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"only you can piss me off"
β€” angst !
im bad at endingsπŸ˜… 2.5K words
kind of a word vomit writing lmaoo.



MY PHONE RINGS too loudly. I probably should start using do not disturb when I'm trying to sleep. When I check the caller ID, I also note that it's 2:14 AM, meaning that the call was probably important.



KEEHOπŸ§‘πŸΌβ€πŸŽ€ IS CALLING




I let it ring for a moment, staring at the photo with our cheeks pressed together with expressions of authentic bliss on our faces. The day the picture was taken happened to be a day you wouldn't forget. It was the day he'd finally managed to get you to take a pictureβ€” let alone a picture with him.





I was fully aware that his gallery had been full of candids that I'd never seen. He took pictures of me often.




But this one just makes me angry.
I hate seeing his face now.
And I hope he'll learn to hate mine too.


Just as I always do, with puffy eyes, I answer the phone. I answer the phone and ask him what's wrong, just as I always do. Though I hate him, I love him so much that it makes my chest hurt.

His voice is fully awake and it tells me that he'd probably had a long night of doing everything besides sitting down in bed. And to be fair, I didn't quite expect him to be tamed once he came back home.



Right, the reason we broke up. Keeho, a few years back, got an opportunity to fully live his dream and it was quite the enlightenment for both of us once he got that special call back. I can remember the way that he suddenly kissed me in the middle of our date. The way that he grabbed me would remind you of a man who waited years to get what he needed. He probably forgot but, I didn't. I was blushing for a week after.




But I also cried for a week.





"They... they want me to come to Korea" he hesitates. Nodding, I finish the rest of my over-sweetened slushy that we'd bought to share. He sits across from me with a brand new corn dog that he hadn't dared to open for some reason. I'm happy for him, why is he being weird?




"That's good babe, how long are we goin?" but he frowns. He looked so sad. My heart broke the moment he looked away from me. I knew then, that I wouldn't see him for a while. Knowing my boyfriend better than anyone else, I knew, oh how I knew he'd try breaking things off.





"Can you just listenβ€”"
Nearly giving him whiplash, I swivel and stop in the middle of the parking lotβ€” too angry to care about curious eyes and ears, I erupt "Listen to what keeho?!" he was hurt but I didn't care at the time that it happened. When he told me that he wanted me to stay in the statesβ€” he hurt me first. I couldn't care less if the love of my life had cried in the parking lot.



I was mad.




A slight tremble is in his voice when he speaks. We were breaking the heart of each other but at least he careβ€” I didn't care as he did.

"Wβ€” I.... I just want you to stay with your family y/n, I'll be there for years an-"
"You're my family Keeho!" and he knew that was the truth. God, I was so mad that day. I'd never been so apathetic towards anyoneβ€” especially not someone I love with more than my heart. I was guilty, but he wasn't innocent either.



"I know that, y/n" he ignored my thrashing against him and wrapped himself around me, giving me a side hug that appeared to look more like a kidnapping attempt to bystanders. "Leave then, do your thing Keeho, I don't care" my voice broke, and tears started falling.




The last of my exterior had fallen. And everyone had seen it. They were so shamelessly watching me lose what mattered the most. But it was fair, I was mean to him so, I guess I deserved that.




"Leave, I don't need you anyway. Go to Korea Keeho"


and that was what broke his heart. When the words left my mouth, I felt finished.




It's weird, isn't it? I hurt someone that I love to purposely make myself feel better. I'm so selfish but I love him, I do. But I had to let him know that he'd hurt me more than I can forgive him.




I'm so selfish and so mad.
Apathy, and enmity, stacked all on my love for him.



Im sorry, I just really didn't want him to leave.
but I suppose that it was what made him leave so early. Our relationship ended in that parking lot in front of 20 bystanders. I hurt him so bad. I'll never forgive myself.


But as I hear him talk through this phone tonight, I consider my sanity. I want him. I really want him back.




"Nothing. I just wanted to come see you... and maybe talk?" I take note of the ambiance of whatever room that he's in. I can hear his television in the background echoing off the walls. I know that apartment could be lonely for him because when we were together, he'd be my shadow whenever we had a sleepover at my parents' house.




But we're two years older now & out of our parent's home. I reminisce on it more than I wish to.


I sigh, dragging my nails over the pattern of my fluffy blanket. "If you say no again y/n... please at least tell me why" he sounds defeated and it makes my heart pulse. "Why do you wanna see me anyway keeho? Shouldn't you be sleeping?" I reprimanded despite getting myself together, putting on whatever clothing that was thrown on my bed.


I don't wanna go. I don't wanna cry again, I don't wanna see him, I don't wanna kiss himβ€”
I know it'll happen though, he's too perfect.

"Aww~... I didn't consider that you could have work tomorrow" I sputter and nod, giving the phone a side-eye "Oh now you consider it?" I grab my keys and shut the door. For the first time in a long time, I hear him laugh. His laugh reminds me of a new day. Like a morning where morning doves and owls made amends with each other before the sun slips over the brown branches of my favorite oak trees.

I mean, of course, I'd been supporting him. Even though it drove me insane, I made sure to never miss anything that he did in Korea. I was there for all of his lives, first to like his photos... and first to cheer for him whenever he'd win those little games that he'd done with his bandmates.

Duh, I wasn't actually first but it did feel like I was.


On the way to his temporary apartment, we talk about my overwhelming work schedule to avoid hanging up until I got there. Whenever I'd mention Korea, I could tell that he was biting his tongue. He was wary of my reaction and it pinches my heart.


