⊱ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐔𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒... ⊰

You wondered if being shot in the head was really as quick as everyone said. Everyone always said you wouldn't feel anything if you died that way, but you questioned if it was true. How would they know? They never tried it.

Maybe there was a fleeting moment between the bullet hitting the head and actually dying. A moment where there was a faint sting of pain before everything went empty. You wondered, even at a young age.

Perhaps it was like having your heart crushed by someone who never had it in the first place.

You wanted to love Scaramouche, but you couldn't. You knew you were using him, but you were also aware that he was using you as well. You were happy feeling wanted by someone, even if deep down, you told yourself it wasn't real. You were both in a happy relationship using each other.

But the way Gorou saw it, you were in love with the asshole who bullied almost everyone and ditched school 98% of the time. He always thought it reflected on you and what kind of person you were, being with someone who was so awful. 

"I can't believe she actually likes him," he said while watching you from across the room. "She knows what he does to people."

"I'm a bit concerned about her..." Kokomi sighed, looking in the same direction. "It can't be easy."

"If it wasn't, she would've left him already," Gorou pointed out.

"Maybe..."

"Why're you guys so concerned about it? Let's just eat, stop with whatever this is!" Itto interrupted, patting Gorou on the head.

Gorou yelped in response, pushing his hand away, "D-Don't do that!"

He glanced at Scaramouche from the other end of the cafeteria. This time, he was alone. It was strange, since whenever he decided to stay for lunch, he was with you. And you weren't with your friends, so where were you? Gorou furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and his ear twitched while he thought about it. It wasn't like you ditched, right?

"Gorou?" Teppei said, waving his hand in front of the other boy's face. "Hello?"

He flinched, "Sorry! I got lost in thought."

"We noticed," Kokomi giggled. "What's on your mind?"

"I was wondering..." He was hesitant to say. "Where Y/n is."

"Hm," Kokomi hummed. "I'm not sure. I saw her in Language Arts, so she must be here."

Suddenly, you walked into the room and went down to sit with Scaramouche.

"Oh... I guess she was just in the bathroom," Gorou stated.

"And to think you seemed worried for a second," Kokomi commented.

"I wasn't worried!" Gorou retorted. "I was just curious..."

━━━━⊱✿⊰━━━━

You disappeared again during drama class, when you said you were going to the "bathroom". Ten minutes passed until Yae asked Gorou to go look for you, which he begrudgingly set out to do. He was confused yet again, since even though he disliked you, he knew you wouldn't ditch class for... any reason, really.

So why now?

[A/N from the future: I am so sorry for what's about to happen it's cringe and I want yall to know I hate myself for it and this is 90% of the reason why I'm rewriting this book]

He walked down a flight of stairs, to the last floor of the school. Students ended up referring to it as the basement, though it wasn't the actual basement. But all the classrooms were empty due to... health violations. He was checking the hallway where the old music room was located. He heard you clearly even when he wasn't near the room yet, but it wasn't what he was expecting.

❝I don't love you anymore;
A pretty line that I adore.
Five words that I've heard before...❞

He wasn't sure what to do. He could hear the strumming of a guitar softly playing behind your voice. He assumed you were borrowing one of the guitars left there. It sounded archaic and a bit out of tune. Even without looking at it, it sounded dusty. But your voice didn't, so he listened a little longer as he tiptoed to the door.

❝Oh, I can't be
Your lover on a leash
Every other week
When you please.❞

Your voice sounded soft and caring, as if holding someone in its warm embrace. Gorou's ears twitched at the sound, and his tail began wagging faster. He reached the window on the door and gazed through, seeing your back to him while you sat on a chair, holding the guitar up with your leg. After he removed himself from the shock of how nice your voice sounded, he paid attention to the lyrics.

❝Say you love somebody new
And beat my heart, to black and blue.
Then they leave, and it's me
You come back to.

To say you loved me all along,
And kissed the bruises 'til they're gone.
Bittersweet, 'cause I can't breathe

"Huh..." He whispered. You had to be talking about Scaramouche, you'd never dated anyone else. As far as he knew, at least. Maybe Kokomi was right. It wasn't easy. He was confused why you'd be suffering so much and still be with Scaramouche, though.

❝But even though you're killing me,
I, I need you like the air I breathe.
I need, I need you more than me.
I need you more than anything...
Please, please...❞

At that point, he realized you were crying. Your voice broke apart as you pleaded, and for once... he felt bad for you. And he was starting to question your relationship with Scaramouche. 

