Even if he did hear me, he'll probably just continue sleeping. I gave a soft chuckle. I sat up and for the last time, I placed my lips on his while hugging him tightly. "I love you."

__________________________________________________________

Dazai pov

I roamed the streets of Yokohama for the last time. So many memories were made in this city. Not just with Chuuya, but with the mafia as well. With my subordinates, my friends. They were good times. I'll miss them but, this is for the best. The sun was not yet up but in an hour or so, the sun would slowly start to rise. There weren't that many people on the streets yet. But some were on their way to work. Some shops started to open while some were closing. There were a few early joggers and bikers going for an early start of the day. I made my way through the streets to the old abandoned school. It was in a secluded area so it would be away from someone's sight. I entered the building beside the school and climbed up the stairs. As I climbed, I thought, what would've happened if I lived a normal life? If I wasn't part of the mafia? Would I have lived a better life? No. If I had a choice to go back in time and choose between going to the mafia or living a normal life, I would always choose the mafia. I'd choose to hang out with Ango and Oda. I'd choose to go and take in the Akutagawa siblings. I'd choose to be by Chuuya's side again as his partner. I couldn't live a life without them in it. I have no regrets. This was how it was. I decided what I was gonna do. It doesn't matter if it'll hurt or if I'm scared. This is how it'll end.

 When I made it to the top I made a jump to the building beside it. (The school) I chose this school because of the view. It had a clear view of Yokohama despite being secluded. I used to go here all the time for fresh air. I even brought Chuuya here once. That was when we first met so it was a really long time ago. I made it to the roof and walked near the edge. This was it. What I always wanted. I gave a soft chuckle. I stood on the edge of the building and stretched out my arms as I felt a gush of wind as it passed by me blowing my hair. This was truly amazing. I'm ready. I was about to jump when all of a sudden I could hear someone yelling from a distance. "DAZAI! STOP!!" Chuuya?

Chuuya pov

There, on the very edge of the abandoned school building, ready to jump was the person who I hold so dearly. My vision started to blur as tears fell down my face once more. My chest was hurting and my mind was all fuzzy. I can't breathe. I can't think straight. No. Not yet. "DAZAI! STOP!!" I activated my ability and jumped off the balcony. Heading towards the school building as fast as I could. From afar I could see the brunette turning to face me. I could feel the tears falling down my face flying away as I flew. I landed on the rooftop and ran towards the mackerel. I grabbed his arm and looked down, panting. "Chuuya? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be asle-" I could hear him saying in a worried voice. "What the f*ck do you think you're doing?!?" I said in an angry tone. Because what the heck? He leaves without a word and now he's trying to f*cking kill himself? I mean that's completely normal of him but this time, I knew if he was gonna do it now... he'd die for real. "Chuuya I'm sure you know better than anyone what I'm doing. I'm doing what I always wanted~" "Why?" I said. Every time I opened my mouth I could feel my chest hurting. I was still crying but I didn't care. I didn't want to see his face right now but I was not letting go of his arm so I squeezed it tighter. "Why do you always want to kill yourself?" ... "*Sigh Chuuya, is there really any value in living?" I finally looked up at him only to be met with cold eyes. He slowly looked away now looking at the horizon. "I don't know what else to do. It's better this way. It doesn't matter if it hurts anymore. So Chuuya, go home. I'll be out of your hair in a little while"

I stood there. Eyes wide open, mouth hanging a bit open in shock of what I heard. If this was a dream, I wanted to wake up. Is he serious right now? "Dazai. Do I really mean nothing to you?" I tried to hide my emotions but it slipped once I started talking. I could feel myself shaking. Desperately holding on to that warmth. Silence "... Chuuya, we are enemies and partners at work. Nothing more, nothing less." Slowly, I could feel my heart breaking. I could feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness. I chuckled and looked down on the ground again.

