Author's note: First off, I want you to know that I love you and please, look at the beautiful gif before reading the chapter. And after and never forget that I love you and that I hired two bodyguards. I love you.
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Chapter 31 ― Goodbye
“Is the food ready?” Niall asked me and I rolled my eyes.
We were in his kitchen as it was becoming normal for us this last week. All the time we could get, we spent it in his flat so we could have some privacy. Of course, sometimes the lads joined us but at the end they all knew we wanted to be left alone, after all, I was starting my classes the next day.
We spent several nights together and I just had to say that I loved his bed. I understood perfectly why he loved it so much, it was the best place to cuddle with him, talking or doing other things. I just loved to be with him and it was killing me, knowing that we had less and less time. That night probably was our last and I wanted to enjoy it, but it was so hard when I knew that I had to say goodbye to the best thing that had happened to me.
Niall.
“The answer is the same I gave you five minutes ago, Niall. Not yet,” I told him smiling as I was pealing some tomatoes for a salad. He actually pouted whilst wrapping his arms around my waist.
“I’m hungry.”
“I know, you’re always hungry and so am I,” I chuckled kissing his cheek lightly. “Patience. Give me ten more minutes.”
“Okay, but can I stay with you here?” I nodded focusing again on the tomato in my hands and the knife.
I never was the cuddle kind of girl, on the contrary, I always appreciated my personal space and with my ex boyfriends we never were that kind either; but with Niall I discovered how much I loved to cuddle, to be hugged, to be kissed all the time. Being with Niall taught me loads of new things about myself and about other stuff. I learned to appreciate things that I always had taken for granted. I realised that despite my many previous futile relationships, I never really opened to love, to really love, until I met Niall. It hurt like hell to let him go, but it was the best and I didn’t regret anything, to be with him had been the best thing in my life.
We had dinner and later we decided to watch a film. “You’re staying tonight, aren’t you?” He whispered into my ear when the credits were rolling on the screen.
I thought about it for a moment, knowing that it was going to be our last night together and of course I wanted to spend it with him, but it was going to make things more painful the next morning when we finally had to say our goodbyes. “Sure,” I replied because for staying with him another night, every pain was worthy.
He took my face and kissed me as I sneaked my arms to his neck and kissed him back. I loved him. I really did and that was why kissing him was so painful at the same time, because those kisses were counted, because our time had finally ran out.
* * *
“Morning, sleepy head,” I heard as lips touched the skin of my neck so softly. Warm arms were wrapped around my body, my bare back pressed tightly against a firm chest. Niall. I smiled with my eyes still shut.
“Morning,” I murmured cuddling more against him. I turned around so we could be face to face. He had his beautiful smile and his eyes were shining whilst we looked at each other. He stroked my cheek and I turned my head to kiss his palm feeling the beginning of a heartache. I knew it, I remembered it: it was our last day. “What time is it?” I asked so I could stop thinking about what was going to happen that day.
“Past noon,” he replied and I shot my eyes open. He chuckled. “Yeah, we slept a lot. But it’s normal as we fell asleep pretty late, though,” his cheeky smile made me giggle.
“I have to go back. I have so many things to prepare for tomorrow!” I told him but I didn’t make any attempt to get up. We stayed like that a few more minutes until I stopped avoiding reality.
After we finally got up, he took me home because he never allowed me to go back alone. He was always worried about me, besides, it gave us an excuse to spend more time alone. We got home and Belle was out so only Phebs was there to greet us with a bright smile. She was so much better since we got back from the tour, of course she was avoiding Liam and she was probably going to do that for a while, but that didn’t mean that the brunet boy didn’t worry about her. Liam always called me asking about Phebs and I always told him the she was doing better, that soon everything was going to go back to normal. I knew once we started Uni, she wouldn’t have to worry about Liam anymore because they would be out of our life. Even if we didn’t want them to.
Niall and I went up to my room and he stayed there on my bed whilst I prepared all my things for the next day. We grabbed something to eat on our way here, but he was always hungry so I let him go to the kitchen whilst I looked for my schedule and classrooms. He stayed with me until it was very late and I was dreading his leaving so much because I knew what it meant.
“You okay, babe?” He asked me from my bed and I avoided his gaze. He stood up and walked towards me, grabbing me by the hips and making me face him. “You’ve been acting weird the whole day. Are you nervous for tomorrow?” Sweet boy, he truly didn’t know what the end of my vacations meant. I bit my lower lip and the expression of concern on his face deepened. “Love, tell me. You know you can tell me everything. I don’t like it when you shut me out.”
“I didn’t want this day to come,” I whispered summoning all my strengths to do this. “I dreaded it since we went on tour with you.”
It took him a couple of seconds to understand, more or less, what I was talking about. “Oh, don’t worry, babe. We’re gonna make it work, I told you this before. We’ve done quite well with keeping you safe from paparazzi, I think we can do this!” He smiled brightly and I wanted to cry.
Yes, we managed to keep me away from the paparazzi as much as possible, they still knew about me dating Niall, but they couldn’t guess much about me besides my name and what the guys said about me in the twitcam a long time ago. Niall had protected not only me, but also my friends. We could go out and just a couple of extreme fans could recognise us in the street, and they were always nice. I saw hate on twitter and tumblr, but I just ignored it and when I started to get too many followers, I decided to create a new account.
