i always thought i would sink,
so i never s w a m . . .

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The last week of WonderPier being open snuck up on me. September was coming to a close, as was boardwalk season. Two more days in my booth, and then my only job was weekends at the diner until late May. Working two jobs in the summer is enough stress, but working two jobs with school wore me to the bone.

Even though it's a Thursday evening, that didn't deter people from clogging up the pier. I guess the weather being beautifully warm and breezy helped everyone come out of their houses and enjoy it. Whatever the reason may be, I'd already been at the pier for two hours after I came here straight from school and I was already tired of everyone's shit. Needy, rude customers were just adding to it.

I'd just given a family a giant stack of tickets when Beverly came strolling up to the window with a grin.

"Wanna go on break?" She asked me, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, please," I mewled. "I guess you got my telepathic message telling you to come save me from these horrific people."

"You know it, kid. Take thirty and go get something to eat. I don't need you passing out on me when you got a couple hours left to go," she said.

"Don't remind me," I grumbled as I rolled my eyes. She just laughed and bid me goodbye, so I quickly locked up my booth and made a dash to the snack stand.

I decided on a giant soft pretzel and once I was already three bites into it, I headed over to where my friend Liz was working the squirt gun race. She's about my age and we've been working at the pier together for awhile, so we get along. Wandering the boardwalk sounded too tiring with how much energy I was lacking, so I settled on talking with her for the rest of my break.

"Hey," I breathed when I reached her, sitting in one of the empty stools that ran along the front of her kiosk.

"How's it going?" She smiled.

I shook my head, taking a moment to yawn. "I just wanna go home."

"Same here. I hate working this stupid ass game because I barely get any people. It's so boring," she ranted while she adjusted some of the prizes that were hanging on the wall. "Do you think Bev will let me leave if I don't get anymore kids?"

"No way," I chuckled at that idea. Even though Beverly is a relatively kind woman, at the end of the day, she only cares about one thing – making money. She's been running this pier for almost a decade and she's the reason why it's still alive. If it weren't for her, they probably would have demolished it years ago. It's obvious that she's good at her job and wouldn't give it up for anything.

Liz let out a dramatic groan, dropping her head into her crossed arms that were resting on the counter. I think she said a few choice swear words, but they were muffled from her head being down.

I munched on my pretzel as the two of us continued to gripe about working at the pier. Being two teenage girls, we quickly got lost in our conversation. Luckily, nobody came up wanting to play the racing game during the time I was sitting with Liz. Except for one person, but they weren't there to win a dumb prize from a squirt gun.

Just when I thought I was home free, my misery came back.

"Oh, hi." That hostile tone could never go unrecognized.

I whirled around, panic evident on my face as I saw Sky sitting beside me. The arrogance in her grin didn't quite intimidate me as much, because now I know her story. I know who she is, what goes on in her mind, why she says the things she does.

Even though she's not as menacing as she used to be, I can't help but feel uncomfortable around her. I always did, and knowing so much about her only intensifies that feeling.

"What are you doing here?" I asked monotonously.

"I came to pay you a visit," she said condescendingly. She didn't even acknowledge Liz, who was watching us interact with her mouth sewn shut. "So can we talk?" Her eyebrows raised expectantly, waiting for my answer.

"No."

I blinked at my bluntness, but didn't elaborate.

She appeared to be taken aback for a fraction of a second, but quickly got over it. A curt response like that wasn't enough to throw a girl like her off her game.

"Well, I'm gonna talk anyway. How are you and Brody? You're still together, right?" She spewed out her questions, icy gaze hooked on me and not intent on moving away.

Right. She'll do whatever she can to get what she wants. I figured carrying on with the short answers might frustrate her, so I stuck with that technique.

"Right." I nodded once.

"Things are good, then?"

"Things are great," I agreed, smiling smugly back at her.

She nodded too, a genuine look flashing in her eyes briefly. I knew not to give in to it.

"Well, good. He seems like he really loves you," she spoke much softer now, glancing down at her combat boots before coming back up to look at me. "Have you guys done it yet?"

