﹙I DON'T SMOKE ★﹚

ASHTRAY MADE HIMSELF BUSY!

anything to avoid the red-haired girl that was everywhere he was at.

for the second time, they avoided speaking about a kiss that was sure to change the course of their friendship.

what they felt for each-other was undeniable, so they just needed to avoid it!

that would make things normal again.

they both seemed determined to keep their distance, each one tiptoeing around the other as if afraid of what might happen if they let their guard down.

ashtray threw himself into hobbies to keep his mind occupied so it wouldn't get caught in its usual loop of cherry.

first he started trying out some sports. he didn't like them very much, he got too competitive with them, and he always ended up somehow hurt.

arts were next. it went horribly. he couldn't sit down in front of a blank canvas and try to put meaning into a bowl of fruit. his mind didn't work that way.

lastly, he tried out community service.

unusually, he enjoyed that.

the way cherry described him before the accident, there was no way community service was something he would do. there was a first time for everything.

maybe he only enjoyed it because she was there.

the red-haired girl stood a few feet away, unwrapping boxes full of supplies for the homeless.

"ash." cherry called out for the first time in a whole 24 hours.

"yeah?" ashtray looked over the second he heard her voice.

"could you help me set these up?"

"sure."

ashtray paused what he was doing and made his way over to her, fighting a smile off his face.

together, they pulled out the cases and supplies from inside the cardboard box. ashtrays hands accidentally brushed hers when they reached in at the same time.

he apologized, which made things even worse.

it was clear that the only thing on either of their minds was the kiss, that's why they lost the ability to act like regular human beings.

ashtray mentally cursed himself.

it wasn't that hard. he seriously couldn't mutter an i like you and move on with his day?

«───── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ─────»

cherry tossed her bag onto the couch.

ashtray yawned, shutting the front door behind him. he collapsed onto the couch, in a similar fashion to the bag.

cherry took a seat beside him, too tired to worry about personal space, or whatever weird stuff was going on between them.

whatever she said now could be dealt with tomorrow.

she'd just sleep it off.

the air was heavy with unspoken words and exchanged glances both noticed.

neither of them could pull away. she seemed to stare right at him, right down to his very bones. she knew who he was completely, no matter how hard he tried to pull away, or justify his feelings.

"this sucks." ashtray said softly, his voice breaking through the silence. "i wish this was less confusing."

"you'll remember."

"i'm not talking about my memories. i'm talking about you."

"why?"

"the way you make me feel. every second around you traps me in my head. every time we hang out, all i can think about is you. you make it difficult to breathe."

"i'm sorry?"

"i'm in love with you."

"how do you know that?"

"how would i not know that? every second i spend with you makes me more and more sure that i am. i know you just think i'm attached and confused but that's not true."

"you're still recovering, ash."

"i can't remember anything but you. i don't know who i was, but i know who you were. i wanna be with you. i wanna be your boyfriend. i wanna be like those couples we used to to make fun of."

cherry's breath caught in her throat.

time spun around her, and she couldn't move.

every memory flickered in her head, echoing the feelings ashtray had just shared. why did she refuse to let him love her? why was she so scared of losing him?

his eyes glowed without reflecting the light of anything else.

in that moment, he couldn't remember anything but the way her hands felt in his, and the smell of her perfume in the sun.

the stars begged and circled around them until they were surrounded, there'd never been anywhere to go but into each-others arms.

if cherry loved him so much, why did she run at every opportunity?

what was she if not made to love him?

the sound of his voice was engrained in her mind, she'd never forget him, so why had she ever tried? if a heart-shaped scar was all that remained of him, she would never let it heal.

there was no moving in from him.

cherry made ashtray feel like he was alive.

his hands took hers as if begging for a mere look, just a one word answer and he would be satisfied.

she couldn't find the right words.

ashtray could've spent centuries detailing how he loved her.

cherry wanted to reach out, she wanted to hold him but she was terrified of letting go and losing him once more,

but she could not be satisfied with a distance.

was the risk worth it?

the pile of unsent love letters with no return sitting under her bed thought so.

her rambled words and indistinguishable feelings for him should've been studied. her brain twisted and pulled in opposite directions, drilling itself down for a simple answer.

love was not greed.

it was not choosing what cherry wanted.

she wanted a lot of things. she wanted ashtray to love her. she wanted ashtray to remember. she wanted ashtray to remember loving her. she wanted ashtray.

that was greed,

love was choosing what ashtray needed.

did he need her?

ashtray knew he did. it was all he knew,

he searched his soul on loop, tearing every bit of his being apart for just a bit of silence.

he wished so desperately to be loved by her that'd he'd spent two years searching for her. he held into the littlest bits of information his brain allowed him and they consumed every waking second.

his eternal loyalty extended into a willingness of permanent silence.

he didn't do anything that wasn't for her.

what was love, if not that?

"i love you." ashtray spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.

"i love you, too." cherry replied, her own eyes glossy.

her hands encased his face snd held it like a precious jewel, like she was holding a glass object worth a million dollars.

ashtray was priceless.

the sound of his laugh was the only music cherry  would ever need, and she could create entire works of art on the way he simply existed.

her heartbeat pounded in her ears and spoke to her, ushering her to just do something.

her lips pressed to his.

holding him in her arms was the only way she knew he was there. he was a physical being. he wouldn't leave her, not again.

he loved the simplest things about her.

her breathing while she slept was quiet and ash recognized the patterns just long enough until he fell asleep, too.

the giggles that bubbled out of her throat made him believe he could create religions with the way he felt. he would travel to planets at back if that's what it took for her to believe that he loved her.