ˏˋ°•*⁀ ➷ 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗥𝗧𝗬-𝗧𝗪𝗢
─◌✰್ 𝖼𝗁𝖾𝖾𝗌𝖾
𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗲𝘀𝗲 (𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗻) /𝗖𝗛𝗲̄𝘇/
❝𝖺 𝖿𝗈𝗈𝖽 𝗆𝖺𝖽𝖾 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗉𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝖼𝗎𝗋𝖽𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝗂𝗅𝗄．❞

Felix shook his head as the kind barista who came by to check on him and his friends for the third time. He pushed his half-full iced vanilla latte back and forth on the table, from one hand to another, absentmindedly, ignoring the condensation on the outside of the glass as it got water on his skin and the piece of paper in front of him. The lo-fi music that played softly through the speakers did nothing to help him focus, as he stared out of the cafe window.

The last day had been a living hell. What made it worse was it was all his own doing, or at least he thought it was. He'd spent the entire night rolling around in a sweaty heap second-guessing if he was making the right decision, taking space away from you.

You were everything he'd ever wanted. You were funny, one of the only people who could make him laugh so hard water almost came out of his nose. You had the loveliest, most infectious laugh he'd ever heard, one that made him laugh along, even if he had no idea what you'd found funny. You were extremely kind and caring to those that you loved, even if you showed it mainly through playful jabs and teasing looks. You were adventurous and creative, and you loved to try new things. He'd never tried spicy mac and cheese, until this trip, when you'd forced him to eat it. Apparently, you wouldn't eat any mac and cheese unless it was spicy, and he'd surprisingly liked it, even though he needed tons of milk afterwards. It was something completely random, but he thought about it all the time. He loved seeing you get excited over a gorgeous dress, or sassy pair of sunglasses. You would always take pictures of cute clothes for inspiration before leading him to another rack. That kind of passion was what attracted him to a person, and you were bursting with it.

So why had he felt so hesitant to take your relationship even further? Even he couldn't answer that question. He could only chalk it up to a niggling feeling in the back of his mind, like a parasite, that he wasn't good enough. No matter how hard he tried to get rid of it, it dug deeper until he couldn't ignore it anymore.

He didn't consider himself a self-conscious person. While he had his short-comings - quite a lot of them, to be honest - he knew his worth, and didn't think he was notably lesser than anyone else. He knew he was a talented songwriter, even though he was in a brain fog right now. He wasn't unattractive, he wasn't mean or stupid. And he knew he deserved to find someone equally as great as he was.

That was, until he actually found that person.

He just wanted to be the best boyfriend he could. For you. He didn't want to make any mistakes, he didn't want to make you feel bad, sad, or embarrassed in any way. He wanted your relationship to be perfect. He wanted to be perfect for you. That was what you deserved.

But he knew no matter how hard he tried, he could never be that. And that just about broke him.

He picked up the pencil next to the massacred piece of paper, tapping it against the side of his face.

He'd come here with Chan and Changbin to try and write this song, the one he'd been working on for months. The one that just wouldn't come.

But he just couldn't focus. His thoughts kept drifting back to you and that crushed look you'd given him when he told you he needed space. You'd tried to hide it, and if he was anyone else, he might have been convinced. But he knew you. He knew how much his words hurt you. And that in and of itself was enough to destroy him.

Chan and Changbin, who were sitting on either side of Felix, shared a look that he didn't catch. They were worried for him, worried about whatever he wasn't telling them, about what was going on in his relationship. They knew things weren't going well, but they weren't sure how to broach the subject.

It had been Chan's idea at first, for the three of them to leave the beach house for the day and hang out together, without the others. Felix had known exactly what he was trying to do, but went along with it anyway. It was probably good for him to get away for a little while. Seeing you have a great time with your friends, having fun without him, physically hurt. He so wanted to be that source of joy for you, and knowing that he wasn't, sucked.

Get your shit together, Felix. He thought to himself, throwing the pencil back onto the table in frustration.

His two friends nodded at each other, before Chan spoke.

"Lix, are you okay?" He asked, putting a tentative hand on the blond's back.

Felix didn't move. Admittedly, the physical touch calmed him a bit. He knew his friends were worried about him, and he respected that. He knew they didn't deserve to be left in the dark like this. But he wasn't sure if he could let his guard down enough to admit what was happening. All of these issues were all because of him and his insecurities. It was so embarrassing.

"We want to help you, Yongbok," Changbin, on his right, said. "If there's something going on with you and Laska, we don't mind hearing about it."

Felix took a deep breath, eyes zeroing in on his glass of coffee, which was definitely too watery to drink. Not that he liked the flavor that much anyway.

"You know my history with Laska, right?" He started, still staring straight ahead.

Both men nodded, not saying anything. While they probably didn't know everything, they knew besides her own brother, Felix and you had known each other the longest out of all of them.

