since daniel had driven stella to the party, she had no ride home. luckily for stella, conrad had offered to drive her home.

unluckily for jeremiah, he wanted to drive her home, but of course, conrad was still her number one.

there was music playing faintly in the car and stella was practically falling asleep in the passenger seat. conrad was driving quietly, wanting her to get her rest.

she couldn't sleep. and unfortunately for conrad, her head was still a little messed up from how much she had to drink. "conrad, can i ask you something?" she said tiredly, almost sleep-talking.

conrad glanced over at her and sighed. "yeah, sure. what?"

"why are you upset?" she mumbled with her hair hanging over her face. she was leaning against the car door, curled into a ball.

"i'm not upset."

"yes, you are. you're different this summer," she said drowsily. "why are you... upset and jeremiah isn't?"

conrad's nostrils flared, trying not to let his secret slip. even though she probably wouldn't remember in the morning anyways. "why are you being so nosy?"

"since when did we not tell each other stuff?" stella blew a strand of hair out of her face.

it was true.

conrad and stella never hid things from each other. they knew everything about each other. she knew what he was thinking before he even knew and it went the same both ways.

if an inside joke was sparked between them, they would stifle their laughs and stare at each from across the room.

people always thought they were together or something. dating.

they weren't. they never have. but that's how close they are. even though they were going through this rough patch in their friendship, the bond was still there and they could feel it.

nothing could change that. even though conrad was keeping secrets and stella was figuring out her feelings for his brother, they would still pick each other first.

i mean, they have to. if they're both not married by the time they're, like, 32, they have to marry each other.

*flashbacks*

𝐬𝐢𝐱 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐨

stella kicked a small rock and watched it roll away. "my parents are getting a divorce. whatever that means."

they were walking through the side yard of the summer house. one thing that they used to do a lot was walk around the entire house and talk about stuff. it was good exercise, i guess.

conrad knew what a divorce was. he also knew that his parents needed one. he almost envied that her parents were getting a divorce. "lucky."

"why am i lucky?" she pouted her lip.

"you just are. i wish my parents were getting a divorce."

stella looked up at her best friend. "what's a divorce?"

conrad wanted to put it lightly. "uhh, it's just- some relationships just don't work out, stel. even though, you think it might."

"do you think i'll get married?" she asked him. he didn't really know what to say.

well, he did know what to say. "of course, you'll get married. that's just you, stella. you're gonna fall in love 'cause that's just you."

stella should've been satisfied with his response but she wasn't. "why is that so me?"

"'cause you care about people. you... i don't know," he mumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"what if i don't fall in love like you say i will?" she protested against his opinion. she used to do that a lot. always go against whatever he said because he was a year older. she wanted to show that she could be older and mature too. it was always a game.

maybe some things never change.

conrad glanced down at the girl. she was pretty even though she was still only a kid. he was only a year older.

"if you don't fall in love, which is impossible because you will, we'll get married. how about that?" he said. it was that classic agreement between best friends.

"fine. if by the time we're, like, 32, we're not married, then yes. we'll get married," stella nodded.

it was the perfect plan.

because they could never get sick of each other.

*flashback ends*

"i don't know what you want me to say, stel." conrad looked away from her. if their eyes got caught together, he would have to tell her.

stella rolled her eyes. it kind of gave her a headache. maybe that was her karma for trying to get something out of conrad, but when did that stop her in the past?

"i want you to tell me what's bothering you," she said.

conrad had learned how to stop his crying before it started. it was helpful in moments like these. the car was quiet. he muttered honestly, "i don't want you to feel the way i do, stel."

stella didn't know what to say. that wasn't what she was expecting. maybe being drunk from earlier made her more emotional because she felt a hurtful feeling growing in her chest. "please tell me. i won't tell anyone, i promise," she begged. "you said you'd stop being a dipshit."

"i'm not being a dipshit," conrad sent her a glare. he immediately took it back and she got the message. "if anything, i'm being... considerate for keeping this to myself."

"fine, don't tell me," she said, crossing her arms and looking out the window. her eyelids felt heavy.

it was hard for conrad to hold the weight of his heart in his chest. he felt like the longer he kept his secret, the more stella drifted away. he wanted to tell her. or just someone. he wanted that someone to be stella.

but he was scared that if he told her, she would become even more distant than she was now. they would both stay quiet and start skipping family time and invites from friends.

the car was quiet except for the sound of their breathing. maybe conrad's senses were heightened or something because that was all he could focus on. if her breath quickened for a minute, he was afraid that she had somehow found out about the secret.

she can know. she has to know, he thought. she can't know.

"my mom's dying and she won't fucking do anything about it," conrad blurted out. he didn't mean to be that brutally honest. he heard her breathing stop completely. 

shit, did the news kill her? he thought.

"stel?" he said, reaching over to shake her. "stel, say something."

stella felt like she couldn't breathe or speak without her voice cracking. "wh- what?"

she had heard him. clearly.

"stel, you said you wanted to know," he said. he was starting to regret telling her. a million thoughts ran through his mind.

she wasn't ready to hear that, he thought. i knew it. why did i tell her? why the fuck did you tell her, connie? why did you tell her?

stella finally said something. "susannah... she's- she's..."

she couldn't bring herself to say it. it was like saying it would mean that it was actually happening.

conrad knew what she meant though. "yeah."

"but there has to be some solution. have the doctors reached out?" stella asked. she knew that her opinion wasn't going to change the outcome, but she was hoping so.

"she doesn't want to go through it again. any of it," he explained to her. 

it hurt both of them to have this conversation. it was like talking about it made it real.

"i'm- i'm sorry," she said, sniffling back a couple tears. "i'm the dipshit."

"why are you sorry?"

"because connie! you've known this thing about susannah this whole time and that's why you've been all upset and now i understand," she said, almost talking to herself instead of conrad. "you knew this the whole time... and i've- i've been acting like you're the dipshit. but you're not."

"i could've at least talked to you," conrad said. "i mean, just because i knew about that... that didn't give me the right to ignore you-"

"but the point is, i've been so mean to you. i thought you were being mean but you're not. i made such a big point being all like 'don't be a dipshit, connie'. blah, blah, blah, but no. i- i'm the dipshit and i'm sorry," she said, breathing heavily at the end of her sentence.

conrad smiled slightly. she was back. he felt the connection between them grow stronger again. "it's okay. and i'm sorry too..."

stella looked down at her lap, picking at her chipped nail polish. "...and i'm sorry about susannah."

"you can't tell anyone. especially not jeremiah."

she wasn't going to tell jeremiah, but she felt a lot of pressure to keep a secret. she never had a problem keeping conrad's secrets before but this one felt bigger than the other ones. she felt like this shouldn't be a secret.

she felt like everybody should know so that they could find a solution but she knew that she couldn't betray conrad's trust like that.

she had just gotten him back. she couldn't lose him again.

"i won't. you can trust me," she said, leaning against the car door again.

they sat in the comfortable silence between them. they were back to how it used to be. almost.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

author's note

this chapter may or may not have been sort of inspired by the song 'best friend' by conan gray. the getting married by the time that they're like, 32 part. yeah, idk. let me know if this chapter was boring or not. :) i always love to know.

pls vote, comment, etc. THANK YOUU :))

if you guys have any ideas, pls drop them in the comments below <3333

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