Panic.

Her entire state of being was trapped in the utter sense of helplessness that threatened to consume her, pulling her into its wretched clutches, squeezing around her lungs until she couldn't breathe and her vision swam, distorting the slate gray walls of the dimly lit room she'd been stuck in for so, so long.

There was pain everywhere, like she'd managed to somehow ingest fire and it was slowly, agonizingly burning her inside out. Her limbs felt like heavy lead, and her mouth tasted like rusted iron, and everything was blood red.

Someone was calling for her, and she looked up to see her team staring back at her in terror, fear and anger twisting their features as the cold barrel of a gun was placed against the burning skin of her temple.

She couldn't breathe. She wasn't even sure if she was alive at this point. She kind of she hoped she would die soon, just to end the seemingly endless hours of torture.

(Y/n) frowned as the voices continued calling for her, furrowing her brows in confusion when they began merging into one.

Light?

What was he doing here? A new wave of panic swept over her as she began struggling once more. He couldn't be here. He had to be safe. She was supposed to have died before it could get this bad.

"(Y/n)!"

With that final call, the young woman's eyes snapped open as she jolted awake, looking around wildly as reality merged with the remnants of a bad memory, feeling thoroughly disoriented and out of place. Finally, it registered that she was in her room. In Japan. On the other side of the Pacific and far away from the horrors that had plagued her sleep.

Her wide gaze landed on the familiar face that belonged to her brother, her heart still hammering in her chest, becoming a dull thrum in her eardrums. Swallowing thickly despite her parched throat, she wordlessly sat up and pulled her little brother into a tight hug, feeling like she needed a physical reminder to ground her to reality.

Light didn't question it, letting his sister fist the material of his nightshirt, rubbing at her back and hoping it was a soothing action since he was more or less at a loss on how to deal with one of the strongest people he knew breaking down like this. He could feel her back shudder as she drew several uneven breaths, shaking slightly while she stubbornly blinked away the tears blurring her vision, refusing to cry.

Inhaling deeply again, she forced her nerves back into a state of calm, repeatedly reminding herself that she was home like a mantra that kept her sane. She released Light from her hold, bringing her ice cold fingers to rub at her forehead, wiping away the beads of cold sweat, avoiding her brother's obviously inquisitive stare.

"(Y/n)," he said softly, having realized that she wouldn't speak on her own accord, "what was that about?"

The (h/c)-haired female sighed, looking years beyond her actual age as her jaw clenched for a moment. "There was an incident," she revealed at last, her voice a mere whisper, exhaustion causing her shoulders to slump under an unseen weight. "Back at work. It's why I got sent home."

The boy's expression tightened, eyes glinting dangerously in the silvery light from the moon that shone through the glass doors of her room's balcony. "What happened?" Light asked cautiously. He'd guessed that his sister was sent home because of having suffered some sort of trauma, but he'd been waiting for the details rather impatiently. He wanted to know who'd hurt his sister-- probably his strongest ally in all walks of his life.

His malicious demeanor didn't go unnoticed by the older of the two, and (Y/n) watched him calculatingly for a moment, carefully putting together her response. "It was a serial killing case," she began, her voice coming out uneven much to her chagrin. "Only women, and all of them somewhat similar to myself in looks."

"You were bait," Light concluded, making an educated guess, biting the inside of his cheek in irritation when he received a nod.

"We were getting nowhere, so I offered." Here she smiled bitterly. "He fell for it-- hook, line and sinker. But he wasn't stupid. Figured out my affiliation with the BAU almost immediately, and then, it became worse. If he killed me, it'd be a pretty great achievement for him, so he made it a sick game and kept me locked up for the worst two days of my life before my team finally got to him."

Light's shoulders stiffened, looking at his sister with wide eyes as she repeatedly clenched and unclenched her fists, fighting back the visions. She would not lapse back into how she was a few months ago, when every shadow had terrified her and every sound sent her screaming.

"What's his name?" Light's voice was dangerously low when he asked this, and (Y/n) had a good idea of what he wanted to do right then, his fingers twitching-- probably for a pen and a certain notebook despite not knowing what the culprit in question even looked like.

In response, the woman shook her head. "He's already dead, Light," she informed softly, the man's face flashing across the canvas of her mind momentarily before she quickly blinked it away.

Her brother exhaled unevenly, running a hand through his chocolate colored hair. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" he demanded.

"It's not really my favorite thing to talk about. There's nothing you could do, and I'd rather not have you know the disturbing bits of my life," (Y/n) answered, maintaining her composure intently after having it ripped away so violently from her.

Obviously frustrated with her answer, Light punched the mattress of her bed, jaw clenched. "That's not how it's supposed to work, dammit," he ground out through gritted teeth. "We're supposed to be there for each other. Not just you always coming through for me. How could you not tell me this?"

Keeping her silence, she let him fume until he turned his russet orbs to her, searching for an answer in the impassive look on her face. "I won't say you're too young for me to tell you this, because that would be insulting your intelligence," she sighed out at last, resting her head against the cool wood of the headboard. "Perhaps, I wanted to feel like I was protecting you. Maybe I was protecting myself-- to feel like I still had some control over my life by pretending it didn't happen."

