𝗂𝗌𝗅𝖺 𝗉𝗈𝗏

𝗂𝗌𝗅𝖺'𝗌 𝗁𝗈𝗍𝖾𝗅 𝗋𝗈𝗈𝗆

october 2, 2024

 8:30 pm

leo. leo vaughn.

his name used to feel like home. now, it's just an echo of something that no longer exists.

i hadn't thought about him in months, or at least that's what i told myself. but the moment i saw it there, staring back at me—his name lighting up my phone screen like a wound that never fully healed—I realized he was never really gone.

leo was my everything once. my best friend, my safe place, my favorite story. i fell for him without even noticing, without thinking too much about it, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. and for a while, he made me believe he felt the same.

until one day, he just stopped being there. no warnings, no explanations. just the emptiness of his absence and the weight of all the words he never said.

and now he's here again, after everything, after nothing.

we were together for about a year, but then out of nowhere, he stopped talking to me. i spent so many nights thinking maybe he found someone better, and that's why i left for australia for a month. i needed time to think about everything he'd done to me. it was there that i met tucker. australia was the best thing that happened, but it wasn't all rainbows and sunshine. we both had to come back to reality, and we both knew that it was just a winter fling, just 'summer' in our heads. and then i came back to los angeles, and leo came back to me. thinking this time he was here to stay. but again, it happened. it all happened again.

i don't know what he wants. i don't know if i want to know.

all i know is that i don't need this. not again.

the words feel like they weigh a ton, sitting on my chest, pressing down with every breath. i thought i was fine. i thought i had moved on, that the hurt from all those months ago had faded into something more bearable. but seeing his name again, hearing it echo in my mind—leo, leo vaughn—feels like no time has passed. like everything i went through after him was just a distraction, a temporary fix for a wound that's still raw.

i was so sure that i was done with him, done with the cycle of hope and disappointment. and yet, here i am again, feeling the pull of something i thought i was strong enough to leave behind.

i'm tired. tired of the waiting, tired of the back-and-forth, tired of trying to piece together something that keeps breaking apart. leo was my everything once. but now? i don't know who he is to me anymore.

and that scares me.

leovaughn replied to your story

accept or decline

reply to your story: ur in ny? let's meet up :)

oh!
hey ig
and yeah im in ny

hey
i miss u
let's meet up :)

um...
today?
how about tmrw?

sure

yeah.. same

oh, what have i done? i'm definitely contemplating jumping out of the window when, all of a sudden, felix's voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

"isla!" she calls my name, sharp and urgent.

"oh, what?" i respond, trying to sound normal, though the shakiness in my voice betrays me.

felix narrows her eyes, studying me like she already knows something is wrong. "what's going on? are you okay?" she asks as she sits beside me on my bed.

before i can even come up with a half-decent excuse, her gaze shifts to my phone. and then, before i can stop her, she picks it up.

i already know what she's going to say. i mean, we all do.

"isla? oh, honey..." she starts, her voice a mix of frustration and concern. "not him again. i thought you blocked him." there's an edge to her tone, but underneath it, i can hear the way she's trying to soften it, trying to comfort me.

i exhale, feeling the weight of my own weakness. "you know i have a hard time blocking people," i admit, embarrassed.

before felix can respond, a voice from the doorway cuts in.

"who blocked who?" drew asks, and i know without looking that cora and ky are right behind him.

felix lets out a sigh, giving me a look before turning to them. "isla was supposed to block leo."

"ugh, seriously?" cora groans, stepping further into the room. "tell me you didn't reply to him."

i don't answer. i can't. my silence is enough.

"oh my god, isla." drew drags a hand down his face, clearly exasperated. "why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

i swallow hard, staring at my hands. "i don't know," i mumble, though it's a lie. i do know. i know exactly why i keep letting him back in, why i can't just shut the door completely. because for a while, he was everything. and even now, when he's nothing but a painful reminder of what was, some part of me still clings to the version of him i loved.

"you do know," felix says gently, like she can read my mind. "but knowing isn't enough, is it?"

i shake my head, feeling tears burn at the back of my eyes. "he just... he makes me feel like maybe—maybe it wasn't all in my head. like maybe he did care, even if it was a little." my voice cracks, and i hate it.

ky, who's been quiet this whole time, finally speaks. "but isla, caring isn't enough if it only hurts you." his words are soft, careful. "you deserve better than someone who keeps breaking you."

the room is silent for a beat. then felix shifts closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "he's right, you know."

i let out a shaky breath and lean into her warmth. "i know." but knowing isn't enough.

