(Dazai Osamu)—I Guess This Is Farewell (Part 2)
Fluff

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Ever since the last time you would probably ever see Dazai, you had become more obsessed about it than ever (or paranoid, however you perceive it). He appeared in your dreams, you did double takes when you think you saw him walking around, you'd hear his voice in your head. And each time, he always left you alone.

But he was never there. Never truly there, really.

Chuuya had been there to comfort you, as well as Akutagawa sometimes, letting you vent to them or take your anger out on them through training. And they had helped a good amount, but Dazai still plagued your mind no matter what they did. But you were ever so grateful for their attempts at helping.

As of now, you currently were at the mall, shopping with Chuuya.

Correction, you were the only one shopping, he was just mindlessly following you around and acting like he knew what he was doing.

You had guessed Chuuya had done this for you to take your mind off of Dazai, again. And it had been helping for the past few hours. You had also gone to stores you knew he would like, making him smell colognes or try on new suits. You had tried to bring him to a hat store too, but he refused to buy another hat. What surprised you more than anything way how his hat still fit him after so many years since he first got it.

"Are you sure that hat isn't worn out by now? You've had it for almost a decade..."

"I'm not that old! I'm the same age as you, you little shit!"

"Little? I reckon I'm a little taller than you. Maybe more than a little."

"Quit with your delusions."

"Hehe."

You walked past the hat store and onto another place where you can spend Chuuya's money without remorse. As you walked past a plethora of people, one in particular stuck out to you for a moment. Brown bushy hair, pale skin, tall and lean. Could it be-?

"(Y/N)."

Snapping out of your thoughts, you faced Chuuya with an awkward smile. "Sorry about that."

You could see him trying not to roll his eyes, as if he knew what you were thinking of. Well, he most likely did. "When are you ever going to stop thinking about that stupid mackerel?" And he was right on the dot with his prediction.

Looking down in shame, you gave no answer. It was a question you had contemplated for a while. Your romantic feelings for Dazai had faded a while ago, so why were you still holding on?

Chuuya placed his hand on your lower back, making your heat stop for a second. He looked at your in suspicion. "You good?"

It took a moment for you to respond. "Yeah. Im fine, just a little tired is all."

"You wanna go home?"

"Nah. I'm fine. Plus I gotta get you a new hat. The one you have now has holes in it."

"NO IT DOESN'T. ITS IN PERFECT CONDITION!"

Regardless of his protests, you bought him a new hat. Unfortunately, it wasn't the bright pink cowboy hat you had shown him. Nor was it the cute tiara you had made him put in while secretly taking a picture. Instead it was a hat that looked nearly identical to the old one. You complained to him a out his boring tastes as you two walked out of the store to leave the mall.

"Ugh. It doesn't have my chain on it." Chuuya complained. You took the new hat off of his head to inspect it, which he glared at you for.

"I can put a new chain on the hat for you. If you'd like, that is."

"Really? Well thanks." He muttered. If your hearing was any worse, you probably wouldn't have heard it.

"Huh? Can you say that again? I could hear you." You teased while putting a hand to your ear, to which he shoved you away and quickened his pace.

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Hours later, you sewed a chain onto Chuuya's hat, as promised. Since you were done with that task, you needed to go find Chuuya.

Searching around, you see Mori and Elise out of your peripheral.

"Hey. Have either of you seen Chuuya? I need to give him his hat." You asked. They both shake their head no, yet you saw Elise give more a look before turning her eyes back to you.

Huh. Weird.

You shrugged it off and thanked them before going back to look for your beloved hat fetish man.

You continue looking for them, asking people you pass to which they all say no.

"Actually, I think I last saw him in the meeting room. But that was a little while ago so it might be a long shot." Tachihara answered while messing with his gun.

"At least I have a lead. I've been looking everywhere and I can't find him. So thanks, Tachihara."

"Yeah no problem." He gives you a wink.

Ignoring is somewhat obvious signs at flirting with you, you turn your attention to the meeting room where you hear two familiar voices.

"Oh Chuu-"

"I've tried everything I could think of to get their mind off of that waste of bandages but nothing seems to work!" Chuuya exclaims. You stop in your tracks. Was he talking about you? He had to be.

"Why does it matter that much to you?" Akutagawa asks in a flat tone. You stayed just behind the door leading into the room, hoping to not be caught.

"Because!"

"Because...Why?"

"Because they're my best friend, goddamnit!" Chuuya says as he slams his fists in the table, loud and harsh enough to make you jump from where your standing.

"Something tells me there's a more underlying meaning to your intentions, Chuuya." Akutagawa presses. Who knew he could be a therapist? Never saw that coming.

"Well...they may be my best friend, but they're so much more than that to me."

"So you have a crush on them? What is this, high school? I thought we were in the Mafia." Akutagawa comments.

"I'm going to ignore that last part. And yes, I do have a 'crush' on them, as you so eloquently put it."

"Then why not tell them?"

Chuuya chuckles. "For fear they won't reciprocate my feelings and I'll be without their friendship. I don't want that, Aku. They're everything to me. And if they'd just stopped obsessing over that suicidal maniac maybe I'd have a shot."

How could you have not seen it before? Of course, as the idiot you were you would have never seen it before with Dazai always messing with your head. You know when you realise something about someone and every single sign was there but you never thought anything if it until after the fact and it all seems so obvious now? That perfectly describes your situation.

This also begs the question: why where you still so stuck on Dazai?

You had content the answer for weeks. Yet deep down you had already suspected the real reason. That he was the one to help you feel something. He helped you feel happiness, anger, and everything in between. They say such things aren't taught but something your subconscious develops. But for you it was different. Your past had been one of torture and death. And being exposed to all of that at such a young age caused you to become a shell of what you could have been.

But that chapter in your life is over now. And you are ever so grateful towards Dazai for teaching you how to be more human, more human than himself. It's time to start the new chapter in your life that you've been putting aside for years.

"Just tell her how you feel. They're not the type of person to cause a drastic change in your friendship just because you have wished court them a little while." Akutagawa implies.

"I know. But it hasn't been for 'a little while'. It's been for years. Before dazai even left the port mafia."

He's liked you for that long? Holy shit you were slow.

"Let her grieve for a little while more and then tell her. Otherwise I have no idea what else to say. I'm not your mentor. In fact, it's the other way around. So if you'll excuse me." Akutagawa's footsteps become louder. Shit.

He widens the gap in the door to get out before glancing at you and stopping. You just stare at him. You don't move or anything.

For some reason, he just nods at you and walks away.

Oh god. What were you supposed to do now? Do you even reciprocate his feelings back?

Why does the most indecisive person in the world always have to make the hardest decisions?