2053 words

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-ˋˏ " Why do I have to like you, huh? "  ˎˊ-

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•| ⊱✿⊰ |•

𝑹𝒂𝒚

"I'm in love with you dumbass, I have been since the moment we met."

I could feel her heart beating rapidly against my chest, and I'm sure she could feel mine as well.

My voice became softer, "I... I was unaware of why I felt so different when you walked into Emma's bedroom that day. I was confused, I thought it was hatred, but no. I was so, completely wrong. I was in awe of you, the way you stood up to me without hesitation, I couldn't see it then, but I was obsessed with you, and I continue to feel the same now."

Y/n was speechless. She looked as if she could feel the right words on the tip of her tongue, but they just didn't seem to come out.
"I-- huh-- what?" she choked on her words, her voice squeaking as she blinked flabbergasted.

I couldn't tell if she was happy or scared, maybe it was both. She must've been too shocked to even think straight.

"Sorry, I just- I just couldn't hold it in any longer," I sighed with relief and pulled my hand away from her cheek. "It feels like a 100-pound weight has just been lifted off my chest." I stared at her, "are you... okay?"

"Uhm, I don't know." The girl looked away from my gaze out of embarrassment, "that was just extremely blunt, that's all."

"Ah, you're right." I clasped my hand to my face and shut my eyes tight, shaking my head. "My apologies, I shouldn't have brought that upon you so suddenly."

y/n returned her focus to me, waving her hands around crazily."Nono! It isn't necessarily a bad thing, I'm just... shocked."

Suddenly a sad expression grew over her gorgeous features as if she remembered something upsetting someone had told her.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I cocked my head to the side and stared at her lovingly.

Her mouth was slightly agape, and she just shook her head. "I don't-- I don't know anymore."

I admired her sadly, "is it-- is it my fault?"

She stared at me for a moment, I couldn't read her. I'm assuming that she couldn't read herself either, she looked so confused. A sad exhale left her soft lips,
   "maybe."

"Maybe?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Yeah, maybe."

"Oh, I see." I leaned back slightly, "what do you want, y/n?"

"What do I want?" Our gaze was stuck on each other. "I think-- I think I want you, Ray."

Her words made my heart flutter. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

The h/c girl looked at the floor for a moment, then lifted her eyes once more to mine. "Yeah, that's what I want." She nodded, and now our faces were barely inches apart. "How about you, what do you want, Ray?"

If I leaned forward even the slightest, our lips would be touching. I was honestly holding myself back. I wanted to lean forward so bad, and kiss her.

"I want you, but--"

"but?" she cut me off and pulled away slightly.

"It'll only hurt you more if we're together." I frowned, but I knew that my words were true. "We can't be together."

y/n furrowed her eyebrows with anger, "what if I don't care, hm? Maybe I don't mind being hurt even more than I've already been?"

"y/n, stop it," I said through my teeth and looked away.

"I know you're getting married, I know that there's no way to stop it, but my feelings for you still exist. They aren't going anywhere, at least not right now." The e/c-eyed girl leaned forward once more, our lips nearly touching. "Besides, you said it yourself, right? The next 2 months are all the time you have left of freedom, until you're tied down with marriage."

"I did say that," I gulped.

"So, technically, we can be together right now." She looked at my lips, then back at my eyes.

"Technically, yes." I stared into her e/c eyes, "but it will have to end in August."

"All good things must come to an end, Ray. I think I understand that the most." She fluttered her eyelashes. 

"I don't want to hurt you more than you've already been," I stated honestly.

"Ray." She put her hands on my neck quickly, "how many times do I have to say it? I. don't. care."

I continued to admire her, resisting the urge to push her against the cold tiles and kiss her. "But you will care in the end. You'll be hurting, heartbroken."

"Then you'll be the best heartbreak I've ever had." 

It went quiet, the only sound being heard is our own breath. Then, the sound of lips colliding.
My hands went to her waist, pulling her closer to me. The hands of y/n were wrapped around my neck, pulling my lips against hers more.

My heartbeat grew faster and faster the longer we kissed. I knew that I was now kissing this girl, the only girl I've ever had this kind of affection for. I also knew that I couldn't go back, that the feel of her lips against mine and our tongues colliding would be left with me until I die.

This is wrong, I'm going to be married in August. Maybe, the real reason why I've been holding back wasn't to protect her, but to protect myself. I'm just making having to leave her harder than it has to be.

I pulled away and stood up quickly, "I can't do this, sorry."

She blinked at me, shaking her head with confusion. "I don't-- I don't understand? What's wrong?"

"We shouldn't continue to be friends, this is-- this is all too much for me." I stumbled to grab my coat and reached for the door handle.

"I should've known that you'd do this." She scoffed, but I could tell she was hurt.

I froze, my hand remaining on the door handle.

"You're so confusing, one minute you're all over me, the next you're distant."
I heard a quiet shuffle, so I figured that she had stood up.

I exhaled sadly, "that isn't true."

