⚠️TW⚠️ -  there is some ptsd/ panic attack written. Incase someone may be triggered.

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"Hey, Kate" buck gently rubbed her arm, not wanting to startle her awake

It had only been a week since she was attacked, she was poised with the constant nightmares, reminded every night of what he had done.

Kate flinched, she jolted - regrettably - sending pain up and down her body.

"It's okay, it's just me" buck reassured

Kate exhaled, she rubbed her face "I'm sorry"

"What did I tell you about apologising"

Kate nodded "Right, yeah. Don't do it"

"I wanted to wake you before I left, you need to take the pain meds"

Kate nodded, with the help from Buckley she at up against the headboard.

Kate hated how she looked now, her eye was still bruised, healing cuts on her face. Her stomach full of bruises. Her wrist was in a cast, She hated what he did to her

Evan could see it in her face, he felt useless. All he could to was reassure her but sometimes he knew it wasn't enough, he would give anything to take the pain away for her.

Kate sat up, she stood up from the bed. Pain striking around her whole torso, she held onto bucks arm and walked slowly out of their room.

Kate sat down at the table, Evan handed her some pain medication and small glass of water.

"Why don't I stay with you today. You have to give your statement" he offered,

"No, I appreciate it but I'd rather do it alone plus I've got therapy today. I might stop by today, if that's okay

"Are you kidding, of course it's okay." He kissed her forehead "I have to go, but call me if you need anything At all okay"

"I know" she nodded, "I love you"

After Evan left Kate set up her laptop for the video conference, she was giving her statement today; she was dreading having to talk about what happened. It was only a week but they needed her statement, she'd have to do it again soon for the court case.

"Hi Kate, I'm officer smith. I'll be taking your statement on the account of what happened on November 15th. So whoever you are ready, we can take a break if you need"

"I was home sick that day, at 2:30 Adam invited himself into my home, I backed into the counter and felt a knife so I hid in the waistband of my pants. He ordered me to sit down and when I said no he pulled out a knife. He started to yell and shout about my life, about how I'd moved on so quick. I argued back and then he.. " Kate paused, the memory flashed in front of her eyes like a movie scene "he hit my eye multiple times which blew my eye socket, he started to say look what you made me do and I got angry.. I called him a pathetic drunk who ruined his own life, he punched me in the nose after that, than he continued to rant about me and my life and when I argued back he punched me again, I landed on the ground this time. I sat against the bottom press and I laughed.. god I laughed at him - how stupid is that"

"Do you need a minute?"

"No, no I want to get this done"

"I asked if his was going to kill me, he said he just wanted me to come home. I told him that he had me and when I tried to leave he flung me around our kitchen, that he mentally drained me for months. He yelled and screamed like a child. I called him a lying drunk who couldn't stay sober long enough to spell it. At this point I had really pissed him off, he came charge toward me with an open hand - I assumed he was going to slap me or something so I took the knife to his hand, it went straight through his palm. I pulled the knife out Of Adams hand stumbled away"

"And you did all this injured?" The woman asked, sounding genuinely shocked

"I wasn't letting him hurt me, my ribs burned and I feel like I could have passed out but the want to live gave me enough adrenaline." She explained

"Go on"

"He started to babble about wanting me to come home, promising he'll try to stay sober which I heard a million times before. Than I called him nothing but  a pathetic lying manipulative excuse of a person. I told him what I refused to be scared, that he already.."

Tears glossed over her eyes, she blinked them back and swallowed thickly "he had already killed our son - this triggered him, he just held my wrists.. so tightly, one tighter than the other - I guess because of his hand bur he fractured it. I tried to grab the vase behind me but he grabbed it first and he threw above  my head. He heard voices so he covered my mouth an eh.. than my boyfriend - Evan Buckley and our friend Edmundo Diaz walked in and that's all I really remember"

"Could you tell me the injuries you sustained?"

"Uh, I had fractured rips, a blown left eye socket a bruised nose and a fractured wrist" she listed

"Have you had any contact with Adam since?"

"No" Kate shook her head,

"Okay, I think I have everything." The officer nodded, she stopped the recording and waited a few seconds "off the record, between you and me. I hope he gets charged, I'll be fighting for you."

"Thanks, I appreciate that more than you can imagine"

...

Kate sat in her therapist office, after the morning she had, this was exactly what she needed "How are your nightmares?" Emma - her therapist- asked

"Consistent, Sometimes I don't even want to sleep" she admitted

"Sometimes our nightmares can stem from our fears, are you still scared he'll come back?"

