"No!" I screamed and shot up from my bed startling Anakin who had fallen asleep next to me. We were up for a few hours talking about the training I would be having until we fell asleep in each other's arms.

"Are you okay?" He asked me with a concerned expression as he held me and I was panting from the nightmare I just had, covered in sweat and my hair was sticking to my forehead.

The nightmare was of Alderaan, all the people I killed. They were standing up completely disfigured and they were pointing at me and shouting, calling me a monster.

The woman whose neck I broke walked up to me with her head hung to the side as she mumbled 'murderer'. I was huddled in a corner in the fetal position as I cried and screamed for them to go away but their shouting only seemed to get louder.

"Alderaan." I finally whispered to Anakin and he immediately knew what I was referring to. "All those innocent people." I choked and I was feeling pain over what I did and my body was trying to tell me to turn the pain off. But that would mean going back to the dark side and that wasn't an option.

"That's in the past." He tried to comfort me but it didn't work. "You're not her anymore."

"You don't understand." I shook my head as I tried to gently push him away from me. "Everything I've done is eating away at me."

"But I do." I looked up to meet his ocean blue eyes and I could see there was something he was hiding, something he felt remorse over, "Remember when I told you about my mother, how she was killed by the sand people?" I nodded and he continued, "Well something I didn't mention was that after she died," he paused for a moment looking away from me and he held his head in shame, "I killed them all. The men, the women, and the children." A few tears went down his face, "I still dream of them too and I can hear their screams. It's my biggest shame and sometimes I don't feel like I'm worthy of being a Jedi."

I was shocked by what he just told me, that the sweet Anakin I know and love was capable of doing something like that. But I didn't hold it against him, I knew this was difficult for him to tell me and he was just trying to help me feel better by letting me know that he feels the same pain that I do. "Anakin," I placed my hand on his face to bring his eyes back to mine and I wiped away his tears as he's done for me. He understood my pain and now it was my turn to comfort him, "They killed your mother, you were in pain and you made a mistake. But since then you have done nothing but good. Don't let one thing you've done define who you are."

He smiled sadly as he placed his hand over mine, "You should take your own advice."

"I'm different, I've done nothing but horrible things. I have to make up for that the rest of my life." I sighed trying to push the things I've done away from my mind.

He shook his head, "Those acts weren't you though, they were Darth Izdaja, apprentice of Count Dooku." He used a his mechanical finger to poke my nose, "But now you are (y/n) (y/l/n) Jedi padawan and my girlfriend." He smirked.

I laughed, "Girlfriend? I don't remember you asking me to be anything." I teased him wanting to change the subject to something lighter and he raised his brows at me in amusement.

He grabbed me tightly in a hug with my back pressed against his stomach and he kissed me on the cheek, "Well m'lady if it's alright with you you're mine now and I'm never letting you go again."

I looked up into the eyes of the man I love the man who brought me from the darkness, "I like the sound of that." I kissed him and he kissed me back passionately and I could feel the love radiating off of him. Something told me that as long as I stayed in his arms then everything would be okay.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
THE NEXT MORNING

"Meditation is very important when it comes to training (y/n)," Obi-Wan walked around me as I sit in the middle of the training room with my legs crossed and my eyes closed as I focused on his words, "Meditation is about more than just forging a deeper connection to the Force. It is about gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves. It is a means of obtaining greater control over our thoughts and emotions. Peace. Serenity. Harmony. We must master ourselves before we can hope to master the Force."
(I stole that from Wookiepedia 😉)

I nodded in response and tried to connect with the force to clear my mind. I've never attempted to meditate before, it's not something Dooku ever taught me.

I held the meditation for a few minutes before I started to think about my nightmare from last night which caused me to break the connection. I opened my eyes and sighed.

"Again." Obi-Wan commanded in a soft tone but the word choice alone caused me to flinch in fear. My mind went back to the torture I endured when my late father would train me.

He noticed me flinch and his expression shifted to one of concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yes I'm sorry master. It's just hard to keep certain memories out of my head." I closed my eyes and shook my head as I sighed.

"Would you like to talk about them?" My master asked as he sat in front of me in cross-legged position.

"Not really, I don't like to relive them." I glanced up and met his gaze.

