ch28:(s)he wasn't there
song01:pink+white x frank ocean

<cole>

Tuesday
June 20

"𝕴'𝖒 really happy you came today. Kinda felt like a reset."

Lonnis nodded, agreeing, "I'm happy you let me come see you in ya businessman bag."

Cole chuckled, "Yeah, huh."

"You doin' your thing."

"Trying to."

"Nah, you doing it. Did you get your friend in?

"Still up in the air." He sighed, shaking his head, "I'm glad I haven't brought it to him yet. I want it to be all settled and sure before I even ask if he's interested."

"Smart."

"You been hyping me up all day." He smiled. "What'chu got going on in your head?"

Lonnie shook said head. "Nothing, really." He looked over at Cole. "Except, I just am confused why you let me come with you. Few says ago we were fighting."

"And that means what?"

Lonnie shrugged.

"Nothing." He said, "It means nothing. We were fighting because we missed each other and we kept missing each other."

"Damn." Lonnie smiled, "You ate that."

Cole laughed, shook his head and said, "But finally we caught one another on a good day."

Lonnie nodded. "I did miss you."

"I miss you so much I hate that I fucked up."

"We can't go back though, right?"

"But my mind is always there because what we used to have was so good. I feel like we got robbed. It pisses me off."

Cole nodded. "But look at what we got from it though. You finally did what you been saying you were gonna do. Find your own way outside of your daddy and brother. You went back home. You reconnected with your real family."

Lonnie nodded.

"Don't that feel good?" Lonnie looked down at the cupholders that separated the two of them. "It was just a change of course. Nobody took anything from us Lonnie. I still got you if you still got me."

Lonnie nodded, still having not looked up.

"Tell me about home."

He looked up, right into Cole's eyes. "It was unreal." He started, his eyes sparking instantly. "It was like my body just knew where I was as soon as I stepped off of the plane."

Cole nodded.

"Remember how I was feeling— well I don't know." He put his hand to the top of his ear, rubbing the cartilage between his fingers and thumb. He sighed. "I felt so different. Light, I guess. The whole plane ride I was stressing about leaving you and leaving Jah and the shit I stirred up just to leave my family to deal with. I was feeling guilty and anxious and angry and as soon as I saw my Auntie I just started crying. After that though, I literally just... I don't know."

Cole was quiet.

Lonnie was quiet too, picking at his hair as his mind travelled back to Alabama. A small smirk stuck to his face as he zoned out.

Cole watched him. He allowed his own mind to travel from when he first spoke with Lonnie at his house a few weeks ago to his demeanor now. He kept his gaze on the tatted man who'd spaced out mid conversation.

A tear fell from Lonnie's eye straight onto his lap and Cole leaned forward, attention aroused.
Lonnie still didn't say anything. He didn't even sniffle; his breathing never changed. He just kept playing with his hair while the soft smirk remained plastered. It was like he was frozen. But the tears began to rise in concentration, wetting his face.

Cole reached out and first tested a few fingers on his arm. Lonnie didn't react so he took the same hand and placed it on the back of the twenty-nine year old's head, guiding him to his chest. As he did, Lonnie took a deep shaky breath and held it for a few seconds before the breath rushed back out through lungs, forcing him to exhale loudly, abraiding his body underneath Cole's embrace.

"She wa..wasn't there." He sobbed, "I forgot she wouldn't be there." Cole nodded, caressing Lonnie's head.

Catching his breath, he slowed his breathing and relaxed into Cole's chest.

"My sister is a spitting image of her." He mumbled, "When I saw her—" he shook his head, "I felt like I was loosing my mind. It's like maybe I forgot about her until I saw Aajane."

Cole listened intently.

"That's so fucked up." He told himself, already having told himself the same thing many times before. "Do Dame talk about her?"

"Your mom?"

Lonnie nodded.

"He never talked about anybody really. Even after y'all reconnected. I don't think he remembers."

"That's so fucked up."

"All three of y'all was so young when she passed away though."

"Somebody should've made sure we wouldn't forget her."

"Well now that you do remember, you gotta do what you can to honor her. You can pass her on."

"To who?" He sighed, "I'm probably never having a kid."

"You got a niece though."

Lonnie sat up from Cole's chest, readjusting himself in his seat. He cleared his throat and wiped his face with the hem of his shirt.

"You got a nephew too."

He furrowed his brows. "Who had another kid? Maurice?"

"Damon."

"How come nobody said nothing?"

"Because they don't know. I only know because i'm always in his business. He hasn't told anyone."

"What? He not claiming the kid?"

"It's not like that. It's complicated."

"Nah, either he taking care of the kid or he ain't. Which one is it?"

Cole was quiet.

Lonnie shook his head and Cole sighed, "I shouldn't have said anything."

"I wanna talk to him."

"You got his number."

"I'll see where he at,  I want to see him."

"Well, I don't want to see him. So, i'll take you back to get your car." He said, starting the car.

"Why you'on wanna go?"

Cole shrugged.

"Y'all always fighting about something."

"That's all him. He be mad as hell all the time. I don't got the energy for that shit no more."

"Well what's it about this time?"

"He's just a hypocrite. That's all. Ain't nothing new. Somehow I'm always worse than he is." Cole rolled his eyes. "And I know he be talking about me behind my back."

Lonnie chuckled. "You be talking about him too."

"I talk about that nigga to his face. I ain't scared of this nigga. Anything I say to anybody about him, he heard that shit from my own mouth."

