"hold on to the memories they will hold on to you and i will hold on to you."

the chill of late december seeped into every corner of the city, frosting the windows and leaving a crisp bite in the air. I pulled my sweater tighter around me, staring at my phone, the screen lit with Paige's latest text.

p boogers: ari, we were thinking of celebrating new year's together. what do you guys think?

I bit my lip, considering. It had been a rough few months, and the prospect of starting the new year surrounded by friends was tempting. plus, it might be a good way to mend bridges and start fresh. "tara?" I called out. tara appeared from the bathroom. "yeah?"

"paige asked if we want to celebrate new year's with them."tara's eyes brightened. "that sounds fun!i would go." I nodded, typing back a quick response. 

ari: we're in.

as I hit send, a flutter of anxiety stirred in my chest. the tension between aubrey and me had been gnawing at me, a constant reminder of the friendship that had been put to the test. but maybe, just maybe, this was the chance to set things right.

we spent the next few hours packing our bags, the sound of zippers and rustling clothes filling the apartment. tara was humming a tune, her usual cheerful self, while I tried to match her energy, though my thoughts kept drifting to aubrey. "don't forget your charger," tara reminded me as she tossed a pair of socks into her suitcase. "thanks," I said, grabbing it from my nightstand and adding it to my bag.

once we were packed, we walked downstairs, telling my parents the change of plans. my mom looked at us with a questioning look.

"hey, mom. tara and I are going to celebrate new year's with some friends instead, i hope it's okay" I said.

"oh, that sounds lovely! and it's more than okay. you are only young for once. " she said, a hint of disappointment in her voice. i walked over to her, giving her a quick hug. my dad and lily went to get some things from the store i'll just call them later. "but promise me, you'll take care of yourself."

"I promise. love you, mom."

"love you too, honey."

with that, we loaded our bags into my car and hit the road. the drive to connecticut was filled with laughter and chatter. we talked about everything and nothing, the conversation flowing easily as the miles flew by. "remember that time we got lost trying to find that haunted house?" tara said, giggling. I laughed, shaking my head. "how could I forget? we ended up at that creepy old gas station and you swore it was haunted."

"It was haunted! I'm telling you, those were ghostly whispers we heard." I rolled my eyes playfully. "sure, tara. whatever you say."

as we drove, my phone buzzed with a text. i asked tara if she could check it for me. the message was from aubrey.

aubs❤: hey, can we talk?

my breath hitched. I stared at the screen. this was it, the moment I'd been dreading and hoping for in equal measure. tara's expression softened. "do you want to call her now?" I shook my head. "no, I think I need to do this face-to-face." she nodded, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. "you've got this." I took a deep breath, feeling a mix of anxiety and anticipation. maybe this was the chance to set things right.

the days quikly flew by, and it was already the 31st of december. it was now around 11 p.m, we were in the girls dorm, just sitting around and laughing. the sounds of laughter and music filled the dorm room as the clock edged closer to midnight. everyone was in high spirits, celebrating the end of the year. I tried to join in, but my heart wasn't in it. the tension between aubrey and me was a heavy weight that I couldn't shake off.

I glanced around the room and saw her standing by the window, staring out at the city lights. her silhouette was framed by the glow of the street lamps, and I felt a pang of longing so intense it nearly took my breath away.

summoning my courage, I walked over to her, my heart pounding in my chest. "hey," I said softly. she turned to look at me, her eyes guarded. "hey."

"so, can we talk?" I asked, my voice trembling. she hesitated but then nodded. we stepped out onto the balcony, the cold night air biting at our skin. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to find the right words.

"aubrey, I've been doing a lot of thinking," I began, my breath visible in the chilly air. "about us. about what happened." she looked away, her jaw tight. "ariana, you don't have to—"

"no, I do," I interrupted, my voice breaking. "I need to say this. I've been so scared to admit it, even to myself, but I can't keep running away." her eyes met mine, a mixture of curiosity and fear. "what are you saying?"

I took a deep breath, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes. "when we had our falling out, it hurt so much because... because I realized something about myself. something I've been denying for so long." she frowned, confusion flickering across her face. "What do you mean?"

"I care about you, aubrey. more than I've ever cared about anyone," I said, my voice trembling. "I think... no, I know... I'm in love with you." tears spilled over as I spoke, the words pouring out in a rush. "I've been so scared to admit it because I didn't understand what it meant. but losing you made me realize how much you mean to me. you're not just my friend. you're everything to me." her eyes widened, and she took a step closer, her own tears glistening in the moonlight. "ariana..."

"I'm so sorry for pushing you away," I continued, my voice breaking. "I was confused and scared, but I never stopped caring about you. I never stopped loving you." a sob escaped her lips, and she reached out, pulling me into her arms. "I love you too, ariana," she whispered, her voice choked with emotion. "I've loved you for so long. I was just too afraid to say it. because whenever i saw you you were with ethan and i-i thought you guys had something going on and i didn't wanted to get between you and i also didn't wanted to fuck up our friendship." we clung to each other, the weight of our confessions hanging in the air. the pain and confusion of the past months dissolved as we held each other, replaced by a profound sense of relief and love.

as the countdown to midnight began inside, we stayed wrapped in each other's arms, our tears mingling. the fireworks started, a brilliant display lighting up the night sky, but I barely noticed. all I could see, all I could feel, was aubrey. she pulled back slightly, her eyes searching mine. she leaned in, her lips brushing mine in a tender, tentative kiss. I melted into her, the world fading away until there was nothing but the two of us. when we pulled away, i looked up at her. "you kissed me."

"and you didn't stop me" she answered as she held my waist. i flashed a smile at her and kissed her again.

when we finally pulled away, she rested her forehead against mine. "happy new year, ariana."

I smiled through my tears. "happy new year, aubrey."