(Y/n) wasn't stupid-- far from it, as a matter of fact. She knew what to say to evade certain situations, and she shamelessly used manipulation to get her way. It was simply that her poker face usually kept people from picking up on that. All too convenient really.

She knew that her reply would be enough to placate Light-- momentarily at least-- and she was proved right when he let out a breath in defeat. Her eyes landed on the glaring red numbers displayed across the face of her alarm clock, and she frowned at them, turning to her brother.

"You should go to bed," she reminded. "It's really late."

Evidently conflicted, Light opened his mouth to argue, but she shook her head to cut him off. "You have classes tomorrow, and you still have to go if you want to secure those credentials, you know. I'll be fine, dear Otouto."

Scowling at her use of the proper way to address him, Light stood up slowly, reluctantly making his way to the door. Pausing in the doorway, he turned to look back at her, lips pursed. "I'll be there for whenever you need me," he began, a little uncharacteristically awkward. Then again, these formalities never existed between the two when (Y/n) seemed to be emotionally invincible to Light and always understood when he needed her without any words having to be said between the two of them. "I hope you'll let me help you, too, Nee-chan."

The honorific had her stiffening for a moment before she nodded, and then, Light was gone, slipping back into his room which happened to be adjacent to hers. Falling back against her pillows, she let out a long breath, feeling oddly thankful that it was Light who resided beside her bedroom, and not her parents.

Feeling wide awake, she glanced at the clock once more before lifting herself off the bed, grabbing her laptop from her old study table and returning to the pile of blankets and sheets. She powered it up, plugging in her earphones before logging into Skype, calling before she could change her mind.

"Hey, Spence," she greeted when the male's face showed up on the screen.

Spencer Reid looked back at her with a look of curiosity. "(Y/n)," he returned, nodding, "it's supposed to be 2:30 in the morning in Japan right now. Did you have another nightmare?"

The question was rhetoric, they both knew that. Her appearance was more than enough of an answer after all.

Still, she offered a close-lipped smile. "Not one of my best moments." She shrugged. "My brother wasn't all that impressed either. How are things on your end?"

Thankfully, Spencer let her change the subject, lifting a bunch of files and smiling blandly, evidently not amused. "We just got back from a case, actually. A twelve-year-old girl kidnapped in the suburbs of Philadelphia."

As he went on to explain the details of the case in the same detailed manner that she expected of the certified genius, (Y/n) let herself shove the nightmare to the back of her mind, choosing to focus on the narration of the case instead.

When she'd first met Spencer a year ago, she hadn't really thought that they'd have any relationship beyond teammates and colleagues. However, since they were both of the same age, and both smarter than their age group, the two had ended up as unexpected friends. Sure, he was technically of an intellect superior to hers, but she never once teased Spencer over it like the rest of their colleagues often did in a joking manner, so more often than not, Spencer had gravitated towards her company when he wasn't with Gideon (his own mentor).

Derek Morgan (another agent on their team) had tried to imply towards the beginning of a romantic relationship between the two, arguing that since they were both young geniuses, they'd be perfect together. There was an unspoken understanding between her and Spencer, however, that they were better off as friends.

There had been only one lapse in that understanding, sometime in the previous year. The two had met up on their day off, and at some point, Spencer had asked if she had kissed anyone yet. (Y/n) had shrugged and nodded, commenting that it really wasn't that big of a deal when he revealed that he had yet to have his first kiss. Nevertheless, he had reluctantly managed to ask if she would mind kissing him, and (Y/n) had complied easily. They never brought it up after that, and it hadn't affected their dynamics at all. Neither overthought it, knowing that no romantic feelings had been involved. Of course, Spencer had stuttered and been awkward at first, but she hadn't really reacted to the kiss and soon, he let it go as well.

She didn't think anyone even knew about it having happened.

"What about you? What have you been up to?" Spencer asked presently, and she wrinkled her nose for a moment.

"I managed to get involved with the Kira investigation," she admitted, watching her friend's eyebrows rise slightly.

Spencer shot her a pointed look. "You're supposed to be resting, you know. Not getting involved with a high profile criminal case."

Unashamed, she shrugged. "My mind rebels at stagnation." She heaved a sigh. "I needed a distraction."

"And a serial killer gives you that?" he retorted incredulously.

"There really isn't much for me to do." She scratched at her cheek. "They know about my...present health issues as well. It's essentially just research."

Not looking particularly convinced, but not wanting to push it either, Spencer nodded slowly. "Just don't do anything that will put you in danger," he requested softly. 'Don't end up like Greene,' went without saying. Ever since their former teammate's resignation following her own PTSD and subsequent downward spiraling mental health, Spencer had been a lot more on edge regarding (Y/n)'s diagnosis.

"I won't," she promised.

They hung up soon after, and (Y/n) sighed, leaning against the headboard of her bed. From previous experiences, she knew that she would get no more sleep, and in all honesty, she didn't particularly feel like risking another nightmare. One episode was enough; especially in front of Light.

