Chapter 23 : When It All Started

When I was younger maybe about 10 in a half, I was about to start my first day of middle school. Every night for a week, my mom would tell me how amazing I'll do in school, and everyone will be lining up to be my friend. Me being my naive self believed her, so during that week, I would practice on how I would make my first friend ( except for scarlet ).

I may have been more excited then scarlet because it's been her dream to try out of the cheerleading team ever since we watched her favorite cousin win their state trophy. Scarlet was hypnotized by their flips to their outfits.

So when the first day of school finally arrived, I was convinced it would be easy because I still felt like a little kid, thinking it would be just like 4th grade.

I regret convincing myself that middle school and all throughout high school would be so easy. From the day I stepped foot into middle school life, It felt like a ton of weight landed on me. The work wasn't as hard but the social life was and of course still is, well for me.

My middle school torture started the day of scarlets cheer tryouts when Joslin's demon eyes first laid on me. Believe it or not, Joslin actually was kind of nice at first. She'd smile at me in the halls, talk to me like a normal person and I actually thought I finally found another friend. I just don't understand why I was so naive back then.

A week later, I'd try to talk to her but she would shut me out. Than her bullying began, I never understood why or how could a person change so quickly. I don't know why I ever thought Joslin and I were ever going to be friends. I mean, she's gorgeous and I'm not. I even thought once scarlet made the team, she would ditch me and start hanging with Joslin. But she quit the team after a month because of their mean behavior towards me and other kids in school.

I was sad she quit her dream for me but also proud of her for standing up to Joslin and her friends, something I could never do. And from there on, Joslin has been hating me ever since. She never explained to me why she stopped being friendly to me, I always thought there was something wrong with me.

The real hell began the day I stepped into high school and Joslin just happened to go to the same school as I did. I'm just glad senior year is almost over and I get to leave everyone I hate behind and never have to look back, just leave all those hurtful memories behind with them. Gosh, that may be the day I could finally be happy.

I know when schools almost over because my birthday is around the same time. Every year I'd get more excited because I know it's a year of passing my grade, on my way to finally graduate

I never wanted to grow up when I was younger because I always knew it would be hard. I still don't ever wanna grow up, but if growing up means I get to run away from my messed up life, then I'm totally on board.

"Are you ok? You haven't been in any classes all day,"  I typed before hitting send. I haven't seen Damon all day ever since the fight this morning. I'm pretty sure he's probably in big trouble for almost killing Jayden, but I guess I'm just worried about Damon.

I'm always worried about him...

"Who's that?" Asked my brother, leaning over my shoulder trying to take a peek at my phone. I click the side button before putting my phone away and turning my head to look at Harley.

All-day he's been nagging me about everything. 'Where are you going?'  'What class do you have next?'  'Are you ok?'  'Who are you texting?'. I mean we're in school for goodness sake, where else would I be going?

Harley has also been surprisingly calm all day and it's freaking me and everyone else out. I know he's for sure seen the video. I know my brother, I know when he's too calm during a messed up situation, he's building all his anger up and planing ways to get revenge. I can't take much more of this! He could have jumped up from his seat at any time of day and it hasn't happened yet.

"Harley, promise me you won't do anything stupid," I mumbled and stared at him, trying not to draw any more attention to myself then it already is.

"What do you mean?" He asked ever so calmly, it made me shiver. "Do act innocent, please. You know what I'm talking about," I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Fine. I'll try but I'm not promising anything," He pointed a finger at me before landing his gaze on someone behind me. I followed his eyes, landing on a guy sitting two rows down from us. He shot me uncomfortable and disgusted looks before snapping his head away.

I turned my head back to Harley only to see him shooting daggers at the guy. I sighed deeply and slouched down in my chair, wishing I had on one of my hoodies so I could hide my face in it.

After a minute, I glanced at Harley as he clenched and unclenched his fist. I could see the veins popping out of his arm making me wimpier quietly. I turned away, looking around the room. Some people were working, some were staring at me and others were glancing at Harley, waiting for him to strike up any minute.

"Har, can I borrow your hoodie, please?" I mumbled just enough for him to hear. His facial expression softens a bit and he held his arms up, taking his hoodie off in a swift move before handing it to me.

I sadly smiled, mumbling a thank you before slipping the hoodie on my body and lifting the hood up over my head. It ended just an inch above my eyes. Grabbing the strings, I pulled them making the hood cover my entire face from the eyes that shot holes through my skin. I sighed, satisfied with the darkness and laid my head on my desk.

I've tried avoiding everything and everyone's eyes all day. Every time I'd enter or leave class, there were multiple eyes on me lurking at my every move. The hatred stares, all types of whorish names getting thrown my way. It's all been too much until I had enough and cried my eyes out till there were no more tears left to cry out in the bathroom.

It's been hard to focus. I've had at least three warnings today about my head being down during lessons. My chest hurts every time I think about what happened today. I try not to think about it but, that post is online for the whole school even random people to watch over and over again. I don't even wanna know what the comments say because everyone knows never to read the comments when you already know what people are saying.

Gosh, I wish I could just stuff a pillow in my face and scream till I pass out. Why me? Why did I have to be Jayden's; apparently is his full name, next target?

All my life I've been hiding in the shadows, hiding from the world. Ever since middle school, All I ever wanted was to not get noticed by anyone because I knew what they'd think of me.

Joslin has filled peoples heads with lies, always have.

