a/n: pfft.

"We're supposed to be preparing for potential threats." Jacob tries to seem stern in his disapproval as Alice and Rosalie unveil their "surprise". Edward's standing beside him, making the pointed decision to default to his neutral expression even though Jacob can see him eyeing what seems to be a playlist of rom coms already queued up on the TV.

"We're supposed to be preparing for threats, you are supposed to be relaxing." Rosalie reminds him.

"Yes, and you relax best when Edward joins you." Alice reminds him, before taking his arm and gently tugging him over towards the couch. He wants to protest. He wants to pull a face and act like one those kids in high school who doesn't want anyone to know they have a crush on the weird kid. Instead, he just works to keep any hint of a smile off of his face.

Date night. They wanted them to have date night.

"Well, you two sorta skipped this part so we thought we'd help you." He could still hear Alice giggling about it even as she sauntered away with Rosalie.

He looked over the mixture of junk food sitting next to things like carrots and pineapples and he couldn't help but feel like they were mocking him for his new eating habits.

"So, what are we watching?" Edward mumbles as he fiddles with the remote.

They only get about five minutes into the first movie before Edward's hands are sliding up Jacob's shirt. They don't touch like this very often. Jacob thinks Edward refrains for his sake, but he can't seem to control himself nowadays. Granted, the tank top underneath the hoodie that Jacob had thrown on was probably stretching to its limit and not helping his case much. Honestly, the stomach touching wouldn't be such a problem if it ended at that. Instead, it usually led to Edward all but sinking his teeth into Jacob's neck as he tried to make the most obvious hickey he could before the bruising could fade. Then, his other hand would find itself gripping Jacob through his sweatpants.

Considering that his entire family is literally lining the outside of the house, this was not a good time. Jacob hoped that Edward had enough decency to keep it PG.

Jacob has too much faith in Edward.

To Jacob's chagrin however, Edward's hands instead move further up. They decide to start massaging Jacob's chest painfully slow. He tries to stifle any reaction, but a shaky breath rattles out of him and he knows he's screwed. He can hear Edward's low hum of acknowledgement, signaling that he is very interested in doing more "discovery". Shit.

Jacob's chest has been sore for a while now. He hasn't mentioned it to anyone besides Carlisle when he's forcing him to divulge information during a check-up. Though, as often as Edward keeps out of his head out of "respect", Jacob knows he doesn't stay out of anyone else's head. Everyone else is free game.

Jacob is trying to control his breathing, but it sounds like he's having an asthma attack as he bows his head trying to find something to cling to. A small sound is trapped in the back of his throat and he can hear it, but he's hoping it's something only he and Edward can parse. It's manifesting itself into a whine and the slight tweak Edward gives the bud of nipples only makes it higher pitched.

"Ed, please...," he finally manages to huff out. It sounds desperate, almost fading into a whimper, and he wants to hide his face after he hears a small puff of air leave Edward's nose. He's laughing at him. He finds this amusing.

"Relax, baby, I got you." It's barely a whisper but Jacob manages to hear it despite the ringing in his ears. It sounds like he's trying to reassure him that he knows how to put the coffee table together or he's cooked this dish several times, he doesn't need the recipe. He's got this. He's certain.

Jacob can hear footsteps headed their way.

"Ed-!"

"Trust me."

Edward drops one of his hands to rub soothing circles into Jacob's hip.

Jacob's so caught up in the footsteps, he doesn't reap the benefits of the gesture, but he does feel something wet against his chest.

He's not sure what he's about to say, but one look at the front of his tank top and his mouth is clamped shut. He glances up at Edward to see he's making his own observations as he looks over the pale liquid that's coating his left hand.

Carlisle had a knack for leaving out certain information that he knew Jacob didn't want to hear. Unless completely necessary, he'd just keep certain things to himself. However, he'd made an off-handed comment about Jacob's chest last week and Jacob wished he'd maybe taken the hint. He was only telling him this because it'd be relevant soon.

"You're producing quite a bit. It's quite early, but we might want to start accommodating for leaks."

Jacob blocked it out as "things Carlisle says that make me uncomfortable".

"Fascinating." He hears Edward hum out after a beat before he feels a hand on his shoulder pulling him down against the cushions of the couch.

He barely has time for his mind to comprehend what exactly Edward's plan is before he's latched himself on to one of Jacob's nipples and Jacob thinks he might actually die from embarrassment.

His legs are spread to let Edward in between them, Edward's hovering over him, his shirt is now bunched up under his armpits, Edward's latched onto his nipple like it's some sort of wine tasting and he's staring up at Leah who seems slightly amused by the entire ordeal.

She clears her throat and Edward's head pops up, a droplet of breast milk on his bottom lip and annoyance in his eyes as he whips around to glare at her.

"Came to give you these," she held up what looked to be a handmade bag that was overflowing with something, "but I see you're busy so I'll just leave it here."

She stooped down, dropped the bag near the edge of couch, gave him a wink for good measure -

Yet, you wonder why the boys aren't talking.

then she's gone as fast as she'd appeared.

She meant it playfully, he knew that. He hadn't wondered why the boys weren't "talking". He knew they wanted no part in knowing what he and Edward did on the daily and the best way to do that was to stay out of Jacob's head. He knew that. He just missed it sometimes. Missed not having to "knock" before being let in. He has no clue what they've been up to.

"Hey." It's all soft and concerned and it annoys the shit out of Jacob as Edward searches his eyes. He's not going to cry right now. He'll do it later.

"I'm fine." he huffs out, trying to wrangle his tank top back down, but Edward won't let him.

Edward eyes him for a bit before giving a small nod.

"Good." Then, he's once again latched onto one of Jacob's nipples before Jacob could get settled. 

There was nothing Jacob could do to stop the sound that came out of his mouth.

It's a loud, strangled cry and Edward gives him a look before he's grabbing for a blanket Alice left and quickly tossing it over them.

Esme is sent to check on them and she just gives them both a knowing look before turning around and sauntering back out to where the others are.

"Gotta stay quiet, Jay," Edward so graciously informs him, pressing the second lube and milk-covered finger against his hole, "and loosen up a bit."

If Jacob loosens up anymore, he's going to cease to exist.

He lets out a breath and it hitches into a whine. He feels Edward's hand gripping his thigh and shifting it up towards his stomach.

"You're gonna kill me." He hears himself breathe out. He hears a genuine sounding chuckle bubbling up from behind him before Edward's hushing him.

Jacob is almost glad that second in line is an action film and Edward has enough of a heart to turn up the volume a little.

When he finally presses into Jacob, he's a shaking, spluttering mess and he has to hide his face in the crook of Edward's neck, clutching onto him for dear life in order to stay slightly grounded.

He has a lot of time to think as his thighs tremble without his consent and honestly, he's not sure whether that's necessarily a good thing.

It gives him enough time to find Edward's mouth, give him probably the sloppiest kiss he's ever had to reciprocate. Then, he finds his eyes. Not a good idea.

His belly is brushing up against Edward, there is some action movie playing in the background but he's pretty sure he can hear a bed creaking, and Edward has something in his eyes that Jacob's not sure he's ever seen before.

"I love you." 

It's quiet and intimate and meant just for Jacob to hear.