It was challenging not to sulk alone in my room after that. I had gotten close with Alethea, but I was aware of the boundary I was putting up around myself. Alethea was by far the closest thing to a friend I had, but it felt like a betrayal from every piece of my new life in the Nether. I wanted to sulk until they all forgot I was here.

That was impossible with mandatory dinners where I used all of my energy to portray the perfect image of happiness. King Erix seemed to have lost that kind charm he had from the suitor meal, leaving me to believe this was the version of him that I was ultimately stuck with. One who did not trust me or my kind, and would punish me for it in small ways.

I was feeling incredibly frustrated, but I knew if I stayed in my room another day, that frustration might turn to insanity. I had asked Alethea earlier in the day if she would take me down to the courtyard again, and she seemed overly excited that I was leaving the room. Maybe she had developed care for me over the time I've been here.

The gown for the day was something that reminded me deeply of home. It was red, which normally would be associated with this place, but mother had always loved me in red. I chose my gown today based on her. I missed her more and more every day.

Alethea escorted me to the courtyard, and the walk was surprisingly short if you knew which way to go. Alethea would try to strike up a conversation with me as we went, but my heart wasn't in it today. I felt bad for having shut her attempts down, but I truly felt alone and I didn't have much thought for others at the moment.

"I know I'm not allowed to be alone, but could you give me some space to think?" I asked Alethea as we stepped out onto the soft grass of the Crimson forest. She nodded once, taking on her head maid personality. I tried to ignore the sting in my heart.

I strode up to the tree in the center of the courtyard and sank myself against it. I tilted my head back and rested it against the bark of the trees, but I was painfully aware that the only void I could look into was the void of the netherrack ceiling. It almost felt as if it were slowly closing in on me.

Thoughts of my old life flood my brain. I missed sitting with Akkar in the courtyard until dinner time, giggling and talking about horrible Lavinia's dress had been at breakfast or begging him to go fetch Chorus fruit pastries. I miss messing around the palace with Lavinia. I missed my mother's kind words. I missed the End.

It was hard to not mourn my life from before this engagement. I felt like a different person than I had been before. I felt like I had lost a part of me that I loved desperately, and it was replaced with a very dark pit of loneliness. I couldn't ignore the isolation from everything that made me happy.

Time went quickly. I was so deep in my thoughts of home, I almost hadn't noticed the lunch bell ring. I wasn't particularly hungry, but I knew that time would be creeping toward dinner and I would have to face the royal family once again.

I heard footsteps approaching. They seemed apprehensive as if they were trying to ensure they didn't frighten me. I knew Alethea would be asking if I needed lunch brought down here and honestly I appreciated her coming to check on me.

"I'm not very hungry, Alethea. But thank you for being considerate enough to make sure," I said without turning to face her.

"Well then this might be a little awkward," I heard a voice I hadn't expected say from behind the tree. I quickly turned to see an awkward looking Technoblade holding a tray of what must have been lunch. I couldn't help the slight smile that played on my lips.

"I'm sorry," I said, turning back to my previous spot. "You can leave it there. I'll eat it eventually."

"I was actually hoping to join you," Technoblade said rounding the tree to the side I was on. I looked up and he was sitting down tentatively. He seemed to be waiting to see if I cared, and I truthfully didn't mind. I was grateful for his company. To my own surprise.

Neither of us said anything for a few moments. I took my plate from him and took a single bite. I hadn't been hungry, but the gesture was so kind it felt rude to not at least taste the food he had brought. It was like most Nether food, very unlike anything I had ever eaten.

"How are you doing?" He asked after swallowing a bite of his own food. I tried to plaster the political smile on my face, but I had been thinking about my feelings a bit too deeply before he came out here, and it wouldn't spring to my face the way it normally did.

"Not great, if I'm being completely honest," I said, trying my best to be kind to him. It wasn't his fault that everything ended up the way it did. He had never meant for his father to destroy me emotionally over one matter. It was just challenging to be here, and he was along for the ride.

"Would it be alright if I asked why you were feeling down?" Technoblade said, giving me his entire attention. It felt odd to be having a conversation this personal with him. It had never seemed like either of us had any interest in becoming anything more than acquaintances.

"I miss home. It's hard to feel like a prisoner in a place after being free to roam anywhere you pleased. I just never expected life to turn out this way, I guess," it was too easy to tell him about everything that was wrong.

"I'm really sorry for the way my father handled everything that night. It isn't fair you can't experience this place like home. I just think-"

"It's alright," I said, letting the smile I previously held play on my lips. "I wanted to thank you for standing up for me. I'm sure that wasn't very easy to do."

"Well, you are to be my wife, after all. I don't think it would have been very gentlemanly to let you be belittled in such a manner," he said looking down with a shy grin. I had obviously made him flustered, and it made me want to do it more. The tops of his cheekbones were painted a faint pink, almost in a blush.

"It's just challenging. I think it will get easier with time. If my eyes ever adjust to this much red, that is," I joked, trying to lighten the mood from my dreariness previously. His eyes flew up to meet mine, and I could tell there was a thought dancing around behind that gaze.

"If we can somehow ditch Alethea, I'd like to show you something," Technoblade said quietly. I was confused about what he could have been talking about. I felt guilty trying to trick Alethea, potentially making her think she could be punished for my actions, but I would be with Technoblade. That was more than enough security, wasn't it?

"Do you have a plan?" I asked, speaking low. A sly grin crept onto his face. It was nearly cocky, it reminded me a lot of Ishton's grin.

"I always have a plan."