"D-done what?" I stuttered. You know exactly what.

She laughed, shoving pity in my face with the sound as she stunned me with her flawless white smile. "Your innocence is so endearing, really. Try to keep that for as long as you can. Although, I don't know how long Brody would last with you if you did," she commented, and I sincerely wondered how the hell she could make a flattering remark so grim. "Anyway, have you guys had sex yet? Does that sound familiar to you?"

The heat rushed to my face when I heard those words come out of her mouth. I said I'm usually always uncomfortable around her, but this took it to a whole new level. I considered pretending to faint just to get out of this discussion. But that'd probably be a bit melodramatic, right?

Sky was anticipating my answer, her green eyes reading me like a book. I didn't even have to answer because she already knew. God damnit, why does she have to know everything?

"Right," she piped up before I could say anything, not that I was really planning on it. "You guys probably don't do that. Like I said, your innocence will get the best of you. But if you do ever decide to sleep with him, go for it. He'll blow your mind, that smooth son of a bitch," she sighed, a wistful smirk altering her usual malicious one.

My stomach churned at the thought of her and Brody together like that. Instead of letting it show, I shook her words off like I did with the extra salt on my pretzel. They were disregarded in seconds.

"Thanks, I'll remember that," I just smiled in return.

I glanced down at my phone and lit it up to check the time, seeing that I only had a couple minutes left on break. "Well, I need to head back to my booth because my break is almost over," I informed no one in particular. Standing up swiftly, I shot a grin at Liz. "Nice talking to you."

"See ya, Lena." She waved to me, completely ignoring Sky.

I felt the chilling stare of Sky still hooked on me as she slowly turned in her stool. When I finally granted her a glimpse, her eyebrows were furrowed and she looked utterly disoriented. I took that as my chance to say something other than a bleak retort. I thought of it as sealing the cracks in our dysfunctional relationship, and shutting her out.

"You can tell me whatever you want about Brody, but it doesn't mean I'm going to listen to you. So you can either waste your breath and keep trying to pay me visits every now and then, or go on with your life like we never even met."

With that, I spun on my heel and walked back to my booth, a gloating smile on my face as I ate the last of my pretzel.

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Out of my entire friend group, I'm probably the least likely to bring up the topic of intimacy. Sadie has no problem talking about it, and neither does Caleb, but that's probably because they're dating. Jodie's always been pretty open about her hook ups and whatnot – aside from Aiden – and even Noah isn't ashamed of it. I'm the one that's the least comfortable with it. Then again, I'm not the most experienced either.

Usually they all talk while I listen. But maybe talking about it will get me used to it. Especially since I had been incessantly going over the same thing in my mind for days, torturing myself by keeping it in.

A little over a week later and I still couldn't stop thinking about what Sky said to me at the pier. I didn't mention it to Brody, not over text or the few times that we hung out. I promised him that we wouldn't talk about Sky again, and I want to keep that promise. It's just very, very hard to do that.

Sadie was over my house as we were wasting away a rainy Saturday by watching movies in my room. The rest of our friend group was busy, and since I no longer had work at the pier, I was free from noon on, as was Sadie. With it being just the two of us, I saw it as the perfect time to have a talk. One regarding my sex life, or lack of.

"Pass me my drink?" She asked me, so I reached over and grabbed her soda off my nightstand, handing it to her. "Thanks."

"Mhm," I hummed. I dove my hand into the bowl of popcorn sitting between us and shoved it all into my mouth, anxious about the subject I was about to bring up. But it was now or never, and if I put it off any longer, I think I'd go insane. I made sure I swallowed my mouthful of popcorn before I spoke up. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she chirped. The uneasiness I felt doubled when she turned her attention away from the movie and over to me.

My cheeks were already burning at the thought of this question. I sucked it up and spat it out anyway. "How did you know it was the right time when you and Caleb, you know... first had sex?" I attempted to mask my discomfort with curiosity, but I think Sadie saw right through it.

Her eyes fell from mine, her lips pulling upward into a bashful smile. "I-I don't know. It just kind of happened one day. It felt right," she said, then she eyed me suspiciously. "Why?"

