exulansis - the tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because others are unable to relate to it

cameron's pov

i stormed into a smaller conference room, my breath coming in heaving waves. i couldn't inhale enough air to feel fulfilled. chris motioned towards a couch in the corner of the room.

"sit." he ordered. i obliged, emily and spencer quickly following my actions.

i was tearing at the skin on my arm again and i was aware of it, i should've gotten that rape kit. i peered down at my arm to see that i had drawn blood.

"shit!" i cried, still not wanting to stop. something was oddly soothing about the blood and the pain.

"hey," emily comforted. "calm down. i have tissues in my purse. spencer can you grab them for me?"

spence reached for her bag and pulled out a pack of tissues hurriedly. i was worrying everyone, maybe this was my fault.

emily poured a small amount of cold water into the tissue and pressed it to my arm. i winced, the chilled liquid brought a severe stinging pain to my skin.

"i know, it's alright."

"so now what?" spencer interrogated chris.

"we have a 30 minute recess. i need her to calm down a bit and then we'll talk more. he may have won us over on the rape charge but we still have a great chance of winning on the other two."

his words hung in my mind. how could he have won? he raped me, i knew it and he knew it. why would i lie about such a thing?

"why would they think i'm lying? he did, you guys know that, right?" i was distraught.

"we know cam." emily replied to me.

"cameron, it's not that they don't believe you, they just don't have enough evidence to charge him." chris added. "we know that he did it."

"they don't understand, he did it. he knows he did." i mumbled.

spencer pulled me in until his arms were clasped around me and our chests were pressed together. warm tears ran down my face and onto his suit jacket, he pulled back and wiped them away.

"cam," i kept my wet eyes fixated on the floor. "cam, look at me." our gazes met. "you're doing amazing, you've got this." emily smiled at him over my shoulder, i could feel it.

"cameron, i know this is hard but you're doing great." chris commented. "i don't want to make you more upset, but do you have any idea why your brother is testifying against you?" i shook my head, tears escaping my eyes.

"i don't know. i've never been close with him and when i got with drew, they became like brothers. the only time we were really close was when i was a teenager but i was high on oxy for most of that, i don't remember any of it. that's probably why he hates me now." chris nodded in response.

"okay well, i want you to relax for these next 15 minutes and i'm going to think about what we need to do. i'll talk to you in a few, okay?"

"okay, thank you chris." he smiled and walked into the hallway.

as soon as he left emily and spencer's eyes darted onto me.

"why didn't you tell us cam? i could've gotten you a rape kit in the er and-" i cut him off.

"no, no." i sniffled. "that was the worst part of it, i didn't even want to bring it up in court but chris told me it could put him away for longer."

"cammy, we could've helped you. you shouldn't have to deal with that on your own." i'd always loved that nickname that emily gave me.

"i know em, i didn't want help though. i still don't. i've never been as scared as i was during that moment, i couldn't bring it up." she wiped tears from my cheeks.

"it's okay." she whispered, lifting the tissue from my arm and rolling my sleeve down to hide the gash.

spencer pulled me onto his body from behind, his arms wrapped around my chest. he laid a soft kiss on my hairline, i could've melted.

by the look in emily's eyes, we could tell she knew that there was something between us. she was smiled and rubbed my leg, soothing me.

i could've fallen asleep in spences arms but i shot up when chris walked back into the room.

"you ready?"

-

"defendant please rise." drew stood up with his lawyer.

god, just seeing his face made me anxious. i refrained from ripping my skin open again, although the urge was certainly there.

"drew harden, you have been found guilty of assault and battery in the second degree and aggravated assault in the second degree. you have been found not guilty of rape in the third degree. i am sentencing you to 10 years in prison with chance of parole. the court is dismissed." the gavel hit the wood, ending my misery.

chance of parole.

seeing drew exit the room in handcuffs was probably one of the most fulfilling things i'd ever felt. i was still upset about the rape charge, i'd been through too much pain over that experience for him to get off easy.

emily and spencer rushed down to meet me. they both wrapped me in their arms.

"you did it." spencer beamed.

"we're proud of you." emily added, grinning from ear to ear.

a smile tugged at my lips but i also felt like i was going to cry. there was so much going on, i didn't know how to properly respond. my default reaction was to feel anxious or worried but i grinned in response to emily and spencer.

we exited the court room, thanked chris and made our way to the car.

as i sat down in the backseat, i sighed.

"i did it." spencer glanced back at me.

"you did it." he repeated.

it was almost 6pm now and after the events from the day, i was exhausted, the smooth gliding of the car lulled me to sleep.

-

"hey," spencer whispered. "we're back." i fluttered my eyes open.

"oh, sorry." i responded, stretching.

"i dropped emily off at her place already, let me walk you up." he took my hand and helped me out.

"no spence, it's alright. go home and get some rest, we have work tomorrow." i suggested.

"are you sure?"

"i'm sure." i nodded.

he pulled my face in to meet his, our lips tracing against one another. time stopped when his mouth met mine, i felt at ease for the first time in forever.

"i'm proud of you."

that was the last thing he said to me before climbing into the car and driving off.

***

i hope you guys like this chapter, pls be an active reader! i'll update soon :)