Caitlin's POV

I'd noticed a change between Elena and I. Although it was still awkward between us and I hated it, I could see her slowly opening up again. I was trying my best to show her I wouldn't hurt her again because I wanted her. I wanted her to be mine, so badly. I think she was starting to realise I was being truthful when I said I'd try for her, one day at a time, because it was taking longer than I'd hoped, but I understood why. I'd hurted her and there was no way I could mend all of those broken pieces at once.

I was going to mend them all though. No matter how long it would take.

The team buzzes with energy in the changing rooms, getting ready for our game against Manchester City. I was happy to be able to see Alanna again because I think I wanted to finally tell someone about what had happened between Elena and I. I'd kept it as weights dragging me down over the summer, but I knew it was best I talk about it and I trusted Alanna to give me some good advice.

I watched Elena talk to Beth from across the room, not even bothering to hide my gaze on her. She glanced over at me every now and then and each time our eyes would meet, but she'd still do it again. I didn't know exactly what was going through her mind, but I had an idea that she wanted to open up to me again, but was trying to fight it on a defensive mode.

I watch as she speaks to Beth and how Steph joins them and pulls Elena closer to her while the girl leans into her hold, kind of like she used to do for me. I missed being that close to her, both physically and emotionally. I missed how she used to wrap her arms around my waist whenever she could, how she'd come over to my apartment with the intention to go back home but she'd still end up falling asleep in my arms and how she'd do the small things that made me feel that small bit closer to her.

I pull my attention away from the girl when Katie sits next to me. "You alright?" She asks me, seeing my distant eyes.

"Yeah, all good." I give her a small smile as I draw my attention to my boots. I pull my left foots shin pad, socks and then lastly boot on. I didn't know exactly why, but I had the habit of putting my left foots boot on before my right. I couldn't do it the other way around.

'Elena had noticed that.'  I think to myself.

The changing room dynamics change as Katie leaves my side and I see her pull Beth into a playful headlock. Viv pulls them apart from one another and my eyes drift along to where I see Elena approaching Steph who sits beside Lia on the other side of the changing rooms.

She hesitates for a moment, her eyes glancing at Lia, and she turns and walks over in my direction. I feel my heart beating quicker in my chest, the nerves settling in. She was actually about to engage with me herself.

"Cait, can you do my hair?" She asks, quietly, her comb and hairties in hands. My heart flutters at what she called me. She hadn't called me 'Cait' in so long.

"Yeah, sure." I say as I pat the spot on the bench next to me. She sits down hesitantly and passes me her comb. I begin on her hair, gently parting her hair.
"I have to admit, I didn't expect braiding hair to be so relaxing."

Elena laughs softly as she sits perfectly still. "Yeah, it's kind of therapeutic. Back at my grassroots team, the older girls used to braid my hair for me."

"That's really sweet. Do you miss those times?" I ask.

"Sometimes." She nods. "We've all grown up and moved on, but I have good memories. It's nice to have something that reminds me of simpler times."

"I can understand that. I used to have this old family photo album I'd look through before games. It was comforting to see familiar faces and remember where I came from."

"That sounds nice. It's amazing how small things like that can ground us, especially before something as intense as a match."

"Yeah. And speaking of grounding," I begin, "I've been meaning to ask... How have you been finding the balance between soccer and everything else?"

"It's tough." Elena sighs. "There are days when it feels like football is the only thing that makes sense. But then, there are days when everything else feels overwhelming."

"I get that. Sometimes, it feels like we're living in a bubble, and everything outside is just noise."

"Exactly." Elena agrees. "And trying to stay focused on the game while handling personal stuff can be exhausting. I guess that's why I appreciate these moments, where it feels like there's a little bit of normalcy."

"I'm glad we're having these moments." I say from the bottom of my heart. "I know we've had our ups and downs, but I really want us to be okay. I don't want things to be awkward between us."

"I appreciate that, Caitlin. I really do. It's been a rough patch, and it's not easy to navigate."

"Yeah, it's not." I agree. "But I want to make an effort. I want us to move forward and not just leave things unresolved."

"I think we're both trying. It's just... it takes time, you know?"

"I know. And I'm willing to be patient. I just want to be here for you, however you need."

Elena sighs "Thanks. I'm trying to work through things, and having your support means a lot."

"Anytime. You're important to me, and I don't want to lose sight of that." I say, gently, while tying her braid off.

"I don't want that either. Let's just keep taking it one step at a time." She says back, softly.

"One step at a time." I repeat with a smile as she turns to look at me.

"I'm kind of nervous for the game." Elena admits as our eyes meet. The green and the blue in our eyes mixing together like the sea meeting the land.

"Don't worry, we'll do great. We have amazing players on this team, and you're one of them." I reassure her and instinctively my arm wrapped around her shoulders. She doesn't pull away or cringe away, she instead leans into my arm and I give her a tight squeeze. "We're on that pitch together."

The game ended with the score 2-1 to City. Usually after a game like that, I'd be pissed about losing, but the fact I got to be on the pitch with Elena again where it was less awkward and we actually moved smoothly with one another, I wasn't annoyed the slightest.

"Foordy." Alanna calls me and I run over to her, excited to see the familiar face even after spending all summer with her. "You're excited." She jokes and I push her.

"I need to speak to you about something." I say as we walk off the pitch and inside to the changing rooms. We stop oustide hers as she looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

"About?"

