By the time I'd gotten to my room and back the boys were waiting by the front door with their flashlights. With two of our members missing we made our way to the cave, hoods up only this time we didn't have pyjamas' on.

All gathered in a circle, Neil held out the book as he shone the light on it and we began reading the opening poem. My mind continued to drift to Charlie and I couldn't seem to focus.

"To live deep and suck out all the marrow of life. To put to route all that was not life..." we all trailed off looking towards the cave entrance where the sickeningly sweet laugh had come from.

From beside me Cameron shone his torch towards the entrance the footsteps approached us. "Oh my god"

Surely it was a group from the other school who just happened to find the cave. Right?

"Is this it?"

Surely it wasn't-

"Yeah this is it" my heart seemed to sink when his voice sounded and two girls came into view. "Go ahead, go on in. It's my cave"

From across the way my eyes met Todd's. He wouldn't take his eyes from me, a sorry look in them and from beside me I could feel Cameron tug on my jacket and pull me closer to him.

"Watch your step"

"We're not gonna slip, are we?"

"Uh oh" the first girl was wearing a pink top as she dropped into the opening smiling at us with a toothy smile "hi"

From my right I could see the boys stand and in the process a knock was heard making me pull my lips into an o as Pitts rubbed the back of his head. The poor Boy was way to tall for the cave when standing.

Meeks greeted her back and the next one came, wearing all blue. Both girls with blonde hair and legs to die for. And next was Charlie. Like a child in a play zone he looked at us all with a big grin

"Hi guys. Meet, uh, Gloria and..." I grimaced for the poor girl who's name he had forgotten

"Tina" she told him in a voice that indicated that she'd told him a thousand times already

"Tina" Charlie repeated smirking at us when he turned back around "this is the pledge class of the Dead Poets Society" I looked down unable to meet the boys eyes. The others smiled and greeted the girls with waves and hellos.

"I thought it was just boys" Tina said to Charlie as Gloria stuck out her hand to shake mine. With a smile I offered her my hand and shook it.

"That's just Neil's sister" so that's all I was. Nice to know. Tina stuck her hand out next waiting for me to shake it which I did

"Sophie" I smiled as the two girls gave me back genuine smiles. My eyes met Charlie's and for a split second I could've sworn I saw regret but it was quickly masked with a smirk

I felt like someone had reached into my chest and was holding my heart waiting for something else to happen before they would rip it out.

So that's why he went to Henley hall.

"Guys, move, move" he said getting the boys out of the way so the girls could sit "come on, folks, it's Friday night. Let's get on with the meeting"

Sitting where Cameron and I had been stood, Neil and Todd joined my side allowing the two girls and Charlie to take their spots. My hand suddenly seemed a-lot more interesting now seeing as I was looking at them for a lot longer than usual.

"Guys, I have an announcement to make" My eyes raised to look at Charlie "in keeping with the spirit of passionate experimentation of the Dead poets, I'm giving up the name Charles Dalton" My eyebrows pulled together as did Cameron's as we exchanged a look. "From now on, call me Nuwanda" I instantly rolled my eyes at the name.

The boys around me laughed repeating the name but movement infront of me got my attention as Tina - see not that hard to remember a name- pulled out red lipstick to reapply and Charlie took it from her drawing two Symbols on his cheeks.

I let out a scoff shaking my head as I turned away not wanting to see anymore. Tina moved to beside Neil while Gloria stayed right by charlie. He gave back the lipstick and grabbed a cigarette lighting it before sitting back on the stone "are we gonna have a meeting, or what?"

"Yeah, if you guys don't have a meeting, how do we know if we wanna join?" My eyes widened and I almost chocked on air as my head spun towards the girls

"Join?" Neil and I asked at the same time sharing a look. My head turned to look at Meeks before leaning back defeated against the wall.

"Shall I compare thee to a summers day?" I stayed staring at ground as Charlie moved to stand by Tina "thous art more lovely and more temperate"

"That's so sweet" Tina gushed

"I made that up just for you" I scoffed in my seat shaking my head

"You did?"

"I wanna go" I whispered to Todd. He shook his head at me and his hand came down to grab onto mine

"Don't let him get to you"

"I'll write one for you too, Gloria." He took a seat by the other girl and acted like he was thinking.

