"i love your voice, sing something for me."

-

it had been a few days since the party shinsou and i went to. all attempts to contact him were recognized but ultimately shut down.

shinsou, with excuses ranging from busy test days to impending deadlines, had been keeping his distance.

"yeah, and with good reason."

"what was that?" mina popped her head out of the kitchen.

"nothing. i was talking to myself, mina. sorry."

i ran a hand down my face before sighing.

"that's, like, the tenth time you sigh in the span of three minutes." mina leaned up against the frame, whisk and bowl in hand. "what's up, babe?"

"i think, well, actually, i'm not sure what i think. i've been confused about this whole thing that shinsou and i have going on and then at the party, which was supposed to be fun and just a way for me to meet shinsou's friends, i messed things up and i think i hurt shinsou." i rambled on the couch.

"woah, woah. slow your roll there," mina placed her things on the counter. "okay, first off, take a deep breath. just like that, good. now, i'll ask a few questions and you just answer the first thing that comes to mind, okay?"

i nodded and she sat across from me on the other couch. "okay, let's start!"

"when is shinsou's birthday?"

"why is that relevant?"

the girl frowned, "just answer the question, y/n."

i sighed, eleventh time. "july 1st. we've known each other since birth, i think it's given that i know that. "

"don't give extra, just answer." mina hushed with a wave of her hand. "next question! what's one thing shinsou does without noticing?"

"he runs his hand through his hair, i think it's a nervous thing."

"good. what's your favorite thing about him?"

"well, that's harder to answer but.. i think how much effort he seems to put into whatever we have going on." i sat up, tugging my blanket and hugging my knees. "i've struggled with the whole thing but he's been patient and caring and really, really nice."

"okay, i see where you're coming from but, y/n, have you ever considered that he thinks you guys are dating?"

"oh my god."

-

the ringing came at an ungodly time, early in the morning. or was it late at night? either way, the noise was too much to handle while being half asleep.

"i really need to start silencing my phone," i whispered to myself before checking the caller i.d.

it was shinsou.

feeling my heart drop, i clumsily swiped to answer. "hello?"

"hey, y/n. um, i know it's late but do you.. do you think you can come over? it's- uh, i want to.. well, i guess i should tell you if you come."

"i'll be there."

thinking about the first time shinsou had called me, early in the morning and just to ask a question, i hurriedly made myself look decent and headed out.

walking to my car, i texted mina a quick text to let her know i was going over to shinsou's. she, unlike me, silenced her phone so i knew it wouldn't wake her up.

the streets were foggy, streetlights doing their best to illuminate the road ahead. luckily, there was barely anybody on the road so i got to shinsou's house in little time.

i parked in an empty space outside the apartments. the walk from my car to shinsou's door was cold and the dark outlines of clouds in the sky warned of upcoming showers.

clutching my sweatshirt closer, i knocked and waited for an answer.

there was rustling and the sound of a few things moving around behind the door before shinsou opened it. his head of purple hair peeked out from behind the doorway, he looked tired.

"hey, i'm sorry that i called so late." he greeted, stepping back to let me in.

"it's nothing, i.. i'm glad you reached out." i slipped by and was greeted with the sight of the littered living room. multiple plates and cups were scattered across his coffee table and on his tv shelf.

"i was trying to finish cleaning up but i only managed to finish my room and half of the kitchen. do you want something to drink? or eat? i'm not sure, sorry."

nervousness radiated off shinsou and i didn't know if it was from his lack of sleep or from our last encounter.

"i'm okay, do you want to sit somewhere?" i began, turning to face him again.

"oh, right. we can go into the kitchen."

he followed from a distance as i entered his kitchen to sit on one of his seats. evidence of his hurried cleaning was evident as wrappers and napkins were piled together but were yet to make it into the trash can yet.

"so..." i trailed off, unsure of what i was trying to say.

shinsou walked around the kitchen to finish his tidying. or maybe it was to pace and fidget to keep himself distracted.