"You'll see, just go shower and get changed." I push her into her changing rooms before walking into mine. When I walk inside, my eyes immediately fall onto Elena, who walks out of the shower with a towel around her body.

"Beth, I know I hid your boots last season, but this is not fair!" She yells! "Where's my clothes?"

"I don't know." Beth sings while laughing at the girl.

I watch as Steph walks over to Elena to help her find her clothes, while some of the other girls also laugh at her though for me, I can't take my eyes off her as I force myself to walk over to my cubby.

Elena holds the knot of her towel, making sure it doesn't come undone as she finally finds her clothes with the help of Steph who scolds Beth, although she finds it slightly amusing. I watch her walk past me and back towards the showers to pull on her clothes.

When she comes out again, I've managed to take only off my boots in that amount of time, because I keep replaying the image of her standing there with only a towel over her body with her wet hair lightly dripping down the side of her body.

'Get yourself together, Cait' I say as I reach into my shirt and hold onto the daisy necklace Elena had given me last christmas. She hadn't been wearing her bracelet I'd gotten her for her birthday, I'd noticed that, but I couldn't blame her.

After I've showered and dried my hair, I'm one of the last ones out of the changing rooms. Katie squeezes my shoulder as she says goodbye to me. I leave behind her, hauling my bag over my shoulder as I walk to the City changing rooms to where Alanna is. Just as I arrive, she opens the door and ushers me in, saying that no one's inside.

I think Alanna notices my tired expression when she asks me if I'm okay. "You okay? You've been quieter than usual. Something on your mind?"

I look down at my feet, kicking the floor a bit as we walk over to the benches and sit down. "Yeah, actually. There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about, but... I've been putting it off."

"Well, I'm here now. What's going on?" Alanna raises an eybrow.

"It's about Elena..." I sigh, rubbing my temples. "and me. We were together for a while. Quietly. No one knew. But then it all fell apart."

Alanna's eyes widen."Wait-what? You and Elena? How come you never told me or Macca?"

"I don't know. We were keeping it low-key, trying to make it work without anyone else getting involved. But then... things got messy. I messed up."

"You wanna talk about what happened?" Alanna asks me with a soft gaze.

I hesitate for a moment, but then remember how long it's been since I'd gotten with Elena, broken up with her and spent our time apart and I think it's safe to say I need to get that all off my chest. "It was during a team party. Lia and I had just broken up before that, and at the party, she was drunk... and she kissed me. I didn't expect it, but I kissed her back. I don't know why, but Elena saw it, and... everything just went downhill from there."

My Matilda teammate winces slightly from beside me. "That's... tough. I can see how she'd be hurt. So where are things now?"

"We broke up after that. It's been months, and I've tried everything to make it right, to show her that I still care about her. But she's shut me out. I don't know what to do, Alanna. I still love her. I just... I don't know if she'll ever let me back in."

Alanna nods, taking my words in. "First off, I'm glad you're telling me this. It sounds like you've been carrying it alone for too long."

"Yeah, I guess I thought I could handle it. But now... I'm just stuck. I don't want to push her, but I don 't want to give up either." I frown.

She pauses, thinking carefully. "Look, Caitlin, it's clear you still care about her. You've got this huge heart, and you wouldn't be so torn up if you didn't genuinely want to make things right. But... love isn't always enough. If she's been hurt, it's going to take time."

"I know." I nod. "I'm just scared that waiting too long might mean losing her forever."

"Yeah, that's always the risk, isn't it? But from what you're saying, Elena's still processing everything. She might need you to be patient right now. Keep showing her that you care, not by pushing her, but by being there. Don't force her to open up before she's ready."

"But what if she never does?" I ask, quietly while looking down at my lap.

Alanna shrugs gently with a soft smile on her lips. "Then you'll know that you did everything you could. But Caitlin, I think you two are stronger than that. You've been through a lot, and it sounds like there's still something there. Maybe she just needs to feel safe again, like you're really on her side."

"I've tried talking to her, being open, but it's like she's built these walls. Every time I think we're getting somewhere, she shuts down."

"Yeah, but you have to remember, you were the one who hurt her, even if it wasn't intentional. It takes time for trust to rebuild. She's going to have her guard up, and that's not a reflection of what you're doing wrong-it's her healing process."

I sigh. "I know. It's just... I miss her. I miss us."

Alanna reaches out and puts a hand on my shoulder, making me look up at her. "I get it. But if she's worth it— and from everything you've said, it sounds like she is— then keep giving her the space she needs, while letting her know that you're still there for her."

"So, you think I should just... wait?"

"I think you should be there, in her corner. If that means waiting, then yeah. But don't lose yourself in the process. Keep doing you. She'll see that you're still the same Caitlin who loves her, even after everything."

"You're right. I just... I don't know if I'm doing enough." I swallow down my emotions.

"You're doing more than enough." Alanna smiles, softly. "And trust me, if she loved you before, there's still something there. Let it come back naturally."

"Thanks, Alanna. I really needed to hear that." I say, genuinely.

Alanna grins at me, happy to have been able to help. "Anytime. You know I've got your back. But hey, next time-don't wait so long to talk, alright? You don't have to go through this alone."

"I won't. Promise." I hold my pinky out, something I's gotten the habit of since I'd seen Elena do it a few times.

"Good. Now, let's get out of here." She stands up and pulls me up with her. "There's a great café down the road, and you're buying."

"Fine, but only because I owe you." I laugh.