[ idk i thought of this and i forgot what song i was listening to fuck // song is by flora cash

warnings: language, a bunch of shit that doesn't really make sense when you think about it for more than five seconds.

concept: after a long night of drinking and regrets, lewis wakes up and finds himself in his past. so he uses the opportunity to fix a few mistakes

i'm kinda excited for this tbh

stay safe,
lew. ]

——————

When Lewis wakes up, it always takes him a moment to gain awareness of his surroundings.

He expects to be in his own house, still in the more formal outfit he wore to his friend's funeral, surrounded by empty liquor bottles with a hellish hangover.

Instead, he's in a hotel room, shirtless, cradled in someone's arms, clearheaded other than the normal tired fog.

He panics at first, struggling out of the person's grasp and getting up, a frantic search for his shirt sending him into some sort of tunnel vision. He doesn't notice when the other person groans and sits up, but he has to do a double take when he starts talking.

"Lew... Come back. It's too early for this."

That voice is like a shock to Lewis' system. Just a few hours ago, he finally made the crushing realization that he'd never hear it again aside from recordings.

That's all it takes for Lewis to abandon his search for a shirt and launch himself back to the bed.

That elicits a tired laugh, but it soon turns to shock and concern when Lewis buries his face in the guy's shoulder and hugs him tightly.

"Another nightmare?" He asked sympathetically, stroking the smaller boy's hair.

It takes him a minute or two to say, "The worst nightmare, Logan. Felt like it would never end."

————

He doesn't exactly know how this happened, but it's a blessing he didn't ask for. He makes the decision to try and fix as many of the horrible mistakes as he can.

It starts with his reaction when Harry and Logan break up.

Instead of taking some of Logan's comments literally, he plays the role of supportive friend rather than 'side hoe given the opportunity to not be the side hoe anymore'. He holds the younger man close and gives him space like he did the first time.

And months after the tour ends, Logan shows up at his house with gardenias, and the familiarity of it all takes his breath away. This is one of his favorite memories from that time, just because of the innocence.

Logan comments about his pajamas, Lewis tells him that he's been sick. And when Logan asks him out, instead of the automatic yes he wants to give, he hesitates.

He kicks himself mentally when he answers yes anyway. Saying no would've saved them both a lot of heartache, more than likely, but Lewis is selfish.

Logan pecks him on the forehead instead of the lips, and he returns the gesture. It's familiar and safe, but the weight of his decision is enough to bury him as Logan leaves.

————

He can't help but think of a song as things progress. And in the end, I'd do it all again. I think you're my best friend.

He knows he needs to make different decisions, but he can't force himself to do it. He can't abandon the best friend he's ever had.

His heart aches when he realizes it's almost the end of the line for them. They've made it past the first almost-breakup, the near overdose, and the canceled anniversary mess, but it's to the point where things really go downhill.

There's a date circled on his calendar, marked with some label executive's name and the word 'party'.

He wakes up on the day of the party, wrapped up in Logan's arms. That's sort of a relief as it is.

That relief lasts long after Lewis gets up, but it fades when Logan walks downstairs, rubbing at his nose. When he gets closer and fondly kisses the smaller man on the top of the head, Lewis can tell he's already taken something.

————

It becomes transparently clear that Lewis can't force himself to actually change things.

He just lets it unfold mostly the same as before. There's no regret, up until Logan says his final bit and walks out the door. "I only got with you out of pity."

Those words cut deep. It's enough to make Lewis want to lash out, but he doesn't. He just internalizes it, and continues to offer support.

You can't change the past. As much as you want to, there's no use in trying. Things happen for a reason, even if they hurt. Or, at least that's what everyone will tell you.

————————

[ this was shitty tbh.
the song in the third section is the kids aren't alright by fall out boy ]