"Yeah, it is." I heard her breath hitch, maybe she was going to cry, maybe she was angry, maybe it was both. I couldn't tell, I didn't have the guts to look her in the eye, because I knew that I'd break.

"This isn't good for either of us, y/n, sorry. It's for the best we separate." I frowned to myself and slowly twisted the handle.

"Wait," y/n said quickly.

I stopped again, humming a quiet "mhm?"

"Please, just tell me so that I'll give up on trying. Do you want me or not?"

I thought to myself for a moment, should I be honest? Yeah, I should just be honest. It'll hurt, but lying would hurt more.
"I do want you, but we can't be together."

The apartment went quiet- cold. "Thank you for being honest."

I wanted to bash my head against the door rather than to go through with the pain of losing one of the only things to bring me happiness. "Yeah, of course."

"Have fun at your wedding, I'm wishing you and your wife the best." I heard her laugh quietly, presumably at how silly the situation is.

I exhaled with a sigh, "you can come if you'd like."

"No," the h/c said sharply, "I'll be busy."

I scoffed, "the date hasn't even been set yet."

"I won't be able to attend, I'll be busy." She repeated herself, this time more stern.

"Right, got it." I opened the door.

"Goodbye, Ray." Her voice was sad, delicate even.

"Bye, y/n." I gulped and exited her apartment.

That was the last I had seen of y/n until the day of my wedding.

•| ⊱✿⊰ |•

- The day I had been informed of the arrangement

"I'm so sorry sweetheart." The voice of my mother echoed throughout the living room.

"Why?" I choked on my words, more than completely surprised.

"It must be done, son, it's the only way." My father sighed quietly.

"I don't-- I don't want to be married yet, I'm only 18." I clasped my hand to my mouth and shook my head in disbelief.

"We know, we don't want you to throw your life away either. We can get jobs and start over, we'll just lose our belongings." My mother explained with a smile, but I saw the sadness in her eyes. I don't want to be a burden, a disappointment.

"No, I'll do it."

"What?" She went wide-eyed, surprised at my response.

"I'll marry the daughter." I kept a composed look plastered on my face, my posture kept perfect.

"Ray, no." My mother grabbed me by the shoulders, "you couldn't possibly! You'd be throwing your life away! Besides, what about y/n?"

I flinched at her name. "What about y/n?"

"Stop playing dumb! I know you like her, I'm your mother, I'm not stupid."

I sighed, "I'm not even sure if she likes me back."

Her grip on my shoulders got firmer, tighter. "No. You want to be with her, I won't let you throw your love for each other away for us."

"Mom, please." I attempted to push her away, but failed.

"You're my son, I want you to be happy." Suddenly a wave of sadness came over her as she let go, pacing back and forth biting on her nails anxiously. "I've never seen you happier than the time you've been spending with y/n."

I frowned, "It's not her doing, I've just been around friends more. Plus, school is ending. I'm just happy. Also, maybe I'll like whoever I'm marrying."

The ravenette woman's gaze darted towards me. "NO-"

"Isabella." My father lovingly placed his hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, please, calm down. There isn't anything we can do to change his mind, this is his decision."

I watched as she stared at him for a moment, then nodded. She approached me slowly, grasping my hands gently in hers. "Ray, my love, are you sure this is the decision you truly want to make?"

I hesitated for a moment, before nodding a yes. "I'm positive, I'll do anything to keep our family business secure."

She teared up and pulled me into a tight hug. "I couldn't have asked for a better son, you're too kind for your own good."

I patted her back with a smile, "thanks mom, but could you let go? I can't breathe."

"Sorry!" She let go and wiped her tears away as my father wrapped his arm around her.

"You will be married in August, then." He nodded towards me, "thank you."

"You're welcome."

I was giving up my most prized possession for my family.

Oh, y/n, I'm so sorry, I love you. In fact, I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. I'll be old, watching my grandchildren run around as I sit beside my wife, and I'll still be loving you, missing you every second. Who knows, maybe we'll reunite someday, maybe we'll even continue to be friends. Whatever the future holds, I pray that you are safe and happy. That's all I want, for you to be safe and happy.

I don't know what my wife looks like, or what her personality is like, but none of that matters. Because she isn't you. Nobody could ever compare to you, you're perfect. Nobody can be as big a bitch to me as you are, yet also care for me as much as you.

Why do I have to like you, huh? Why does it have to be you? You're so stubborn, rude, although you aren't actually rude. You care so much for everyone, and you aren't afraid to stand your ground. I love the way you protect the people you care for most. I love everything you do. I don't think there's anything you could do that I wouldn't adore you for. Maybe there is, who knows.

I hope you can forgive me, y/n, and I hope that you're able to move on.

Fuck, what am I saying? You probably don't even feel that way towards me, that would be horrible. Actually, that would be better. That way, me leaving you wouldn't hurt as much.

However, this isn't the end for us. I know it, I can feel it. 

•| ⊱✿⊰ |•