But managing that wasn’t the same as what we were facing now.
“It’s not that,” I said in a whisper again, trying to avoid his blue eyes because I felt like I could break in any moment. I didn’t feel strong in that moment. He looked confused and I felt him tensing.
“Then what is it?” He asked and I bit my cheek because I didn’t know how to explain things to him.
“Being with you has been the most wonderful experience. This has been the best summer of my life,” I started and I felt him tensing even more. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and took a deep breath.
“But?” he said oh-so-softly.
“But we can’t be together anymore. Not because I don’t want to, oh God, being with you is what I desire the most, but our lives aren’t compatible, Niall. You’re an ultra famous popstar and I’m no one. You have to travel around the world whilst I stay here, studying. How can we be together when we won’t be able to see each other? When you’ll have to fight to keep me in the shadows?”
“We can manage something,” he offered and I felt as my heart started to break. His voice, oh his voice sounded so weak. “You can’t give up on us that easily.”
“It’s not easy, not at all! It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it’s what I have to do. What we have to do. We can’t be together and I know you can see it, too. I don’t belong in your world, Niall. I can’t be part of it.” My voice broke at the end of the sentence and I had to supress a sob that tried to escape.
Niall took my face and made me look at him. His eyes were filled with pain and I could see in his features that he hated what I was doing. “No, I won’t let you give up on us.”
“It’s not giving up, Niall, it’s being realistic.” I told him cupping his face softly. My eyes were burning for those tears that were threatening me to come free. “This summer was… unique, but it has to end. It already ended.”
“No, Alex, no!” He shouted and I opened my eyes surprised. “We can make it work. Liam and Louis do that, what makes us different?”
“Because I’m not Danielle nor Eleanor, I’m not part of the world of entertainment. They fit in your world, I don’t. Niall, this is killing me, but it’s for the best.”
“How can it be for the best if it fucking hurts this much?” He asked me, his voice so low.
“I don’t know, but I’m sure it is. It has to be.”
“It doesn’t!” He protested shaking his head form side to side. “I-I-I-” he took a deep breath before carrying on. “I love you, Alex. This can’t be the end of us.”
I wanted to cry in that exact moment. Feeling so happy yet miserable at the same time. He loved me, it was the first time he told me that and it was beautiful, but it made everything harder. I couldn’t reply in that moment, the lump in my throat didn’t allow me to, so I just stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. A light peck but he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me so close whilst he deepened the kiss. It became a desperate one, a way more demanding kiss and I let myself get lost in it. I held on to him for dear life.
By when we broke the kiss, my heart was beating so fast in my ribcage and it was really hard to breath, but I still felt like I didn’t have enough of him. “Niall…” I whispered, the first tear running down my cheek. “It is. It is the end.” He shook his head and I had to blink several times to push the tears at bay.
“No, Alex. It isn’t. It can’t be!”
“You are the best thing that has happened to me,” I told him and he looked at me with desperation written all over his face, begging me not to do this. “The best. I’ll never forget our time together.”
“Please, Alex, don’t do this. I’m sure we can–”
“No,” I interrupted him. “We can’t. I know that. Not now.” I stroked his face trying to erase all the pain in his features with my caresses. “Accept this, don’t make this harder, Niall. You have a life where I don’t fit in. There’re some things we can’t change and this is one of them. It hurts to say goodbye, oh God how it hurts, but it has to end. Nothing last forever, babe. Now please remember this, remember us with a smile because it was beautiful. I will, every time I think of you I’ll smile because you gave me the best summer ever. I will always think of you that way.”
“I don’t want to think of you as something that happened, something that ended. I want to think of you as the girl who’s with me.”
Oh, Niall. Why are you making everything harder?
“I love you,” I told him and I saw his beautiful smile again as he cupped my face and kissed me again.
“If you love me and I love you, why can’t we be together?” He asked and I wanted to cry so badly.
“Because we can’t.” I took a deep breath and pushed him away. “It’s for the best, Niall. For you career, for you, for me, for us. It hurts now, but we’ll be fine soon.”
“Alex…” he said one more time and I shook my head.
“Please, Niall. It’s for the best. You’ll see it, too. Maybe not now, but you will. It’s better to end this now before it gets more complicated. I don’t wanna fight with you because we can’t see each other, because we can’t be together, because the media is trying to tear us apart and succeeding at it. I rather finish this now and only have good memories of us. Please, Niall… please,” I begged, my voice low and broken.
We stood there, looking at each other for what it seemed like forever, my heart aching so bad that I just wanted to cry. I knew it was going to be painful, but I never imagined it was going to hurt that much. He took my face for one last time and kissed me slowly, like I was something that could break in any moment. “I love you,” he said before letting me go and turning around to leave my room.
The door shut behind him and I felt the pieces of my heart hit the floor. I walked towards the door with my knees failing me but I didn’t stop until I put my hand on the wood. I rested my forehead on the door and whispered: “I love you, too,” as I started crying.
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DON'T KILL ME!! I LOVE YOU! and if you kill me, you won't know how this story ends.
I LOVE YOU!
Bel, xx
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