ghost of you
09 | ghost of you

calum pov

' here i am waking up

still can't sleep on your side '

what if she doesn't wake up? what if she's gone forever? what if she dies? no i can't think like that. i have to be positive that's what she would want, i need to be positive for her. for them.

' there's your coffee cup

the lipstick stain fades with time '

a picture of a beach was sprawled on each wall, each depicting beautiful scenery : rolling waves on idyllic sand. across from me was a dark stained cherry coffee table holding health magazines. underneath it was a dull grey carpet that covered the whole room. a television hung in one corner displaying boring commercials. the clacking of the keys coming from the receptionist and the constant boring commercials from the TV was driving me insane. i wanted to know what was going on with her, with them, and i wanted to know now.

as i stared at the blank white wall in front of me and tried to think of anything other than this, i felt the tension and anxiety build up in me. before the panic could eat me alive, i managed to catch up on subtle breathing exercises that she taught me. just as i regained my breath, i could hear the familiar continual tap of a shoe against the floor causing my pulse rate to shoot up once again, upon realising who it was. while i desperately tried to regain my normal state, i could see the receptionist peering at me and tapping her clipboard simultaneously.

the moment i caught of elliot i knew something was wrong.

i stood up almost too quick, sending a sharp searing pain along my ankle as i painfully jerked my knee on the glass table in front of me while getting up.

' If i can dream long enough

you'd tell me I'd be just fine '

" mr hood "

' i'll be just fine '

there was something in those two words, a pain behind it.

' so i drown it out like i always do '

" i'm sorry calum "

' dancing through our house

with the ghost of you '

no. no no no no no. this cant be happening.

i could feel the panic begin like a cluster of spark plugs in my abdomen. the thoughts in my head move at the speed of light. the tension grew in my face and limbs, my mind replaying my last moments with her. my breathing became more rapid, more shallow. my breaths came in gasps and i felt like I would black out. my heart hammering inside my chest like it belongs to a rabbit running for its skin. the room spins and i sit back down on the chair, my only movement came from the trembling of my limbs and salty tears darkening my sleeves.

' and i chase it down

with a shot of truth '

she cant be dead. she just cant.

' dancing through our house

with the ghost of you '

she promised me she'd never leave,

' cleaning up today

Found that old zepplin shirt '

she promised me always and forever.

' you wore when you ran away

and no one could feel your hurt '

" i know how hard this must be on you but they survived calum. they fucking survived. it's a miracle. "

' we're too young, too dumb

to know things like love '

" its a fucking miracle "

' but i know better now '

as i walked with elliot all i could think about was how her dream has been finally been fulfilled.

' so i drown it out like i always do '

that's when i caught sight of them.

' dancing through our house
with the ghost of you '

my babies.

' and i chase it down
with a shot of truth '

" do you want to hold them? "

' dancing through our house
with the ghost of you '

i slowly nodded my head not being able to get any words out.

' too young, too dumb
to know things like love
too young, too dumb '

as i held my baby girl and boy, their brown eyes soon found mine as they laughed. only a baby can laugh a sweet sound unblemished by the hurts of life. their little faces glowed from a light within, and their miniature fingers grasped mine, and held tight. it's as if they knew. it felt like they knew i needed comfort in the dead silence of night, they knew i needed joy in the midst of my pain. i held them to my chest tightly.

i will never let them go no matter what comes, i will protect them, even to the point of death.

' so i drown it out like i always do '

ellie and elliot my saving grace.

' dancing through our house
with the ghost of you
and i chase it down
with a shot of truth
that my feet don't dance
like they did with you '

authors note
hi, so this is the end of the book :(

how did y'all like the chapter and the book as a whole ??

tbh i never thought i'd get into writing. this was meant to stay in my drafts but then ari, ellie, katie, mia etc gave me the courage to publish these.

without them this book would not exist. they would help me each time i needed it and give me feedback whenever i asked. i'm so grateful for them.

i also want to thank all of you for giving me so much support for this book. your comments mean a lot to me, they push me to continue writing. i don't deserve any of y'all, i really don't.

okay, i know y'all might have some questions about the baby part.

so basically ariana was pregnant i never said that she was in previous chapters but i did drop hints. they are named ellie and elliot just like ariana would have wanted.

so i was thinking of starting a new book which is kinda of a prequel to this book. so it would be ariana's like before she met calum and like it will kinda be liked her journey of acceptance, pain, denial and happiness.

would you guy want to read something like that ?

if y'all would want to read that should i stick with the same title or name it something else ??

n e ways, i really hoped you guys like this chapter, i know i didn't, but i never do so there's nothing new !

once again thank you all so much <3 i love each and every one of you with all my heart <3