I'd burned more than one bridge now.


It turns out that he lived close to me. Just a few blocks away in a beautiful building that had huge apartments with individual balconies stretching across many of the rooms. Closer than he's been in a while. The call ends and I warily walk through the complex, legs shaking with an extra prep in my step. He'll probably laugh when he sees how fast I'll show up. I wouldn't be surprised if he did.


ROOM 763

Without procrastinating, I knock in a familiar way that I'd figured he'd remember. It was scary, but I did it anyway. It takes about seven suffocating seconds before the door swings open without a sound alarming that he was even close to the door.


I'm winded when I see his eyes. But everything happens quicker than I could understand. He knocks the wind out of my lungs, pulling me into his chest so hard that let out a small 'oof'.

Im stiff for a moment. It takes my brain a few seconds to register the way that lets out a heavy sound of relief. The tears threatening to spill over my eyelids dare me to hug him back, making my stomach drop a little lower than it already had when he called me. As much as I hate crying, I couldn't help but squeeze him with extreme need. I'd needed this for so long and I was scared to indulge in him when he came backβ€” afraid I'd never let him go.


I feel so sick. I love him so much and it takes such a long time to release a breath in between our bodies. I'd been locking myself away from him for so long and it all comes out now. I can feel him and hear him for real. I can smell him again, touch him, hold him... it was everything I'd hoped for.


His mind works as mine when we separate for a brisk look at each other. He'd always been handsome but his style changed during his stay in Korea. It was trendy and less casual than he was when he stayed with me. Handsome as ever and always. My shaking hand palms his cheek, rubbing my thumb on the sharp bone of his cheek. He'd lost his chubby cheeks due to the dieting that his company required.

I knew.
I was so worried about him that I'd researched all the information that I could on Korea and its boy group companies. I was so scared he'd lose himself in those conditions but look at him. He's here and he's here with me.

"It's been a while huh?" I meekly nod and wipe away an embarrassing tear on my shoulder. He softly smiles and does the same as me, palming my cheeks with both of his hands. His expression dims a little bit when he surveys the dark circles under my eyes. "Have you been sleeping?" he mutters and sighs

He looked like a sad statue. So beautiful and perfect with glossy eyes and soft features despite those cutthroat cheekbones. He's so pretty that it would probably look like he's caressing a hobo in his apartment doorway.



"I slept enough keeho" i slip from his palms and close the door behind me, audibly taking a breath as I do so. Before I could fully shut it, his hands are on my waist, squeezing as if he were trying to rip off the tattoo of his name off of my waist. Just as they always didβ€” his lips softly slot against mine. I miss him so i'll give all to him, parting my lips and letting him take me as he wishes to.

My nose burns as tears build up behind me tightly shut eyelids. He kisses me deeply and unapologetically as his hands come to give my behind a soft caress before they come back to my face. I knew it wasn't a sexual gesture because of the way he was kissing me. It's wasn't like he was trying to get me to do something but more as if he were trying to make me feel something.




He wanted me to know how hurt he was.

How much he missed me. & probably
how mad he was.




Progressively, the kiss slows down. It comes off as lewd to everyone else but I miss the way that it sounds when he takes his time in loving me. I pull his waist to mine as I hear the sound of footsteps inching towards us from the hallway.



I love when I can feel the precision of his tongue and I don't feel sorry for who had to see it. But it ends too soon as Keeho breaks the kiss, a small smack sound snaps me out of the trance. "Come on, we should talk" he pinched my cheek and closed the door behind me. "R-right"





"Still got it" he rolls his shoulders back in victory as you stare at the bold YOU LOSE on your bottom half of the TV. "I let you win" you scoff, not being able to hide the stupid smile on your face. He moment of silence posses the atmosphere. Keeho sets his controller down and huffs, looking to you for some type of proposition.





"Another round?" he offers with a conceited grin but it fails to reach you as ignore his gaze. The guilt will swallow you if you dare to leave him today without explaining your reason. "I" you hesitate for a moment. Your chest suddenly felt heavier as you lean forward, dragging your hands down your thighs.





"I want to apologize to you. I want you to know" you turn to him, swallowing the cry that threatens to embarrass you. "That I didn't mean anything that I'd said to you. I was wrong Keeho" He nods, winded but understanding your moment of despair. He doesn't look at you in a way that conflicts you but instead, it comforts you.





"I was just so mad at you, Keeho I- I didn't want you to leave and I just lashed out" the tears that you worked so hard to avoid began to pour. You shove your face in your hands. "I told you that I didn't care and that you were wrong but- I was just being apathetic to accept the harsh reality that-"






"Don't apologize to me babe, you're alright okay?" his gentle voice brings you back to surface, causing your pants to slow down a bit. Disagreeing, you shake your head only for him to repeatedly affirm that he'd forgiven you. "I know you were mad and you were right to be so" you hear him scoot next to you, careful when he tries prying your wrist from your face.







"I love you, alright? I know you and I understand what you felt. You just said it wrong" he sounds unsure but it helps you breathe.

"I forgive y/n. you can't do any wrong in my eyes"


It was unfortunate and unfair that he had to fall in love with someone like me. Keeho deserves someone that shouldn't mistreat him in any kind of scenario but, he chose me. It was obvious that he would only choose me when he texted me the day after our break up, notifying me that he'd be boarding his plane.

He left so fast because he was hurt.
I felt so evil running him away like that.

And he knew that I didn't mean anything that I said when I replied back to him with a 2 thousand word apology. It was always unfinished. We'll never truly be distinguished no matter the mile count

blegh dadadunn.
idk 🀷


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