⊱ ──────ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ────── ⊰

FOR A MOMENT, BAKUGO FELT like the world had stopped, like he was frozen, heat rising in his cheeks as though he was about to cry because damn it, Y/N couldn't die-

But her eyes fluttered open, and she gave Bakugo a tired scowl.

"The fuck are you doing here?"

He almost laughed, because those words, if anything, finally convinced that she could be okay. 

"I ... don't know," he answered her truthfully. "I'm sorry."

They both knew the apology was for a lot more than its surface meaning. 

Y/N nodded slowly, looking to the side. "I'm sorry too. But I think  I- I need to be angry right now."

Bakugo studied her again, taking in her red-tinged e/c eyes and her hands folded in her lap. Fingers intertwined, twisting, twisting, twisting nervously, and he realised how scared she was.

"Okay," he sat down on the bed, though he still towered above her from where she was lying. 

Y/N took the moment to wave tiredly at Kaminari and Kirishima, who waved back with sad smiles. Everyone was acting like she was already dead - yes, being angry would help.

"Hit me."

"Pardon?" Y/N raised her eyebrows, a tiny confused smirk flitting across her face.

Bakugo shrugged, holding out one of his admittedly muscled arms. "You want to be angry. Hit me."

She hesitated.

"Don't be a fucking coward," he scoffed, knowing it would work.

It did. She delivered a stinging whack to his bicep, leaving a red mark behind.

"That felt good," she admitted. "I-"

Before she could even thank him, apologise, for her behaviour, for the bandage around his forehead, for being a bitch, a flurry of doctors and nurses sprinted for her bed.

"It's time, Y/L/N," one of them said, the one who'd been attending her for several hours.

"What's happening?" Bakugo yelled, fighting to get back to her side through the claustrophobic huddle of medical workers. "Y/L/N! Y/N!"

"She's getting a surgery, hon," one of the female doctors responded, holding her arms behind her to keep the boy back. "She should be fine."

Recalling Recovery Girl's earlier words about watching people in hospitals, Bakugo could see the truth. He felt sick, watching them swarm around her like  vultures over a carcass, practically throwing her onto a wheeling stretcher and pushing her away.

Too late, Bakugo realised not a single molecule of oxygen had passed into his lungs in minutes as he stared at the still swinging doors of the pediatric ward. 

"Breathe," Kirishima suggested, whacking his back as he bent over, coughing and wheezing, trying to force air into his body. "Breathe."

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

They were telling Y/N to breathe too - shoving a mask over her face, shaking her body as they ran down hallways, all the while, yelling, "Breathe, breathe, breathe."

Y/N was terrified, but it was a detached kind of fear. She'd accepted the poison her Quirk was infecting her body with would kill her, and that the surgery to restore the Quirk-powering parts of her brain was risky, with a 10 - 20% success rate.

Put simply, she was going to die. And she was becoming okay with that.

But then, she remembered Bakugo. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but two words, properly, above all.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please.

"Please ..." the word fell from her lips, and though she wasn't speaking to them, the doctors responded.

"You're going to be fine."

Fine. 

Fine. 

Fine.

First came pain.

Then relief.

Then nothing.

Black.

Floating.

Nothing.

No, not nothing. A memory. A whisper. A cry. 

A boy, with nothing more than fear and concern in his expression, his hand reaching for her, but she blew him away with anger and hatred.

Sorry.

"I'M SORRY!" she screamed, out into the void, into the nothing, but there was no one to answer. Guilt weighed deep upon her, bringing her down into the nothing, further, further, further. 

"Please - I'm sorry!"

"WE'RE LOSING HER!"

"Defibrillator? Life support?"

"Stay with me, stay with me, kid."

"Y/N!"

"How'd he get in here, get him out, get him out!"

"Y/N, please! STAY ALIVE!"

She recognised the voice, and she almost laughed at the irony. The doctors had wheeled her into an operation room at 11:00pm. In the span of almost a day, Bakugo had yelled at her, hurt her, cared for her, worried for her.

And Y/N? 

She'd almost cracked. Almost cried. Almost died.

Almost was a ridiculous word. Sad, carrying the weight of the world in six letters. 

Mentally, as she felt herself slip away, unable to hear again, she composed a poem in her mind.

One last 'sorry', to Bakugo Katsuki.

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

Y/N's poem, entitled ALMOST

almost
is the saddest word in any language
it is the word we use
when we were so unbearably close
so close we could begin
to celebrate
but we miss
we fail again
we are back to the crying nights, and the nothing

almost
is the encapsulation of every lost dream
every squashed hope
everything we dared to believe
but it was too far

i was almost there
i could've held him
i could've loved him
i could've said sorry
i could've been there
but i wasn't
i'm
so
so
sorry

the word haunts me
never satisfied
almost.

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

Bakugo may have cried, if he wasn't currently comforting Y/N's parents, who were doing so.

"She- she's okay," he lied, clearing something from his throat and feeling a touch of relief when his deep voice didn't waver. "Y/L/N's bloody stubborn."

They sobbed a little louder and Bakugo awkwardly walked away, not sure what he could do to help.

"How's Y/L/N?"

He jumped, relaxing when he saw Kirishima and Kaminari camped out on the floor beside the vending machine. Bakugo almost punched the wall, but settled for aggressively poking numbers on the keypad to get himself a chocolate bar.

"Not good," he admitted. "But I-"

He knew the Bakugo that Y/L/N wanted him to be. The one he had almost been.

Almost.

But he'd never been that person, and he was afraid of changing. If Y/N wasn't around to watch him be who she wanted ... what was the point?

He was being irrational, but he kicked the wall, turning to glare at the two boys, who had sensed the mood change and had tensed their bodies.

"But I don't care."

⊱ ──────ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ────── ⊰

thank you for reading this
book and i hope you enjoy it!
~ jazzi