and i'll meet your eyes
for the very first t i m e . . .

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My favorite time of day is 6 AM during the summer months. It's a little strange for a nearly seventeen-year-old girl to be admitting that, but it's true. There's no other time quite like it.

It's right when the sun comes up over the sand dunes and hits the windows of The Sand Dollar. Located on the edge of Shellmark, my quiet seaside hometown harboring on the outer coast of Maryland, it's a local favorite for breakfast. Not to mention, my parents own the restaurant so of course, I'm biased towards it.

I never thought I'd be a morning person in my teenage years, but working at a place that opens at the crack of dawn and closes at noon has changed that. My parents might have done it on purpose by putting me on the early morning shifts, but I've grown to love it by now. Watching the sun rise as the day just starts and the town slowly wakes up is the highlight of most mornings. That, and having the ocean merely feet away from me keeps me in one piece.

The ocean has always been home to me. A place where I feel miles away from everything around me. A stable rock I know will always be there for me at the end of the day. I've grown up with the ocean never out of my sight, and there's nowhere else I would want to be.

As the golden hour approached and dinner time was looming, I found myself in my usual spot perched on the beach. Plopped down in the middle of the sand, eyes hooked on the waves rolling up and crashing against the surface. A sound that was like music to me.

By now, the massive crowd of beach-goers had died down yet there were a few still lingering here and there. With it being blocks away from the boardwalk chaos, it's where you can enjoy the view of the ocean and time to yourself. There's no worries of crying babies, whistles being blown, or rowdy children running aimlessly while their parents ignore them.

Unfortunately, I'm usually a part of this everyday circus when working at my second job – selling tickets in a booth at the WonderPier on the boardwalk. It's part-time during the week and only from June until September while the pier is open. Other than that, most of my time is spent at The Sand Dollar with my parents.

The middle of June just as school let out is probably the worst time to be working on the boardwalk, because everybody decides to come down the shore. It kicks off the official summer season for everyone and it's prime time for making money. But that's obvious because it happens every year, and it never fails to annoy me.

Vacationers come to the pier and demand tickets, the lines are ridiculously long, and no one has any patience. Aside from all that, I'm grateful to even have one job, let alone two. A teenager like me needs money to spend on stupid things. Mostly food and clothes.

Wiping my forehead and taking a deep breath, I squinted my eyes and kept my gaze on the sparkling water in front of me. The wind danced around me as grains of sand stuck to my exposed skin, my obnoxious, red WonderPier t-shirt, and my khaki shorts. I had kicked my white Converse off long ago, letting my feet breathe and sticking my toes in the sand.

After a five hour shift at the pier, I came to the beach to sit and relax for awhile. It's something I do pretty often, because like I said, the ocean is home to me.

I ran a hand through the wavy mess that is my dirty blonde hair and stood up to stretch. My knees cracked as they straightened out, telling me that I had been sitting for too long. Carrying my sneakers in my hand, I gradually made the walk back to my house a few yards away.

My parents are well off from co-owning The Sand Dollar, which used to be my dad's younger brother's pride and joy before he passed away. He left it for my dad, who gladly took over the business with the help of my mom. Without them, it might have crumbled to the ground. In the end, people love breakfast, so my parents make quite a decent amount of money doing what they do.

But me? I do what I can by going back and forth from the diner to the pier, making whatever money I can on minimum wage.

Just over the gigantic sand dunes and the hill to get on and off the beach, my vivid aqua painted house came into view. Outlined and detailed in white, the property stood out against the rest of the beige houses on our street. So much so, that it's known as "Big Blue" around the town. My parents spent quite a lot of money renovating our house when I was young, and I'd say they did a damn good job.

The long wooden staircase in the middle led straight up to the front porch that stretched across the whole first floor, with the garage underneath. When I got close enough, I marched up the stairs and pushed open the front door.

I saw my mom glance over at me from the living room couch on the right side, opposite of our open kitchen. "Hi sweetie," she sent me a smile before going back to painting her toenails.

"Hey," I greeted her with a sigh. I dropped my shoes by the mat at the door and leaned over the back of the couch, watching her color her toenails with a bright pink polish. "Where's Dad?"

She finished her pinkie toe first, then put the bottle down. "He's in his office taking care of some bills," she explained, pulling her locks identical to mine into a low ponytail. "How was the pier?"

"Busy, as always," I huffed.