"shinsou." i called out softly, afraid to disturb any neighbors through the thin walls. the boy peered up at me with glazed, tired eyes. "how long?"

he sighed, "36 hours."

i opened my mouth to say something but he beat me to it. "i'm taking the meds but i can't shut my brain off. i think... i think we need to talk."

my stomach twisted. a dread washed over me but i nodded in agreement.

the boy sat in front of me. "y/n, i need to know what you think we are."

i could hear the strain in his voice and i wished i could've said something sooner. "i thought we didn't have a label. i was confused."

his smile was bittersweet. "that's fine but i just wished you had asked me."

"i know, i'm sorry."

he ran a quick hand over his face, "let's move to the couch."

this time, i followed and watched as he sat on the couch.

"y/n," he was staring at his tv, it was off. "you know that i thought we were dating, right?"

i felt myself cringe inwardly. thanks to mina, i had been able to come to the (very delayed) realization of how shinsou viewed our relationship.

"i didn't know until recently." i admitted.

shinsou sighed, "it's fine. i mean, we can't go back in time to fix it but we can move on and learn from our mistakes."

"i don't want to lose you, y/n."

i turned to look at shinsou, the boy was offering a soft smile and his hand. i watched as he took my hand, brushing a kiss onto my knuckles.

"it's clear, right? how i feel for you?"

he moved swiftly, to cage me under him on his couch. i felt breathless but couldn't help but admire shinsou. tufts of hair were dangling and framing his face, and his eyes shone despite how tired they seemed.

he was tentative but inched closer to me, to my lips.

"shinsou," i breathed.

reaching a hand to brush his hair away, his eyes fluttered and he let out a content sigh. "you should lie down, shinsou. we can talk about this in the morning."

the boy moved to lay down, head brushing against my thigh. i ran my hand through his hair a few more times.

his breath began to even and i made a move to get off the couch.

"stay," his hand flying up to catch the sleeve of my sweatshirt. for someone who was half asleep, he had a pretty strong hold.

i sat back down. he dropped his head back down but since i was sitting on the couch, he ended up with his head in my lap.

"okay. i'll stay."

the boy was mumbling something to himself, incoherent. "what was that, shinsou?"

"tell me something, anything."

his sudden request left me shocked for a moment but i tried to rack my brain for a topic.

"i haven't seen my mom in a while, i wish i could visit. i hope she's doing alright. she sent me a picture a few weeks ago, she ended up getting a dog. said it was getting lonely at the house." i droned on and check if shinsou was asleep. to my surprise, he wasn't and was instead tracing random shapes and patterns into the top of my knee.

"do you miss your mom?" i decided to turn the conversation to him. shinsou simply nodded and i took that as a sign to continue talking.

"she still hasn't named the dog, though. she's always been very precise about names being perfect."

"tell her she did a good job naming you." shinsou said, cheek moving against my leg.

i laughed quietly and continued. "yeah, she still hadn't thought of a name when she went into labor. anyways, would you get any pets? i could see you running after a cat in the apartment. maybe multiple cats."

the rumble of a laugh shook shinsou slightly but he shook his head, "nah, i don't think i'd get any pets. at least, not by myself."

i nodded but felt my cheeks heat at what he was insinuating.

i continued to ramble about nothing in general, making a lot of one-sided conversation that shinsou occasionally responded to. unsure of what time it was, but knowing it was earlier in the morning, i was beginning to feel the effect of getting out of bed early. 

shinsou was mumbling something, incoherently, and i tried to make sense of it.

"i love your voice, sing something for me."

the boy was making half-asleep requests.

"shinsou, i'm a dance major not a music major." i laughed lightheartedly at his request.

"please?"

it was harder to deny the quiet plea of the boy. my stomach churned nervously but i cleared my throat regardless. "don't say i didn't warn you, shinsou." the boy hummed in acknowledgement.

a simple lullaby later and the boy was fast asleep.

i pressed a kiss to his temple, "goodnight, hitoshi."

~

a/n: 🧍🏻‍♀️ hi hi! not sure what to say,, i think i like the chapter but it was kind of hard for me to write for some reason??? we've resolved things ( i think 🧍🏻‍♀️ ) and won't be having any more problems from now on !!

thank u sm for 5k !! every vote, every comment and even adding ruthless to ur reading lists mean so much to me ! like always thank u sm for reading, take care and stay safe ! i love u guys sm n hope u have a good day/night

mwah !