Four; Distractions

Words: 1230

"Alice please." I begged, wishing she'd just tell what laid ahead.

"No, Jasper. You'll know what it is if you think about yourself for once." Alice advised.

"Myself? Well isn't that a little—"

"No. It's not. Now shut up." Alice said a smile still on her face.

I rolled my eyes, but listened. I never cared about my own emotions. I was too busy trying to let humans live life, and too busy pretending to be human. I got the hang of reading others emotions while playing human, but I was too caught up in others to realize my own. I didn't mind being distracted from my feelings.


  The day was boring. As usual, but something different was happening. I found myself, in math, yearning to see the girl. I wanted to see the human girl. I wanted to know her, to befriend her, but obviously that wouldn't happen.

I felt myself grow frustrated. Why her? Why not someone else? Why not a vampire? Why couldn't I have fallen in love with Alice like everyone expected me to?

  I mean Alice was the happiest girl on earth, and this stupid—well not really—human girl was miserable and I wanted her.

Wait.

Wanted.

Wanted.

Want...her?

No.

No. Not her.

"Mr. Hale?" I heard my teacher, Mrs. Bruner, ask with concern.

  "Hmm?" I asked, snapped out of my thoughts.

  "Are you okay? You look ill?" I realized the class was empty now.

  "Oh I'm very sorry." I apologized, in a daze. "I'm just tired."

  "Alright dear, go home if you need." She smiled. I nodded, rushing out of the room knocking into someone.

"Ouch."

Oh.

"I'm so sorry." I rushed out, helping her pick up her books.

"Just watch it." She glared.

"Oh so we're back to this." I groaned, I should have known, she was in a bad mood.
"Shut up." She muttered, defiant.

  "No." I felt an urge to just drag out the conversation. I just wanted to talk to her.
Wanted.

"It could do you some good. I've kept my mouth shut because everyone already thinks I'm crazy, but if it was believable you wouldn't be here right now." She threatened through her teeth.

  I didn't know what to say, "What are you talking about?"

"Oh good. I guess I am crazy." She huffed rushing away from me.

I knew she didn't believe that, but it would get her to stop in case Rose or one of the others came around. They would either kill her, or we'd leave. I wasn't going to let the girl die, and I didn't want to leave.

Why her?

She just had to be the one that was so interesting, but she wasn't. She was just a boring human. A human who wasn't worth my forever amount of time. She wasn't worth it. She wasn't worth anything.

At least I was trying to tell myself that. It of course wasn't working. So many things proved my 'thoughts' wrong. She wasn't boring. She was kind, but she didn't spend her time lying about things or pretending the offensive thing someone said was justifiable. She was confident and didn't let anyone in her way, not even us. The Cullen freaks. She was the life of that little table she sat at with Bella and her friends. She wasn't worth nothing. She was worth everything. She proved to be loyal. She didn't stray away from Bella and Bella's kind shyness didn't affect how fiercely she defended her. She barely even knew the girl. She was worth everything. She was worth my infinite amount of time. She was worth my forever, but she wouldn't be forever.

She'd stick around for a few decades and then be buried and all I could do was watch her from afar. Like a creep.

"Yo." Emmett chuckled.

"Huh?" I would've jumped, but I was more embarrassed.

  "You have time to watch the lady later, but right now you're just being creepy." Emmett said, a faint disgust in his tone. Though he wasn't at all disgusted he was curious.

"Yeah shut up." I let a small smile appear, though I wasn't quite feeling happy. I was just... distracted. Distracted by the insufferably attractive Evelynn Charleston-Swan.'
Attractive?

  Yes. Yes Evelynn was very attractive. She had fair skin, and beautiful rose-pink lips. She had intense green eyes that I never wanted to look away from, but as I observed no one wanted to look into them more than once. She had tousled, golden-brown hair. Her hair framed the features of her face well. She seemed...perfect.

Better than perfect. She looked perfect. Acted perfect. I mean her way of perfection.

The only struggle was, there were so many definitions of perfect. Everyone in the room was perfect, but only one will catch another's eye.

Evelynn was my perfection. And that was wrong. Wrong. A vampire wasn't supposed to find their perfection in humans, but I couldn't help it.

Why did perfection have to be so distracting?

The bell rang, scaring my thoughts away. I was grateful I had time to figure myself out without Edward. He was gone, and I'm sure the Bella girl, who I'd only notice when her scent was waved around the halls or the cafeteria, missed him dearly. 

I was slightly disappointed in myself. I had figured things out, but I didn't want Evelynn to be hurt. I didn't want Evelynn to ever have a scratch, and I didn't care that she knew. She knew about vampires for god's sake, and I don't care! I should want to murder her, like I would if any other human knew, but I wouldn't. I couldn't hurt her. Even though she hated everything about me, I couldn't. I could never hurt her. I could never hate her.

"Damn you." I accidentally muttered aloud as I saw her.

"Same to you, kind sir." She rolled her eyes, giving me a sarcastic smile.

"I wasn't supposed to say that out loud." I admitted, my cheeks would have burned bright red if I were human, but I wasn't. I haven't been for one hundred and sixty-one years.

"I'd rather you'd tell me you don't like me than just saying crap about me behind my back." She told me, unsmiling. She wasn't angry though, rather calm. It was weird, why was she calm? She knew about us, and she wasn't absolutely terrified like before?

"I have nothing bad to say about you." I told her honestly.

"Yeah I'm sure." She scoffed.

"Do you have anything bad to say about me?" I raised an eyebrow.

She thought about it, but she became confused and frustrated, "No, I don't have anything bad to say about you."

I was confused, was she mad because she had nothing bad to say?

I looked ahead trying to pay attention to the class, but the thought kept finding its way back, distracting me.

I was also trying to ignore her glances at me, and she was clearly observing me. She wasn't trying to hide it either. Pure frustration, confusion, and...curiosity? Either way it was what she was feeling, and I was becoming angry and frustrated myself.

  I didn't know if it was her feelings becoming my own or my own anger for being the thing she hated the most, and for good reason.