She wondered how loud she must have been to have woken him up. Usually, she was left alone to claw her way out of the nightmare abyss, so she really had now idea whether she was a distressed sleeper or not.

Her eyes wandered back to her laptop, her reflection in the screen staring back at her despite the screensaver flashing across it. 'Well, I may as well get some work done,' she thought, rolling her shoulders and blinking away the burn that had already begun irritating her eyes.

And so followed another sleepless night.

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

The following daybreak found (Y/n) heading to Task Force headquarters along with her father while Light headed off to college. Sachiko had frowned in heavy disapproval at her, and the (h/c)-haired woman didn't even want to consider what her mother would have to say about the bags under her eyes that she had effectively covered up with a good amount of concealer.

Although she had been present for the entirety of an uneventful morning (she'd covertly been getting some FBI work done instead), things finally seemed to pick up around the afternoon.

She looked up from her laptop as Watari entered the room, dropping a box containing another video tape and a journal. Her eyebrow raised at the latter, and interest peaked, she placed the laptop on the table in front of her and leaned forward as L extracted the items from the box.

"The impostor wishes for the journal entries to be aired on the news," Watari informed L briefly, receiving an almost dismissive hum in reply. Unfazed, the elderly man nodded once, shooting (Y/n) a small smile before leaving the main room of their current headquarters in a different hotel from the first.

L examined the journal's contents thoughtfully, pulling out the accompanying printed list of the entries from the box (courtesy of Watari). "So, the second Kira is trying to arrange a meeting with the first," the detective remarked.

"There's that word again," Aizawa pointed out, indicating an entry towards the bottom that mentioned Shinigami. "And there's a baseball game there on May 30th, too."

What caught (Y/n)'s attention, however, was the entry for May 22nd that mentioned showing notebooks in Aoyama.

Then the May 30th entry was clearly a decoy for the police. At least this impostor isn't a total moron, (Y/n) thought absently.

"What do you think, (Y/n)?" L asked, bringing her attention to him. The young woman found the intensity of his stare almost unnerving, but it wasn't distracting enough to keep away the thought of this most likely being a test of some sort. Perhaps L was hoping that her response might give him some insight into how much she knew about Light's murderous tendencies, the detective most likely having disregarded that he had no solid proof against the younger brunet aside from circumstantial evidence.

"I find it a little unbelievable that our Unsub is stupid enough to give such an obvious location," she commented, her tone carefully void of any particular emotion. "Maybe I'm giving the impostor too much credit, but I think that checking out all three mentioned locations is a safer idea than focusing our efforts entirely on the game at Tokyo Dome."

Nodding in consideration of her words, L hummed. "I"d have to agree with (Y/n)," he remarked. "We have to assume that all of our efforts are most likely to go fruitless. As such, securing all three locations on the mentioned dates seems to be the best option. I'd like Light's opinion as well though, if you don't mind."

Matsuda and Aizawa exchanged glances at this while Soichiro frowned, clearly displeased. (Y/n) only shrugged, unbothered by the obvious lack of trust. She expected nothing less from the raven haired man after all.

And when Light repeated the same conclusion later in the evening when he arrived, it was settled that he, Matsuda and (Y/n) would go to Aoyama and Shibuya on the given dates since they would be able to blend in with the crowd of youngsters more easily than the rest. Furthermore, L had decided that the entries be aired on the news, the baseball match on May 30th be cancelled and checkpoints leading to Tokyo Dome be set up.

"Alright, we'll discuss the rest of the plan tomorrow then," Light said with a tone of finality, ducking into the taxi as the both of them prepared to leave for home later that evening.

(Y/n) turned to shoot Matsuda a friendly smile, bidding him a goodnight (and successfully managing to fluster the said male with only two words) before getting into the vehicle as well.

They'd barely driven out of the hotel's driveway when Light spoke up. "I swear, it's like Matsuda has a crush on you," he grumbled quietly.

In reply, she snorted. "What is this-- high school? Matsuda's just one of those simpleminded guys who are gifted with the wonderful inability to converse with anyone of the opposite sex that is remotely attractive," she shot down quickly.

Light shrugged. "You've been single for quite a while now, right?" he brought up.

"What if I told you that I've secretly been married for the past three years?" she responded sarcastically, eliciting an eye roll from her younger brother.

"Mom would be livid," he commented, and she nodded in agreement.

(Y/n) sighed softly. "I haven't really been looking to get involved with someone in that sense. I'd need a person who could keep up with me and my job, and that rules out a fairly large number of potential candidates, so I've just resolved to being single for a while. It isn't really a priority right now anyways."

He hummed in acknowledgement, the rest of the fairly short car ride passing in silence until they pulled up in front if their home.

"You both are home quite late today," Sachiko observed, emerging from the kitchen as she wiped her hands on the apron she wore.

"Uh, yeah, I had a date," Light answered, being met with raised eyebrows from both women.

As though she were summoned by the mention of 'date', Sayu slid into the entryway with a wide grin on her face. "You have a girlfriend?" she