<TRIGGER WARNING FOR INFANT LOSS>

-------------------------------------------------------

Wade had carried her into the hospital in his arms.

He was usually so level headed. As a mercenary you often had to be.

But this time, he panicked. Wade Wilson panicked.

He couldn't lose her.

Not her.

He lo-

Fuck, couldn't even admit it to himself in his own head.

She was too good for him. In every way.

Even feeling like that about her...what was the point?

If he let himself fall too for her, it would be just be another time when Wade Wilson fucks everything up again, anyway.

So she could just be there...across the hallway. The girl he had a fucking big soft spot for.

And love didn't even have to come into it...did it?

But right now Wade hurt all over. In more pain than he had ever been in his entire life. And that really was saying something!

Surely he wouldn't be feeling all this if she was just a friend... Just a BFF... Just a neighbour...

Missy had become his whole world. Her and that bump of hers.

Was it wrong of him to have already been looking ahead? To be dreaming of trips to the movies together, with a mini Missy in tow? Showing him or her off, down at Weasel's place.

And that was when Wade realised...

When it finally dawned on him, what he wanted more than anything in this entire fucking universe...

But that thing... that person, had been swept through those double doors on a hospital gurney five hours ago.

Five long hours.

She had just been regaining consciousness when Wade had run through the doors yelling at the top of his lungs for help, blood soaking through his shirt.

The staff had taken her away, pulled her from his arms.

He heard her murmur his name as the wheeled her away...her hand clutched to her stomach.

Now Wade sat, with his head in his hands, in the waiting room. The nurses having been kind enough to give him a fresh t-shirt from the lost and found.

It was the middle of the night, quiet. Just him alone in here. But Wade was restless. He couldn't sleep, couldn't sit for long in one spot. Pacing. Thinking. Worrying.

Waiting for news...

For something...

For anything...

It was almost 2am by the time anyone appeared.

It was a Doctor. A lady doctor, all white coat, chart and greying hair...with frown lines on her forehead.

Wade stood instantly as the she approached, a solemn look etched into her face.

His heart plunged into his stomach.

He had been in enough hospital waiting rooms in his life to know that a face like that wasn't what you wanted to see.

Not now.

His heart thudded inside his rib cage as he got to his feet.

"Are you...the father?" asked the doctor in a firm tone. Her eyes were hazel and warm.

Wade swallowed hard.

"I'm just a friend," he said quickly, his mouth going dry. "Is Missy ok?"

The doctor paused, but her hazel eyes didn't leave his, not even for a second.

"There was a complication..."

Wade's knees could have buckled beneath him, but somehow he stayed standing.

"We got Missy into surgery as soon as we could..." the doctor said, pausing again and pursing her lips. "I'm sorry. There was nothing that could be done. Things like this are rare in these late stages...but...they can happen."

Wade was frustrated and upset. Why was this doctor talking like this? Why was she not just telling him straight-

"Missy lost the baby," said the doctor bluntly. Her tone was flat. Matter-of-fact.

Wade froze.

He felt like all the breath had suddenly been sucked out of him.

Like his heart had stopped beating.

Like everything around him had gone quiet...

Surely this couldn't be happening.

Not to her.

Not to Missy.

This had to be a mistake.

"Like I said, we did everything we could," continued the doctor in a slow voice. Her eyes were sad. "Missy didn't do anything wrong. She was healthy and she took care of herself, but sometimes...these things...they just happen."

Wade let out a long gasp of air, his hands at his sides shaking.

He felt like crying.

No, wait. He was already crying.

Tears slipping down his cheeks involuntarily as a sharp pain stabbed at his heart.

Wade hated those words- These things just happen.

No, Wade needed a reason. There had to be a reason.

He needed someone to blame...someone to punish...because that was his job right?

He needed to take all of his anger...his upset, out on someone.

But this wasn't about him.

"Is Missy-" he began, but the doctor cut across him.

"You've got to understand that... to lose a baby in such a late stage of pregnancy...a lot of mothers find it hard to cope with the loss...when you've carried a child for that long," she shook her head, pausing. "She's been out of surgery for an hour now and as comfortable as she can be...you can see her if you want. She's awake."

The doctor gave a gulp.

"But you just need to give her time, ok?"

The woman placed her warm hand to Wade's arm giving it a gentle squeeze, before stepping aside.

"Again," she uttered. "I'm so sorry."

Wade gave a shuddering breath.

He didn't know how to deal with this.

Five hours ago they had just come back from an amazing afternoon out at the movies.

He remembered Missy's smiling face as the warm sunlight had passed over her features. He remembered the happiness he had felt right at that moment, just the three of them.

Wade's mouth was dry and he gave a difficult gulp as took a step, before slowly pushing open the door just along the corridor.

He needed to be strong. For her.

The room was small and dimly lit, with a bed on one side, and a red chair beside it.

Wade's eyes instantly landed on Missy.

She was curled up beneath a white sheet, facing away from him.

She didn't move as he approached.

"Hey," he uttered, his voice wavering slightly, sounding more shaky than he thought it would.

But Missy stayed still.

As Wade approached her, he caught a glimpse of her face, wet with tears.  Her eyes were open, puffy and red, just staring at the wall. Staring, but not seeing.

But still she didn't acknowledge him.

Wade wanted to hold her to him. To comfort her.

But he knew that what the doctor said was true. She needed space. She needed time.

The merc gave a frown.

Missy had done nothing wrong.

In his eyes she could never do anything wrong.

Wade silently took a seat in the chair beside the bed, staring at the back of Missy's caramel blonde hair.

He couldn't even imagine how she was feeling.

To have a child...and then to-

He swallowed down a lump in his throat, staring at the ceiling, as tears spilled from his eyes. But he kept silent. Not wanting Missy to hear.

