ghost of you
06 | goodbye for now

calum pov

" hey bubs. exactly one month ago today, you left this world.

to be honest, i'm not that sure what i should say, i guess i never really prepared myself to lose you. you can say that i never accepted the fact that one day you would die.

i brought your letter along for me to read, i think it's finally time i do. i've been putting it off for so long and i think i'm finally ready.

i've been thinking a lot these past two weeks, about you, about me, about us.

something i've learned from those who reached out to me is that grief never really ends, it just becomes softer over time, but on some days it can feel sharp. but grief lasts forever just like love. it's the same way the void that your loved one leaves stays in your heart for as long as you live. it feels something like a deep longing for someone you know you can never get back. grief is such a weird feeling, on some days, the heavy fog will return and your heart will feel weighed down. but the next day, that feeling might become smaller and that continues until you see, hear, taste, touch and smell something that reminds you of that person. it's an ebb, a constant flow of pain, joy, happiness, love, sorrow and grief

another thing i thought about is how i use to think that i was mad at you for leaving us, then i realised that it was never you i was angry at. to be honest, i was mad at myself, scratch that i'm still mad at myself.

i'm so pissed at the fact that we never had a proper goodbye, every night i wish i got the chance to say goodbye to you.

i never got the chance to tell you how much you meant to me, it hurts knowing that you didn't get the goodbye you deserved.

i never really thought you would leave me like this. no matter how many times people told me that you were going to die, i never believed them, now i wish i had.

all i want at this point is for me to wake up next to you and let all this be a dream. the things i would to hear your voice one last time, to see you one last time.

i hope you are happy wherever you are, living the life you never got to, you deserve to be happy for once. even though you always said you were happy as long as you were with me, i know deep down that with every breath you took, you were in constant pain both mentally and physically.

but i'll make you a promise, i promise to remember you for as long as i live. i promise to make sure they don't forget you.

i will forever keep with me the good times that we shared, all the memories we made, the good and the bad.

before i leave i just want to say something else.

even in death you are still loved and no one's ever going to stop. you have touched the hearts of so many who owe you a lifetime of gratitude. no one is ever going to forget you and let your legacy die.

I love you so much and i'll never stop missing you, but for now this is goodbye.

until we meet again my angel. "

authors note
i'm back !

what did you guys think of this chapter ?

anyway i hoped y'all liked this chappie and if you didn't i'm sorry !

also if anyone was confused cal was at her grave !