alexithemia - an inability to express your feelings

spencer's pov

"hey!" i greeted cameron and emily in the hallway.

"hey, spencer!" emily replied, cheerily.

"hey." cam replied, her voice scratchy.

i immediately focused on on her, still grinning. her eyes had bags underneath them, it could be from the nightmares, and she wore high waisted white jeans and a flowy long sleeved top.

"you guys ready?" emily asked, making her way towards the elevator.

cam and i nodded, following her.

something about cameron was off, she seemed more anxious and on edge, yet calmer and quieter.

she was probably tired, nightmares can get in the way of a healthy sleep schedule—i could talk to her about it later.

-

"okay, cameron, spencer, and jj, i'd like for you to go to the therapy center where the meetings were held, the next one is at 9:30am, try to be there beforehand." hotch commanded.

at the therapy center, there was a meeting in progress. i felt awkward intruding, as did jj and cam, both shifting their weight from foot to foot.

once the man at the front noticed our presence, we flashed our badges and he excused himself. we all stepped outside.

"can i help you?" the man asked, flashing a cooperative smile.

"hello," cam greeted him. "were agents hart, jareau, and reid, were with the behavioral analysis unit of the fbi."

"we want to ask you a few questions, is that alright?" jj cocked her brow.

the man, kermit brown, agreed and answered the questions with ease, no suspicions arose, that was until he mentioned one of his attendees, john frey.

he had a connection to each of our victims, an important one; he was their sponsor.

when we asked where we could find john, mr. brown simply stated that he hadn't shown up for today's meeting, which was unusual for him. we took this as our sign to relay the information back to the team.

eager to have a lead, we called hotch immediately when we loaded into the car.

"hey, anything?" he picked up. "ive got everyone else here with me."

"yes, we need garcia to search for a john frey. we think he's our unsub." i announced, getting a response of various gasps and excited noises.

"got it, thank you."

when we arrived back at the station, hotch was patched in with garcia, who couldn't find any trace of a john frey who lived in the area.

"he could be using a fake name to cover his tracks." morgan proposed.

i was a bit worried, cameron hadn't talked almost all day, she definitely had something on her mind.

"penelope, maybe try searching for men who have been in rehab? that's all i can think of, we need more information." jj suggested.

"there's almost 100 men who have been in rehab, just in the comfort zone."

i head cam curse under her breath.

"we need something else." morgan said.

"don't worry, i will kept looking. good luck my minions!" garcia's name calling lightened the mood a bit.

what else could there be? where else could we look?

my mind shuffled through the possibilities.

before i could land upon a concrete answer, cameron approached me, leaning into my ear.

"i'm going to run to my car, i'll be back."

i nodded.

"okay," i paused as she turned around and i thought about asking the million dollar question, are you okay? but i kept to myself, quietly filing the possibilities.

i couldn't quite figure out what was wrong with cameron, i'd never experienced this type of behavior with her.

she seemed contempt enough, just quite and withdrawn. it was very unlike her.

the thing is, cam is the life of the party. she's loud and outgoing, i've even hear people categorize her as annoying, she was not quite.

of course, everyone one on our team loved her bubbly demeanor, but it wasn't for everyone.

i worried about her when she shut off like this, it was nerve wracking to observe. i'm sure the rest of the team noticed too.

another thing about cam is, she has absolutely no idea how to talk about feelings.

i'm not sure if she just doesn't know how to express them, or if she just chooses not to, but either way, it really wasn't too healthy.

anytime she found herself in need of a pick me up, she turned to alcohol or drugs, of course it's been a good five years since she'd used.

i'll talk to her tonight.

tonight.

***

i'm sorry this chapter is sooo short guys. hope you like it though!!