Pay attention to the new character, it will be really important for Misconceptions, THE SEQUEL OF BACKFIRE (I can't make that bigger). 

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Chapter 32 ― Hollow

No one saw me crying the night before. The girls knew something had happened between Niall and I, it was obvious if he walked to the door without me to kiss him goodbye. They tried to talk to me, but I just asked to be left alone. I didn’t pick up the phone either, though Liam, Louis, Harry and even Zayn called me several times. I just couldn’t let them see me like that. I’ve never felt so broken. When Niall walked away from my life I felt like a part of me was leaving with him, an important and big part of me and I didn’t know how I was going to go on with my life when that was missing.

The next morning, the whole next day, I was like a zombie under the sun. It was my first day and I could hardly pay any attention to what my professors were saying. I had to change that, but I just wanted one day, one only day to mourn for what I lost the night before.

It was afternoon and I was walking to the coffee shop because I needed something to wake me up. I still felt like everything was wrong in the world, I missed him so much. I just wanted to hear his voice, one last time, but I knew that it was going to make things worse. I took my phone out several times during the morning, about to call him, but then I hid the gadget in my bag so I couldn’t be tempted. Even if I tried not to think of him, there was always something that reminded me of him. A song in the radio, a couple, a blond guy, a flag of Ireland, a boy with braces, food… God, almost everything reminded me of him!

This was going to be the hardest thing in my life.

I was in the queue waiting to be asked for my order when I heard someone calling out my name. I turned around and I saw a little black-haired girl with glasses and curly hair. A smile drew on my face when I recognised the girl.

“Mila,” I told her when she was finally in front of me. She was such a cute girl but if you told her that, she would hit you. She had a cute heart-shaped face with a lovely and contagious smile, she was short but she was always wearing high heels so we were almost the same height, her hair was mid back long and no one could touch it and live to talk about it.

Camila, and Mila for friends, was studying literature and we met when she saw me reading The Hunger Games. We got along immediately as she had a personality quite similar to mine. “Alex! I haven’t seen you in forever! How are you?” She asked me giving me a quick hug. I smiled trying to hide all my pain.

“Good. I had an incredible summer and you’re right, we haven’t seen each other since the end of classes last semester,” I replied as cheerfully as possible, but Mila wasn’t stupid and she knew me well, besides, she was very observant.

“Liar.” It was the first thing she told me. “You’re not okay. Wanna talk about it? Coffee and an ear can help you a lot. I rather tea, but it seems like you need something stronger.”

I chuckled because she was a tea addict. Yeah, I loved that drink, but she was kind of obsessed. I loved her, though. She was different and so special; it was impossible not to love her.

However, I thought about telling her what was happening with me, telling her about Niall and my broken heart. She was a great listener but I didn’t know if I was prepared to talk about it without breaking in the way. I probably needed it, but I couldn’t do it in that moment.

“Not now, maybe soon. I still wanna know about your summer, though. Please, distract me,” I begged in a whisper. Maybe hearing about other stories, about something that had nothing to do with Niall and One Direction would make me feel better. I didn’t know, but I hoped for it.

* * *

One week and I still felt like shit. Why couldn’t I move on? Why could I just think of Niall and of how much I missed him? When I looked at my reflection on the mirror I couldn’t recognise myself because I didn’t know this part of me, this part that was kept glued to someone whom I decided to let go. It had never been this difficult. Nor even with Marcus with whom I was for almost two years.

My friends were worried for me even when I tried my best. At least I could concentrate in classes, and I was studying. Learning new things helped me keep my mind far away from Niall. I was spending a lot of time with Mila lately. She was worried, too, and she did everything she could to cheer me up. We watched so many movies and we probably watched The Avengers like ten times in a week. She loved Loki, I was madly in love with Thor. But every time we talked about comic books and other geeky topics, she reminded me of Zayn and how good they would get along, and thinking of Zayn made me think of Niall again. It was like I couldn’t escape from him.

I heard a soft knock at my door and I sighed before saying anything. I knew it was Belle and Phebs, they always came at night to see if I was a bit better. At the end I told them what had happened and they cried with me. They tried to make me change my mind, but I wasn’t stupid, I knew that Niall and I was something impossible.

“Come in,” I called from my bed. I was working on some exercises from my Programming Language III class.

My two friends popped their heads in the doorframe and I smiled at them trying to look okay even when I still felt hollow inside. “How are you feeling today, sweetie?” Belle asked walking towards me and taking a seat on my bed. Phebs followed closely.

“Fine. I’m almost done with this,” I replied even when I knew she was asking about another thing. I heard Phebs sighing.

“Alex, you know we love you and we just want the best for you, right?” Phebs said concentrated and looking at me. I nodded, I knew better than no one how much they loved me. “Okay. Well… I talked to Liam today.” My jaw hit the floor when I heard her. She hadn’t talked to Liam since we came back from the tour and I knew she still had feelings for him, and it wasn’t easy to push those things aside to speak to him.

