[ i had this idea while i was in the truck with my friend patrick so that's chill // song is by paramore

this is horrible but it's content™️

warnings: language, mentions of drugs/overdoses/alcohol, allusions to an eating disorder

concept: instead of ending it when he did, lewis clings desperately to his relationship with logan. and in doing so, he fucks up.

stay safe. ily guys,
lew. ]

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Things go better than he expects. They talk things out like rational adults, and soon enough, they're sleeping peacefully on the couch like normal.

Deep down, Lewis knows that this is just prolonging the inevitable. They don't belong together, but he still clings to the possibility that maybe one day, they'll be an okay match.

He ends up unable to go back to sleep, like normal, and he's almost certain that Logan's crashing from whatever he's on, so he lets the younger man sleep. Soon, it's going to be difficult for him, at least from Lewis' experience.

Instead of getting up, he grabs the TV remote and puts on one of those stupid home improvements shows he enjoys at a low volume.

—

Halfway into the third or fourth hour of Fixer Upper, Logan wakes up, his grip tightening ever so slightly around the smaller man's waist. He groans softly, covering his face with the blanket. "Can you please close the curtains, Lew?"

And of course, Lewis doesn't question it. He immediately gets up and does it, then heads to the kitchen to get some water.

By the time he comes back, he's got a couple painkillers in his hand and a bottle of water tucked under his arm. Logan's sitting up and rubbing at his eyes, but his face breaks into a small smile when he sees Lewis.

"Hey, sunshine. Did you sleep okay?" He asks, smiling back. He hands over the pills and the water, then sits back down beside him.

Logan swallows the pills dry, then leans to rest his head against Lewis' shoulder. "I feel kinda sick, babe."

"Go upstairs and lay down. Try to go back to sleep," Lewis murmurs, carefully kissing the younger man's forehead. "I'll be up in a few, okay?"

He just nods, taking the blanket with him as he heads for the stairs. He pauses just in the doorway to the room, then softly says, "Please don't leave me."

—

Lewis ends up taking longer than he meant to.

He makes sure to bring the bottle of pain pills upstairs with him, along with his phone and a pack of Poptarts. He can't remember the last time he ate anything, and that's a bit worrying.

By the time he actually gets up to his room, it's been at least half an hour. Logan's wrapped up in most of the blankets, thankfully asleep.

He manages to eat half of the food he brought, but he can't force himself to finish the sugary treat. He leaves it next to the pills on the stand next to the bed.

There's really nothing else for him to do, other than trying to fall asleep again. So he slips into bed beside Logan, gently soothing his hand along the younger man's side. But he doesn't fall asleep.

He just... daydreams.

—

Everything goes relatively smooth for the next few months. There's no major arguments, nothing really wrong or worrisome. It should be a relief, but still, Lewis can't help the overwhelming anxiety that plagues him.

Logan seems sick every few days, but he feels better after disappearing for a few hours, or an entire day. Lewis isn't stupid; he knows what his best friend is leaving to do.

But he doesn't say a word.

He doesn't even turn to Chloe, the one he tells everything to. He stopped confiding in her when he found Logan's stash. Now, all they share are general pleasantries and small updates.

Lewis has a hard time while they're on their next tour. He forgets to eat, mostly because he's too busy worrying about Logan. Jon and Spencer remind him when they notice, but that isn't a common occurrence.

One night, before the party starts, Logan sneaks into Lewis' dressing room. The older man smiles and pulls him in for a sweet kiss, then tells him, "I'm crashing in Jon's room tonight. I wanna give you a bit of space."

"Thanks, Lew. Sleep well, baby," Logan replies, pecking the top of his head, then starting for the door.

"I'll see you in the morning. Love you."

Logan leaves without echoing the words.

—

After a few nights like that on tour, Spencer pulls Lewis aside. The guy looks nervous, but softly, he asks, "Don't be mad at me, okay?"

"Why would I be mad at you, dude?"

"On the nights you stay with Jon, people have been seeing Logan disappearing with this girl..."

"Logan wouldn't cheat on me, if that's what you're getting at." Lewis dismisses the possibility.

"I know you don't want to believe it, but everyone thinks he's with that girl. Just thought I'd let you know."

————