From beneath the white sheet she was still.

Unmoving.

She didn't turn around.

The hours- no, the days, slipped by.

And all that time Wade didn't leave that chair.

And in all that time Missy barely moved an inch.

The doctors and nurses came in to check on her from time to time. But even when they shifted her, checking her vitals, Missy's eyes remained blank...her gaze fixed on nothing.

She never looked at him. Not even once.

But still, Wade stayed. There was no way he was going to leave her.

At one point that same lady doctor, with the grey hair and hazel eyes, had pulled him out of there, into the corridor and had urged him to go rest.

But Wade had point-blank refused.

The doctor had given a sigh. But as she had turned on her heel, beginning to walk away down the long corridor in defeat, Wade had called out to her.

"She won't look at me..." he uttered, his voice breaking slightly.

The kindly doctor had turned back to him, giving him a sympathetic look, her eyes full of sadness.

"She's been through a trauma...you just need to give her time."

And with that she was gone.

Wade had given a shuddering breath before going straight back in, to resume his position on the chair beside Missy. With her still turned away from him.

But it broke his heart to hear that she was crying.

Her tears were quiet but still audible in the silent room.

Wade wiped again at his own wet eyes.

They had been there for fifty-four hours when two doctors appeared at the end of her bed, looking at Missy's chart, concerned looks on their faces.

"Melissa," one of them uttered. "You haven't been eating. You need to keep your strength up...especially now."

But Missy remained silent. Unmoving, yet again.

Wade had shifted in his seat.

They were right. Every meal that had been placed before her, Missy had ignored.

The last thing she had eaten had been a tub of popcorn at the movie theatre the other night.

"Melissa..." said the kindly doctor with the hazel eyes. "If you don't start eating we'll be forced to feed you through an IV, do you understand?"

But Missy still remained unresponsive.

She was in shock. Hurting. He knew that.

Wade instantly stood.

"I'll make sure she eats," he said quickly.

The last thing he wanted was to see Missy being forced to have yet another needle shoved into her arm.

The merc came to sit on Missy's bed , between her and the doctors.

His stance protective. Shielding her from the world.

"I'll make sure," he repeated.

The two doctors gave a nod, their eyes roving over his set features, before quietly leaving the room.

For a long moment Wade didn't move.

He gave a hard gulp, before finally turning towards her, Missy.

Gently he reached a hand up, moving her long caramel hair off her shoulder.

He could just about see her face, pale and staring.

He didn't know what to say. What could he say? He'd only fuck everything up anyway, with any attempt at sympathetic words. That was just what he did.

But before Wade could stop himself-

"You want me to get you some take-out instead of this hospital shit-show of a dinner menu?" he asked in a low voice. "I could smuggle you in a couple of tacos...or a pizza?"

Still Missy ignored him.

"Or I could get us some of those burritos you like from that gross little stand off the corner of ninth," he said gazing over at her. "Although I could kinda go for those dumplings we got that one time in Chinatown. Oh man, they were so fucking good."

He saw her give a blink, then another.

"You remember that time I got food poisoning from that shawarma joint we went to?" he continued. "And I ended up hurling in that dumpster. Ughhh. Now that was the worst."

He gave a sigh.

"So let's avoid THAT place. But there's always that uh-mazing burger-joint just around the corner from here that serves just the greatest chilli-cheese fries, you know the ones we got a few weeks ago when you had all those cravings for plastic cheese," Wade paused, swallowing.

He took a breath.

"Little Chimi was always a sucker for chilli-cheese fries," he murmured sadly, his voice wavering. "Him or her would have grown up with a definite addiction to those things."

Wade gave a silent sniff, placing a hand to the bridge of his nose and scrunching his eyes closed.

"It was a her," came Missy's sudden voice from beside him. "Chimi was a girl."

Wade stared over at Missy quickly, his breath catching in his throat.

Suddenly she shifted on the bed, clutching the sheet around her, and coming to sit upright.

Wade shut up immediately. His lips parted, as he felt her fingers gently brush his.

He instinctively took her hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

He wanted to hold her...but knew she needed time.

Instead he lifted his other hand to her face, cupping her cold cheek in his hand, his thumb tracing across her cheekbone.

It took both of them a moment.

Silence filling the room...

And Wade for the first time in his entire life didn't know what to say.

What could he say?

He gave a gentle frown, trying as hard as he could to stop the tears from falling again, as Missy's green eyes suddenly met with his.

And the first time in days, Wade truly saw how lost she really was.

Lost without her Chimichanga...her little girl.

He felt his heart begin to pound as she stared at him, the most horrendous amount of sorrow and pain just emanating from her. She was shaking terribly, her eyes glassy as tears slipped down her cheeks.

"They let me hold her," she said in merely a whisper, her voice braking." S-she was warm, and-"

Wade let out a sharp breath, looking skyward for a moment, unable to control his emotions.

"-and her little hands...they were so small...and-" Missy trailed off, giving a sob, her face wet with tears.

Wade stared at her, sadness enveloping them both.

Missy's lip trembled, her green eyes still fixed onto his.

"Wade...she was beautiful."

Wade, let out a shuddering breath, a tear slipping down his cheek.

"I loved her," Missy finished, bowing her head.

Wade couldn't take it anymore...he could see just how much this was killing her.

Missy burst into tears, as she pressed herself into Wade and he instantly wrapped his arms around her. Holding her tighter than he'd ever held onto anything before.

She needed him, and he needed her.

Missy sobbed into his chest. Her entire body trembling in his arms. But Wade held her close, pressing his mouth into her hair.

And that was how they stayed. As an eternity ticked by.

Neither one of them wanting to let go.

And Wade knew for certain, that he never again would.

---------------------------------------------

I'm so sorry, this was always supposed to be a hurt/comfort fic.