﹙I DON'T SMOKE ★﹚

RUE WAS STILL DOING DRUGS!

she laid on the bed, while elliot played his guitar.

"you know what nobody understands? is that, like, drugs are honestly the only way that i can be myself." rue began.

"i don't think that's true." elliot said.

"no, it is true. like, when i first met you, i would've never had the balls to just, like, come up to you and talk to you."

"why?"

"i don't know. i'm just, like, a deeply shy person. and like, with jules, right? when i first met her, i was just, immediately in love."

"in love?"

"yeah. when you say it out loud, it kinda sounds small."

"what's a bigger feeling than love?"

"loss."

"you think?"

"yeah, i think so. yeah. i don't know, maybe that's what it was. as soon as i saw her, i was just immediately afraid to lose her."

"who have you lost?"

"uh, my dad."

"meaning?"

"meaning he's dead."

"shit, i'm sorry."

"it's fine. you didn't, like, kill him."

"how was he killed?"

"oh, he wasn't."

"are you fucking with me right now,"

"no, it was cancer."

"shit."

"yeah."

"how old were you?"

"i was 14."

"so, recently?"

"not really."

"i feel like that's kinda recent."

"i don't know, i guess, it feels like fucking forever ago."

"is that why you started doing drugs?"

"that's what everybody asks in rehab."

rue and elliot had a deep, meaningful conversation.

maybe it wasn't such a good idea that they had become friends.

«───── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ─────»

i opened the text.

it was an invite to go bowling, from kat. with jules and maddy.

did i really wanna see maddy?

no.

she was still mad.

ashtray read over my shoulder. "no."

"what?" i looked up.

"you can't leave me here alone." he complained.

"too bad. come with me!"

"hell no. i don't wanna go bowling. and your friends are annoying."

"but i'm funny, and you love me, and you don't want me to be lonely."

"i tolerate you."

"you do more than tolerate me."

ashtray stared down at his hands.

he thought about the kiss, then realized that neither of us had stopped to talk about it.

we just kissed, and both did our best to act like we didn't remember it even happening.

"uhm.. on new years-" ashtray began awkwardly.

"i think i'm gonna go now." i stood up, immediately. "see you later!"

«───── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ─────»

jules slammed down the bowling ball.

ethan snapped a picture of all of us.

he seemed bored, and uncomfortable. did we all crash his date?

kay and ethan started bowling together. they kissed gently.

the rest of us sat down at a table.

jules sat in between maddy and i.

maddy stared at the couple. "you know something depressing? i'll never be in a relationship like that."

"you will." i reassured, without thinking.

"what do you mean?" jules asked.

"there's just no darkness. it's just sweet."

"yeah."

"i don't know if that would ever be enough for me."

"i don't know. i mean, i guess some people are just kinda built different."

"you'll find someone, maddy. you're too hot not too." i spoke, trying to forget about the anger.

i was always petty, ashtray knew that best.

but maddy was still my friend.

i wasn't going to let my stubbornness interfere with one of my closest friendships.

"thank you." maddy nodded.

i knew she would always love nate.

and that maybe, she wouldn't forgive me for letting someone else hurt him.

but i knew she would try to move on from it. or, at least ignore it.

because she was one of my closest friends.

jules, maddy, and i all walked outside after kat and ethan.

"5 minutes, i swear!" kat promised, walking over to her car.

"what is she gonna do for 5 minutes?" jules asked.

i gagged. "please stop."

"i don't even wanna know." maddy agreed.

jules unlocked her phone.

"i think i'm gonna get back together with nate. it's a mistake, right?" maddy asked.

"don't do it." jules advised.

"you're gonna regret it. he's not good for you." i agreed.

"i can't help it." maddy said.

"i wish you could see yourself the way the rest of the world does." jules tightly wrapped her arms around maddy.

jules was the most comforting person in the world.

i unlocked my own phone.

ashtray was spam texting me.

'get home now. you need too. get home right now. it's an emergency. you need to come home. where are you? it's been hours. call me when you get these texts.'

i panicked, and immediately called him, standing up nervously.

he answered, but said nothing.

"what? are you okay?" i questioned, worried.

"yeah, i'm just bored." he replied.

i hung up on him, and he instantly called me back. i declined the call.

"i'm being forced home." i frowned.

"okay. see you later." jules waved.

"bye." maddy smiled slightly.

«───── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ─────»

cherry and ashtray sat on the bed, saying nothing to each other.

they were both thinking of the same thing, but were too scared to say it.

suddenly, a new message came in from her father.

thank god for a distraction.

she opened the text.

'hi. i got caught up with some things. how have you been?'

'it's okay. i'm good. just confused.'

'about what?'

'boys.'

'oh. i'm sorry to hear that. you'll figure it out, i know you will. just give it some time. i love you.'

'i love you too.'

cherry groaned, and shut her phone off.

instead of her dads message being a helpful distraction, it made her think about what she was trying to avoid.

god, why did she kiss ashtray?

was it some stupid, cliche, heat of the moment thing?

what had made her do it?

because, if she wanted a new years kiss, she could've had one with mateo.

so, why did it have to be ashtray?

and, why did he kiss back?

ashtray was wondering the same exact thing.

he was so. so confused on why cherry had kissed him.

she'd never shown any signs of liking him, and she'd said out loud several times that she had no feelings for him.

they both had.

so, why did she kiss him?

and, most importantly, why did he kiss her back?

ashtray was pretty sure he didn't like her.

but, he also didn't pull away. he continued to kiss her.

why?

if they didn't like each other, why did they kiss?

it was so awkward, and they'd both tried not to think about it, because neither had started talking about it.

"so.. new years was cool." ashtray began.

"uhm, i guess. why are you saying that?" cherry said, concerned.

"i don't know. because it was?"

"yeah. i liked it."

"me too, i think."

"what?"

"you're really confusing me."

both of them were trying their absolute hardest to be serious and talk about the problem at hand, but neither of them could.

they were both way too fucking nervous.

ashtray looked down at cherry's wrist, studying the tattoo he'd given her.

giving her tattoos had become on of his latest hobbies.

sometimes, he'd sit and sketch out drawings specifically for her.

including his name.