“You… why?” I mumbled, still too impressed to utter more coherent words.

“Because he’s worried about Niall as we’re worried about you. Alex, neither you nor him are okay, you miss each other, you two want to be together. Why don’t you want to try?” She asked and my already broken heart ached even more. I didn’t want to know that he was suffering as well.

“Because we can’t be together. There’s no way I can fit into his life,” I explained. No matter how many times I said that, it still hurt as hell.

“Why are you so sure? You didn’t even try! You just assumed that it wasn’t gonna work!” The blonde shouted and I opened my eyes widely. “I love you, Alex, you know that, but it’s enough. You’re being stupid about this. You love him, he loves you. You can be together if you really want to. You’re not the type that needs to have him next to you all the time, you’re strong. You two can make this work, for God’s sake! Open your eyes and see that all this is a massive mistake!”

I could only look at her with eyes wide open. If Belle had screamed that, it wouldn’t have been the same effect, but it was Phebs who was yelling at me, the one that put her own feelings aside just to talk to Liam and try to fix what was happening in my life.

I felt the tears popping in my eyes and my lower lip started to tremble, so I bit it as I squeezed my fists. “You don’t understand–”

“Neither do you!” She cut me off and I swallowed hard. “You think you understand this better than no one, but you don’t! You think this is the best but it’s not! It can’t be when it makes you and Niall so miserable.” Her voice became softer by the end of the sentence, her eyes filled with pity and concern.

“I think you should see this,” Belle commented walking to my desk and grabbing my macbook. I stared confused as she looked for a video on Youtube and then faced the screen to me. It was an interview, a One Direction interview and my heart ached more than ever when I saw him. I couldn’t hold the tears at bay anymore, I felt them rolling down my cheeks.

“So, lads. How is Australia treating you so far?” The interviewer asked in a thick accent that must have been Australian. I still sucked at recognising accents.

“Great. We love it and the beach is always great,” Liam replied with a sweet smile. I immediately glanced at Phebs who had a shy smile on her face. I focused on the screen again and my eyes fixed on Niall who seemed so… miserable. That sweet smile that he always carried had disappeared, his hair wasn’t spiky anymore, his eyes looked shut down. He wasn’t the same boy I spent my summer with, he didn’t look like the boy I fell in love with.

The interviewer asked more questions and they all laughed, even us had a laugh watching at them. Oh, I not only missed Niall, I missed them all. They became important friends for me. Finally the Australian guy got to the girlfriend question and Louis and Liam replied with wide smiles that they ware taken. Niall just looked at his shoes like they were really interesting. I glanced at Phebs who just kept her eyes in a death spot on the wall.

“What happened with you, Niall? We all saw you with a girl this summer. You quite protected her, uh? We could hardly get to know something about her. What’s her name? Alexia Porter?” At the mention of my name Niall’s face fell. All the pain was evident in his eyes and I wanted to kill myself because I caused that. It was my fault. He wanted to try, he wanted to fight but I told him it was useless. I wasn’t the only heartbroken in this situation.

“She… She’s a very important friend for me. We’re not dating,” he replied and I could see that those words hurt him as much as they hurt me.

Phebs was right, this decision wasn’t killing only me but it also was destroying Niall. It was evident, I knew him. He was a carefree lad, a happy and always so full of energy boy and you couldn’t see anything of that in the Niall of the interview. I caused that.

I covered my mouth with my hand trying to hide the sobs that were escaping from me. Belle took the macbook and looked for another video but I couldn’t take it anymore. I hated myself for what I did, for being a coward, for being so stupid. I made him suffer. How could I say I loved him when I did such a horrid thing?

I called myself strong and tough but I was a coward, I was a weak little piece of shit because I didn’t even try to make things work with Niall. I just took the easiest way out and quit without even fighting. I– I loathed myself in that moment, finally realising what I’d done. But now he was away and probably hated me for what I did.

Belle showed me the screen again with another video. Soon Niall appeared with his guitar on his lap, his expression as clouded as in the interview, even worse I would say. He looked at the camera and his eyes seemed as hollow as I felt since that horrid day when he left.

“I miss you,” he whispered and all the pieces of my heart broke again.

My whole body started to shake as he began singing. I knew that song, it was one from One Direction, a beautiful song that always made me feel so emotional but in that moment it hit me right through my heart. It was Moments. He was singing alone but I knew the guys were with him, they would never leave him alone.

By when he reached the chorus I was crying like a baby.

…If we could only have this life for one more day
If we could only turn back time 

You know I’ll be
Your life, your voice your reason to be
My love, my heart
Is breathing for this
Moments in time
I’ll find the words to say
Before you leave me today…

I just wanted to run to his arms and beg him to forgive me for being so stupid, but he was so far away and I couldn’t reach him anymore.

“Niall,” I wept and soon I felt arms surrounding me. I hid my face in Belle chest and I cried, I cried so much because I had made such a big mistake. I felt so powerless in that moment because even if I wanted to make things better, I couldn’t.