"Just curious," I assured her quickly. Her dark, narrowed eyes said that she didn't believe me, but she decided to let it go.

"Oh. Well, yeah. It's not like I planned it out or anything," she laughed, shaking her head as she further explained. "It happened so naturally with us. I think it helped that I liked Caleb for a long time, and then once we started dating, we didn't drag it out. We tried to take things slow, but we both felt okay about it, so it happened. But, you know, everybody's different. Some people need to love the other person to have sex with them. Other people just do it... just 'cause they want to."

"Right." I nodded in agreement. "Then again, you guys have an oddly perfect relationship. You're that couple that was made for each other, like you're definitely going to get married."

Sadie's cheeks tinged with pink, but the adoration on her face was bright and contagious. "I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. I'll take the compliment, though," she grinned now, the both of us giggling afterwards.

We turned back to the movie, sitting in silence and finishing off the rest of our popcorn. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to ask my best friend with her long-term boyfriend for advice on how and when to sleep with my boyfriend. Especially when my relationship is still fresh and learning how to walk, while Sadie's is almost fully grown. Still, I appreciated her input.

It didn't take long for Sadie to turn back towards me and prove she saw through my dumb questions. I guess I really can't hide what I'm thinking sometimes.

"You know, if you think you're ready to have sex with Brody, then go for it," she said, her voice sounding so casual, whereas I wouldn't even be able to get the words out if the roles were switched. "You really think I bought that you were 'just curious' about my sex life? Lena, you're the last person to ever bring that topic up to anyone. Even if I am your best friend."

"I know," I rolled my eyes with a breathy chuckle.

"There's nothing wrong with thinking about it. He's your boyfriend; it's normal," she smiled, setting a hand down on my knee. "You gotta be comfortable with talking about it before you actually do it. So, I'm here to answer any questions you have – I have no boundaries when it comes to talks like these. I might be shy for the most part, but after having a boyfriend for three years, nothing is awkward for me."

"Good point," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

"What do you wanna know?" She coaxed, eyes gleaming with eagerness as she sat cross-legged now, fully facing me. "I gotta prepare you and break you out of your shell, girl. I want your first time to be good 'cause I told you what to do."

"Oh my God," I sputtered out with a loud laugh. Not used to Sadie aiming these kinds of comments at me, my face flushed and I just giggled out of embarrassment.

Eventually, I got over it and stopped being so immature. The conversation between Sadie and I quickly evolved into one where I actually felt normal talking about sex. It could have been because I was talking to one of my best friends which made it all the more relaxing, or maybe I finally did break out of my shell. Whatever the reason was, Sadie helped me out a ton, and I have her to thank for the girl talk we had that took up nearly that entire Saturday.

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A/N - ayeeee so our girl lena is thinking of doing you-know-what with mr. brody 👀 heh. it's been a lot about our lovebirds so there had to be some girl time to even it out. gotta have girl time. GOTTA. also, is this the last time we see sky??? that chick just keeps popping up out of nowhere smh. also also, i hate to say this but..... 7 chapters left fam. SEVEN. RIP.

i cleaned the daylights out of my room this week which is a soul cleansing experience i loVE IT LOL. i got rid of so much it's great. now i have room for more shit. anywho, i'm still deciding on what to do regarding job hunting and life lol. i went to good ole emo night last night with my friends and it was so much fun UGH. screaming and headbanging to mcr, adtr, atl, and so on never gets old. also i'm going to see my friends band A R I Z O N A next week in new york so that's pretty kewl. random but i'm kinda sad about summer ending already bc it went way too fast if you ask me.

OTHER THAN THAT, thanks for reading! hope you're doing well, and i love ya lots.

ps i cannot believe A Righteous Love hit 11k reads?!?!? WTF!!!! IM CRYING THANK U SO MUCH TO ANYONE WHO READ IT/KEEPS READING IT I LOVE YOU.

dedicated to: artwitter :)

song: malibu by miley cyrus (i can't physically put into words how much i love her & this song)

photo: sky

xoxo, sabbbycat