requested by: Shy_Failure

ship: hedric

type: angst/fluff

specifics: depressed/emotionally unstable harry

summary: "it's fifth year and cedric has died in the graveyard, and harry keeps having dreams about his death because he had a crush on cedric. and one day, harry started being obsessed by cedric's figure/ghost and that drives harry crazy slowly starts making him depressed and empty. one day cedric comes back from the dead (i don't know how but he does-) and harry believes he's finally out of his mind and starts to ignore cedric in any sort of way. cedric tries to talk to him but keeps getting ignored and so one day he locks harry and himself in an abandoned classroom and firces harry to look at him. harry finally breaks down and starts to confess everything to cedric and cedric reveals he's in love with him too (so cliche god-) and they start to kiss and an extremely fluffy scene."

a/n- i kinda changed the plot sorry! hope you still like it! it is a bit (maybe a lot-) more angsty than originally planned ♡︎

WARNING • can be triggering - proceed with caution

why didn't harry realize? he could've stopped his death, cedric wouldn't be dead, harry's attempts at keeping cedric as safe as he could all throughout the tournament didn't have to go to waste, if harry had just realized!

what was it harry hadn't realized though?

had it been about him not realizing proffesor mad-eye moody was really barty crouch jr. or was it him.not realizing quickly enough that cedric was the spare and voldemort had ordered wormatil to kill cedric?

but it didn't really matter.

even if harry was still frozen in the moment cedric had died, the fact he had died because harry wouldn't take the stupid cup, the world wasn't.

sure, people were sad about losing someone who could've had a huge impact on the wizarding world, but they were more stuck on 'senile dumbledore' and stupid puns like 'the boy-who-lied'. they mourned for all of five minutes before they pounced on harry for the story like predators for prey. espevially reporters and the ministry.

and harry's 'close friends and family' didn't realize because the adults were worrying about the upcoming war and making sure harry knew virtually nothing while the kids were either to daft - ronald - to caught up in finally turning seventeen - the twins - to busy crushing on him - ginny - or he had shut them down to many times for them to continue asking - hermione.

while harry was at privet drive he thought he had seen cedric everywhere.

when he was at the park.

through his window in his bedroom.

while walking down the street or in the cafe.

when harry got to grimmauld place he thought he had finally escaped from it.

but now that it was gone, harry felt empty.

when the twins made a joke that made everyone else snort in laughter, it reminded harry of when harry did something particularily embarrasing and it made cedric laugh so hard pumpkin juice came out of his nose.

or when mrs. weasley made a not-so-subtle attempt at harry and ginny getting together, he felt the same stab in his heart he felt when girls came up to cedric and not-so-subtly flirted with him.

or even when hermione would look at him in concern because he had been uncharacteristically silent, it reminded him of the way cedric looked at him after every task, making sure he was okay - the same look harry always knew he mirrored.

but when harry didn't feel the pain, he felt numb.

and he wasn't sure which was worse.

harry always wanted to tell hermione how it felt because she was the only one who ever asked.

but he didn't know how to explain it.

he guessed he could explain as the feeling of drowning.

he felt as if whenever he thought about cedric or what could never be, he couldn't breathe. he couldn't swim to the surface because he wasn't sure which way that was. there wasn't a light at the top to guide harry because he had lost his light. he felt as if metal chains dragged him down further and further, and he felt as if he was trapped.

trapped in his own head, in his own saddness, drowning in it.

but how did he explain that.

he didn't know how. and when harry tried to find the words to explain it, hermione assumed he didn't want to talk. so she left, and then, one time she didn't come back.

but harry powered through, using unhealthy coping mechanisms.

a blade that offered solace when the numbness became to much, when he needed to feel something, even if it was pain.

but, when he became numb to that too, he started to force his food back up. the pain that came when the food came out the wrong way - when it didn't want to, wasn't meant to - was enough to break through the walls of numbness.

and when he stopped allowing himself the luxury of food, the bile that came up burned so much more, it allowed harry to feel human.

and it worked for a while.

magic was a beautiful thing, for a powerful enough witch or wizard with the right drive, can cast glamour charms. it covered up harry's slowly healing scars and how sickly thin and pale he was - such a contrast to his normally mocha-colored skin and tall and built stature.

nobody suspected anything.

but then harry's demons found him again, started to haunt him.

harry started seeing cedric when he was alone in the halls, or out in the courtyard or the forbidden forest.

only ever alone.

and harry could've just started to hang out with his friends again, but harry liked to be alone because then he wouldn't have to pretend he was okay with cedric's death, or that he was okay at all.

sometimes, the demon tried to approah harry.

but harry turned and left, ignored him.

and it worked.

for four weeks.

until, apparently the demon got fed up with it.

it lured him into an abandoned classroom and trapped him.

harry's glamour that he kept on day and night, slowly draining his magical core from over-exertion started to flicker like a broken tv.

"what do you want?!" harry demanded.

"i want you to stop!" it responded.

"stop what?! you aren't even real anyway!"

"maybe... i'm a ghost so, i guess so, in a way, but i'm still here and perks of being a ghost are i see through glamours and such. not that it really matters, your's is flickering anyway."

"ghost? so... you're really cedric?" harry asked, his voice breaking at the end from hope.

"yeah. only you can see me though. unfinished business." he replies.

"wha- what are you talking about?" harry asked, his brain trying to catch up.

"harry, i know we didn't have much time together, but you know i loved you, right?"

"yeah, yeah... bu- but what-"

"i've seen what you're doing to yourself and you need to stop. i will always be there, whether or not you can see me, and i will always be watching out for you. i love you, and i'll wait for you, but you need to move on. go to the astronomy tower, there's a loose brick. remove that brick, and behind it will be a letter. read it, get closure, then get your friends, tell them, get help, be happy again."

"i- i- i ca-"

"yes, yes you can. and you will." cedric interrupts with conviction.

so, harry did what cedric asked, he went to the top of the astronomy tower, found the loose brick, and read the letter.

dear harry,

in case i don't make it back from the tournament, i want you to know i'll always love you. and i'll be waiting for you in the afterlife. if you ever have to read this letter, i'm sorry.

i know how you cope with things, how you had coped with the things your supposed family did to you, and i don't want you to do that if i die.

if i die, i want you to celebrate my life, not mourn my death.

if i die, i want you to remember the time you ran into the wall and i laughed so hard i spit out my pumpkin juice and it came out of my nose, not imagine my dead body.

i want you to honor the bad, but remember the good.

and when you die, at the right time, i'll be here for you, and i'll be waiting. and i'll except you with open arms, and we'll be happy again.

i love you.

cedric

harry cried for hours.

but then, he picked hinself up and the firat thing he did was find hermione.

and he talked to her.

and later talked to the rest of his friends and family.

the sadness wasn't gone, while he was still alive, while he wasn't with cedric, it would never truly be gone.

but it got better, and he wasn't numb anymore.

and after the war, he lived a full life.

he never got together with anyone again, but he had his friends and kids he viewed as his own, and he was happy.

and when he died at his own time, he was back in his lithe and strong seventeen-year-old body instead of the brittle and old ninety-year-old one he had died in.

and then he saw cedric, cast in a golden etheral glow, looking effortlessly beautiful.

and harry jumped into his arms, kissing him, the hole in his chest, the empty feeling that never really left, stitched itself back together and was as if it was never there.

and he was truly happy.

and he wasn't numb.

~{•}~

ahhhhhhhh!

i know, i deviated from the plot a lot, but i hope you liked it still!

and it was fluffier towards the end, i hope!

i tried, and this came about...

comment what you thought please!

if you want i'll rewrite it! ♡︎

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