goddess on his lap making her laugh. "Now we gotta get up."

"Fine," She was smiling as she maneuvered herself into a standing position.

Clementine stretched a second later, hands going over her head and drawing her shirt-- which she stole from the brute-- up slightly.

Bar grabbed her bare hips as he stood and squeezed, earning himself a squeak in the process, and picked her up over his shoulder.

"H-hey!" The little goddess said, face burning red. "I was going to get ready!"

"I know," Bar walks over to his bedroom, easily opening the door with a single hand and holding Clementine in place with the other. "And to get ready, we both need to take a shower. Wanna save water?"

"Yes," The little goddess nodded, her raven curls spilling over her shoulder in the process. "But I get the fluffy towel."

"You can definitely get the fluffy towel, either way, I win."

"How so?"

"I get to see you naked," Bar smirked. "And I get to know that every inch of gorgeous that you are is mine."

"Flirt."

"You like it."

"Mhm."

***

Once they were at the school, Clementine with her older brother Garnet, Bar realized it was the very last student-teacher conference that he would ever have to attend.

He was more than grateful for that, even if he had to stick by his father's side for two hours and watch as Talmai pretended that he was someone he's not.

Senior year was rolling to an end, kids already applying to colleges and doing whatever they could to bring up their GPAs and to get a good grade on their finals essay.

Bar was not one of those kids.

He didn't apply to any colleges so far and his GPA was basically fucked so he hadn't really been trying either.

As he and Talmai went from classroom to classroom, he could see the confusion and anger on his father's face grow.

Bar was getting good grades for once in his life, he was part of the four percentile that was getting nearly all A's on his tests and exams.

Talmai didn't know how his son did that and the brute figured that his father was pissed off because he would make something out of himself. He would have a future. He would be happy.

And Talmai was just there-- a washed-up, deadbeat cop whose highlight of every night is a cold glass of beer.

Bar would be someone important and his father was finally just realizing it.

His father was just realizing that soon he would lose all control over him. And, as much as Bar loved that fact, he hated that Talmai was angry.

Bad things happen when he's angry.

As they turned to go into Bar's art class, him behind his father, Talmai ran into someone, swearing as he tried to catch the person from falling.

The brute looked over his father's shoulder, freezing in horror as he saw that it was Clementine.

She was smiling awkwardly up at his father as he spoke.

"Sorry, girl. Didn't see you there." Talmai said, relaxing his grip around her shoulders.

Let go of her.

He needs to let go of her.

He needs to stop touching her.

He needs to stop talking at her.

He needs to get away from her.

That was Bar's little goddess. His father had no right-- he had no goddamn right to even look at her.

"No, n-no, it's okay, I-I didn't, um, I didn't see where I w-was going and, and," Clementine gulped, pausing as her eyes moved up and locked onto Talmai's darker one's.

Instantly, the little goddess flinched back, paling.

She recognizes Talmai.

Bar looks so much like his father that it was impossible not to.

"What is it?" His father asked. "You okay, girl?"

"I, uh, y-yeah, I just c-c-can't--"

"Dad," Bar's jaw was clenched tightly, his hand on his father's shoulder as he subtly puts himself between the little goddess and Talmai. "Art isn't important, let's just go to--"

"Bart, stop being stupid." Talmai spat out. "I need to talk to all your teachers. What would they think if I didn't? I'm not a bad father."

Did he really just say that?

A good father would never beat their kid, a good father doesn't come home drunk off their ass every night, a good father doesn't make his child feel worthless, a good father doesn't turn his kid into a monster.

Talmai would never be a good father.

Never.

"They won't care," Bar hissed out, still able to feel Clementine's warmth right behind him. He wanted his dad as far away from her as possible.

He glanced behind him for a second and saw her minty eyes staring up at him in horror.

She probably didn't know what to do.

There's no handbook for how you should act when you meet your boyfriend's abusive father.

Lowering his voice, weary that they're in the middle of the doorway, Talmai says, "Do you not want me to see something, Bart? Is that why you're being a suspicious asshole now?"

Bar tensed slightly and shook his head, "No. Dad, please--"

"Move." Talmai grabbed his son by his shoulder and forced him back, the force behind his fingers no doubt creating bruises. "We're going to talk to your teacher. Got that?"