      Todd's grip on my hand was getting tighter and if I didn't know any better I would swear he was holding on so tight in fear I would bolt out the entrance.

"She walks in beauty like the night. She walks in beauty like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes"

     I would have been fine with Charlie's repetition of the poems we'd been learning in class had it not been for the way he was staring into her eyes.

The bile was raising in my throat and my chest was beginning to tighten. "That's beautiful" Gloria whispered and from my left I could see Cameron put his head down with a shake before looking at me with what was meant to be a reassuring smile.

"There's plenty more where that came from" Charlie said leaning back

"Yeah, all they have to do is grab a book from the library" I muttered earning a snort from Pitts. I could feel the burning in right side of my face and I could tell Charlie was looking at me. No sorry. Glaring at me.

"Go ahead pass it around" I had been so out of it that I hadn't even realised a whole conversation had gone on and now Tina was handing my brother a bottle of alcohol

Neil looked at us before taking it and taking a sip "me and Pitts are working on a hi-if system" Meeks said across from me as Todd passed the drink to me which I immediately passed off to Cameron not wanting to drink any. "It shouldn't be that hard to put together"

"Yeah I might be going to Yale" Pitt's said smiling at the girls before it dropped and he shook his head "but I might not"

"Don't you guys miss having girls around here?" Gloria asked warning me to pull myself out of the daze and back into the conversation

"Yeah" Meeks and Pitts nodded making me feel even shittier that I already did

"We have Sophie!" Cameron spoke up catching the attention of the others in the cave. I smiled thankfully at him as Charlie cleared his throat making me look him right in the eyes

"Yeah but none of us can be with her since she's Neil's sister" he said staring me dead in the eyes "and we wouldn't wanna risk ruining their relationship. Right Soph" he spat my name like it was venom

My eyes became glassy as my jaw clenched together. Everyone in the cave was looking between us now as I nodded "right" smirking he turned away and looked at Gloria

"That's part of what this club is about. In fact, I'd like to announce I published an article in the school paper in the name of the dead poets" all colour left my face as I looked at the boy

"What!" I looked to my left to see cameron with the same look on his face

"Demanding girls be admitted to Welton"

"You didn't" Pitts said leaning forward

"So we can all stop beating off" I shook my head any sadness being replaced by anger

"How did you do that?" Neil asked wanting to know exactly what I did too

"I'm one of the profers. I slipped the article in" Charlie told him shocking me. Neil's head turned to look at me confused

"Did you know about this? You work on the paper too" I shook my head trying to think back on this morning.

"No, I was the last one to leave the room. I did it then. She had no idea" Charlie said taking a drag of his cigarette.

"It's over now" Pitts said putting his head down

"Why? Nobody knows who we are" I scoffed from my position shaking my head

"Well don't you think they're gonna figure out who wrote it?" Cameron asked from beside me as I looked at Charlie's

"You idiot, they're gonna come to you and ask to know what the dead poets society is" he moved from the rock and came to grab the drink from by Neil. Annoyed I stood up wanting to leave as soon as I could "Charlie, you had no right to do something like that" I said shaking my head

"It's nuwanda, Sophie" he said looking me dead in the eye and getting close making me pul my head back a bit

"That's right, it's nuwanda" Gloria repeated from behind him and the anger once again turned to sadness when I came back to the realisation that he was doing all this for more girls. He didn't really care about me.

I'm pretty sure Charlie could see the change in my eyes because his stern look that he'd had on his face moment prior now softened and he looked like he wanted to say something. But my emotions were about to get the better of me and I could tell that if I didn't leave now I was gonna turn into a sobbing mess.

"Right" I said taking a step back with a small nod

"Soph-"

    I shook my head with a smile, turning to grab my coat "I just remembered I have a test I need to study for so i better get going" I

Neil looked at me confused as I pulled on my coat "what test?"

      I ignored him and turned back towards the two girls "it was nice meeting you Gloria, Tina" I smiled as I the tears began to fill my eyes and before I could blink and let them fall down my face I was out of the cave with the sound of Todd and Cameron calling out my name.

      By the time I got back to school, I was cold, my eyes were sore from trying to hold in the tears and my cheeks were wet from some that had escaped. My throat ached from trying to stop the sobs and all I wanted to do was go to bed. I didn't want to cry for him.