"But it could help you heal, it is my job to make sure you are the best Jedi you can be. You don't need to hide your feelings anymore, you're not with Dooku, you're with me. But if you're holding back I don't think ill be able to do my job." He was right I needed to speak about the things that were bothering and not be afraid of them anymore.

"My old masters methods of teaching were not as kind as yours," I gave a sly chuckle to hide my sadness, "If I did anything wrong he would shock me and the pain was almost unbearable, once we went on for almost eight hours and every time before he'd  hurt me he'd say 'again'" I watched his kind smile go to a look of pity and sadness.

"That explains the flinch," he spoke softly almost like he was talking to himself, "I'm sorry you had to endure something like that (y/n) you did not deserve it. No one here would dare lay a finger on you, I assure you of that. It's not who we are."

"Thank you Obi-Wan," I glanced away and let out a sigh.

"I suspect there's something else?" He questioned.

"I had a nightmare last night about the people of Alderaan, they were calling me a monster and a murderer.." My voice cracked towards the end and I could feel Obi-Wan lay a hand on my shoulder.

"You are a changed woman, that was all Dookus doing and you shouldn't tear yourself apart over it." He stood up, "This is where meditation will come to your benefit, you will put yourself in a deep relaxation and connect with the force. Control your feelings, putting yourself at the source of the pain will only lead you back to a dark place."

I nodded in understanding and he gave me a smile, I wish I had him as my mentor my whole life. Things would have turned out so much differently for me.

"Now, let's begin." He instructed.

2 HOURS LATER

"You did very well today (y/n) I'm proud of you." He praised me and I bowed to him with a huge grin on my face.

"Thank you again Obi-Wan."

"My turn to take over?" I looked over to see Anakin leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed on chest.

"Take over for what?" I questioned, as much as I would love to train more with him, I thought I was done for the day.

"Lightsabers and fighting of course." He smirked as he walked into the room.

"But I'm already skilled in both those areas, I don't need training." I furrowed my brows at him and he playfully rolled his eyes.

"Yeah well we wouldn't want you getting rusty now would we?" He tossed my lightsabers to me that I'm guessing he took from my room and I caught them with ease.

"Well as long as you don't mind getting your butt kicked Skywalker." I teased and he chuckled.

"I'd like to see you try." He responded and Obi-Wan took that as his cue to leave.

"Well have fun you too and remember the door is open." He raised his brows in a 'so be good' type of way before turning and leaving the room.

Anakin stood a few feet in front of me with his saber in hand, "Let's put those new weapons of yours to the test shall we?"He grinned and I ignited my sabers revealing the beautiful white lights as he did the same to his revealing the shining blue light.

I advanced unannounced and his eyes widened in surprise, I was going easy not wanting to accidentally hurt him.

We should be using practice ones but where's the fun in that? 

We fought around the room playfully as we laughed and I was gaining the upper hand on him. I kicked his leg from under him and he landed on the floor and I straddled him,"Come on Chosen one is that really the best you can do?" I teased.

"Okay fine I surrender." He laughed and I stood up victoriously. I placed my weapons on my belt and reached a hand to help him up, which he took. "Or maybe not." He used the force to push me against the wall and my mouth fell open in surprise.

"A false surrender?!" I complain, "That's a war crime you can't do that!"

He chuckled as he stepped closer to me, not loosening his grip as he lips touched mine. He parted after a few seconds and looked into my eyes and I felt my heart melt, "What are you gonna do, arrest me?" He teased as he used his thumb to stroke my cheek and I could feel myself blushing. I almost forgot the door was open and I glanced over to make sure no one was there and to our luck the hallway was empty.

"Don't tempt me." I chuckled and he released his force grip on me.

"Okay let's go again and this time I won't cheat." He backed away and got his weapon ready.

"Sure you won't"

(a/n Happy New Years everyone! I wanted this chapter to show the trauma that (y/n) had endured from being under Dookus control, I hope you got a good sense of that and I also wanted to explore her friendship with Obi-Wan!  The last bit with Anakin was just me having fun haha hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll update again in a day or two. It will be about a one month time jump with the training being complete and going on the first mission with Obi-Wan and Anakin!)