❝'Cause I could be
Your lover on a leash
Every other week
When you please.
Oh, I could be
Anything you need,
As long as you don't leave.
The cut that always...❞

You took a moment to sit after finishing the song. You learned how to play it once you started to feel the impact of your relationship. The Cut That Always Bleeds. In your life, that was you. Playing this song helped you release the emotions you never got to with anyone else. You always told people it wasn't healthy to bottle emotions, but here you were, singing to an empty, rotting classroom.

There were just certain things you weren't willing to tell anyone. Certain pains that needed to be kept in the dark. You wiped your tears and breathed, trying to clear any future ones that would come into being. You turned your head toward the door and Gorou quickly stepped out of view. He took a deep breath, ready to pretend he didn't just hear that entire thing. He walked back to the start of the hallway and returned to the music room, this time opening the door. You stared at him, wondering if he heard anything.

"What?" You hissed, putting the guitar back on its stand.

"Miss Yae wants you back in class."

"Okay."

While you walked back with him, he didn't seem to be acting strange. He did everything he could to stop his ears and tail from betraying him. He also didn't mention anything about the music room, so you were confident he didn't hear you singing to yourself. 

But he was getting better at acting.

━━━━⊱✿⊰━━━━

Childe parked in front of your house and you grabbed the handle, ready to open the door and get out, but Childe distracted you by putting his hand on your shoulder. You turned your head to look at him and waited for him to talk.

"I need to tell you something."

He looked nervous.

"What is it?" You asked, resting normally in the seat again and putting your hands in your lap.

"Y/n, I..." 

You were silent, staring at him. His heartbeat sent rapid waves of anxiety through his body. He didn't realize how difficult it was going to be. In the end, he crumbled.

"Nevermind, it's nothing."

You were obviously suspicious of that, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, don't worry about it."

"If you say so," you mumbled, opening the car door. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yep!"

"Cool," you grinned, hopping out of the vehicle. "See ya!"

"Bye," he smiled.

You closed the door and walked up to the house. Childe stayed put until you entered, just to make sure you got inside, and sped off. When you entered, you were greeted by your mother standing with her arms crossed over her chest, like she had been waiting for you.

"Um... Mom?" You said, worried to learn what you'd done wrong.

"I saw the test on your desk," she stated. "One of the first tests of the year and you got a B."

Your blood ran cold, "I'm sorry, I'll do better next time-"

"I think that drama class has been distracting you. Get your act together and focus on what really matters, Y/n," she hissed.

Was that pun intentional...? 

"I will, I promise."

Your skin crawled at the glare she gave you.

━━━━⊱✿⊰━━━━

Gorou observed closely while Scaramouche spoke with you before classes were about to start. He was looking for any sign of hatred in your facial expressions, but you looked happy. Just like you always did. Scaramouche hugged you and you smiled before he left.

"Gorou...?" Kazuha said. "What are you doing?"

"W-What? Nothing, why?" He stuttered, alarmed by the interruption.

"You were staring at Y/n... Did something happen?" He asked.

Why did you ask what I was doing if you already knew...?

"No, I was just lost in thought, that's all," he lied.

"Alright... We should get to class."

"Right! Yeah, let's go."

━━━━⊱✿⊰━━━━

Scaramouche returned to the school for lunch once again, which you hated. You just wanted to sit with your friends, but he didn't like their company and he insisted you sit with him. So you did, anytime he showed up. Luckily for Gorou, you sat on the side of the table where he could see your face.

"You've been coming back more," you pointed out.

"Yeah, so? Does it bother you?" 

"No," you smiled. "Not at all. I was just wondering why."

"What? I can't decide I want to spend more time with my girlfriend?" He smirked.

"Is that really why?"

"Yep."

"Thanks," you said.

Suddenly, a ding sounded from his phone and he took it out of his pocket, looking at whatever notification he got. You glanced at the screen and from what you could see, it looked like a message.

"Who's that?" You queried.

"No one," he shrugged, putting his phone to sleep and setting it on the table. You knew he was lying.

He grabbed his phone and stood up, "I'm going to the bathroom."

He walked away and you inhaled sharply. You closed your eyes and pressed your palms against your eyelids to prevent any tears from falling. That was all Gorou needed to see for him to figure out how you became so great at acting.