"I don't even know" Kate sighed, "I know he can't. I know he's back in Ireland and isn't allowed set foot near me but it's like I can't trust that anymore"

"I remember you saying you moved here to get away from that part of you life, almost like here was your safe space. I'm guessing it mightn't seem so safe anymore"

Kates eyes welled up, she grabbed a tissue and dabbed around her eyes "when I moved here.. I neglected that part of my life but when I addressed it and I brought it into my new life I felt so much better.  Being here.. In LA has always made me feel safer than being in the same country as Adam" she explained.

She took in a small breath before continuing "I was never scared of him, when I moved I moved for me. I moved because I knew he'd spend every day if his life trying to earn my forgiveness or... or spend every day blaming me and I knew I wouldn't stand it. I would have either killed him.. or myself. I just feel like I can ever feel safe when I know he can find me again"

"You know there are many precautions you can take for that"

"I know, I just find it so hard right now. I have to testify against his case and I don't know how I'm suppose to tell a jury about how I let him beat me up. How I sat there and took it"

"Do you blame yourself?" Emma asked

Kate shook her head, "I didn't even try and fight him, I let him beat me black and blue.

"Kate you did fight, you found the strength and you fought him"

"Maybe, but sometimes it doesn't feel like enough. I just wish I could ask why, why he did it, why he wanted to hurt me"

"Maybe you could ask" she suggested

"Yeah, because that will end well" Kate scoffed

"I'm serious, sometimes someone can't conquer the problem if they don't have answers. Maybe you need answers to help heal." Emma explained

"You think I should call him?" Kate asked, a brow raised

"Do you feel like you can't move on without an answer?"

"I feel stuck" she huffed, "I know it's only been a week but I feel like.. like - I feel like I could scream because he came here and he.. he-

"He invaded your safe space"

"Yes" she exhaled, "I look around that apartment now and I don't feel safe, I feel like... like all I can see is him."

"Have you considered moving?"

"I like my apartment, I like my life and suggested that Evan and I invest in a house together.. seems quick and rushed"

"You think he'll scare off"

"I think we aren't ready for a house, and I don't want to move - I refuse to let him take anything else from me. That's my home, I love that apartment and I love the man I live with and my cat - the cat I was so worried would leave our room when Adam was there. I don't want him to get the satisfaction of making me fear my own home. God I just-.. I'm so mad I want to scream"

"Than scream" Emma permitted, "this office, this is your safe space. Scream and yell and cry, do whatever you feel it right"

Kate nodded, she inhaled a breath and exhaled a scream. It lasted about 15 seconds before she ended up in tears,

"You feel better?"

"Kinda" she sniffled, "I just wish I could travel beyond this phase, the phase of crying and screaming because I don't know how else to get rid of my anger. I wish I could just be better"

"Unfortunately that's going to take time and support, do you have a good support system"

"The best, Evan is.. he's the best."

...

Kate had only drifted to sleep for an hour before she was once again awoken by a nightmare, she gave up on trying to go back asleep.

She stood at the counter, waiting for the water to Boil to make some coffee. She stated aimlessly out the window, her mind anywhere but where she was.

Kate heard a knock on the door, she jumped a little. She took out her phone and seen maddie on the screen.

Kate walked over, opening the door "did buck send you?"

"No" maddie shook her head, "I'm here in my on accord"

Kate welcomed maddie in "I'd offer you something but..

"Please, sit down. I'm okay"

Kate sat down, "can I ask why you are here"

Maddie sat down, "you can tell me if I overstep. But I've been were you are, I still am most days and I thought you could use someone to talk to"

"I'm not exactly in the talking mood. If I think about it for too long I can't stop and than I panic and... I just want to be past this part"

"Have you been talking to anyone?"

"My therapist. But talking doesn't help when I'm reminded about what he did every time I look in the mirror." 

"When you look in the mirror, it's also a reminder that you Survived. You fought him and you won"

Kate blinked, "did I though? What if buck didn't show up when he did, god knows what Adam would have done. He could have killed me and no one should have to worry about that. I shouldn't always be a constant worry for him"

"Is that what you think?"

Kate nodded, "I've burdened him so much. My grief, my trauma and now this. He deserves someone who doesn't have this much baggage"

"Oh Kate" maddie sighed, "my brother is so in love with you, he doesn't care about any of that. The night you got poisoned I went to the hospital to give him fresh clothes and he was so worried, he admitted that night that he was starting to love you. More than he had ever loved someone else"

Kate wiped a fallen tear, "I was doing so well.. I don't wanna become who I was again."

"You won't, we are survivors and we are strong. You will be okay, I promise and I'm always here."

Maddie had stayed for a little while longer, it really helped Kate to have someone who knew what she went through.