"Well, when we were kids, she really liked me, apparently. And I didn't really notice. Actually, until this trip I just thought of her as Hyunjin's little sister. But we've gotten to know each other really well. I mean, we knew each other before, but she's like a completely different person to me now. I don't see her as that kid she was before, or Hyunjin's little sister, because she's so much more than that. But it's also hard to ignore him, when he's so..."

"Overbearing?" Chan chuckled.

"Annoying?" Changbin hid a smile.

Felix shrugged, but continued. "I wanted to tell him about us, but I think I got too overwhelmed with it all. Hyunjin confronted me the day I told you guys about our relationship, and accused me of not liking Alaska enough, or not being good enough for her because I just started having feelings for her recently. I got all freaked out and said stuff that I shouldn't have, and of course one of Laska's friends heard me. Now its all fucked up, and I don't know if she'll forgive me," he rubbed his face with his hands, closing his eyes as he let the reality of those words waft over him.

"Barring you saying that you hate her, I think Laska would forgive you no matter what you do," Chan said, patting Felix on the back.

"She's been in love with you since you met," Changbin said. "Which apparently you were so dense you didn't see that, but she has. She's not going to give up on you because you got scared."

"I asked her for some space," Felix said into his hands. "I told her that we were moving too fast, and I was scared that I wasn't good enough for her. I just want to be perfect for her. As much as I hate to bring him up all the time, I want Hyunjin to approve of me as his sister's boyfriend."

Changbin shook his head. "Yongbok, Hyunjin is never going to think anyone is good enough for Laska. You know how being an older brother is. No guy you meet is gonna be good enough for your sisters either. But I know one thing."

Changbin paused, like he was waiting for Felix to inquire further.

"What?" Felix sighed after a beat.

Changbin grinned. "If Hyunjin was going to pick one person to be with his sister, it would be you. You're not perfect, no one is. But you're about as good as Hyunjin could ask for."

"Did he tell you that?" He mumbled, finally turning to look at his friend.

Changbin shrugged. "Well, he hasn't told me that word-for-word, but he's always talking about how great of a friend you are, that you're always there for him, that you're the only good guy out of all of us. Which is kind of rude."

"Also not true," Felix sighed. "I hurt Laska's feelings. And I know she's going to be fine, but I still shouldn't have done that. It felt really shitty."

"If you're going to be in a relationship with someone, there's no way you won't hurt their feelings at some point," Chan said. "And there's no way you won't argue with them. You can't have a perfect relationship, Lix. Nor can you be the perfect partner. You know that, right?"

Felix nodded slowly. "I guess. I just want to be perfect for her, you know? She's so great, and she's liked me for so long. I don't want to be a disappointment."

"If she was disappointed with you, would she be crushed that you wanted to take some time apart?" Chan raised his eyebrows. "Would she be waiting for you while you figured your shit out?"

"Love is imperfect, Yongbok," Changbin said sagely. "Do you expect Laska to be perfect?"

"No..." Felix paused. "Of course not. But she's already perfect. To me, at least."

"And how do you know she doesn't feel the same about you?" Chan asked. "Because she probably wouldn't have such strong feelings for you after this many years if she didn't think you were pretty damn perfect."

"I don't see it," Changbin smirked, causing Felix to hit his arm. "Ow! Kidding!"

Felix sighed, taking a sip of his watery coffee and grimacing. His friends didn't move to continue the conversation, and neither did he. But as he sat in silence with them, his whole body felt lighter, like he could finally breathe, think clearly again. Nothing was weighing him down.

"Love is imperfect," he muttered, almost imperceptibly, to himself.

But Chan and Changbin heard. They shared triumphant glances with one another, before turning back to their phones so Felix didn't see.

Before Felix could stop himself, or even pause to think about what he was doing, or what he was going to say, he picked up his pencil and started to write.

Emotions were flowing out of him faster than his hand could move, words swimming in front of his eyes as every thought that had been bottled up inside of him rushed forth. He was a dam, and it had finally broken. He had no idea why this sudden creativity occurred now of all times. Everything that had seemed so challenging one minute, was suddenly easy. That cloudy vision he'd had for months, but especially since he decided to join Hyunjin on this crazy trip, was as clear as a freshly-cleaned window.

He wrote for a solid half hour straight, without so much as a coffee break. When he finally set his pencil down on the table, both sides of that crumpled piece of paper were covered with words, words that he didn't instantly want to throw in the garbage. His hand ached from the effort, but he was more exhilarated than he'd felt in a long time.

Those words were his heart.

And while he had no idea where this clarity had come from, he knew what had caused it. Or rather, who.

He knew how he felt. He wanted to be with you. He needed to be with you, right now. He hoped you would want to see him, hear what he had to say. He didn't know if he deserved your unconditional care, but if Changbin and Chan were right, you were going to give it to him.

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his phone, finding your contact instantly and pressing the call button. The line rang.

And rang, and rang, and rang.