"And it will be until the end of the summer," she chuckled in return. I just groaned and plummeted my face into a cushion. "Got any plans for tonight?"

I was about to answer her when I realized she wouldn't understand me, so I picked my head up to speak clearly. "Jodie wanted us all to go over her house for a movie night," I said, the name of my audacious best friend bringing a smile to my mom's face. She went on to say something else, but my phone vibrating in my back pocket stole attention.

Jodie, being impatient as always, sent me a warning text about getting to her house as soon as possible because it was almost seven o'clock and all my friends were waiting for me to arrive so we could order dinner. I rolled my eyes with a grin and told her I'd be there shortly, hearing the nagging of my mother as background noise.

"You and that damn phone," she clicked her tongue in disappointment. A mocking smile pulled my lips upward as I crossed through the dining room toward the L-staircase. "If you had any siblings, I wouldn't be so worried about you all the time or else I'd take that phone and chuck it out the window!"

"Love you too!" I called over my shoulder before ascending the stairs. I could hear her laughing briefly before I got to the second level and only heard the low humming of the air conditioner.

Walking into my quiet room, I wandered over to my drawers. My work shirt came off instantly, thrown to the side of my room as I changed into a baby pink halter top and left on my denim shorts. With a swipe of lip balm and some body spray, I grabbed my wallet and my keys, then left my room to head to Jodie's.

She's sort of the mother in my friend group, being a few months older than everyone and just naturally having that instinct in her. I'm glad to have her as a best friend though because she's always thinking ahead and taking precautions. Sometimes it's annoying, but I love her anyway.

I stopped by my dad's office and said goodbye to him before I fled down the stairs in my flip flops, almost tripping because I didn't take my time like always. My mom's laughter echoed in the living room, and I rounded the dining room to see her cackling and pointing at the TV.

"I'm going to Jodie's now, I'll see you later," I told her through a stifled laugh.

It took her a moment to calm herself down as she wiped at her eyes, a stray giggle lingering. "Okay, okay. Have fun," she cooed.

I flung my hand out as wave before venturing out the front door and down the stairs to the garage. The pearly white sedan I received as a sixteenth birthday present almost a year ago was waiting for me, the lights blinking when I unlocked it. I hopped in and started it up, my radio at a high volume blaring the album Bangerz by Miley Cyrus. My head started bobbing along instantly, as I backed out of our driveway and pressed the button on my dashboard to shut the garage door.

Just as I started driving down my street and approached the stop sign, my phone buzzed a few times in the cup holder. Jodie's name flashed across the screen, so I quickly read over what she wrote.

Jodie: you took too long so we ordered pizza from franks and you have to go pick it up!! 😌

Jodie: it's under my name btw thanks love ya mean it xo

A breathy laugh escaped my lips as I sent her a sarcastic answer. Instead of putting on my right blinker, I flipped on my left, making my way towards Frank's Pizza.

🌊🌊🌊

Four pairs of hungry eyes welcomed me when I opened Jodie's front door fifteen minutes later. My friends could hardly wait for me to get inside before they ripped the pizza box out of my hands and took it to the living room to devour.

"Glad you guys were happy to see me," I remarked, following them all and throwing my keys on the coffee table.

"That's what you get when you leave a bunch of starving teenagers waiting for too long," Noah said through a mouthful. I ruffled my hand through his hair messily, then grabbed a slice for myself and plopped down on the couch between him and Jodie.

Sadie, my other best friend who is the total opposite of Jodie, was comfortably sat on the other smaller couch with Noah's twin brother Caleb. The two have been dating for about three years and I've never seen a couple go so well together. With all of us being friends since grade school, it was weird at first to see them fall in love with each other all of a sudden. We got pretty used to it though because they just fit.

He's also completely different from Noah, who is a silly hopeless romantic that's cautious of everything and everyone. On the other hand, Caleb is the brainiac out of the two, and he has a protective side to him that really only comes out when it has anything to do with Sadie. Regardless, the twins keep our friendship interesting.

While watching the movie everyone chose before my arrival, I couldn't help but keep feeling Noah's limbs brush against me every once in awhile. I was trying my best to ignore it.

I wasn't sure if he was doing it on purpose or if he was just that fidgety – like always – but I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable by moving away from him. So I just stayed put. It made the movie go by slower, but eventually it came to an end.

The credits rolled a little before 9 o'clock, and Caleb jumped up to put in the next one.

"Lena, can you help me bring the trash into the kitchen?" Jodie's voice took me out of my trance.