I'm not popular, I'm not extremely beautiful, I'm not confident. I am not Joslin or Scarlet, I can never be that beautiful.

Scarlet, the Definition of perfection. She's everything I've always wanted to be. from the looks, personality, to having Damon. The guy I've been In love with since the 5th grade.

When he told me we could be together someday.

I mean, we were just kids then. It's stupid to think I ever had a chance even in 5th grade. I don't even have a chance now, how pathetic.

*flashback to 5th grade*

"Scarlet, you're such a clutz." I let out a small giggle, staring at my best friend; Scarlet as she 'accidentally' spilled pizza sauce all over her shirt. We all know she's just a sloppy eater.

That girl loves to eat. But I couldn't blame her, who doesn't love food!? Scarlet, I and a few other kids got invited by our teacher for a little pizza party.

"Mrs. Lively, I need a pass to room 300... again," Scarlet said, raising her hand in the air slowly. Mrs. Lively; our art teacher, looked up from her desk and her eyes darted to scarlet. She smiled softly and shook her head, leaning over her desk and grabbing a purple hall pass.

I watched as she probably wrote her name and the current time down on the sheet of paper. She then held the slip up as scarlet moved from her seat and grabbed the paper, darting out of the room to get a new shirt.

Once she was gone, I looked around the room before staring down at my wrist and removing my hand from it. Blood was stained on my hand and around my wrist making me wince at the sight and pain.

"Mrs. Lively, can I use the restroom?" I balled my fist and raised my hand so she or anyone else couldn't see the blood on my hand.

"Yes but be back quickly, lunch is almost over," After her words, I jumped up from seat about to leave when I felt a pair of eyes on me.

I always find it weird that people can feel when their being watched.

Gazing around the room, my eyes landed on Damon Conway. The most gorgeous boy in the 5th grade, also known as my brothers best friend and crush.

He stared back at me in worry and felt something start to move inside my stomach. Scarlet always told me they were called butterflies and they only happen when you're nervous or crushing on someone.

I give him a small smile which he happily returns before I left the art room. As soon as I walked into the bathroom, I grab ahold of a bunch of tissue and wet it before putting it on my sore wrist.

I cry out at the pain, letting my tears fall.

Keeping the tissue on my wrist, I dig into my pocket pulling out the razor. The light from the bathroom shined down on the medal making me stare at it for a couple of seconds before I heard the bathroom door open, making me stick it back into my pocket.

"Hermione?" I felt myself shiver at the sound of his voice and wipe my tears before spinning around. I hide my arm behind my back and stare at him, feeling my face redden.

He's in the girl's bathroom...

"Damon? What are you doing here?"

"Are you ok? I saw you run out and in here," He began walking closer to me.

"I'm fine."

"Let me see your arm," He raised his eyebrow at me as I shake my head rapidly. But Damon had to be Damon, He pulls my arm from behind my back and looks down at my injured wrist.

"Hermione what did you do to yourself?" He asked, staring at the cut in my wrist and started rubbing around it, being careful not to touch the cut.

"I cut my self with scissors by accident. Scarlet dared me to cut up my pizza in shapes," I lie and chuckle nervously. although she did actually dare me to cut my pizza into shapes, I didn't hurt myself.

"Of course you did. You have to be more careful," He smiled at me, shaking his head. I felt the butterflies in my stomach again and bit my lip.

"It hurts," I sobbed.

"I know," He whispered and opens his arms. I gladly and immediately hug him back, letting out a sigh as my stomach started doing backflips.

"I like you," He said bluntly.

"What?" I pull away from him.

"I like you."

"I want us to one day be together, but not now. Don't say anything just say okay."

"Okay," I mumbled feeling my heart race. Damon then grabbed my hand, leading me out of the bathroom and to the nurse's office.

*End Of Flashback*

That's when I was sure I was in love with Damon Conway. I mean, we were in fifth grade then. I'm sure he didn't even mean it or he just felt pity for me.

It was stupid to think I was in love in the 5th grade.

I was the bullied girl, He was the boy everyone loved.

Someone like Damon could never like me, who am I kidding? My crush on Damon was only small and I for sure thought the feeling would go away, but as we continued to grow up together the more my feelings grew for him.

Stupid right?

Stupid to fall in love with a guy who doesn't love you back, right? It's so funny how after all these years, Damon continues to make me weak in my knees just by the sound of his voice.

But over the years Damon became... out of it I guess.

When we started high school, he'd began making out with random girls every day. He would come to our house with Hickeys all over his neck. He just didn't care about anything or anyone anymore.

He started to become mean to everyone, even me and that shocked me the most. Damon has always been the sweetest to me. I even always felt like he had a soft spot for me.

Who am I kidding, he definitely felt pity for me.

Then all of a sudden, he just didn't care anymore and started being mean to me, pushing me around.

Why do I still love him, again?

Well, Damon wasn't that bad. He would tease me and take my stuff, but he never hit more or anything.

He basically became Harley. We all started to notice it well, except for Harley. He's been a player ever since dad left.

Maybe Damon has a reason for being the way he is or was. I guess I just miss the old Damon, my old Damon. Sweet, nice and surprisingly charming Damon.

After what felt like years, I peeked through the hoodie some, looking above the green and dirty chalkboard. I squint my eyes some, trying to read the time shown on the clock. 2:24.

Six more minutes until school is over.

And six more minutes until Harley releases his anger.