"Speaking of my brother, I never got the chance to apologize for what happened on your lawn."

"I think you did."

"Oh, I don't remember apologizing already. But if I did, I'm saying it again."

"What happened anyway? You was only there for like two minutes."

"He just opened the door and knocked me in my head. I had to get him back after that. I promise I wasn't coming by to do no shady shit like that. I really had wanted to talk to you about the situation with us."

Cole nodded. "So he was just being himself."

"I don't really know much about Dame except whatever you've told me. So, I can't say whether this was his regular mad or not."

"It's your brother."

"Yeah, but we don't talk."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I guess he probably don't wanna talk to me. He's never reached out or anything."

"You reached out to him before?"

Lonnie shook his head slowly. "I guess I never thought to."

"That's even more fucked up." Cole laughed, "Y'all really are two of a kind. It's crazy." He shook his head, "So if y'all never even talk, what was he so mad about? Because, yeah, he be having an attitude all the time, but he never been mad enough to fight." Cole looked at him. "He chill for the most part. He usually just talk shit at most."

"Well he ain't say nothing so... I wouldn't know." He lied.

"He ain't say nothing? He just started swinging."

Lonnie nodded, "Mhm."

"Dame just started swinging." He repeated himself.

"You think I'm lying?"

Cole huffed, "Why would you be lying?"

"Exactly, why would I be?"

"I don't know." He stared at Lonnie as they approached a red light. "What you bring it up for?"

"To apologize. I know you don't like shit like that."

"I'm glad one of y'all got a conscience 'cause Dame sure ain't ever bring it up again." He complained, "Reece still fucked up over Mo pointing that gun at him though— he wasn't cool after seeing yours. I know he wasn't, even though he ain't say nothing."

"He knocked me on the ground, I didn't pull it out. It fell out."

"So what? He still saw it."

Lonnie hummed, agreeing, "I guess I could check on him."

"It's weird." Cole started, examining Lonnie, "The way you and Jah are, like how y'all communicate with eachother— I know you know how to communicate. You used to find me all the time wherever I was. Same with Cobe. What's the problem with you and Dame? Like, Dame is literally the same as you. He's nosey, he know everything, or so he thinks. But you and him never get on the phone or go to one another's house. Y'all never even talk about the other to me."

"I don't think i'm a know-it-all."

"You missing the point."

"Nah, I got it. I just don't have an answer."

"Well, I kind of been thinking about it myself. And it seems like either you don't care about him or you forgot about him — you don't think about him which is the same I guess."

"He don't call me either." He lazily defended.

"You are the oldest though. You never wanted to check in on him?"

Lonnie was quiet.

"I'm not sure if I ever told you about Cecil. Did I?"

"What about him?"

"How he ghosted for seven years. He didn't even show up for either of our parents' funerals. And sometimes, I still wonder if he even gives a fuck about anybody but himself. Actually all the time. I'm always wondering that."

"You saying i'm like him?"

Cole nodded. "Pretty much." He mumbled, "The last time Dame talked to me, I asked him why he lied to me about you being dead and his answer was because he didn't realize how close we were. Me and you."

" You saying he mad we friends?"

"I think he's mad that we we're close. And y'all not. Lowkey it made me feel a little bit guilty. All along i'm thinking he hate you and thats why he was always trying to get me away from you. But, maybe he was just trying to,  I don't know..."

"He do not care that much about me Cole. You really reaching."

"If you say so." He turned the volume up on the radio, ending the conversation but leaving Lonnie to think.

They got back to Cole's home and the garage closed behind the car as they pulled in. Cole got out of the car and walked towards the door but was stopped by Lonnie's hand touching his, turning him around. He looked down at their hands then up at him, lightly, his tongue brushed the inside of his lip.

"I wanted to thank you before I go." He walked closer to the man who was already just about three feet away. "You always put shit into perspective for me. Even when it's something I should'a been thought about." He softly bit his bottom lip, looking up at Cole; their fingers still connected. "You a light." He complimented Cole, standing just inches away now. Lonnie's hand moved up from Cole's hand to his forearm and up his bicep until he felt his back and pulled him in for a hug.

Cole reached his own arms around the lean body of his former lover.  The scent of his skin flowed into Cole's nostrils as his head rested on Lonnie's shoulder. He closed his eyes and nearly melted.

Lonnie pulled away just enough to look at Cole in the face as their bodies still pressed together. Cole leaned in first. A peck, gently, they shared then stared into one another's eyes. Lonnie leaned in next, opening his mouth for a deeper kiss which lasted much longer than the first. Cole had one hand on Lonnie's neck and the other snaked down to the taller gentleman's butt causing Lonnie to arch his back slightly, pushing his rear against Cole's palm.

"Come inside." Cole got out in a short breath between kisses. They continued kissing, but did not move until Cole pulled away, taking Lonnie's hand which was attached to a reluctant body.

Cole turned back, "You don't wanna come in?"

"I do wanna come in." He said hesitation evident in his voice and body language. "But, I can't."

"Why?"

"I um..." he paused, staring into Cole's eyes filled with fire and desire wanting to fulfill those desires for him. "I just can't."

"Is it because of what I said earlier or like..?"

He sighed. "I need to go." He let Cole's hand fall away from his as he walked towards his car.

Cole stood in the open Garage watching the white Taurus drive away from the house with the person he wanted the most inside of it. Slowly, after pressing a button, the garaged closed like a dramatic ending to a movie scene.

P:03312025