I glanced up to see her standing above me, eyebrows furrowed and blue eyes gleaming with a hidden message. With a slow shrug, I agreed to help her. Dividing the trash evenly between the both of us, we carried it to the kitchen and shoved everything into the trashcan.

Jodie wiped her hands on the dish towel, not looking me in the eyes at first. Me being a nervous wreck, I shifted my weight back and forth from one leg to the other and waited for her to open her mouth.

"I picked on you because I want to talk to you."

"Oh God," I grumbled. She rolled her eyes and shot me a knowing look, crossing her arms. I sighed heavily, walking over to the counter and leaning my hip against it. "What?"

She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "You do know what's going through Noah's head, right?" She interrogated, lips pursing as I guiltily nodded my head.

I couldn't look at her anymore, so I glanced over at the living room to see Noah, Caleb and Sadie immersed in a conversation as the menu for the next movie was on the screen. At least they wouldn't be able to hear this dreaded talk I was about to have with Jodie.

So here's the thing.  I hope this doesn't make me a terrible person.

I've known Noah for practically a decade when we all first became friends. Him, along with Caleb, were like the brothers I never had. It was all fine until last summer.

I don't know what happened, but Noah got feelings for me out of the blue. As you know, that usually messes everything up in a boy-girl friendship. But what's even more twisted is that I don't think of him in that way. Like, at all. He's still a brother to me – always has been, always will be.

Am I terrible yet?

Caleb spilled the beans to me one day and ever since then, I've tried to bury the thought somewhere deep in the back of my mind. It's sad because I do want a boyfriend; only because I've never had one and my faith is running low as high school is winding down with only one year left. But I don't think Noah's the right person for that – I love him as a friend and that's it.

The bad thing is I don't have the confidence to tell him how I really feel. You see my problem, right?

Jodie shook her head disapprovingly which just made the queasiness in my stomach multiply. "Well, can you do something about it already? You can't keep making him wait like this, Lena," she pointed out as if I wasn't aware of it.

"You think I don't know that?" I snapped, jerking my head toward our other friends to make sure no one heard me.

"Of course I do," she retorted defensively. "But with Heather's party tomorrow night, you know exactly what's going to happen."

That's also a problem, as if this situation isn't already fucked up enough.

Noah and I do this thing where whenever both us of get drunk, we hook up. Nothing more than a make out. And after, we pretend like nothing ever happened.

I'm well informed that it's really stupid, because Jodie and Sadie constantly butcher me for it, but it never fails to happen. I think it's mostly Noah's fault because he usually takes advantage of the fact that whenever I drink, I get the urge to kiss someone. It doesn't matter though because I still go through with it, and now you know why I'm a terrible person.

I shut my eyes and let out an aggravated sigh, running my fingers over my face. "It's just so hard. I don't know what to do. He's my best friend, I can't hurt him," I mumbled into my hands.

"Well, you'd better make up your mind, and fast. He's not going to wait forever... he's waited long enough," she stated. Then she turned on her heel, blonde hair swaying behind as she left me alone in the kitchen.

Jodie's right – she always is. Her and that damn wicked advice she spits always has me sputtering for a response that I can't find because she wins every time.

After taking a few deep breaths, hoping to clear my head, I walked back to the living room and fell in my spot on the couch. Jodie clicked play on the remote and the movie soon started.

My gaze latched onto Noah's profile out of the corner of my eye, wondering what was going through his mind right now. When I caught him looking back at me, I focused on the TV.

The battle that's ongoing between my mind and my heart has gotten way too out of hand at this point. It's like neither side has a shot at winning anymore. All I know is that I have a lot of thinking to do. A lot.

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A/N - ahhhhh here it is!!! the first chapter of the story that i honestly love with all my lil heart!!! i hope you guys are interested in this and like it bc i'm just so excited. tbh i'll read it by myself if no one else does bc i love it that much. let me know what you think of the characters/plot/details/literally anything so far!

so i know this chapter isn't much dialogue but a lot of description, which might happen sometimes during this story (as well as more dialogue/less descriptions) but it will always even out! just thought i'd point that out lol. and obviously, like i say all the time, this is the first chapter so it's not too juicy yet but i pRoMiSe it will get better ;) 

thank you so so much for checking this out; it means the world to me. i love ya lots!

dedicated to: artskayyyy :)

song: sloom by of monsters and men

photo: sun rising over a wave

xoxo, sabbbycat