      So I pushed the emotions away and made my way to my room. I changed into my pyjamas and took my hair down and got ready for bed. Washing my face I looked in the mirror at the darkness beneath my eyes.

       I had come out of my bathroom merely second when a knock came to my door. With a sigh I pulled it open expecting to see Todd or Cameron but instead worry crossed my features as Knox stood infront of me with a bloody nose and an eye that was going to turn purple soon

        "Oh my... what happened? " I asked pulling him into the room and sitting him onto the bed as I went for my first aid kit in the bathroom.

         "Chet danburry happened" I emerged from the bathroom and took a seat on the bed beside him, opening the kit and putting some disinfectant onto the towel

       "Chet Danbury did this? Why?" I asked dabbing the towel under his nose. When I got no response I pulled my hand back making him look at me. "Why Knox?"

"I kissed Chris" my eye widened and my mouth dropped open.

         "What? How did that happen did she kiss you back?" Going back to the task at hand I waited for him to tell me about what happened

        "No she didnt kiss me back. I had been drinking and took a seat on the couch and when I went to move I noticed her head by my lap. She was passed out"

       "Passed out? You kissed a girl who was passed out?" I asked dabbing the disinfectant harder causing him to suck air between his teeth

"Ow Sophie, that hurts"

       "Be lucky I dont make your nose bleed again. Know how could you. Do you know how wrong that is?" He pulled his head away from the towel making me sit back and look at him "I mean honestly Knox. What in your mind told you that was a good idea?"

       "I dont know Sophie, okay? I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't of done it, I know that. I knew that before Chet busted my lip. I dont know what came over me Soph" I shook my head at him pulling his head towards me to dab the towel on the small remainder of under his nose

       "You have to be done now Knox. That has to be the last time okay. You need to let it go. Your only hurting yourself" I told him finishing with the cloth.

"Sophie its not that easy"

      "It has to be Knox. Look at you face" I told him motioning to his nose and lip "how many more of these do you need to knock some sense into you?" I wasn't trying to be harsh but it had to be said "sometimes you just need to accept that theres only so much you can do before you have to give up"

      His head lifted to look at me. His eyes scanning over my face before settling on my eyes "what did he do?"

     "What?" I asked pulling my eyebrows together as I looked at the boy infront of me

      "Charlie, what did he do?" I shrugged my shoulders and tidied up the first aid kit and stood from my bed

      "Nothing just the same old charlie, why do you ask?" I asked making my way into the bathroom

        "I know you two were fighting earlier" I stopped putting the first aid kit away and stayed stood at the small drawers in the bathroom as Knox's voice echoed from my room. "and I know something happened at the meeting tonight because your the only one home so far and as much as I love you Sophie . You look like death." I came back to stand in the threshold of the bathroom door as I crossed my arms over my stomach.

       Knox looked up from where he was playing the the small ball made from elastic bands and met my eye putting it down "So let me ask you again. What did he do?" 

     My eyes brimmed with tears as I looked down at the floor "its all my fault Knox" I said looking up to meet his eyes as the tears spilled onto my cheeks. "I didnt think about how he was feeling. All I cared about was keeping my relationship with Neil. I'm the reason he went to Henley hall tonight. I pushed him away. I pushed him to bring those girls to the cave tonight" my face was soaking wet at this point and my voice was becoming horse

      Knox stood from the bed and pulled me into him "oh Sophie" he kept me against his chest he petted my hair allowing me to cry into him.

        "And if that wasn't bad enough. He's put an article in the paper demanding girls be admitted to Walton" I said pulling away from Knox to look up at him "oh sorry I ruined your top" I said wiping the wet stain on his top from my tears

      "That doesn't matter. What do you mean he put an article in the paper. How?" I moved around know to sit on my bed

     "He's one of the profers. He slipped the article in when everyone left" I wiped my tears away as Knox put his hands behind his head

"Shit"

      "You wanna know the worst part?" I asked as Knox stopped pacing to look at me

      "No" I pressed my lips together before letting out a breath

      "He signed it in the name of the Dead Poets" Knox's face turned white as he pulled his hand down his face

"Fuck"

"Were screwed"