"You were lying to me all this time then huh? And I fell for your stupid tricks again..." "What are you talking about?" He kept using a cold voice I didn't recognize. He still wasn't looking at me. I started to laugh. "Pffft. Haa. This is ridiculous. I really fell for that huh? After I spent all this time trying to push you away? Ahaha. Damn." I put my free hand over my mouth as I laughed. Dazai looked at me confused. "Oh come on you sh*tty Dazai~ I know you only said those things to play with my f*cking feelings. After all, I mean nothing to you right?" "Chuuya I don't know what you're talking about." Is he seriously still messing with me right now? I already knew he was bad news since I met him. Whatever I saw in him was all a lie. I wanted to believe and it hurts. I already told myself that I wouldn't trust him and that he'd betray me. And yet look who still fell for him~ Pffft. Dazai must be really happy right now. Ugh. I fell down to my knees and was now a crying mess with one arm raised as I was still holding onto the mackerel. "Ahahaha... Damn you sh*tty Dazai... You're so cruel..." I could hear my voice breaking. Dazai's expression softened a bit, looking a bit more worried. " Chuu, I really don't kno-" "Whenever you kiss me god damn it! Every night! Every night you'd tell me that you f*cking "love" me. You tell me things that even I don't know about myself. You tell me things you "love" about me! You'd tell me things that made me "unique". Every. F*cking. Night. So don't f*cking pretend you didn't know I wasn't asleep every f*cking time!!" I talked faster and faster and now I'm trying to catch my breath.

"If I meant nothing to you then why did you kiss me? Almost every night? Did that also mean nothing? Were you just doing that for fun to mess with me? Why did you get my hopes up for nothing, huh? When you told me you loved me, were you lying then? Do you hate me so much you want to leave and lie to me like this? Do I have no value to you at all that you could leave me so f*cking easily huh you su*cidal maniac?? Why won't you just listen to me for once? Why won't you just stay with me?... " Silence. "Say something god damn it!" I kept crying harder and harder to the point where I could barely breathe. I slowly looked up to see a flustered brunette covering his mouth. "Y-you were awake?-"..."Stop messing with me mackerel! This isn't f*cking funny anymore! Just get down from there already, please!" I could feel my whole body shaking. But I was scared to let go of the brunette's arm. Scared that if I let go, our last conversation would be of us fighting.

I couldn't stop the tears from coming. "Stop leaving me please!..." ... I heard a light thud and a shadow coming closer and closer. The taller man in front of me bent down and one of his hands gently held the back of my head, while the other held my back. I let go of his arm and wrapped my arms around his neck and I was now kneeling. I dug my face in his shoulders, still crying. The brunette gently started patting my head trying to calm me down.

"Chuuya, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know you felt this way and please trust me when I say I didn't know you were awake and that everything I told you... I meant it. I meant every single word I told you every night. I care for you and I love you so so much that it hurts!... I was scared and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never told you up front. I'm sorry for leaving without saying anything. But it was so hard to leave you, you know? I don't deserve someone like you and you deserve someone better. But I want to be selfish and have you all to myself.

When I went to your apartment and left the flower, I remembered all the times we spent together. I spent so much time crying in your room wondering if I was doing the right thing...

The reason why I wanted to die... it was because I never found a reason to live. But when I met you a few years ago, I wanted to live just a bit longer because I wanted to stay with you. Chuuya, I fell in love with you ever since I first laid my eyes on you. In the end I ended up falling for you. I fell for you so hard, you know that?

For some reason I always felt comfortable around you. You're one of the only people I trusted. I never told you anything because I was scared of losing you. I was scared of losing your company and the warmth you gave me. It was selfish. I know that. Some people were telling me that I would never fill this lonely hole I have in me. I believed that. I'm sorry. I realized that was wrong. They didn't know how I truly felt because I never told them. I never told anyone and I barely admitted it to myself. But Chuuya, you already filled up this lonely hole. You were always there for me. Even if you don't realize it. You're so important to me. You didn't make me feel lonely.