"Hii, this is Alaska! If you're hearing this, I'm probably off doing something stupid! Leave a message if you want, or spam me, I don't care! Byee!"

The beep to leave a voicemail sounded in his ear, and he started talking, voice breathless and all in a rush. "Erm, hi Laska, you're probably busy with your friends, but if you have time, please call me! I have something important to tell you, so uh...yeah. Call me! Bye!"

He hung up, staring down at his phone. Should he call again? Those few times you called him when he was down at the beach and you were inside, or you were hungry and he was in the kitchen, you would leave at least three voicemails for him, with no shame. So you probably wouldn't mind if he did the same. Besides, this was urgent. He needed to talk to you.

He called again. Same voicemail.

"She's probably busy, Lix," Chan reassured him as he called and hung up for the third time. "You know those girls, they're out all day. We usually have to drag them inside before they get bit by bugs all night."

"Lanhua got one on the one teeny part of her back she can't reach," Changbin agreed. "I had to scratch it for her. It was kinda weird, but anything for her, ya know?"

Felix shrugged, nodding at them silently. He tried to calm his thudding heart as he finished off his coffee, which was all ice water at this point. You were okay. It was only three in the afternoon, according to his phone. It wouldn't be for another three hours until you ate dinner, and you were never on your phone at the beach. This was completely normal. He had no reason to worry.

But as he was about to read over the lyrics he'd just written to make absolutely sure they didn't sound insane, the music in the cafe shut off, only to be replaced by a very official-sounding announcer. Felix had no idea what was happening. Had the music at a coffee shop ever been overridden like that before?

"Hello Jeju residents, this is the Jeju Weather Service. Forecasts show a serious hurricane making its way onto the shores of the island, scheduled to hit in two days. We advise that those who reside within twenty minutes of the beach leave the island starting tomorrow. Beach-goers have already been advised approximately one and a half hours ago. Please do not panic, but if you are part of the group aforementioned, please get ready to leave ASAP. Thank you."

Felix, Chan, and Changbin sat in silence for a few lengthy moments, digesting what had just happened.

All of a sudden, Felix scrambled for his phone again. Chan and Changbin were also on their phones, getting in contact with the others.

"I have to make sure Laska is okay!" He exclaimed, immediately calling Jeongin. Since you weren't picking up, he wasn't sure which of his friends would answer in a time like this. But now that he knew most of them should be inside, and not at the beach, he hoped the youngest of their group would have his phone on.

"Hello?" Jeongin's voice came through the other end, and Felix's heart stuttered in relief. At least someone was there, and seemingly safe.

"Jeongin, what's going on?" He demanded. "Where's Laska? She's not picking up my calls. I-I have somehting important to tell her."

Silence on Jeongin's side.

Felix felt like he couldn't breathe. What was happening? Was something wrong? Jeongin wouldn't mess around with him in a situation like this. And just when he was ready, really ready, to tell you how he felt. Had he lost his chance?

"Jeongin, tell me right now or I'm going to freak out," Felix said through gritted teeth, hand clenched in a fist against the wood table.

Jeongin sighed. "Laska's heading to the airport. She demanded to leave immediately, way before the storm hits. She booked a flight for tonight. Minho's driving her."

The world spun before him, and Felix fought to keep his balance. He gripped Chan's shoulder, blinking rapidly. You were what? If you were going home, that could only mean one thing.

You were leaving him.

"Sh-she's gone?" Was all he could say.

"Yeah," Jeongin said, the word hanging across the mile of distance between them. He added, as if an afterthought, "I'm sorry, Lix."

Then he hung up.

Felix leaped up, ignoring Chan and Changbin's worried looks.

"I have to go back, right now. Call an Uber."

Both men followed him without question, Chan on his phone to book their ride back.

As they left the cafe, Changbin said, "What's going on, Yongbok? Is Laska okay?"

"She's fine," Felix said, his jaw hurting from how hard he was clenching it. "I just have to talk to her. Before she leaves."

Chan hid a smile as he gazed at his friend. "What are you going to do when you get there?"

Felix shot a glare at him as he raced towards the street. "I'm going to fight for her. Whatever it takes, I'm going to fight."

laska's note —
MY LIXIE I'M SO PROUD OF HIM OMG! he's finally out there ready to chase after laska! but will be be too late?? she's had a pretty good head start. and even though they could talk when they get home, would alaska want to? they lost contact for seven years, who says it couldn't happen again? and what about the rest of them? now that their trip is cut short, what's going to happen? leave all your comments below, i can't wait to see them!

question of the day —
have you read fairytale, my lee minho fic? if so, what do you think of it? if not, why not??

my answer —
my fave part so far is tessa and minho's dynamic, and all the plot! i put a lot of time and effort into the story, so it's going to be really good.

𝖭𝖤𝖷𝖳 𝖴𝖯：
𝟯𝟯 - 𝗵𝗮𝘆
┊ ⇄ ◁◁ II ▷▷ ↻ ┊