Bar gave no reply besides a nod.

Talmai narrowed his eyes.

"That's not what you're fucking worried about is it?" His father's eyes flickered around the room, landing briefly on Clementine and then laughing when Bar tensed. "You got yourself a girl, huh?"

"Leave her alone," Bar snarled, standing straight and positioning himself in front of her like a protector.

Like he had done for Gwen so many times.

His father's eyes widened at the action, a cold grin on his lips, "You're keeping her safe, Bart. Why would that be, huh? What would you need to protect her from?"

You.

Bar said nothing.

Then a wild, crazy look got in Talmai's eyes and Bar recognized it-- it was the look his father had whenever he was high, angry, and about to hurt him.

Bar took a step back, fists clenched by his side, unable to focus on anything going on in the room but Talmai and the little goddess-- unaware the the teacher and her brother Garnet was watching the interaction, too.

"Does she know?" Talmai hissed out, stepping closer. "Does she know, is that why that bitch looked so scared did me?"

"Don't call her that."

"Don't talk back to me, stupid bastard--"

"Mr. Bianchi!" The teacher, Mr. Roell, gasped out. "You can't talk to your son like that."

Talmai pointed a thick finger at her, getting more than angry at this point, "I'm not talking to you, slut. Shut your trap."

"Dad, let's just leave," Bar begged, knowing he'll get hell for letting his father tarnish his 'precious' reputation as a cop.

"Tell me if you told her! Tell me what the fuck you told her!" Talmai demanded.

"I didn't tell her anything!" Bar yelled back, feeling the edge of a panic attack riding up on him.

"Goddamn liar!"

"I'm not lying!"

"Yes, you are, you worthless boy!" Talmai yelled. "She probably got you wrapped around her finger, said 'I love you' and the stupid ass that you are told her everything, well guess what? You're not capable of being loved."

Worthless.

Stupid.

Not capable of love.

That's what his father said. Not a single damn thing about it was true.

"The first time I tried to commit suicide I was fourteen and it took me twenty-three days to decide how to do it. I wrote letters to my two idiots, to Gwen, to Maddie, to you. I apologized, do you remember that?" Bar blurted out, sick and tired of his father calling him names. Of his father always thinking he was right. Of his father not even realizing how bad he treated his own son.

He shoved his father back a step when he got too close to the little goddess.

Talmai glared and pushed his son's hands away from him.

"I told them that even if I couldn't love myself enough to stay, I loved them enough to not burden them anymore." Bar glared back, knowing he didn't put that in his father's letter. Knowing people could hear him but he simply didn't care. "And then I downed two bottles of pills."

"Fuck y—"

"Shut up! Listen, you piece of shit. Okay?" Bar succeeded in shushing his father-- but only because Talmai got too angry to speak-- and then continued, voice quiet enough that only Talmai and Clementine could hear him. "The second time I was sixteen and you just beat the shit out of me for accidentally closing the door too hard. You weren't even drunk."

The worst part about the abuse wasn't the pain.

It was that Talmai did a lot of it just because. Just because he thought Bar was worthless. Just because he was angry. Just because.

"I wrote letters then too, I told everyone I loved that every moment they were alive, I'd be there with them too. That I'd watch over them, protect them. Even if they couldn't protect me from myself." Bar said. "Afterward, I went downtown to the abandoned warehouse and was minutes away from jumping off the fifth-floor ledge when Gwen called me. Your daughter saved my life because she wanted to know where I put her stuffed animal. Your daughter saved the life you made me want to end."

Talmai didn't look like he could give a single fuck.

He just looked angry.

A couple of months ago, Bar would've been angry too. But now? Now he was just sad.

"The third and fourth time I was seventeen, just a year ago, and I slit my wrists as deep as I could." Bar still remembers the pain, the blood all over his clothes and hands and face and wrists, and the cold feeling that sunk into him as if death was giving him a chilling hug. "Once in the middle of an alleyway because I thought that would be the best place for someone to leave a dying man dead. The second surrounded by butterflies because I thought that if I was going to die, I wanted to be surrounded by innocent beings when I did so."

All Bar ever wanted to be was innocent and loved and safe.

Not a monster.

Not a beast.

Not a boy beyond redemption.

Not his father.

Not himself.