In truth, when Oda passed away he told me that if the good and bad side had no difference for me, I should go to the good side and help people. That I would be happier. This might be true. I might be able to help a few people if I moved sides. But I couldn't do it. Because what if one day, we'd have to fight each other? Fight each other to the death... If we become enemies I won't be able to prevent fighting you and I didn't want to lose you. I couldn't think of anything to do except this... I thought that if I left, I wouldn't have to hurt anyone on both sides which is better for everyone. I thought it would make you happy.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I should've talked to you first. I'm sorry for only realizing these things now. Chuuya, you don't know how badly I've wanted to hold you and call you mine. No matter how many times I apologize I'm never gonna make it up to you. I always thought you hated me... But you have no idea how thankful I am for you. I have so many things I want to say to you but I don't know how..."

He started crying. I could feel him shaking as he said these words. This is the most vulnerable state I've seen him in. I always forget the most simple thing about Dazai. That he's human. He has feelings and has his own insecurities. He could feel sad, and scared. He could get angry and he could feel happy. At times, he could even feel lonely. No one in this world is perfect. I think we all forget that sometimes. We make mistakes and that's all right. I forget that we're not alone. I should've talked to him instead of making assumptions. But I'm selfish and have feelings too and I hate how he didn't tell me anything and shut me in the dark. I hate how he pretended to be okay when he wasn't and I hate myself for doing the same thing and not noticing when he was with me almost everyday. If I could've just noticed and helped him, it wouldn't have ended up this way.

"You f*cking scared me you know that?" "I'm sorry if I scared you chibi..." We held each other tighter. Not wanting to let go. We didn't want to lose each other. Dazai told me his side, so I'll say mine. "I... I was scared this entire time. I got scared that you'd betray me. I knew I shouldn't trust you but I did anyway and... I f*cking fell for you too." I could feel my face heating up once more as I said this. "Do you know how much it hurt when I found out you left without even telling me anything? How the heck could you leave without telling me?? Then you leave a flower with a note with literally only a heart on it telling me you're gonna die? Do you know how terrifying that is?" Damn I suck. "And I'm sorry I didn't notice what you were going through.. If I just talked to you then maybe we wouldn't be in this situation. Sorry if I pushed you away....But please, just don't do that anymore..." "I'm sorry Chuuya..." I let go of his arms and grabbed his hands and intertwined our fingers. I put my forehead on his and closed my eyes. "I'll help you. We'll figure out a way. I'll do whatever it is to make you happy. To make you stay... Just don't scare me like that anymore and... don't leave me..."

I looked up to see the most beautiful pair of eyes look into mine with a gentle and warm smile.

He cupped my face and gave me a kiss on the forehead. " I promise. I won't ever leave you again." He told me sincerely. 

Pfft 

"Since when were you so sincere, you su!cidal maniac?" "Aw come on Chuuya just say you love me too~" "I- Why the f*ck would I say that?!?" "Oh come ooon. I told you I loved you everyday and you pretended to be asleep. The least you can do is be honest with your feelings and say it back~" "... You better not bring this up or tell anyone or I swear to god I'm gonna make you regret it-" "Pfft-" "Don't laugh at me you waste of bandages!" "Just say it! Please Chuu~ For me?~" ... God this guy really drives me crazy. My heart is racing so fast and I could already tell that my face was red. *Sigh "I love you... Oi! Let go of me!!" The brunette hugged me tighter to the point we fell over and I couldn't breathe. "I can't b-breathe dumb*ss!" He let go of me and we're now both lying on top of the roof looking at the sky.

The sun has fully risen now. We could hear the sounds of the busy streets of Yokohama as the day finally started. I was on top of one of Dazai's arms when he all of a sudden turned to his side to face me. "What do you want no-" I was interrupted as warm soft lips touched mine. I hugged the mackerel as I melted into his warm touch. As our lips separated we both looked into each other's eyes. "I love you Chuuya." "... I love you too, Dazai."

The end <3