not me opening up to my mom about how I'm feeling and she laughs because "I can't see you harming or killing yourself" 😝✌️

Anyways, here's the vent part ig.

I know I'm a coward and wouldn't ever do anything like it, but still. it happened like, a month ago now, but I'm still not over it and think about what she said often. I do too much for her mental health, but she rarely does anything for me. She says she does, but the minute I have a breakdown it's always "I can't deal with this right now" what about me? It's selfish, I know, but I'm _her_ child. I've calmed her down from breakdowns, but when I cry and rock back and forth as a comfort she thinks there's something wrong with me. For fucks sale I'm so tired of this, it's been happening since I was 6 and I'm not feeling any better. Everyone always says "it'll get better" but when? When will that be exactly? I've dealt with this for over 6 years. I'm sick of this. So fucking done. But I'm too scared to do anything. I just wish I wasn't born tbh. Or maybe if I were born a boy things would be better, idk. I have friends but I can never talk to them because I'm scared I'll end up as a burden. I just want to feel happy again. That's all. But ig that's too much to ask, isn't it? Everything I ask for is too much, I'll just stop asking now. I'll just stop doing anything.

My mom sleeps all day anyways, might as well do whatever the hell I want. Maybe I'll start starving myself again. It worked for a bit and I felt better about myself. I can't even go a bit with being hungry without the thought crossing my mind, so why not? It's be easy to relapse anyways. I'm just fed up with everything. I don't want to die, I just wish I had never existed. I'm probably holding people down anyways.