"You didn't get a letter those times." Bar struggled those words out. "You didn't get a letter. And you wouldn't have even cared— you wouldn't have given a fucks if I died and I didn't write you a goddamn thing. If— in my last moments— I wasn't thinking about you at all."

And he wasn't.

He was remembering Law's smile when he beats the brute at chess, he was remembering how happy Gwen looked when he got a tattoo of this picture she drew, he was remembering Gus's laugh, and Maddie with her flowers.

With his girl and that defiant look she always had in her eyes whenever he used to bump into her in the halls on purpose.

He was remembering so many beautiful things, so much love.

But he still wanted to die.

"So don't tell me," Bar laughs bitterly. "Don't stand there and tell me that I'm not capable of love. That it's something I don't deserve. Because it is, because-- fuck! Even if they don't love me, even if you don't, I want to love myself and there's not a single selfish thing about that! But you, hell, you aren't able to feel anything but anger and hate and satisfaction with all the cruel things you've done. I'm not a monster, you are. I'm not you. I'm not you. I'll never be you. Quit trying to turn me into that."

And then Talmai did it.

He punched his son right in the face-- in front of everyone.

Bar just stumbled back a step, not reacting, not even surprised, and glared at his father.

Everyone else, however, reacted in well, a way that every normal person would react.

Shocked and angry.

Mrs. Roell and Garnet got between the abuser and his son, stopping Talmai from getting closer.

Two mothers that saw what happened from the hallway joined them with their husbands, trapping Talmai in the room and keeping the angry man away from Bar while one of their sons called the police.

Bar could barely register all that was happening, his dark eyes wide as Clementine stood in front of him, gingerly cupping his face to look at the bruise.

"Oly?" There were tears in her minty eyes. "Are y-you, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine." Bar eased himself from her grip. "I have to help, I have to--"

"Don't," A man, tall and well built with mocha skin and an intense look in his eyes. "Your father is angry right now and I'm not going to let him talk to you. I don't know you, son, but hitting children isn't okay."

Bar clenched his jaw, "I appreciate that and your right but my dad, he's a jackass cop and there's nothing I can do so, fuck, can I just calm him down and take him home before he starts to hit other people?"

"No, sorry, son." The man, who was even taller than Bar's 6'6" frame, stood between the brute and his now screaming father who had all the other grown-ups yelling back at him, too. "My name's Oakley, I'm the chief of police, I assure you that I'll contact your father's precinct and sort out this mess if you're worried about that. He won't get away with this."

Bar felt panicky, not properly registering everything, even with Clementine trying to calm him down next to him.

He was going to get into trouble.

He was going to be in so much trouble.

His dad was going to beat him and he was going to do it without mercy or care how many bruises he left in his wake.

His dad was probably angry.

So angry.

He was going to hurt them.

He was going to hurt Mrs. Roell and Garnet and the two moms and the other man and Oakley and Clementine.

Bar needed to protect them.

He didn't even know most of these people, they couldn't get hurt because of him, he needed to protect them.

And then Talmai was breaking past the women, slipping under Oakley's grasp and pushing away the boy who had just ended his 911 call and in one swift and painful moment, tackled Bar to the ground.

Bar only had time to push Clementine away from them so she wouldn't be hurt before he fell.

Talmai kneed Bar in his side, his knuckles causing the brute's cheek to bruise instantly and form a cut after just one punch, and then— enraged— his father forces him flat to the ground, punch after punch being thrown.

Bar was disorientated, dizzy but he could hear Clementine begging for it to stop, her crying-- he could see Oakley trying to pull Talmai off of him but his father was just too strong, just too heavy, just too angry to be moved.

People are still screaming and yelling and pushing into the crowd around them, people are still trying to help.

But no one actually is.

They're trying but they can't.

No one can stop it.

Bar doesn't realize it at first, through the haze of pain and the ringing in his ears that he's being choked, but once he does, Bar panics.

His father's really going to kill him this time.

He's going to die.

And for once in his life, he doesn't want to.

But he's too weak to fight, his lungs are burning for air, he's thrashing and hitting and scratching but nothing works.

He can't see anything through his hazy vision, and even the voices of his shocked classmates and their parents and everyone else are blurred together.

Talmai hands around Bar's neck doesn't loosen and then—

And then nothing.