"so, what are you gonna do?" cora asks, her voice soft but firm, like she's already preparing for the answer she's about to hear.

"um, well..." i start, already feeling the weight of their judgment pressing down on me. "we're supposed to meet tomorrow. i mean, he wanted to meet today, but i told him it was too late..." i trail off, knowing they're not going to like this. honestly, i think they've probably scolded me more than my parents ever have throughout my entire childhood.

"spo... supposed to meet? wait, is he here in new york?" ky asks, his confusion evident in the way he frowns at me.

"the last i heard from him, or at least knew about him, is that he moved here," i reply, my voice heavy with sadness. leo knew how much coming to new york meant to me, how it was my dream, and yet, he still came here—like it was some kind of test.

"the audacity of this guy," drew mutters, shaking his head. "but, you'll still meet him tomorrow?"

"maybe," i say, my voice quieter now. "i just want to see how he's doing," i add, as if that makes it any better. "i mean, like, as friends." the last part feels like a lie, even as it leaves my mouth.

"but you're not even friends," felix says, her confusion turning into something else, something closer to frustration.

i feel the lump in my throat grow. "i know," i whisper, barely able to make the words come out. but i can't help it—there's still a part of me that's holding on to whatever we had, even if it's just a shadow now. even if it's not real anymore.

"you can't keep doing this to yourself, isla," felix says softly, her voice no longer just confused but full of concern. "he's not the person you need, and you know that."

i nod, but it doesn't feel like enough. it doesn't feel like i can convince myself that i'm doing the right thing, even though i know deep down i probably am.

"but what if i'm wrong?" i murmur, more to myself than to them. "what if there's still a chance, you know? that maybe... maybe he's changed?"

the room goes quiet. i can feel the weight of their stares, the disbelief in their silence.

"you deserve someone who's been there for you, isla," cora finally says, her voice steady. "not someone who comes in and out of your life whenever they feel like it. you don't need to keep waiting for someone who's not coming back."

i bite my lip, feeling the sting of her words hit harder than i expected. i know she's right, but it doesn't make it any easier to let go.

"so what am i supposed to do?" i ask quietly. "just move on?"

"yes," ky says, stepping forward with a softness that catches me off guard. "it's not easy, but you have to. you deserve better than the hurt he's giving you."

i want to argue, to tell them that it's not that simple, but i can't. because deep down, i know it is. i know it's what i need to do.

"you're right," i whisper, finally letting myself believe it. "i need to let go."

felix's arm tightens around me, and i let out a shaky breath. "we're here for you," she says, her voice gentle. "no matter what."

and for the first time in a long while, i feel a little lighter.

"okay enough with the sadness, let's go party!!" drew says excitedly, breaking the tension in the room.

"yes! we're in new york, the four of us for now. tomorrow gracie, tucker, and his bandmates are gonna join us for dinner and drinks," ky adds, his excitement contagious, and for a moment, i feel a spark of something lighter, something fun.

"please send him a message telling him you won't be able to meet up with him, and i want to see you actually send it," cora says, laughing.

i hesitate for a moment, my heart still aching from the earlier conversation. the last thing i want is to face leo again, but the fear of hurting him or disappointing myself is still lingering. i grab my phone, fingers trembling as i open Instagram.

i deleted his number the first time we broke up. but i didn't block him on Instagram. i couldn't bring myself to do it. i wanted to see what his life looked like after everything ended, even though every time i checked, it felt like a knife to my chest. seeing him go on, seeing him living without me, it was painful, but i kept looking. like i was punishing myself for something i couldn't control.

his profile picture still has that same stupid smile, the one that used to make me feel like everything was right in the world. now, it just makes my stomach twist.

with a deep breath, i type out the message, the words feeling like bricks in my chest. hey, leo. i can't meet up tomorrow. i hope you're doing well though.

it feels hollow. empty.

"send it," felix urges, her voice gentle but firm, reminding me that this is the step i need to take.

i hit send. the notification pops up on my screen, and for a moment, i stare at it, waiting for some sort of reaction.

but then there's nothing. no reply, no message that tells me it was all worth it. just silence.

and in that silence, i realize—i'm starting to move on. slowly, painfully, but surely.

🦭

𝗁𝖾𝗒 𝖻𝗋𝗈𝗌𝗄𝗂𝗌, i don't like this chapter but at least it's something.. but we met the asshole who broke isla heart twice lol but i know someone who will fix that heart..heeheehee 

if you have any ideas, suggestions, or just things you'd love to see, drop them in the comments, bbgs!

sub, like and comment!!

enjoy!