nyctophile - a person who loves night, darkness.

spencer's pov

i cradled cameron's head in my arms, emplacing it against my chest. i brushed some stray hairs off her forehead as her eyelids began to flutter and eventually lock shut.

her warm body steadily became less shaky and her breathing slowed, until finally, she drifted off.

i had no desire to move, cams head tucked into my chest. i just watched her. i watched her gentle, deep breathing, and the parting of her lips every few moments.

her calm demeanor put me at ease, i figured i should soak it in while it lasted.

when she'd collapsed here i wanted nothing more than to make her feel better. i would've given her the air out of my very own lungs, if i could've.

it was almost 12pm now. cameron's anxiety attack had lasted a while, probably much longer than she'd thought.

it didn't surprise me that she was knocked out now, it was only natural after an emotional outburst like that.

studies show that panic attacks take up a lot of energy. your heart rate and breathing increases as well as your tears releasing a natural stress hormone that is known to induce fatigue.

in an attempt to make cam more comfortable, i outstretched my arm, reaching for the light switch. i was careful not to move too much, i didn't want to disturb her. i was finally able to hook my fingers over the switch and pull it down, drowning the room in darkness.

for many people the dark was full of demons and unknown terrors, but i loved it. it made me feel secure.

i tilted my head against the wall and shut my eyes, hoping to get a bit of sleep. i'd never been good at taking naps but i was exhausted. i hadn't gotten much sleep overnight, i was too worried to even put my head down. i needed to make sure i was ready incase she needed anything.

it was surprisingly easy to rest, knowing that cameron was safe. i kept my hand sprawled across her abdomen, barely setting it down. i was careful not to put pressure, i knew any bit of pain would surely wake her from her well needed slumber.

my eyes became heavy and they began to sag, pulling me into a dark, docile place. a small grin pulled at my lips as i wandered off into a world of fantastical dreams. we were safe, we were together.

-

my peaceful trance was cut short when cam shot up, yanking out of my embrace. i moved with her, clutching her arm in support.

"hey cam, cam." i whispered, my voice low and groggy. she responded with a small murmur that i found to be indecipherable.

she was still slightly scrambling on the floor near my lap, i could hear her inhaling in exhaling with speed.

"cam, what's wrong?" i mumbled, keeping a firm grip on her arm.

"can you turn on the lights?" it was now that i realized she was crying, her voice shaky and hollow.

"yeah, yeah." i stood up quickly, reaching for the light switch.

the lights bloomed on, illuminating the bathroom. i cast my vision down to the floor,  cam had backed against the wall. she held a trembling hand over her mouth as she pulled her knees to her chest. her breathing was noisy, she sucked in air like there wasn't enough going into her body.

"hey," i crouched down next to her. "hey what's wrong?" i reached out to hold her but she flinched, hard.

this must've been about drew, probably a dream. sometimes our subconscious mind can bring back terrible memories when it hasn't recovered from them, especially if one had repressed the unwanted feelings. that along with the flinching, made me settle on my conclusion.

i drew back and instead sat across from her, my back against the sink.

her eyes were still blank and lifeless, they stared at her free hand that was now scratching her leg. i knew this was a nervous habit of hers, when things got stressful i frequently noticed her digging her nails into or abrading the skin on her arms.

i always tried to get her to stop, this behavior is considered self-harm. it's her brains way of coping, by punishing her.

i didn't want to agitate her again by moving, but i knew that she would continue to aimlessly claw, and eventually break skin.

instead of grasping for her hand, i spoke.

"cam," she didn't respond, she didn't even move a muscle. "cam, can you hear me?" her head jolted up, creating eye contact between the two of us.

"if felt so real." she buzzed. "i thought it was real, i'm sorry." i scooted closer to her, building trust. she didn't move but her muscles tightened.

"what felt real? was it a dream?" i implored. she nodded and plaited a lock of hair behind her ear.

i slowly moved next to her, she didn't object. in fact, she filled the gap between us so that our bodies were pressed up against each other. i understood, she needed to feel secure.

i edged my hand towards her ever so slightly, until my fingertips brushed her thumb. she unfurled her fingers and let mine slip around hers, until i could feel the heat of her palm against mine.

"let's talk." i suggested, although i didn't feel like taking no for an answer. she pulled our hands apart and began to knick her skin with her fingernails again.

i waited for a few moments, hoping she would build up the courage to break the silence.

"cam," i rubbed her back, giving her a comforting thin-lipped grin. "what's going on in that head of yours? what was the dream about?"

"it's stupid, i know he can't get to me anymore. he's being held at the jail until i can testify, i know that." she prattled on.

"cam, if the dream was about drew there's nothing to be ashamed of." she kept her eyes fixated on the white tiles beneath us. "your subconscious mind can play tricks on you even though you know that you're safe. he can't hurt you anymore." i reassured, she didn't respond.

i believed she was zoning out again so i reached for her chin, tilting her head up to face me.

"are you okay?" i asked, knowing the answer.

of course she wasn't okay. she'd just gotten out of a terrible relationship and had an injury to remind her of it everyday. she not only had to worry about her broken bones but also about having to testify against that monster in a few weeks. it was too much for her.

"yeah," she grinned, her eyes red and damp. "i'll be fine." her eyes locked on mine and without thinking i placed a hand underneath her jawline.

my other hand cupped the back of her head and pulled it in close to my face, brushing our lips together for just a moment.

if she wanted me to stop, she didn't show it one bit.

when she pulled back, shock built up in her eyes, i regretted my decision immediately.

"i'm sorry," i began. "i just-" she cut me off.

"it's okay spence. thank you." she beamed, still ready eyed.

we sat in utter silence for longer than either of us would've liked. the tension became hard to handle and cam became shifty before speaking.

"now, that was nice but i need some coffee. i'm not sleeping tonight, i think we both know that." she joked. i responded with a sympathetic frown, i felt terrible.

she shouldn't be avoiding sleep just to stay away from another nightmare. i should've killed drew when she showed up at my apartment but i knew it wasn't rational. it'd be better for him to serve out long, miserable years in jail.

at first i didn't recognize the tone in her voice but after a few seconds i realized she was asking for help.

"oh right, yeah. sorry." i stood up and grabbed her hand, pulling her into my grasp.

i then helped her to the couch, where we poured coffee and talked; not about drew, not about drugs, and definitely not about that kiss. just about normal friend things, or maybe more than friends.

***

i hope y'all are liking this so far! please vote and comment, it means a lot seeing your guys responses. feel free to give tips—or criticism.