The water boiled, Kate opened the cabinet. With a struggled she leaned up to grab a mug, after she finally grabbed it, pain struck her and she dropped it. It smashed against the floor, making her heart jump.

Kate took in some deep breaths, remembering that she was safe. It was just an accident.

Kate kneeled down, she picked up the shards of broken glass. She winced as a sharp piece nicked her finger, blood began to form around the tiny cut.

Kate dropped the other pieces, her breath becoming shaky. Remembering the feeling of a warm blood that dripped from her face, not sure what wound it was coming from.

She sat on the floor, bringing her knees up to her chest, feeling like she couldn't breathe. The sound of shattered glass echoed through her ears, remembering how Adam threw the newly framed picture at her, and the vase.

"Please.. please.. please" she mumbled, feeling her chest become more tight.

Kate heard keys in the door, she cowered in the corner her eyes closed "please. I'm sorry"

Buck dropped his things at the door, he rushed over to Kate's side "hey, it's just me" 

Kate flinched at the sound of his voice, she panted unable to find a steady breath "im sorry. I'm sorry"

Buck didn't know what to do, he couldn't help her. He couldn't take it Away.

He brought his hand to her arm, she pulled her arm closer.

"Don't.. don't"

"Okay, okay" he nodded

Buck pulled out his phone, he called Eddie

"Hey man, what's up"

"Kates having some ptsd episode and I don't know what to do. She's sitting in the corner shaking, repeating that she's sorry."

"Okay, you need to stay calm. Tell her she's having a flashback but she's safe, don't make any sudden movements okay. Remind her to breathe"

Buck put his phone down, leaving it on loud speaker.

"Kate" he said softly, "Kate you are having a flashback. You are safe, it's me.. it's Evan"

Kate blinked, shaking her head "no, no. Adam"

"Kate, Kate's it's me. You are with Evan, you are safe. Adam isn't here, he's not even in the same country"

"Remind her to breathe"

"Kate, I need you take some deep breaths. You need to breathe"

Kate could hear the muffled sound of Evans voice, she took in a deep breath, closing her eyes.

"That's it" he said softly, he showed her his hand and gently rested it on her knee "you're safe, you're safe here. Adams not here"

Kate let her knee fall from her chest, now feeling the tight pain in her stomach.

"I think she's coming around, thank you so much" buck said on the phone, now holding it to his ear.

"I can come over if you want, talk her through it a bit more."

"I appreciate that, but I think it should wait till tomorrow. She looked exhausted"

"Call me if you need anything"

Buck put his phone down, he kneeled down beside Kate "you're okay"

Kate looked at him, noticing his worried he look. She looked around and noticed the broken glass, "I.. the cup fell" she mumbled, she noticed the small cut on her hand "I cut myself"

Buck grabbed a fresh clothe, he held it against her hand "do you remember what happened?"

Kate's Brain felt like it was full of fog, all she could Remember was the cup falling. After that it was just foggy.

"I think you had a ptsd attack. But it okay, you're safe"

Kate blinked a few more times, finally gathering her surroundings a bit more "I'm sorry, the cup. You bought it for me,"

"Don't even worry about it" he shook his head, "it's only a cup. Its replaceable"

"Did I scare you?" She asked, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." She quickly followed

"Kate" buck stopped her rambling "are you okay?"

Kate felt a lump in her throat, "I'm sorry.. I'm so - I'm sorry" she cried

Buck wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly "it's okay, I'm okay. You didn't scare me"

"I just wanted some coffee.. and the cup, I was trying to clean it. There was blood and I.." her voice was muffled, as she spoke into his shoulder

"Shh, it's okay" he rubbed her back,

Kate finally stood up from the floor, she sat down and watched as buck cleaned up the glass.

"I hate feeling this" she broke the silence

"Like what?"

"Like I'm just a shell. I hate how I look now, how I feel. How I act, I mean look at me. He ruined me... again"

"You are not ruined Kate. You are the strongest woman I know, I mean you have literally been to hell and back. Right now it's just a little harder to get back, but you aren't alone. You've got me, I'm here and will help for as long as you need it." He expressed, wishing he there was a chance she was even just a little bit convicted

Kate lowered her head, "you don't think... you don't think I look ugly right now?"

Kate was never one to care what someone thought about her looks, but she had never felt more unattractive in her life.

Buck walked over, he lifted her head "Kate, you are beautiful. I don't care if all your teeth fall out and you go bald. You will always be beautiful. I didn't fall in love you because of how you looked, I fell for who you are. And you are still that person"

Kate stood up, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him, "god, I love you so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate you"

"I'll always be here, I'm never leaving"